Concerning Calla

[kimi]

I concur with Lala, please this thread should be made private. We don't want the wrong sort of publicity. It could have dire consequences.

[Iris]

22: I guess it was my rage that caused you to lock me up in the hotel room in Ikorodu. You refused to let me go home. You'd lock me up and leave with my phone. You picked all my calls too.

 

Buckle up Callla cos you're going to be reported to the relevant authorities. I can't use the nigerian police directly without incriminating myself. Lesbianism is still a crime in Nigeria.

 

 

[Iris]

To be honest, I'm upset each time I come to this thread and I see the 'like' increase on Callla's comment.

 

Are we encouraging evil?! It beats me why anyone would do that. Nigerians are in the habit of allowing sentiments cloud their very sense of judgment. I do not understand what there is to like if you asked me. I do not condemn people but their actions when deplorable ought to be treated and termed as such!

 

I have a major grouse with the faceless bunch who would side with a thing that is clearly inhumane. *smh*

 

Love inspires good. Seek help along with her, I'm afraid your idea of it all is somesort distorted.

 

PS

The truth is, no one else except for Callla, Iris and God would know the truth about what transpired within the period they were together. For what it's worth. If both were violent towards each other, I would advice they each seek help.

 

I wasn't violent towards her, hence, l do not need any sort of help. Thanks for the suggestion. You should work towards encouraging Callla to get one.

[Abystacy]

It's crazy. Calla I have seen evidence of abuse on Iris. Yet you won't produce one to support your claims. Now I wonder who else you trying to deceive. There's no need to keep denying the obvious.

[acemex]

Didnt want to add to this at first cuz i didnt want them trolls on me. but guys, this is a forum, not a platform to disgrace n troll someone especially when we only interested in accommodating one side of the story. iris, wt u went through was unfortunate. but my dear, you should have walked away a long time ago, especially when ur first phone was broken...(anyone can sense an unhealthy relationship from a mile) if someone wants to out u, they will out u anyways, whether or not u had stayed (out of fear or wtv reason best known to u)

 

and the way some of us are handling this situation clearly defeats the purpose of this forum. for those blaming Hawken, man that was uncalled for...friend or no friend her role in their relationship was little to non existent. iris even mentioned that calla had no respect wtsv for hawken, so her opinion/advice wouldn't fly anyway. point is, this is between yall n in my opinion u stuck around too long (iris) something I cant wrap my head around.

 

I'm not blaming u for ur misfortunes but i believe there's always two sides to a coin, therefore ill urge u take some responsibility as well (it will do u some good in the future when u have no one on-line to take on ur battle) cuz the truth is, until we make ourselves known, we all shadows up in here n we can fabricate any story about ourselves to stay valid eg even u got deceived, so does it make any sense to u that ure been sided for by majority of people u dont personally know, ppl who could be worse than calla? u looking for solutions in the same pool u found ur problem.

 

n please hun don't drag down a friend jus cuz she knows a lil too much abt u two... bullying husbands have great friends as well but they still go home n do what's in their head anyway. don't get me wrong, calla holds the greater sum of blame in all of these (least according to what i read so far), yet i believe even murderers deserve a fair trail before conviction. as i also belive some victims of domestic violence directly or indirectly indulge thier patners cause they set no standard for themselves(u mentioned calla not being able to bully her ex). so far all i see is an on-line jungle justice. i however applaud u for bringing up the money part. now that was WRONG!unfortunately only the cops or personally known local thugs can help ya.

all in all I wish u better luck next time. n I sincerely hope u can take this lesson, dust urself off and really move on from all of these.

[Iris]

This isn't about 'responsibilty' but speaking up! Against abuse and thievery.

[acemex]

and i do applaud u for speaking up, and believe your point has been made...

[Iris]

On 10/01/2016 at 11:26 PM, mecca said:

Didnt want to add to this at first cuz i didnt want them trolls on me. but guys, this is a forum, not a platform to disgrace n troll someone especially when we only interested in accommodating one side of the story. iris, wt u went through was unfortunate. but my dear, you should have walked away a long time ago, especially when ur first phone was broken...(anyone can sense an unhealthy relationship from a mile) if someone wants to out u, they will out u anyways, whether or not u had stayed (out of fear or wtv reason best known to u)

 

and the way some of us are handling this situation clearly defeats the purpose of this forum. for those blaming Hawken, man that was uncalled for...friend or no friend her role in their relationship was little to non existent. iris even mentioned that calla had no respect wtsv for hawken, so her opinion/advice wouldn't fly anyway. point is, this is between yall n in my opinion u stuck around too long (iris) something I cant wrap my head around.

 

I'm not blaming u for ur misfortunes but i believe there's always two sides to a coin, therefore ill urge u take some responsibility as well (it will do u some good in the future when u have no one on-line to take on ur battle) cuz the truth is, until we make ourselves known, we all shadows up in here n we can fabricate any story about ourselves to stay valid eg even u got deceived, so does it make any sense to u that ure been sided for by majority of people u dont personally know, ppl who could be worse than calla? u looking for solutions in the same pool u found ur problem.

 

n please hun don't drag down a friend jus cuz she knows a lil too much abt u two... bullying husbands have great friends as well but they still go home n do what's in their head anyway. don't get me wrong, calla holds the greater sum of blame in all of these (least according to what i read so far), yet i believe even murderers deserve a fair trail before conviction. as i also belive some victims of domestic violence directly or indirectly indulge thier patners cause they set no standard for themselves(u mentioned calla not being able to bully her ex). so far all i see is an on-line jungle justice. i however applaud u for bringing up the money part. now that was WRONG!unfortunately only the cops or personally known local thugs can help ya.

all in all I wish u better luck next time. n I sincerely hope u can take this lesson, dust urself off and really move on from all of these.

 

Kindly which standard are you setting? 

 

On Callla and if she bullied ex, go back and reread this thread.

 

Anyone who justifies abuse in any single way has a mental tendency to abuse. It's simple like that.

[acemex]

no one is justifying an abuse, u dont need to be brash, defensive n presumptuous. just cause im not taking sides doesnt mean im taking hers. the summary of the message was yes, shes a bully and yes, u should have walked away long before things escalated to this. the key message was to move on. cuz at this point, u seem to be giving ur abuser too much attention. however i acknowledge wt u been through n understand how u can get emotional about my previous message, for that reason ill indulge u. best of luck in all future relationships, friendship n otherwise.

[FlyJ]

Kindly which standard are you setting? I was selfish for my phone. It's a natural disposition.

 

On Callla and ex..if she bullied, go back and reread this thread.

 

Anyone who justifies abuse in any single way has a mental tendency to abuse. It's simple like that.

I will have to agree with you on the bolded.

[Iris]

On 11/01/2016 at 1:27 AM, mecca said:

no one is justifying an abuse, u dont need to be brash, defensive n presumptuous. just cause im not taking sides doesnt mean im taking hers. the summary of the message was yes, shes a bully and yes, u should have walked away long before things escalated to this. the key message was to move on. cuz at this point, u seem to be giving ur abuser too much attention. however i acknowledge wt u been through n understand how u can get emotional about my previous message, for that reason ill indulge u. best of luck in all future relationships, friendship n otherwise.

 

"The summary of the message was...".

 

Well if that's what it's all about hit the point straight. No point dillydallying and coming back to wish yourself goodluck.

 

[acemex]

obviosly like calla...uve got a lot of shit to work on aswell. im done here.

[sexyug]

I stay in ago, century to be precised... I go like see dis power oh! lol

[acemex]

@flyj oh no, now it looks like i just might be an abuser too lol. yall crack me up. are there any real adults up in here tho? abi is this how we pass judgement in naija? that one can not see things from a neutral point without getting slammed with some baseless accusations. perhaps next time i should take sides n keep everyone happy lol.

 

in the aluu4 case all a nigger had to do was cry "thief" n 4 innocent lives were brutally taken. THIS IS A FORUM, and if every member(INCLUDING ADMINS) starts trashing another member because another member had a horrible experience, then u don't make this forum safe for anyone. cause i too can come online n trash someone i met on here easy, all i need is some good story telling skills n perhaps some selfies. different kinda ppl join this forum (pretenders, liars, fakers,hypocrites,regular ppl even men alike) n members couple up at their own risk.

 

moresko mentioned that we dont check members for mental stability, perhaps if we did, it will be a whole different situation all together.(like:" how dare u calla? we thought u were sane") but until then, we gotta tread lightly. I'm glad iris spoke up, truly am but the whole thing now seem to be dragging on and on, that some of us r starting to look like the as****h**le we branded calla.

 

only calla, iris n God knows what really went down between these two and its not in our place to to throw horrible comments on a members timeline. its even more crucial for the admins to maintain neutral ground when dealing with delicate matters like this-this is a forum not a courtroom. but if u not happy with my opinion, u call the shots, ban me. least that way u can preserve a community of like-minds.

 

ps, when dealing with a bully, first thing u gotta make sure is tht u dont turn urself into one.

[FlyJ]

I stay in ago, century to be precised... I go like see dis power oh! lol

 

LOL...

[TeeJay]

I stay in ago, century to be precised... I go like see dis power oh! lol

 

 

 

Me too!

 

Making a pilgrimage to Ago.

 

Ago is the new Jerusalem

[moresko]

I never trashed a member, I stated facts that I have evidence to back up.

 

Abuse and blackmail are issues that judgement needs to be passed on. This wasn't a bad experience that just happens, it was someone that feared for her life, someone who had her entire life turned upside down, got outed (to friends and family) by someone that claimed she loves her, and for what? Why would you call someone's mother? Why would you call friends on her contacts to out her?

 

Mecca, you and I shouldn't use our situations (we live abroad) to evaluate the lives of lesbians in Nigeria. Homosexuality is not a crime in the United States or Canada, I can walk away, and there are legal actions that I can take against a blackmailer/ abuser. What is Iris going to do? Go the Police? To say what?

 

Anytime they broke up, she threatened to out her, called her mother to ask for her, called her friends to out her. Why? Everyone knows why. I have seen it happen many times before, its about power and control.

 

Fear is a powerful weapon. I had a verbal argument with Iris on Christmas Day (when everyone else was enjoying themselves) she was hiding at a friend's place because she was been stalked. I was so mad at her because I couldn't understand why she was so afraid, I told her I was done helping her until she stopped being afraid. But who am I to tell her when to stopped being afraid? I'm physically strong, our personalities are totally different, life has made me cynical, our situations are totally different. I had told her to stay away from Calla, but when someone decides to call your parents on Christmas morning, and tells you that they are going to show up at your place; believe me my black a** will show up wherever they want me to be, if I was in Iris's situation. That is what fear does to a person.

 

Personally, for me the money isn't the issue. The outing and abuse is. The fact that something so scared and unique about a person, was used to shame and manipulate them.

 

 

This is Iris venting, she's stating her story.

[sexyug]

abi na

[sexyug]

I never trashed a member, I stated facts that I have evidence to back up.

 

Abuse and blackmail are issues that judgement needs to be passed on. This wasn't a bad experience that just happens, it was someone that feared for her life, someone who had her entire life turned upside down, got outed (to friends and family) by someone that claimed she loves her, and for what? Why would you call someone's mother? Why would you call friends on her contacts to out her?

 

Mecca, you and I shouldn't use our situations (we live abroad) to evaluate the lives of lesbians in Nigeria. Homosexuality is not a crime in the United States or Canada, I can walk away, and there are legal actions that I can take against a blackmailer/ abuser. What is Iris going to do? Go the Police? To say what?

 

Anytime they broke up, she threatened to out her, called her mother to ask for her, called her friends to out her. Why? Everyone knows why. I have seen it happen many times before, its about power and control.

 

Fear is a powerful weapon. I had a verbal argument with Iris on Christmas Day (when everyone else was enjoying themselves) she was hiding at a friend's place because she was been stalked. I was so mad at her because I couldn't understand why she was so afraid, I told her I was done helping her until she stopped being afraid. But who am I to tell her when to stopped being afraid? I'm physically strong, our personalities are totally different, life has made me cynical, our situations are totally different. I had told her to stay away from Calla, but when someone decides to call your parents on Christmas morning, and tells you that they are going to show up at your place; believe me my black a** will show up wherever they want me to be, if I was in Iris's situation. That is what fear does to a person.

 

Personally, for me the money isn't the issue. The outing and abuse is. The fact that something so scared and unique about a person, was used to shame and manipulate them.

 

 

This is Iris venting, she's stating her story. abi na

[sexyug]

Me too!

 

Making a pilgrimage to Ago.

 

Ago is the new Jerusalem

lol, u welcome. we wld both visit "power'

[Fummy]

@flyj oh no, now it looks like i just might be an abuser too lol. yall crack me up. are there any real adults up in here tho? abi is this how we pass judgement in naija? that one can not see things from a neutral point without getting slammed with some baseless accusations. perhaps next time i should take sides n keep everyone happy lol.

 

in the aluu4 case all a nigger had to do was cry "thief" n 4 innocent lives were brutally taken. THIS IS A FORUM, and if every member(INCLUDING ADMINS) starts trashing another member because another member had a horrible experience, then u don't make this forum safe for anyone. cause i too can come online n trash someone i met on here easy, all i need is some good story telling skills n perhaps some selfies. different kinda ppl join this forum (pretenders, liars, fakers,hypocrites,regular ppl even men alike) n members couple up at their own risk.

 

moresko mentioned that we dont check members for mental stability, perhaps if we did, it will be a whole different situation all together.(like:" how dare u calla? we thought u were sane") but until then, we gotta tread lightly. I'm glad iris spoke up, truly am but the whole thing now seem to be dragging on and on, that some of us r starting to look like the as****h**le we branded calla.

 

only calla, iris n God knows what really went down between these two and its not in our place to to throw horrible comments on a members timeline. its even more crucial for the admins to maintain neutral ground when dealing with delicate matters like this-this is a forum not a courtroom. but if u not happy with my opinion, u call the shots, ban me. least that way u can preserve a community of like-minds.

 

ps, when dealing with a bully, first thing u gotta make sure is tht u dont turn urself into one.

I understand your stance on this issue and I respect your opinion but this isn't just shaming. This isn't a story about a disgruntled ex or anything like that, this is about someone's life. A Human life!! What else is the forum for if we can't provide help and succor for each other?

This is the problem with Nigerians,we don't like to speak up against abuse, we like to cover it up, it's why a woman would go to a police station to complain about abuse and she would be asked to go back home and settle it because it's a family matter, because it isn't a public matter but it is, it should become everyone's business when someone's life is in danger. I personally think it's high time we start speaking against every form of abuse, how else can we curb it? What else is the victim supposed to do? Go to the police? Talk to her friends? When her friends don't even know she's gay? When her friends don't even understand? This is more than a FORUM. This space has become a home for some people, a safe haven to share thoughts with like minded people. If an abuse can be proven, why not share it? Why not talk about it? Why not freaking air it out in the open? Why not? This will even protect others from falling victim not only from the said abuser but from other prospective abusers.. It's easy to be neutral and casually give opinions when you aren't directly affected,Calla has as much right as Iris to prove herself but hasn't done much, why can't she provide an evidence to support her claims? I know of this issue so well and its what hurts, I have asked Iris the same question severally: Why do you keep going back? But I don't know what I would do if someone threatened to out me to my family and friends, i'll probably go back too. I remember a particular text Iris sent me early last month or two months ago, she had written "I have to go back to her place again, she's capable of executing her threats, incase something bad happens to me and I don't come back, please tell Moresko everything" That text stayed with me for a very long time,I still have it on my phone and several other text messages,I was so scared, why else will a scared person go back to her abuser? Fear!! That's why. Abuse messes with people in so many ways, it isn't just physical and if they can't come here to talk about it and find solace then what else is this forum for? To gossip? Find lovers?

This is one of the reason why rape victims don't speak out in Nigeria, they get blamed too much. There's too many whys,too many questions asked, a mistake doesn't and shouldn't lessen an abuse or its effects. So what if I made a mistake, does it mean I deserve to be abused? Does this mean I can't talk about it? Please let's all learn to be emphathetic . This isn't just a story, it has been confirmed by the admins. Why shouldn't they be involved?

[acemex]

YES we,ve established the fact that Calla abused/blackmail n outed her, weve also called out calla n even started this topic on her behalf. my Q is when does it stop? and moresko if u know these ppl personally n think u need to press on the matter then yall should handle it outside the forum, best thing we can all do from this end is raise money n refund iris.

 

...yet Calla is just one of many, so my other Q is: is this how we'll deal with every domestic situation involving NLers?, I just think as far as the online public disgrace goes, (though well deserved judging by iris story) i believe shes had enough, there is also an option of banning her(under the condition of outing a member) n be done with! (first thing a reputable platform will do) this thing i see about releasing callas address etc is just... naaaaah! makes me question what this forum is turning to?

 

when dealing with a f***ked up situation as this u gotta deal with it on fair grounds n not get too much emotions involved as it clouds proper judgement. what if calla also got her fair share face pounding but deemed it unnecessary to take pics? considering she was the top in the relationship. after-all calla mentioned that she got abused too though we will never know wht really happend. Iris feared for her life, yet stuck around for a phone n outing threat?...no more comments on that one. e pass me.

 

summary

Ban calla, obviously no one will want to associate with her after this, so keeping her around serves no purpose (other than the one shes currently serving)

if u gonna leave her on, then leave a disclaimer warning that some of ur members are psychotic.

Iris should move on- trolling members as well.

admins should stay out this - ur role in this is really to ban ppl who breaks the rule. u wanna be the symbol of peace n order on ur forum

most importantly, lets not unconsciously become the very thing we detest.

[moresko]

Mecca, are you telling me to turn my back on a situation so morally abhorrent? At what point does it become okay to step in? After the 2nd, 3rd or 4th victim? Should I have told Iris when she reached out, that's its a private issue between them, and that I don't take sides?

 

If I had ban her, the abuse and outing would have never come out, how would those that already communicate with her outside the forum know what's she capable of?

 

Again this isn't about sides. My role isn't just to ban people, I could care less "who's f**king who", but this is a public safety issue.

[Calllaris]

Dammy

I have refused to join issues with you, its just not my method. They are so many of them that I'm yet to understand your motive. You are hinting I'm abusive& possessive and your ego is all over the place. The plenty schemes and turns in this story, even though a story, tells of the mindset of its writer. To revenge, to maim. Someone I'm familiar with. What d be the gain at the end? I'm tongue tied really but God lives.

 

The first time I heard you fabricate to someone on the phone I was as thunder struck. I wasn't just amazed because you were lying but because of the effort put in to build evidences to back up one stage of the lie after another. In psychology that's called pathological lying. I discussed this with you and you said you are not Jesus Christ, I chilled to my bones. My major scare though was that one day I'd be at the receiving end. That is exactly what you have just exhibited.

We got tired severally, and you kept returning, why?

I ve always advised you about insecurity, ego gallavanting, pride and sucking up. You are now on an egoistic ride and that makes you feel good. If that is your methodology, I wish you the best. If I begin to join issues with you on all your vociferous assertions, we may all go hay wire

Lest I forget you kept threatening you are going to ban me and about how you banned your ex from the forum (I need to verify this, anybody?) You said you had 4 other targets on here who you will see to their ban before the year runs out because of your contacts on in here. Do you think I really believe to belong in a place where there is no order, honesty or fair play? No I'm not interested. Even if I stand alone, I won't jettison my integrity for anything. You know me.

You'd do anything to pretend your pride. I know this. But then, what makes you believe in this online class strata?

How on earth can you come forth with so much fabricated lies. This is a strange world albeit. I'm honestly amazed. Jittered by you.

You always accused me of not knowing how to lie, I'd muse *i don't need to know* I see lying as a weakness. The truth is simpler, believe if you want

I do thank God for exposing yourself to me early enough. I could never have envisaged this

[acemex]

not saying u should turn ur back, yo missing the point which is: shes had enough - atleast online. she deserves wht she got if all accusations are true, yet shes been called out, trolled and am pretty certain her inbox has been crashed by several disapproving messages. u can take on the case as long u see fit - just outside the forum- afterall u have thier contacts. a forum should not be use as a tool to disgrace ppl day in day out, in as much as some ppl want it to be so. honestly, what i got from all these was a heads up to not get involved with anyone on here.

 

in regards to public safety issue, it is for that very reason u should ban her. im pretty sure ppl who are currently involved with her outside the forum can still read abt her on here, whether or not they still have an NL account. another way around it is to utilize ur power as an admin n put on a one time disclaimer encouraging ppl to disassociate themselves from calla (or the user formerly known as calla) cuz she outs ppl etc. but as far as the general forum goes, everything that could be done to shame her has been exhausted, everyone knows what she's about n to stay away from her. lets just not make this case an everyday thing as it starting to muff into something else.