lala1990 Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 This is a topic I feel I've come across all too many times. This is also why I pushed to be validated. I think and feel a lot of lesbian relationships are a hoax. Let me explain why. I'm not femme and I have a big issue with butch. I find it hard to understand them, for the life of me I've tried. Soneone, ( Dequeen I think, not to sure) made a post about how some tell you to refer to them as guy or a male title. Or the ones that feel you being near they should pay all the bills cus in their mind that is what men do. Worse still I can't understand for the life of me why a human being of any sex will wear sagged trousers or trousers that are 2 sizes larger. I won't talk about their sexual conduct, cus obviously I have not and will not know them in that manner. Then with women that call themselves Femme, but can only date butch. What exactly do you want? Why not date a man? I know some people will be yielding swords and saws and I know they is a term known as soft butch. If you fall into that category kindly explain the "soft". I know some women with adrogynous characteristics, who don't know and don't care about why Black up is better than Mac. Who can seem masculine in a minute and the next minute are very feminine. Initially I thought my issue with butch is how they tend to throw their sex life in your face, but no way. I realise that most of them are actually transgender in their mind. I don't even understand the ones that will say they can't get naked in front of a lover or the ones that don't like being touched because to them " moaning and orgasm are too girly ". News flash, men moan and even cry in bed. In my opinion I think it's all about self esteem, cus from my understanding femme who date just butch are pillow royal highnesses and they know too well no man or regular women will tolerate that. I think at the end to me it boils down to " I kissed a girl, and I liked it". Not a fifteenth century man who feels being a Woman equates you to a damn weakling. I gently rest my case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 19, 2015 Moderators Share Posted November 19, 2015 Hahahaha! Hmmm... a very interesting first 'post'. Well done lala! Now to the issues at hand. I don't quite get it either so I would leave it to those that do. My guess is the 'not wanting to be touched' may be as a result of several other things. I have blossomed and I have passed through that phase myself. I would remember feeling irritated but not just when a boy/girl touches me, I didn't like any form of contact. Sitting beside my siblings in the car, I would avoid being brushed. Thankfully that phase is over. That was as a result of some other deep-seated issues. I believe in a free for all world. Whatever makes you happy. For the butch who enjoy playing up, I figure it's more a psychological case of not wanting to be 'associated' to being a (girly) woman like you've stated. Perhaps, circumstances and life experiences have brought them to perceiving being girly as repulsive. However, I don't believe it makes them a hoax or diminishes the veracity of their feelings/desires in any way. I only believe it's how they feel, at best, at ease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 its a gender conflict thing... it isn't necessarily tied to sexuality.. there are straight tomboys too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lala1990 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 Gender conflict. This is why the transmovement is still being looked at with side eye even by gay people. Really to me the idea is to break traditional roles. I read somewhere someone was talking about her gay relationship and someone kept asking "who will cook" "who will sweep" "who will be on top" "who will fix the kitchen plumbing". I was just shaking my head, cus even some heterogeneous relationships don't work that way. I know countless men who run the kitchen in their homes, we all know some of the best sex positions have women playing active roles not just on their backs and " collecting". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 yup I know.... but trust me when i say, most tomboys frown at the whole transgender idea.... If truth be told, most tomboys love that they are women... they just feel beautiful and comfortable in men clothing... It's the same way some girls don't feel comfy wearing trousers and/or skimpy clothings... Some females are born that way.. They'll rather play soccer, roll in the dirt and graze their knees than play house or fiddle with a doll.... dressing as a guy is their way of expressing themselves... dressing as a girl sometimes come as a struggle but its so easy for them to 'be guys'. About the 'touch me not' attitude they put up during sex..... well, that's naivety.. I know a number of tomboys that really really love being touched.... I also know quite a number of girlies that put up the 'touch me not' attitude as well... Some tomboys re bisexual even... alot of em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lala1990 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 I totally get you. I have a friend that plays football and basketball, loves wearing androgenic clothes but the moment you see her, you don't get to read " I'm gay! I'm gay!" From her attitude or dressing. I obviously don't expect every woman to dress like me. What I don't like is people that will dress from head to toe in a man's *** piece suit. Complete with male boxers. Come on now, just shoot me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 where should I shoot you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 19, 2015 Moderators Share Posted November 19, 2015 Hahahahahaha! Fairy o *smh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I think it's a case of peculiarities. People are different. Some people are weirdos / freaks. As @Kimi said, with some it's a psychological thing and only therapy can help them. Some people are copy-cats, they feel it makes them cool. Some feel it's odd and so helps them stand out. My conclusion? Find what works for you and stick with it. Get with real people and remember that real people exist in all shapes and sizes, in all sort of clothes, hairdos, etc. So, for short, know yourself and keep it real. Shikena. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I think it's a case of peculiarities. People are different. Some people are weirdos / freaks. As @Kimi said, with some it's a psychological thing and only therapy can help them. Some people are copy-cats, they feel it makes them cool. Some feel it's odd and so helps them stand out. My conclusion? Find what works for you and stick with it. Get with real people and remember that real people exist in all shapes and sizes, in all sort of clothes, hairdos, etc. So, for short, know yourself and keep it real. Shikena. merci hun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Hahahahahaha! Fairy o *smh* lol kimi.... leave me o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 merci hun. De rien, mademoiselle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamgal Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I'm gonna try to answer some of your questions. this is just my opinion. "I find it hard to understand them, for the life of me I've tried. Soneone, ( Dequeen I think, not to sure) made a post about how some tell you to refer to them as guy or a male title. Or the ones that feel you being near they should pay all the bills cus in their mind that is what men do" I offer to pay bills not because its what a man does but because its a responsible thing to do. your partner should also be responsible enough to Insist on supporting u with some payment. And lets be honest, how many men pay all the bills? If a girl wants to be identified as a man that's a gender identity issue and it shouldnt be ur problem. " Worse still I can't understand for the life of me why a human being of any sex will wear sagged trousers or trousers that are 2 sizes larger. I won't talk about their sexual conduct, cus obviously I have not and will not know them in that manner." People dress to feel comfortable, if wearing trousers that are 2 sizes larger makes them comfortable then let it be. same way I cant understand how girls wear skirts cause I feel its the most uncomfy outfit to wear. "Then with women that call themselves Femme, but can only date butch. What exactly do you want? Why not date a man?" now this is a very ignorant thing to say. its just like saying 'why do lesbians use dildos, why not date a guy'. ever heard of preference? "I don't even understand the ones that will say they can't get naked in front of a lover or the ones that don't like being touched because to them " moaning and orgasm are too girly " first of all, their sex life is none of your business. And being naked got to do with how comfortable you are with your partner and the length of your relationship . l dont like being touched (not body contact) sexually because I dont enjoy it and not bcs orgasm is girly. they are several ways to reach orgasm. "In my opinion I think it's all about self esteem, cus from my understanding femme who date just butch are pillow royal highnesses and they know too well no man or regular women wil tolerate that." well, your opinion. In conclusion, you dont have to criticize something because you dont understand it. people should be able to be themselves without being judged by their outfit or sexual prefence or how they want to be addressed. love, tolerance and acceptance. so stop being butchphobic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 I'm gonna try to answer some of your questions. this is just my opinion. "I find it hard to understand them, for the life of me I've tried. Soneone, ( Dequeen I think, not to sure) made a post about how some tell you to refer to them as guy or a male title. Or the ones that feel you being near they should pay all the bills cus in their mind that is what men do" I offer to pay bills not because its what a man does but because its a responsible thing to do. your partner should also be responsible enough to Insist on supporting u with some payment. And lets be honest, how many men pay all the bills? If a girl wants to be identified as a man that's a gender identity issue and it shouldnt be ur problem. " Worse still I can't understand for the life of me why a human being of any sex will wear sagged trousers or trousers that are 2 sizes larger. I won't talk about their sexual conduct, cus obviously I have not and will not know them in that manner." People dress to feel comfortable, if wearing trousers that are 2 sizes larger makes them comfortable then let it be. same way I cant understand how girls wear skirts cause I feel its the most uncomfy outfit to wear. "Then with women that call themselves Femme, but can only date butch. What exactly do you want? Why not date a man?" now this is a very ignorant thing to say. its just like saying 'why do lesbians use dildos, why not date a guy'. ever heard of preference? "I don't even understand the ones that will say they can't get naked in front of a lover or the ones that don't like being touched because to them " moaning and orgasm are too girly " first of all, their sex life is none of your business. And being naked got to do with how comfortable you are with your partner and the length of your relationship . l dont like being touched (not body contact) sexually because I dont enjoy it and not bcs orgasm is girly. they are several ways to reach orgasm. "In my opinion I think it's all about self esteem, cus from my understanding femme who date just butch are pillow royal highnesses and they know too well no man or regular women wil tolerate that." well, your opinion. In conclusion, you dont have to criticize something because you dont understand it. people should be able to be themselves without being judged by their outfit or sexual prefence or how they want to be addressed. love, tolerance and acceptance. so stop being butchphobic. Please come and take 10mil naira.... thank you very much ma'am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lala1990 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Share Posted November 19, 2015 *Grinning widely* I know what I posted and so I know the reaction that will follow it. Sleeky: Will you really do that? O well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamgal Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Please come and take 10mil naira.... thank you very much ma'am. ah fairy, abeg send the address!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 19, 2015 Moderators Share Posted November 19, 2015 I love it when I see/read people agree to disagree agreeably. Nice one ladies; Well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abystacy Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 You clearly have a bias opinion based on some of the things you stated above. And if theres any word as Butchphobic as dreamgirl said then you would definitely fit the label. *** I will try to explain what I mean. First of all, In as much as we are all women, we are all uniquely different. People are very different just like our fingers. Our choices, likes, dislikes, desires and aspirations in life are all different. The operative word being **DIFFERENT** people identify with what makes them happy. Now coming to your post. You don’t need to understand certain things simply because you don’t have to understand it or make sense to it. It doesn’t have to be explained. It just the way it is. We as humans are different with different desires. Our taste in clothes, colours differs from one another . It’s basically what they feel comfortable in. women doesn't have to be feminine or wear feminine clothing. That's like saying all woman should do the dishes and stay at home. Everyone has a right to present herself in ways that make sense to her and to the people whose opinions she values. It has nothing to do with psychology but more with philosophy I would say. I also feel that some of your writings are a lil bit Misconstructed…. I would say that People are attracted to whatever it is they are attracted to. Be it butch or femme or trans.. Attraction has no criteria, Attraction is more complicated than we can imagine. Most times, what we find attrative are not black and white construct. We are differently attracted to people with different personalities, ways of life amongst others. Personally, I like to wear dresses with 7 to 10inches of heels but you can never see me in a long skirt or any skirt above my knees. If it’s not short nd fitted forget it. Sometimes I’m conformable in my baggy short, a Polo and sneakers because that’s what strikes my mood nd I feel very comfortable in them. Some things doesn’t have to have a reason. It's a personal choice. The problem we face is ignorance and often intolerance of people who are interested in exploring the more masculine side of themselves. Women are just women, it’s as simple as that and some women don't happen to be feminine, they are masculine identified and that's ok. We should try to let people be who they want to if that makes them sleep well at night. The only thing that doesn’t sit well with me is that some of us like to throw our sexuality in people’s face like it’s some kind of trophy. Or that people need to know that you are lesbian, or act all boyish just to prove a point. It’s absolute stupidity. There shouldn’t be who’s the man and whose the woman or who should foot the bills cook and what not. That’s the only problem I can’t Identify with. We are all women Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenA Posted November 19, 2015 Share Posted November 19, 2015 Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
relangel Posted November 21, 2015 Share Posted November 21, 2015 Chei aby u said it all . . . have a kiss from me noooo lots of kisses from me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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