Jump to content
Volunteer with Us at Naijalez: Empowering Nigerian Lesbian Community ×
Nigerian Lesbian Forum

Firstly all forms of domestic abuse are condemnable


Calllaris

Recommended Posts

Emotional abuse is a topic I hope to revisit sooner. Its worth discussing. Today though this post would be 'between domestic emotional and physical abuse; which is worse?'

I am of the opinion that emotional abuse is usually more psychologically harmful than physical abuse. Therefore worse. My opinion.

Physical abuse could be periodical & cyclical, triggered by a particular action which can be corrected or avoided if known. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, tends to happen every day—the effects are more harmful because they’re more frequent.

The other factor that makes emotional abuse so devastating is the greater likelihood that victims will blame themselves. When someone hits you physically, it’s easy to see that he or she is the problem. But when the abuse is subtle—saying or implying that you’re not normal, not competent, not worth attention, or that no one could love you, even going as far to lay ALL the blame in the union on you, —you are more likely to think it’s your problem.

Revenge, unforgiveness, disrespect, disregard, lying, secrecy, not picking calls, deceit, saying one thing and doing another, breaking appointments, not keeping agreements, taking advantage of feelings, scheming, refusing to talk or to say what's wrong, leaving (absconding) the house in partners absence, breaking vows and promises, constant threats about leaving or breaking up and shouting are all forms of emotional abuse.

Not all emotional abuse involves shouting or criticism though. More common forms are "disengaging” (a distracted or preoccupied partner) or "stonewalling" (a partner who refuses to accept anyone else’s perspective).

Disengaging partners say, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone." They try to deal with their sense of inadequacy about relationships by simply not trying—since no attempt means no failure.

Partners who STONEWALL may not overtly put anyone down. Nevertheless, they punish by refusing even to think about their partners' perspectives. If they listen at all, they do so dismissively or impatiently. They hardly communicate. Worse still, they leave and ex communicate their partners purposely, leaving them 'hung'. They do most of these acts, believing the other person can't really leave the relationship for good. Torture.

Emotional abusive partners tend to be anxious by temperament. From the time they were children, they've had a sense of dread that things will go badly and that they will fail to cope. Their reactions springs from either a heavy dread of failure, or fear of harm, isolation, and deprivation.

Even when they recognize the wrongness of their behavior emotionally abusive people are likely to blame it on their partners: "Yeah, I lied, do I look like Jesus Christ to you?, don't you lie?!", You push my buttons," or, "I might have overreacted, but I'm human, and look what you did!" Angry and abusive people feel like victims, which justifies in their minds victimizing others.

I wanted to write just a paragraph on emotional abuse yet its obvious what stand I've taken between these two kinds of domestic abuse

Physical abuse on its own is force or violence that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. It could include assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint. Light or hard, the degree of harm may vary

. . . . ************

Unfortunately, these two kinds of abuse are prevalent in most lesbian relationships. A lot of people think "I mean, intimate partner violence only happens in heterosexual relationships, right?...

..A lesbian can’t hold societal power over her partner like a man. She, too, is oppressed by society. People couldn’t care less about her or her relationship when it comes to discussing potential power imbalances"

Wrong!

In fact this sort of reasoning is reason why a lot of lesbians get away with abusing their partners.

Though in a lesbian relationship, at different times, it is possible that both partners may have the tendency to abuse each other intermittently unlike heterosexual relationships where it is likely that the woman is always at the receiving end of abuse.

I am also of the opinion that it is possibe an emotional abusive partner in a lesbian relationship may exhibit certain forms of emotional abuse towards her partner while her partner reacts physically (abusively) when the pain becomes unbearable. Just a thought.

Anyway I'm doing a little research and would want to hear opinions. Kindly make your opinions as impersonal as possible.

Between domestic physical and emotional abuse, which is worse than the other?

  • Downvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

As impersonal as possible:

 

Physical abuse would be worse. It could result in esteem damaging consequences, paralysing fear, tissue damage, concoctions and possibly death. While emotional abuse leaves emotional/psychological scars alone. The former leaves scaring that cannot be adequately quantified.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, emotional abuse is worse. It lingers for long and could mess with a person's psyche but with physical abuse, you could just cry and it's over, although I know some get so bad the person is hospitalised.

I also think a lot of emotional abusers aren't aware of what they are doing but in a country where we hardly visit shrinks, it's normal for a lot of distorted personalities to roam the streets feeling they are as normal as it comes.

 

In conclusion,abuse is abuse and it's wrong. You don't abuse people you claim to love, that's just whacked.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As impersonal as possible:

 

Physical abuse would be worse. It could result in esteem damaging consequences, paralysing fear, tissue damage, concoctions and possibly death. While emotional abuse leaves emotional/psychological scars alone. The former leaves scaring that cannot be adequately quantified.

 

What destroys a person after rape? Is it the physical act or the psychological implication? On that basis, I would disagree with you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

What destroys a person after rape? Is it the physical act or the psychological implication? On that basis, I would disagree with you.

 

I love a healthy debate any day. With rape, you forget that there is first a 'physical' violation without which the emotional aspect would come into play. That said, ‎your premise is flawed.

 

Your words: "with physical abuse, you could just cry and it's over, although I know some get so bad the person is hospitalised."

 

It gets much worse sometimes my darling... with these few words of mine I hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you into believing that physical abuse is much worse. Tanku *huge grin*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

every form of abuse is wrong and they all go together.

 

physical abuse is worse than emotional abuse.

you can experience emotional abuse without being abused physically but you cannot experience physical abuse without some form of emotional abuse.

physical abuse is the full package, you are affected physically, psychologically and emotionally.

 

physical abuse leaves irreparable damages. you develop scars, scars that affects you physically and emotionally. you slowly stop looking in the mirror, you stop feeling beautiful, you lose your self esteem gradually.

 

physical abuse is more dangerous, you become a prisoner in your home, living in fear. You dont wanna say the wrong thing so you don't get beat up, you become a slave in your home.

 

As nigerians we have all experienced some form of emotional abuse even from our parents. Can you compare it to having a miscarriage from ur husband's punches? or getting your skin burnt with hot iron? or watching your husband tie you up and flog you like a slave?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.........."In a country where we hardly visit shrinks, it's normal for a lot of distorted personalities to roam the streets feeling they are as normal as it comes"

Well thought, very well thought @ Dequeen

  • Upvote 1
  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, emotional abuse is worse. It lingers for long and could mess with a person's psyche but with physical abuse, you could just cry and it's over, although I know some get so bad the person is hospitalised.

I also think a lot of emotional abusers aren't aware of what they are doing but in a country where we hardly visit shrinks, it's normal for a lot of distorted personalities to roam the streets feeling they are as normal as it comes.

 

In conclusion,abuse is abuse and it's wrong. You don't abuse people you claim to love, that's just whacked.

 

 

Nice very

"...abuse is abuse and it's wrong. You don't abuse people you claim to love, that's just whacked. "

 

 

  • Upvote 1
  • Downvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Nothing is more damaging to your confidence and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

 

Unlike physical abuse which rears its ugly head in dramatic outbursts, emotional abuse can be more insidious and elusive. In some cases, neither the abuser nor the victim are fully aware it’s happening.

 

The most obvious scenario for emotional abuse is in an intimate relationship in which a man is the abuser and the woman is the victim. However, a variety of studies show that men and women abuse each other at equal rates.* In fact, emotional abuse can occur in any relationship — between parent and child, in friendships, and with relatives.

 

So what is emotional abuse? It involves a regular pattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves. They didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms or how to have positive, healthy relationships. Instead, they feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless.

 

Male and female abusers tend to have high rates of personality disorders including borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. Although emotional abuse doesn’t always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.

 

Saw dis write up on emotional abuse hop it helps us understand wat it rili entails

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 years later...
On 1/10/2016 at 5:09 AM, kimi said:

Friendly advice? The abuser(s) should seek help. Only hurting people hurt others.

I couldn't agree more. 😀

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...