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Hi Girls, So, a few days ago, I came across this ad in my feeds and something struck! While the purpose of it was to help girls get the men of their dreams, I found it apt for our community as well. Check it out below. I've also gone ahead to do a summary from my perspective which I will share below the video. Instead of falling for the real person, you've fallen for an ideal. There are two ways to look at this. The first is go figure. That is; you've gone ahead to over fantasize and have built an entire personality and character for this person even when you've only been talking to them for a few weeks. You have fallen in love with the idea of them and have made them your ideal forgetting that as humans we are multi-faceted -bringing our backgrounds, experiences and plethora of habits along with us. The 2nd way to look at this is from the perspective of understanding that the fact that someone may have checked all your boxes means just that. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are the one for you. This is tricky I know because at what point do you really determine if this person is relationship material or she is simply friendship material. Your duty here is to decide for yourself what "extra" someone needs to possess in order to be considered relationship material. Standards This I believe ties into point 1 as well. Standards could very well be one of the reasons you decide to friend zone someone who has checked all of your boxes. It is very tempting I know to want to be with someone who gets you. But I also want you to not be short-sighted here. Imagine 2,3 years down the line, you would have wished you maintained your standards. Maintaing a relationship is hard enough, why complicate it with by being on board with someone who doesn't share the same values or standards as you? Lol. Nothing to write here. I'm not sure this applies to us or does it? Courtship. I think this is very self explanatory. It's so interesting how when we hit it off with someone and our next thoughts are how to jump into a relationship with them. I've been guilty of this as well in the past đŸ™„. Lessons learnt. Lol. Courtship is key... all that time inbetween is very very very crucial. It helps you to really get to know and understand the person in question. You are able to assess their responses or reactions across a diverse range of situations... it saves you from getting into a relationship that was bound to fail. Choosing unavailable women. Has she just come out of a bad relationship? Is she struggling with trust issues? Is she emotionally burnt out? Is she too in love with the idea of being single that sharing her life with another is too much of a chore? Is she in a relationship with another or is she in love with another who isn't You? Whatever the circumstances are, if you meet an unavailable woman, simply walk on and spare yourself a truck load of emotional stress and heart ache. I have decided to do this summary because after watching that ad, it dawned on me that perhaps a lot of the reasons why there are loads of short-lived relationships in our community is probably because we jump in too soon without first allowing time to really get to know and understand a potential love interest. Someone being gay or bi or trans shouldn't be the only criteria for determining whether or not to be romantically involved with them. Whew! Lol. Do share your thoughts as well...
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Hi Girls, I have been meaning to do a piece on this subject without having to reinvent the wheel as there are a myriad of articles on the subject. I was going to research them, collate salient points and publish here but in a bid not to oversummarize the points, I figured It's best to redirect you all to the relevant sites... The phenomenon is more commonplace than we could ever imagine. So commonplace that sometimes the perpetrator could be you/me or was you/me at one point or another. I would encourage us all to read them. Our mental health is our strength and we must seek to guard it jealously. It's also important we understand how we may impact others negatively albeit unknowingly. Ignorance has and will never be a good enough excuse to cause another emotional pain. ...and remember, relationships don't hurt people. People do. Feel free to share your emotional abuse stories here or provide tips on how to pick yourselves up afterwards... The links: https://liveboldandbloom.com/02/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5a999fbee4b0a0ba4ad31a4d/amp http://www.thelawofattraction.com/signs-emotional-abuse-relationship/ https://psychologenie.com/emotional-abuse-signs-symptoms.amp https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse#control-and-shame
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Valentine is about romance. It's about love and its about sex. Don't let anyone tell you different. So, this year's Valentine's day fell in on a working Wednesday right?Fact! And we all couldn't take a day off work because it'd be obvious that we love our girlfriends better than our jobs? Fact!!. Well..the good news is Valentines day is from the 14th of Feb till the rest of the year, kidding now!, but at least its till the rest of the week. As you plan for your valentine weekend, check out these 9 indigenously tested ways to make up for yesterday's rush rush romance. Start tomorrow to show her that redness that will prove to her you love her and ensure you two will have mind blowing sack sessions all weekend. Warning: material is for those in a relationship, content might sadden these who are single. 1.Table for two With the gay climes in Nigeria, no doubt that most lesbians are closeted; you may not be comfortable going out with your lover to a restaurant full of straight couples. So, to enjoy a special Valentine’s meal with your sweetie, you can have a picnic! Go to a private beach, rent a thatch tent and set a mat for two. The weather is mercilessly hot now but don't be discouraged. dress lightly and have her dress lightly too. Shorts, tank tops and short-sleeveless dresses will make you both look and feel sexy. You can also play sneak-a-peak, flirting with each others body as you feed her with your fingers. You are sure to build up sexual tension for later tonight..Finger foods are especially sexy. 2.Get her a hand made stuff You may have written her a poem, or a love essay earlier, sent it to her email or posted on her favourite column or blog, but reading it aloud to her as you two can look at each other from across tables or mats, speaks volumes of your care for her. Paint her a picture, frame a nice photo you took together or make her a one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry. Knit her a cap or sew-on a short love line unto her towel. Nothing is appreciated more than a handmade gift. 3.Trip her Plan a weekend trip out of you boths regular municipality, to a nice hotel or a more gay-friendly location. Its very unlikely that a hotel you are patronizing will 'out' you. Play, flirt, dance by the bar/ pool side and leave the 'heavy metal' smooching for when you are back into the comfort of your hotel room 4.Dance Take here to a dance club or bar that isn't so crowded and make sure to dance with her till its obvious to her and a few others that you are so into her 5.Massage her Treat her to a massage. Who doesn't love a shoulder or foot rub? Get some sweet smelling oils, take your time and make her your queen for the day. Add to the spa experience by running her a candle-lit bath or treating her to a home facial, manicure or pedicure. Naked massages are sexy but for this occasion, put on some discipline and so not to ravish her on the massage towel. Save the romp for your Valentine bed. Or as the spirit leads 6.More Music Get creative with her favourite love music. Or make her a mixed CD of all your favorite love songs that remind you of her. Then take her hand and waltz her around the living room. Or, if you can sing, serenade her with one of your own tunes or a favorite love song. Even if you can't sing, try. Its sure to make her happy. Don't scare her with your voice though - pun. 7.Walk with me Buy a bottle of champagne and some chocolates and pick her up after work with your car pr a taxi. Take her to place/ park where you can watch the sunset. Or take a walk on a moon lit night and talk about your dreams together 8. Home things Forget going out to eat. She likes your cooking the best anyway, right? Cook her favourite meal, set up the table and watch her eat or feed her. Afterwards, slot in a romantic lesbian movie and snuggle close to each other on the sofa to watch it together. 9. Bed tactics I said it before, Valentine is about romance and sex. So after all the build up, its time for the action. Make sure to reach a new sex milestone in your relationship tonight. Do something new or differently. Fulfill her sexual fantasies. If she likes toys, introduce toys into your bed this weekend, or dress up for her. Find out her fetishes and dish it out this weekend. No hold backs Anyone of, or all these tips put together is trusted to give you and your sweetie an unforgettable Val's weekend from today. We could use more suggestions.
