xenastar Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Ugochi loves me, she knows that even though she can’t say it like I can. She is still so confused by what she feels, I hurt for her. I remember being confused like this. She says she would be lucky to have me as her life partner, I would be “perfect”… but she still holds on to being interested in men… but she doesn’t want us to stop cuddling or holding hands in public or stop saying “I love you” I don’t want to push her, I think that would be the worst thing I could do… but I’m aching… I’m ashamed of how much I tease her sometimes. We play the “what if” game a lot now. “What if I kissed you?” “I would be confused” damn right, I know she’d be confused… I’ve told her I couldn’t forgive myself for stealing her first kiss… and her answer to that was “I’d forgive you.” I don’t know if she is. Ugochi says she’d give me back to my ex if I wanted to go back to her. She worries about what will happen to me when she wants to get married. Kissing her legs or neck makes her uncomfortable… I don’t want to hurt her… :( I want to be here for her to talk it out. But imagine my delight when she told me I had made her question her feelings?! Ugochi actually thought about being with me! Not just once… but once in a while! The things that stop her? I think it’s her upbringing, her belief she’s straight (which she might be, maybe), and she “loves me to much to lose me that way.” She’s just so… wonderful… I’d let her go if I needed to… for her happiness… I just hope she… chooses me… You know? Last night, after a day of being so miserable, at Onuiyi road, nsukka Ugochi was worried… I set her down and we talked. No games, no jokes, no one else there to defend us from what we might say. I told her how confused I had been the last year and a half, how much I hurt inside. I told her I love her, but enough so that I could not hurt the relationship we have. I want her in my life, I don’t care how… When she marries a man I’ll be right by her side. So on an so forth. She listened very thoughtfully… She held me and let me cry. She told me she loved me… but just not that way, not right now… If her inner lesbian ever comes out she’s mine first… but for now we would just have to be happy being sisters. She said she didn’t care if I decide to be with a man or woman. She’d stay by my side no matter what. I couldn’t easily be rid of her. Even if I love her she isn’t afraid of me. She still wants to cuddle if I can handle it. If I make a move on her she’ll simply tell me not to again. She asked how she could help. I told her to keep writing her story. At least in her story I can love her openly… I ache inside… but… I do feel better. This morning my eyes are swollen, but at least I don’t feel like crying anymore. She’s still asleep… I don’t know what’s changed with us and I’m a little scared… But the urges to touch her are mostly gone. I love her with all I am. I want her in my life more than I care if the sun even bothers to come up anymore… but she’s going to stay my dearest friend… and nothing more… I’m going to try to be more open with others… Try to move on but… It isn’t going well, I love her. I don’t really want to stop loving her… And… she doesn’t want me to either…Ugochi is 23 years old in her final year :( 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omorsexie Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Hmmmm. touching Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benita Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Babes so sory abt dat lets hook up we are in d same location.wat do u say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benita Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Babes so sory abt dat lets hook up we are in d same location.wat do u say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenastar Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 i hope u are as sweet as ur voice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prettyamytology Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Can we talk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenastar Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Yup Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriggZ Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Damn! So sorry hon! I know the feeling...and it hurt bad. What can we do but love against all odds anyways? Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redvelvet Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Awwwn,dts just soo sad...i hope her inner lesbian comes out eventually,so u guyz cld be togeda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xenastar Posted September 18, 2013 Author Share Posted September 18, 2013 Awwwn,dts just soo sad...i hope her inner lesbian comes out eventually,so u guyz cld be togeda Not happening. I miss her though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angely Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 So touching.i feel for u Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedSafire Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Not happening. I miss her though Hi xenasexy is this the same Ugochi who leaves in Lagos? Strange!! She's serving currently somewhere in Abuja? Her naijalez name starts with a p. Well we need to compare notes cos I think we have a friend in common. Lol!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted August 19, 2020 Share Posted August 19, 2020 On 6/6/2012 at 10:10 AM, Benita said: Babes so sory abt dat lets hook up we are in d same location.wat do u say? 😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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