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Remedies for a Heart Condition


kimi

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I figured we don't have much out there for people 'going-through'... I have thought of a few things that could alleviate the misery.

 

Be blessed as you read.

 

When it arises from a broken heart:

  1. Give yourself some time away from the source. If it helps, delete their numbers for a while.
  2. Occupy yourself. This would not be the best time in your life to stay idle all day.
  3. Go to bed only when exhausted and bound to sleep immediately.
  4. Avoid music that trigger the sadness/devastation. Avoid new relationships‎.
  5. A f***k buddy may be useful on days when you run out of activities to keep busy with

 

When it arises from 'it's been too long since anyone has been in my pants':

  1. Look for someone who would not mind being in your pants
  2. Now is not the time to be picky. If it helps, close your eyes or hold your nose while she executes her craft
  3. Self service would have been great but for you to have gotten to this point, you must have abused it. Keep sharp or pointed objects away from your vagina
  4. Try rubbing your bottom against a mannequin when you go shopping (be sure you don't get caught!)
  5. Vibrations of any type would usually work, get yourself extremely horny and wet. The minute the washing machine starts to spin (vibrating vigorously),  jump on it. Spread both legs wide apart, securing both sides of the machine with your legs. Then lean forward, allowing your favourite part commune with the washer. Be careful no one else is home.
  6. Go horse riding. The skinny ones at the bar beach should suffice. Please stay off chickens and other smaller animals.
  7. Play the 'super slam' with an older cousin. Holding your waist, he/she would slam your butt hard on any semi-hard surface repeatedly until you cum. It would be advisable to have an empty tin of milk positioned in front of you for added effect. 

 

If all these do not work, haa! You are not a geh.

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