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  1. Hey girls. 😃😚 It's been a minute. Sorry about that. Been lurking since yesterday though, tryna catch up on what's been happening. So @kimi and @Hawken are a thing now? Like officially? Put up your fists, Hawken. Let's settle this like men! Lol. I joke I joke. Happy for you both...and also for the rest of us. I personally was starting to feel strangled by the sexual tension... and not the fun kind. 😒 Blessings, guys. May you born many many chidren. 👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫 Okay so back to me now. To put it bluntly, my sex life has been shit. Hot, steamy, freshly-shat shit! Why? Okay lemme explain with a short (not-so-short) story. I met this girl off of some lezzie/bi- Whatsapp group. We got to talking and it went great. The conversations flowed, she had a great voice, we liked some of the same things, she was whip-smart and she liked to laugh as much as I do. This was it. I had to be. It was effortless with her and I'm a HUGE fan of effortless when it comes to friendships and relationships. We talked for about a month before we finally decided to meet up. So I set up a date. Friday evening, a nice lounge in VI - good food and karaoke and a room at my fave hotel on standby just in case (I don't follow rules. If it feels right, we're f***king). I got there first so I could wait for her and soon, I was on the phone with her describing where I was. I got up and faced the door so I could wave her over and I froze when I saw her. She was...a stud! Like flat chest, male clothes, lean athletic build - the works. I quickly recovered and made sure my shock and mild disappointment didn't show at all when I hugged and greeted her. Now, please don't get me wrong - I have absolutely NOTHING against studs. Nothing at all. I'm just attracted to femmes. Flowery, girly, high-maintenance femmes. That's just always been my type, especially coz i like to be the butch one...even tho I'm femme...if that makes sense. It then occured to me that I had never asked for a photo of her. I guess I just had this picture of her that I'd painted in my head based on our conversations and her voice and well, maybe part of me probably wanted it to be sort of a surprise. It was certainly surprising. Especially as she was one of the admins of the group, because I had mentioned a couple of times that I only dated femmes and so far only femmes had private chatted me. She was just the one I connected with the most. So I figured it was only logical that she'd be femme too. I tried to put it out of my mind and just focused on making sure we had a great evening. We stuffed our faces, joked and laughed, sang ridiculous sappy songs and just generally had a gay old time. Throughout the date, my mind was working. If she had been what I was expecting, there would've been no doubt we'd be headed back to the hotel (if she wanted) after the date. But this complicated things. She was an absolute thrill and I had a lot of fun but I kept thinking of ways her appearance wouldn't be a barrier. How would sex even work? I'm not a fan of sex, i like boobs, i like to spank, i like softness and most importantly, i like to lead - I get a lot of my pleasure from my partner's and she didn't seem like she'd be willing to play pillow queen for me. It just didn't seem like it'd work. But I decided I wanted to give it a shot; (coz she had hinted at doing some not so PG stuff afterwards) so I typed out a text to my guy at the hotel and told him to go ahead with the booking. I was determined to see this through to the end. And then the bill came...and we had a THREE MINUTE argument about who would pay. That kinda did it for me. I already suspected it would be a problem and this confirmed it. Finally, she agreed to let me pay on the condition that she'd get the next one. Long story short, there was no next one. I went to the hotel (make dah one for no lost), had sex with Miss Right and started wondering how i was going to start from scratch all over again with someone new. That's where this demisexual thing becomes f***king frustrating! I can't just have a mindless hookup whenever the f***k I want and i can't just jump staright to relationship stuff - We kinda have to be friends first. 😠 It's inconvenient as f***k! The next person I started seeing ticked most of the right boxes (femme, beautiful, skin like milk) but her texting drove me crazy (said things like 'xo waxup', 'awayu'). Spoke perfect, articulate English but for some reason became an Ibadan slay queen when she typed. Plus she was bitchy as hell to everyone; had this false superiority complex. I overlooked all that and we hooked u. she turned out to be a horrible kisser and refused to take correction; said she'd never gotten complaints before. Kissing is a very big deal for me. I could kiss for hours and not do anything else so that along with everything else, made it a dealbreaker for me. Didn't speak to me for about 2 weeks, in which time i forgot she existed. Then she sends some emotionally manipulative text basically demanding money. Of course that sealed the whole thing. The next one had a bit of low self esteem and i had to fluff her up and reassure her at every turn. Got tiring. Plus sex of course was boring. She used the L word waaay too soon and was veerryyy needy. There were a few more like that that just didnt work out. Right now im in a thing with a friend from uni that I've always been very sexually compatible with but she's in a hetero relationship so we're jus f***k buddies. That's all well and good but I'm 27 and I really want a committed relationship of my own. So I guess my questions are: 1. Is being so nit-picky and particular with my preferences the reason I'm still single? Is there a way around it? 2. Does anyone have a similar experience like I did with the stud? Did you work around it? How? 3. How else can I find love in this f***king town? 4. Does anyone know a cure for demisexuality? Coz this long ass route I've been taking isn't cutting it for me anymore. 5. Oh and does anyone have any tips on asking a straight girl out? There's this girl who's perfect for me except she claims she's straight but is super touchy feely with me.
  2. kimi

    For You: A Simple Note

    I absolutely respect your journey. I'm super proud of you. Not many are that courageous as to take charge and refocus the way you have. I think of you often and I smile. You are one special kid. Lol. Someday soon... I'll always be here, rooting for you 💌
  3. kimi

    Bad Vibes

    It's complicated. Lol Have you ever had to deal with a situation where you just feel negative vibes each time you talk to or are around certain people? In my csse it is the feeling of them being in constant competition with you or always trying to counter or argue with you, or sometimes, it gets so intense that you feel they are somehow trying so hard to bring you down to their level mentally. The complicated part is that they really want to be friends so much so that they brag about your friendship to others. Avoidance hasn't worked either. Lol. How would you deal with this?
  4. kimi

    How Are You Really?

    How have you all really been? Is life back to normal or are you having to adapt to a new normal? Hang in there...
  5. Hipstar

    Score card

    I know some persons that would score 100. Try any ojoro, and I will realise your real lies with my real eyes..
  6. kimi

    Legacy...

    A Very Good Morning to all you lovely ladies... mwah! Hahaha. Yes you've guessed it, I'm happy (not sure why) but that's what we all want I guess... to be happy without necessarily having a reason for it. Anyways... I had a few thoughts and as usual decided to make it engaging. So, here it is: Long after you are gone, what would you want to be said of you? Don't go spirikoko on me o... we will all die someday hahahaha. Jokes 😊
  7. ‘Pity us, O Lord, for we are pilgrims on the road to Compostela, and our being here may be a vice. In your infinite pity, help us never to turn our knowledge against ourselves. ‘Have pity on those who pity themselves and who see themselves as good people treated unfairly by life – who feel that they do not deserve what has befallen them. Such people will never be able to fight the good fight. And pity those who are cruel to themselves and who see only the evil in their own actions, feeling that they are to blame for the injustice in the world. Because neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “But the very hairs of your head are numbered.” ‘Have pity on those who command and those who serve during long hours of work, and who sacrifice themselves in exchange merely for a Sunday off, only to find that there is nowhere to go, and everything is closed. But also have pity on those who sanctify their efforts, and who are able to go beyond the bounds of their own madness, winding up indebted, or nailed to the cross by their very brothers. Because neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “Be ye therefore as wise as the serpents and as harmless as the doves.” ‘Have pity on those who may conquer the world but never join the good fight within themselves. But pity also those who have won the good fight within themselves, and now find themselves in the streets and the bars of life because they were unable to conquer the world. Because neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “He who heeds my words I will liken to a wise man who built his house on rock.” ‘Have pity on those who are fearful of taking up a pen, or a paintbrush, or an instrument, or a tool because they are afraid that someone has already done so better than they could, and who feel themselves to be unworthy to enter the marvelous mansion of art. But have even more pity on those who, having taken up the pen, or the paintbrush, or the instrument, or the tool, have turned inspiration into a paltry thing, and yet feel themselves to be better than others. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known.” ‘Pity those who eat and drink and sate themselves, but are unhappy and alone in their satiety. But pity even more those who fast, and who censure and prohibit, and who thereby see themselves as saints, preaching your name in the streets. For neither of these types of people know thy law that says, “If I bear witness of myself, my witness is not true.” ‘Pity those who fear death, and are unaware of the many kingdoms through which they have already passed, and the many deaths they have already suffered, and who are unhappy because they think that one day their world will end. But have even more pity for those who already know their many deaths, and today think of themselves as immortal. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “Except that one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” ‘Have pity on those who bind themselves with the silken ties of love, and think of themselves as masters of others, and who feel envy, and poison themselves, and who torture themselves because they cannot see that love and all things change like the wind. But pity even more those who die of their fear of loving and who reject love in the name of a greater love that they know not. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst.” ‘Pity those who reduce the cosmos to an explanation, God to a magic potion, and humanity to beings with basic needs that must be satisfied, because they never hear the music of the spheres. But have even more pity on those who have blind faith, and who in their laboratories transform mercury into gold, and who are surrounded by their books about the secrets of the Tarot and the power of the pyramids. Neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” ‘Pity those who see no one but themselves, and for whom others are a blurred and distant scenario as they pass through the streets in their limousines and lock themselves in their air-conditioned penthouse offices, as they suffer in silence the solitude of power. But pity even more those who will do anything for anybody, and are charitable, and seek to win out over evil only through love. For neither of these kinds of people know thy law that says, “Let he who has no sword sell his garment and buy one.” ‘Have pity, Lord, on we who seek out and dare to take up the sword that you have promised, and who are a saintly and sinful lot scattered throughout the world. Because we do not recognize even ourselves, and often think that we are dressed, but we are nude; we believe that we have committed a crime, when in reality we have saved someone’s life. And do not forget in your pity for all of us that we hold the sword with the hand of an angel and the hand of a devil, and that they are both the same hand. Because we are of the world, and we continue to be of the world, and we have need of thee. We will always be in need of thy law that says, “When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, you lacked nothing.”’ ---Culled from The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho.
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