does your mummy know??

[Lavive]

I don't post often but this is an outlet to connect with those who understand. I live abroad and am married to a wonderful naija woman. We are even trying for kids and all along her family did not know. Her mum would call n pray for a husband n we were just silent. My wife just finished school n we sent for them to fly for the celebration. I took down the wedding pictures off our walls, thought maybe I should stay away while they are gone?? But we decided that after coming so far, coming out to friends and colleagues, this is it. The day her mummy n brother arrived we settled. I cooked jollof rice. Her brother already has known of her sexuality, past lovers n our marriage. He was the one who told mummy after dinner n then I heard her weeping, praying and wailing y did I come??? My wife couldn't face her n I didn't know what do say/do. I boldly waited n went to mummy and told her I am sorry for any trouble we have caused but I honor her and her daughter. After talking it out she hugged me! Ever since that day she treats me with respect, hugs me and prays for our wellbeing. I have ensured their comfort in our happiness. I haven't put back up the wedding pictures yet. I haven't told her about the impending pregnancy but the worst is over. Maybe this will give hope to someone. I know of Nigerias struggles, I know it is not like here. But if one

[Lavive]

Igbo vastly religious woman accepted her daughters love than it is a good day.

[Hipstar]

#dabs at teary eyes# Abroad is where u live Lavive, and i'd bet on d fact dat ur mother-in-law is well read and exposed, otherwise she wud nvr hv come to terms wid it. I dunno if u are a Nigerian, but m guessing u are. I mean u are on NL... so if u are a Nigerian, u wud knw dat Nigeria is a religious country...#pulling my jaw#... hence, it is abomination enough to be attracted to same sex let alone formally marrying one.. so how do we expect some bunch of Religious folks to come to terms wid Wot was Biblically considered an abomination? Well i'd say its a No No to come out to folks here.. wud die bfr I do dat..

[Hipstar]

P.S. really happy for u. Goodluck wid d baby thing

[Lavive]

Thank you! I forgot to sign as the oyibo wife lol. I am accepted by the nigerian community in town n attend functions as such with my wife. But her mummy is an active member of the church n I did not anticipate a positive reaction.. and the abomination aspect is still fiercely debated even where its legal here. The pastor who wed us and other LGBT people has has been receiving death threats! Alas to have my mother in law call my My love and show me the respect I show her has been priceless

[Hipstar]

Thank you! I forgot to sign as the oyibo wife lol. I am accepted by the nigerian community in town n attend functions as such with my wife. But her mummy is an active member of the church n I did not anticipate a positive reaction.. and the abomination aspect is still fiercely debated even where its legal here. The pastor who wed us and other LGBT people has has been receiving death threats! Alas to have my mother in law call my My love and show me the respect I show her has been priceless

Aha.. can totally relate to that

[dequeen]

if my mommy hears it , she will ensure I spend the rest of my life in mountain of fire and miracle church going through all sorts of deliverance.

[Abystacy]

Wow interesting,congratulations to you and your partner. As for me "YES" my mum knows about my sexual orientation!! At first it was a rumour and I got called home of which I was kinda locked up, she said I needed deliverance, considering the fact that I was born and raised Catholic and my mum is a very prominent member of the Catholic faith, she sees it as an "abomination" and the work of the evil ones. I did deny it at first...The whole drama lesbian shit took a while to die down...fast forward few months back it came up again and I couldn't just take the heat anymore and I came out. I wish I could have spared all the truth but at that moment I was all feeling overwhelmed and kinda ambushed but it is what it is, although my immediate elder brother and one of my brothers wife had known about my sexual orientation for years now and they are both indifference to it. Now my whole family including my mum knows and they have been on my back like enzyma, they somehow think that my friends are the ones misleading me. Good thing is that I have my own apartment so I don't have to constantly see the disappointment on their faces and I avoid them like plague. It's really a difficult situation to be in but in the end, I hope they will all accept that I'm still me and that being a lesbian isn't a choice and it doesn't change who I am.

[Hipstar]

Wow interesting,congratulations to you and your partner. As for me "YES" my mum knows about my sexual orientation!! At first it was a rumour and I got called home of which I was kinda locked up, she said I needed deliverance, considering the fact that I was born and raised Catholic and my mum is a very prominent member of the Catholic faith, she sees it as an "abomination" and the work of the evil ones. I did deny it at first...The whole drama lesbian shit took a while to die down...fast forward few months back it came up again and I couldn't just take the heat anymore and I came out. I wish I could have spared all the truth but at that moment I was all feeling overwhelmed and kinda ambushed but it is what it is, although my immediate elder brother and one of my brothers wife had known about my sexual orientation for years now and they are both indifference to it. Now my whole family including my mum knows and they have been on my back like enzyma, they somehow think that my friends are the ones misleading me. Good thing is that I have my own apartment so I don't have to constantly see the disappointment on their faces and I avoid them like plague. It's really a difficult situation to be in but in the end, I hope they will all accept that I'm still me and that being a lesbian isn't a choice and it doesn't change who I am.

Wow.... thumbs up swt heart, must feel kinda relieved having such secret off ur chest even though they're still coming to terms wid it. Hmm... do I envy u? #dunno# well some of us are just gonna go to grave wid some huge huge secret

 

P.S. Ur story is Just like d movie 'the truth about Jane'

[Abystacy]

lol. coming to terms with it? I seriously doubt that but then again it's out.they will never accept it but they can't always pretend it's just a Joke or a phase But it's not easy tho, I had to cut off. I don't visit home, My house has been my all and all oo.

 

Wow.... thumbs up swt heart, must feel kinda relieved having such secret off ur chest even though they're still coming to terms wid it. Hmm... do I envy u? #dunno# well some of us are just gonna go to grave wid some huge huge secret

 

P.S. Ur story is Just like d movie 'the truth about Jane'

[mifled]

@lavive and abstacy....it feels gud getting the load of your chest. Buh I take sides with hipstar. I ll probably die before letting my family know. I have a gf of which someday when we get there I would love to marry her. Buh even that would have to be a secret. In Nigeria its a no no...just can't let the family even suspect

[Hipstar]

lol. coming to terms with it? I seriously doubt that but then again it's out.they will never accept it but they can't always pretend it's just a Joke or a phase But it's not easy tho, I had to cut off. I don't visit home, My house has been my all and all oo.

Uhuh.... now I know I dont envy u honey.. my mom wud just slump n die if she as much as suspects my sexuality is questionable....

[Rencie]

Hmm,I applaud u ladies for letting it out. Me? No way

[omolade]

Lol @dequeen...spend the rest of ur life in MFM. Well u are actually right cos that's most nigerian's mentality. The "U need deliverance" shit. So annoying.

[Milad]

I told my mother. It was rough especially being muslim. She found my wine stash (I am a wine buff, had a vintage chateau neuf she threw out smdh) anyhooo, since she was already mad that her muslim daughter was a budding wine enthusiast I figured I might was well get the gay part out there too. She cried, said god has forsaken her, she beat me a couple of times. But I stuck by what I said. She said she would disown me if I decide to pursue this lifestyle, dont know how that is going to work for them bc they basically rely on me.

 

Oh well...

[Althena]

As usual, coming out is difficult and I have found that it is much easier when you are financially independent and can stand on your own feet. At that point, all they have is disappointment and that passes after a while - believe me! It is when yo live at home that they can beat you, lock you up, take you for deliverance or even forcefully marry ou off. Hold tight ladies, it gets better. I always thought I could never tell but then I did. *** years later, (screaming, crying, threatening, disapointment and begging all didn't work) they just don't acknowledge it anymore. It is like the American don't ask, don't tell. LOL!

Also, they no longer stress me about getting married and shit. And I no longer pretend about who I am :)

I know coming out is not for everyone, but if you do, please be financially independent from them because you will lose family and friends for a short while

[dequeen]

I really admire your courage coming out. maybe someday I'll have that courage when am more liquid of course.

[dequeen]

Lol @dequeen...spend the rest of ur life in MFM. Well u are actually right cos that's most nigerian's mentality. The "U need deliverance" shit. So annoying.

annoying indeed considering am not a religious person. I always keep it at the back of my mind that my kids won't go to Sunday school and won't go to a missionary school and won't be raised as your regular religious bla bla bla.

[Milad]

What really pains me is that my mother said that she felt god was punishing her for some unknown offense which she is innocent of. She had quite a few miscarriages before having me. Also, she was pressured to produce male off spring which she didn't.

 

I felt hurt for her. She really believes that somehow her life has been worthless. Its sad the cultural nonsensical values we put on each other.

 

Watching her cry and say these things was when I knew just how lucky I was. I just wish there was a way I could give her comfort besides pretending to be straight and producing the male children she couldn't.

[Iris]

As usual, coming out is difficult and I have found that it is much easier when you are financially independent and can stand on your own feet. At that point, all they have is disappointment and that passes after a while - believe me! It is when yo live at home that they can beat you, lock you up, take you for deliverance or even forcefully marry ou off. Hold tight ladies, it gets better. I always thought I could never tell but then I did. *** years later, (screaming, crying, threatening, disapointment and begging all didn't work) they just don't acknowledge it anymore. It is like the American don't ask, don't tell. LOL!

Also, they no longer stress me about getting married and shit. And I no longer pretend about who I am :)/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>

I know coming out is not for everyone, but if you do, please be financially independent from them because you will lose family and friends for a short while

 

Yes ur right, coming out isn't for everyone. And yeah, financial independence is ALL u need if that is enough for u. Infact, it's d ultimate. But me, I don't know d kind of independence that wld prompt me to tell my mum I like girls..no matter how refined it is.

 

I'm trying to see if I were my mum n she was me. Would I understand if she told me she was gay? Would my biologically straight-wired mind let me truly empathize with her gay-conditioned self? These two phenomenon are contrast-ingly different. I don't see them ever meeting. It's like Black and White. That said, I think it's d height of naïve idealism to think that my mum 'should' understand. That with her awareness of my sexuality, I cld 'now' live my life as an independent bisexual woman and everything would be alright.

 

It won't.

 

My mum wld cry and cry. She wouldn't believe it. Or she would. My elder sister would be d first to know. Then my baby sis and d rest of them. "We can't tell daddy yet". Haha I know how these things work in my house! Even if this elicits different reactions (which I know it would), d degree of hurt would be equally severe. Reciting biblical chants and sprinkling holy water on my head is the least of my concern. Infact it's nothing compared to what my sexuality would do to my mum. I know what it'd do to her.

 

I can't tell my mother I've been bedding girls even if the world was to come to an end. This may seem defeatist, maybe. But the word 'Gay' cannot heal a straight, very churchy person like my mum. She would cry and cry and stop attending social functions. She'd say d world is against her. She'd go bland. She'd blame me. Blame God. And believe I was born with an ethical deficiency. She would live in denial for d rest of her life. I can't do that to her.

 

Now, if I know my mother like this (and I really do) why would I subject her to a future of pure misery. What would it fetch me?

[Hipstar]

Yes ur right, coming out isn't for everyone. And yeah, financial independence is ALL u need if that is enough for u. Infact, it's d ultimate. But me, I don't know d kind of independence that wld prompt me to tell my mum I like girls..no matter how refined it is.

 

I'm trying to see if I were my mum n she was me. Would I understand if she told me she was gay? Would my biologically straight-wired mind let me truly empathize with her gay-conditioned self? These two phenomenon are contrast-ingly different. I don't see them ever meeting. It's like Black and White. That said, I think it's d height of naïve idealism to think that my mum 'should' understand. That with her awareness of my sexuality, I cld 'now' live my life as a bisexual woman and everything would be alright.

 

It won't.

 

My mum wld cry and cry. She wouldn't believe it. Or she would. My elder sister would be d first to know. Then my baby sis and d rest of them. "We can't tell daddy yet". Haha I know how these things work in my house! Even if this elicits different reactions (which I know it would), d degree would be equally severe. Reciting biblical chants and sprinkling holy water on my head is the least of my concern. Infact it's nothing compared to what my sexuality would do to my mum. I know what it'd do to her.

 

I can't tell my mother I've been bedding girls even if the world was to come to an end. This may seem defeatist, maybe. But the word 'Gay' cannot heal a straight, very churchy person like my mum. She would cry and cry and stop attending social functions. She'd say d world is against her. She'd go bland. She'd blame me. Blame God. And believe I was born with an ethical deficiency. She would live in denial for d rest of her life. I can't do that to her.

 

Now, if I know my mother like this (and I really do) why would I subject her to a future of pure misery. What would it fetch me?

Exactly my point Iris... diz things, she (mum) can never comprehend. I dont even wanna take d chance of probably acting based on benefit of d doubt. I can very well decipher her reactions.. like really confirming ha insinuation as per my devilish escapades so different from her 'married to Jesus' attitudes. I can very well envisage ha waking up at d wee hours of d morning screaming to God at d top of ha voice clad in nothing.

Truth is, diz dramas cant be escaped. Diz mothers can nvr deal, no matter how much u wanna mk them.. Independent or not, so long as I remain d only thing my mom's got, I would nvr hate ha much enough to tell ha m a dyke.. dat, wud be death sentence. Hence, wud just chew n swallow my tongue.

[Abystacy]

I totally understand your feelings, sometimes we tend to deprive ourselves some certain things to make our love ones love happy.

 

 

Yes ur right, coming out isn't for everyone. And yeah, financial independence is ALL u need if that is enough for u. Infact, it's d ultimate. But me, I don't know d kind of independence that wld prompt me to tell my mum I like girls..no matter how refined it is.

 

I'm trying to see if I were my mum n she was me. Would I understand if she told me she was gay? Would my biologically straight-wired mind let me truly empathize with her gay-conditioned self? These two phenomenon are contrast-ingly different. I don't see them ever meeting. It's like Black and White. That said, I think it's d height of naïve idealism to think that my mum 'should' understand. That with her awareness of my sexuality, I cld 'now' live my life as a bisexual woman and everything would be alright.

 

It won't.

 

My mum wld cry and cry. She wouldn't believe it. Or she would. My elder sister would be d first to know. Then my baby sis and d rest of them. "We can't tell daddy yet". Haha I know how these things work in my house! Even if this elicits different reactions (which I know it would), d degree would be equally severe. Reciting biblical chants and sprinkling holy water on my head is the least of my concern. Infact it's nothing compared to how sadly affected this would make my mum.

 

I can't tell my mother I've been bedding girls even if the world was to come to an end. This may seem defeatist, maybe. But the word 'Gay' cannot heal a straight, very churchy person like my mum. She would cry and cry and stop attending social functions. She'd say d world is against her. She'd go bland. She'd blame me. Blame God. And believe I was born with an ethical deficiency. She would live in denial for d rest of her life. I can't do that to her.

 

Now, if I know my mother like this (and I really do) why would I subject her to a future of pure misery. What would it fetch me?

[Milad]

I think lesbians need to be careful with who they share their coming out with especially in countries were they can be jailed or killed for just being.

 

You have to know when your parents are running games on you though. Your parents will die and if you keep that downlow shyt up you will probably end up alone and bitter. I have seen it. I dont wanna end up like that. Be kind, try to help them understand if you can, be safe but know that you want a life for yourself as well.

[spicyflakky19]

Yeah my mum knows but her mindset now is that I ve been delivered lol because she blamed everything on devil's handiwork.My so called friend blew the whistle on me and I'm still shocked over that. Anyways, it's good she's living in denial, I will continue to do me.

[dequeen]

"friends" , scoffs