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Read this online and thought to share The moment Chanel looked at me and her lips spread into the widest, most beautiful smile I’d ever seen, I wanted to know her and lover her immediately. We became close friends that very day and spoke every day after that one. We were both in college at Delaware State University, living in the same dorm, on the same floor, and in the same wing. Our First Date Little did we know that when we went on our first date–dinner and a tour of Longwood Gardens in Pennsylvania to see their holiday display–that it was the beginning of an eight-year-love affair. I requested she dress nicely and accompany me out for the evening. The holiday display is always so gorgeous and romantic. After I Gained The Happy Weight We fell in love with each other’s beauty, loyalty, humility, sensuality, patience, humor, fearlessness, and mystery. We know each other so intimately but are still intrigued by what’s left to learn about one another. Chanel loved me for who I am, not who I was gonna be. I didn’t think she’d stick around cause ain’t no way she expected to be pushin’ this much cushion but, to my surprise our love only grew deeper. She still accepted me, repped me, respected me, complimented me, made love to me and uplifted me. Even after I gained all this “happy weight” she still wanted to marry me! I would ask her, are you sure? What about fat jokes? Can you deal with people jeering at the love of your life constantly? How is 320 pounds of sexy not too much for you? You do know you’re a size 4 right? I’ve since lost the weight, but Chanel taught me that when love is true love, it’s always unconditional and never superficial. It was such a beautiful and needed lesson. To anyone on a weight loss journey, you can do it, but be sure to do it for yourself. The people that are really for you are going to stand behind you at any size. Our Wedding Day We made it official on May 13, 2009, and got married three years later. Marriage was imperative for us because we wanted our family to have equal rights and protection under the law and we aspire to raise children who have two parents in their home that are in love and support one another every day. We both come from divorced homes, we wanted to take a real whack at doing better than the examples set for us. I married Chanel in a DSU sweatshirt! We went to the courthouse with only our two best friends and our two God babies in tow and got it done. Four days later, we had a wedding dinner to celebrate with our families, but the most memorable part of the day that we exchanged vows was returning home from the courthouse to see Barack Obama on TV making history by affirming his support for marriage equality and the LGBT community. It was so moving, almost like our president was giving us his blessing personally. Making Us Last After eight years, we’ve had a bunch of challenges. Seems like the ones that were the most difficult involved other people. Certain members of both of our families made it difficult for us to stay in a state of bliss and caused us to question our compatibility. There were plenty of harsh words and criticism from people we’d loved that had raised us our whole lives so it was definitely an uphill battle. We made the mistake of letting it come between us initially but ultimately learned that the feelings of no one else, kin or otherwise could ever matter more than how we felt about each other. We got past those hardships by committing ourselves to always putting each other first. Source

Two gay Kenyan men identified as Kamau and Njorige tied the knots recently. Kenyans, Nigerians and other Facebook users have nothing good to say about the marriage. Source

Pamela Adie discussed Impact of Homophobia on Families with Arit Opko. She share her experience, the support she needed and why such support can help an LGBT persons but also strengthen family relationship. Her discussion with Arit was based on her personal experience which give a good perspective into what LGBT persons experience. -#UntoldFacts Enjoy ladies!

Recently, at The Initiative for Equal Rights (TIERs,) we put out a message about a spate of incidents by people attempting to extort users of the popular mobile app, Grindr. Among the group of people is a police officer. It seems we are seeing a new trend of power misused by State actors, especially police officers. We’ve always known that police harass and extort suspected gay and bisexual men on the streets of Lagos or elsewhere across the country, particularly those perceived as a bit effeminate. It is a cruel thing to exploit the vulnerability of people who are unwilling to come out openly about their sexual orientation just yet – thanks to the prejudice and ignorance of our wider society. One of the most disappointing experiences I had in the last two weeks was speaking to a bright, young middle-ranking police officer whom I have a huge amount of respect for about these issues. I was stunned when he said being gay is illegal in Nigeria, he didn’t think about this twice, the confidence with which he said this was rather disturbing. I was stunned not only at the level of ignorance it embodied, but also at the level to which he was certain in this knowledge. It made me wonder, if the police themselves, who are supposed to protect people, don’t understand the basic law, how then do they protect people and follow these laws? “Let’s be clear. Identity is not criminalized. What is criminalized, whether in the Sharia code, or in the criminal and penal code in Nigeria, are particular sexual acts. In other words, if someone says he is gay, he has not committed any offence” This witch hunt of gay people, and thinking that gay people are illegal, is wrong because being gay, or being suspected of being gay, is not a crime. We need as much education and enlightenment for the police as much as for the public to understand that sexual orientation is a part of identity not simply an act or behaviour. So, if somebody says to you I am gay, they have not committed any offence, until you catch them in some ‘act.’ And for that to happen, more often than not, you would have committed a certain invasion of their privacy to really see this. It should be clear for Nigerians to understand that police are crossing the line. It is quite clear that the Nigerian police need basic education around sexual orientation and gender identity – but most of all, clarity that identity is not criminalized. Some would make the argument that a lot of this extortion is because police are underpaid and badly treated, but I think we need to stop making that excuse for our national institutions. It is not about pay, but impunity; what is being capitalized on is the fact that it is not socially acceptable to be gay in this society – to some degree. After I spoke to the young police officer, I spoke to another senior police officer, who had a much better understanding of the issues. He was very clear that where blackmail has happened, people should make an official complaint. Yet, I could sense his culture shock that he was having a conversation about homosexuality. But while we are arguing whether being gay is socially acceptable or not, it needs to be clear that it is not a crime to be gay. What is criminalized, are certain acts. As a society, we need to stop putting violations and harassment by police to debate; we should all be worried that we are even debating violence, blackmail, extortion and other cruelties based on sexual orientation or gender identity. The arrests and harassments that have received publicity from police have often received public support, with many commenters on social blogs and news outlets, in effect saying, ‘good for them.’ Yet, applauding the abuse and extortion LGBT people experience at the hands of police officers and other actors leaves us all more vulnerable. Injustice to one, should be injustice to all. You do not have to agree or even like gay people, but as citizens, we need to be clear that blackmail, extortion and harassment by police or anyone else for that matter is unacceptable regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. “You do not have to agree or even like gay people, but as citizens, we need to be clear that blackmail, extortion, and harassment by police or anyone else for that matter is unacceptable regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity” This is where ordinary Nigerians come in. The views of the Nigerian police are the average views of Nigerians: an average Nigerian thinks that being gay is illegal and liable to 14 years in prison. But, dear Nigerians, being gay doesn’t give you 14 years, its certain acts that are criminalized, not identity. Let’s be clear on the law, so we know what we are dealing with. We need to rethink and ask ourselves, the parades of suspected or self-identified LGBT persons by police as an achievement, where does this get us? Who does this benefit? In whose name is this being done? Certainly, not in my name, and as citizens, we need to speak against injustice at all levels and say enough of this witch hunting of LGBT people by police and any actors, state or non-state. Enough is enough. “But, dear Nigerians, being gay doesn’t give you 14 years, it’s certain acts that are criminalized, not identity” Let’s be clear on the law, so we know what we are dealing with. We need to rethink and ask ourselves, the parades of suspected or self-identified LGBT persons by police as an achievement, where does this get us? Who does this benefit? In whose name is this being done? Certainly, not in my name, and as citizens, we need to speak against injustice at all levels and say enough of this witch hunting of LGBT people by police and any actors, state or non-state. Enough is enough. Source

A Nigerian gay rights activist, Aderonke Apata, has won a 13-year battle to be granted asylum in the UK. Aderonke has over the years been denied asylum on grounds that she was faking her sexuality. She launched a campaign globally via social media for the UK government to grant her asylum as she feared being killed if she ever gets repatriated to Nigeria. She was denied asylum in 2015 after the presiding judge said her disposition did not portray that of a lesbian lady. Even after she shared photos with her Nigerian lesbian partner, Happiness Agboro, the UK Home office still said they do not believe her claim. Aderonke expressed delight after her application for asylum was finally granted today. Speaking to The Independent, she said "I overwhelmed with gladness but remain angry knowing that there are other LGBTI people seeking asylum facing the same fear of deportation that I had just overcome. I was just crying on the phone with my solicitor when he broke the news to me. I must have embarrassed him. I wasn’t assimilating all of the information he was giving to me on the phone as I was crying and singing.” She expressed anger at the Home office in the UK for accusing her of lying about her sexuality. “Despite the gains in acceptance of LGBTI people in the UK, LGBTI people seeking asylum in the UK’s situation remains precarious and appears not to fit into the wider LGBTI community. The Home Office needs to catch up with the rest of the UK, drop its vile ‘proof of sexuality’ policy and move on from 1967. All LGBTI people seeking asylum in the UK want , like anyone else, is to be treated with fairness, dignity and humanity. Having been forced to flee by hate and intolerance at home, being branded a liar by the Home Office is demeaning and cruel for LGBTI people seeking asylum. I hope the Home Office will look back, reflect on my case and treat everyone with the decency and respect they deserve.” Source

Defending others can be a fulfillment of purpose to save lives and promote human rights; recently it has become dangerous, risky, stigmatizing and discriminating…. Someone whom i thought should defend me even when the world turns against me said to me; I won’t be surprise if I find out tomorrow you are gay, because you are already beginning to act like it”. Only because I said whoever is not comfortable with the work I do should give me alternatives or shut up! The statement came as shock, not because I have not heard worse or had worse experience more than just statements, but I was shocked because of whom it came from. And no alternatives can be better than serving humanity. Without self exemption, so many human rights defenders have suffered and still suffering persecution, hate, stigma and discrimination just because we speak for vulnerable and marginalized groups, worst of all LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersex). And I begin to wonder, what is so special about being LGBTI or defending LGBTI. One major reason why there are so much activism around this area is because there are actions and bad laws that violate people’s rights. The society use the opportunity to preach hate, blackmail, crucify, persecute and discriminate loving people only because of their sexual orientation. They use religion and culture as basis for argument. News flash! LGBT persons are not aliens; they live among us, they hold reputable positions in the world, they are politicians, celebrities, husbands, wives, parents, you celebrate them, some are even your role models, they preach and pray on pulpit, people fall under anointing when they speak and lead worship songs in church, they lead prayers in mosque, they represent family and friends you have. A saying says; “when throwing a stone in the market, be careful because you don’t know if it will hit one of yours”. Coming back to defending others; I have had terrible experiences just because I’m an activist saving lives and promoting human rights. I have been arrested, I have lost friends and colleagues, I have heard things and answered strange questions. People will ask me; “if you are not one of them, why defending them?” Worst of all, my Mum once threaten to disown me if I continue to defend the rights of LGBT. They say; “God is not happy with me”…..Lol! the last time I checked, God has been my pillar and source. There is no joy more than I’m fulfilled saving lives and promoting human rights. I don’t have to be gay to defend LGBT rights. No one ever asked me why I defend or address issues affecting other marginalized groups such as; PwD (People with Disability, SW (Sex Workers), PLwHIV (People Living with HIV/AIDS) and so on…. So why attach so much importance, hate and stigma to sexual minorities. By the way; who is the sinner and who is committing crime? Is it the person who is passionate, happy and in love with his/her life or the person that save lives and promote human rights or you that preach hate, condemn, judge and crucify others. Only hypocrites think some group of people are less human…..what makes you better? Source