Concerning Calla

[acemex]

forgot to add, what do we want from calla now? an apology? or just to torment? if the answer is the later, then we are no different from the accused. n neither is the accuser.

[acemex]

@ fummy, thanks for ur response hun. but no...i never suggested that one should cover up their misfortune. im only suggesting how we should deal with the situation after the fact.

[Calllaris]

There will be no ban, people will know the kind of person you are.

 

You outed her to friends (including Fummy), her mum and so on. You called her mum several times asking for her, why? Did Iris ever tell you that she wanted you to meet or speak with her mum?

 

You abused her which your friend Hawken confirmed on your page, Hawken claimed she asked you to seek help, did you do it? You beat her in her friend's place, which I confirmed personally. She stalked her, harassed her and so on.

 

Calla, you keep talking about tempers but fail to mention yours. I have been at the receiving end of one of yours. Remember when you wrote “If you knew how childish she really was, you’d know she will tell me the source in a second. It's a pity, If you have such loyalty to her, you shouldn’t hesitate to f***k her… I knew nothing good could come from your bunch”, this was your first email, you didn’t ask or confirm anything, and all this was because you didn’t know how WhatsApp works. I knew then that you had big anger issues, I didn't tell Iris the content of the email, but I asked her to be careful concerning you.

 

As for Iris's methods for doing this. Iris is a very private person, when we were made aware, she wanted it settled with as little fanfare as possible. I was ready to speak with you on her behalf. You pushed her, the events during and after Christmas ensured this would happen.

 

You started the third paragraph by stating the "we are in a relationship", let me me spell it out for you. Iris is NOT in a relationship with you, she's done, she's doesn't want to be with you, please get it through your brain. The only contact should be you returning the money.

 

 

I noticed you deleted most of Iris’s, Abystacy's, Fummy’s, and Hawken’s statement, You can delete all the things you want but don't forget that I can retrieve it, and I also have screenshots..

 

 

Dear admin,

How on earth do you take sides without no investigation? If it is alleged that 200k was taken from her account, in the banking industry, where I've worked for so many tears. There is something called paper trail such that when a person comes and makes a complaint of irregular transactions there are channels to seek redress and 99% of such monies always come to a positive recovery. In every case of illegal transactions, accounts should be investigated. For every transaction there is a payee and there is a recipient or beneficiary.

 

 

When such frivolous allegations are made, one would expect that the first intelligent thing to do is to adopt available channels to seek redress before character assassination. How is this case now different to the extent of such xter assassination?, from a respectable person in the name of an admin who from her statements have shown nepotic bias based on mere speculations?

 

You'd agree this forum abhors abusive languages. What if I begin to correspond with "you are mad, you are stupid, you are short, you are ugly", like I've been slain with, what will that make of us all?

 

What has my current personal opinion of the relationship (since that was how you perceived it) got to do above the seriousness of other sensitive matters like character assassination, abuse, truth of the matter etc?

 

Is it really what it is? Or a bias vendetta? If so, what vendetta?

 

People don't just come with frivolous allegations against my personal integrity without no proof, no investigation? Just allegations that might stem from anywhere especially as you knew there was actually a relationship/

 

Do you realise what you are trying to accuse me of?

[TeeJay]

Excuse me, please. I have some questions...

 

When Iris started reporting that she was being abused by Calla, why didn't Admin handle the case almost immediately? Possibly send people around town to Iris's rescue since she didn't have anyone else to confide in?

 

Calla, are these allegations true? Did you or did you not rape, threaten to out Iris,seize her personal belongings, stalk her, kept her hostage and steal or defraud her? Please tell us your side of the story. Your side of everything Iris said.

 

If Calla is found guilty of these offences (it appears the Admin are CERTAIN that she is. We still want to hear her side of the story, though), the punishment is that she is publicly humiliated, at least here on this site so that anyone here won't associate with her any more?

 

Are we going to listen to and offer assistance in monetary terms to Iris and counselling Calla? I mean, punishments are meant to ensure compliance, right?

 

Are we setting her right so that she becomes a better person or are just going to excommunicate her. Throw her to the wind? Cause, if she doesn't get a mate here, she can get elsewhere, yea? Everyone here is gay (hopefully), but not all gays are here.

 

Please let's be clear, precise, and unbiased.

 

Oh. one last question, please. After sharing this ordeal, does Calla call to continue threats or is she sorry??

[acemex]

@Teejay f***kING GBAM!!!!

[moresko]

Calla, wow you found God. Interesting.

 

@TeeJay I live in the United States. As at the 25th of December (Last Year), Iris wanted things settled as quietly as possible, all she wanted was for the threats to stop. There is no glory in abuse, she didn't want people to know about it, and came to me as a last option. The most important thing then was to minimize the amount of damage Calla could do, based on hopefully Iris never seeing Calla again. Obviously that didn't happen.

 

 

Calla has not addressed the abuse or outing issue. She has talked around it, over it, under it but never about it. She can't tell us why she contacted Iris's mum and friends. Why was she calling Iris's mum? Why are calling people on her contacts, and introducing yourself as her gf? Why did she call Fummy (please read Funny's post) and out Iris? Her friend (Hawken) admitted that there was abuse in Calla's profile which she has since deleted, but there are screenshots of that. I've spoken to other person(s) involved, I've contacted them, I have photos, and so on. Please read the previous posts on this topic.

 

Ask anyone here, I have a open door policy. If Calla wants to discuss this matter, she knows she can write or even speak with me. I make myself available, I even call them when they wanted to talk, everyone here knows that.

[TeeJay]

Okay. She wanted to keep it private. You know what they say, Delay is dangerous. You know, first hand, what obsessed partners can do to a person. Most of the crime stories I study are from the U.S. Iris should have been conveyed to a safe house. A safe place Calla wouldn't know about, then have other people approach Calla and talk senses into her. differently. I'm assuming we cared, and still care about Iris. Her not wanting people to know shouldn't be an excuse. Her safety should be more important.

 

The kind of punishment she receives can either encourage her to be even more abusive to someone else, or never try it with another. As you reprimand her, also help her. Let's go beyond dropping messages and really connecting. Let's seek counselling and possibly reformative measures for Calla, and also Counselling for the victim, Iris. Please. Thank you.

[moresko]

Safe house where? She wasn't delaying anything, but she wanted keep it as private as possible. You've read studies, then you know how hard it is for victims to speak up, or seek help; especially closeted victims in a country where homosexuality is a crime.

Why is keeping something private for the safety and privacy of others, not an excuse? Iris is a very very private person, and the events after the 25th forced her to come out.

 

Calla has to be the one to seek counselling, I can't do it for her, no one can.

[Iris]

Dammy

I have refused to join issues with you, its just not my method. They are so many of them that I'm yet to understand your motive. You are hinting I'm abusive& possessive and your ego is all over the place. The plenty schemes and turns in this story, even though a story, tells of the mindset of its writer. To revenge, to maim. Someone I'm familiar with. What d be the gain at the end? I'm tongue tied really but God lives.

 

The first time I heard you fabricate to someone on the phone I was as thunder struck. I wasn't just amazed because you were lying but because of the effort put in to build evidences to back up one stage of the lie after another. In psychology that's called pathological lying. I discussed this with you and you said you are not Jesus Christ, I chilled to my bones. My major scare though was that one day I'd be at the receiving end. That is exactly what you have just exhibited.

We got tired severally, and you kept returning, why?

I ve always advised you about insecurity, ego gallavanting, pride and sucking up. You are now on an egoistic ride and that makes you feel good. If that is your methodology, I wish you the best. If I begin to join issues with you on all your vociferous assertions, we may all go hay wire

Lest I forget you kept threatening you are going to ban me and about how you banned your ex from the forum (I need to verify this, anybody?) You said you had 4 other targets on here who you will see to their ban before the year runs out because of your contacts on in here. Do you think I really believe to belong in a place where there is no order, honesty or fair play? No I'm not interested. Even if I stand alone, I won't jettison my integrity for anything. You know me.

You'd do anything to pretend your pride. I know this. But then, what makes you believe in this online class strata?

How on earth can you come forth with so much fabricated lies. This is a strange world albeit. I'm honestly amazed. Jittered by you.

You always accused me of not knowing how to lie, I'd muse *i don't need to know* I see lying as a weakness. The truth is simpler, believe if you want

I do thank God for exposing yourself to me early enough. I could never have envisaged this

 

1: You call God? You don't believe in death, how can you believe in God!

 

2: Goal is to Ban you, Ban others as I banned my ex:

 

(a) I'm not admin. I do not have the power to ban.

b- l do not want you banned, that has been clearly stated. I told admin l don't want you banned before word came out.

© That l have some members targeted. (Do you have a conscience at all? You need a lot of help, Oge.)

(d) l did not ban my ex, nor did l have such discussion with admin. As a matter of fact, admin and l had not started talking at the time of the ban. Get real!

(e) Don't bring my ex into this. She was a good person.

(f) l never told you who my ex was. I was surprised you had some of her contents bookmarked on your phone. I asked you about this. You said "you know things".

 

The mere fact that I did not have my ex banned and that l do not want you banned invalidates all you've said about ban.

 

(***) Hinting that you're abusive, possessive and controlling: l'm NOT HINTING. l said that you are without exceptions. The evidences against you are absolute.

 

(4) Revenge: My revenge will be that you get caught and disgraced publicly.

 

(5) Revenge: l didn't want this exposition on my relationship but you dared me by stealing from me. Even when you wrote on your profile and posted stories, l beared it all in. There's nothing dignifying talking about abuse or admitting you were Fearful. I wanted a clean break. Even after much prodding from Fummy to talk to admin, l refused. FYI, Fummy hardly knows about the many times you hit, nor did l tell her about the incident at friend's place. Initially, I didn't tell admin that you broke my phone cos l didn't want her to spot violence. I only told her you took it. She didn't know you beat at friend's place either, (after l told her you were stalking we stopped talking for a while).

 

I finally opened up to admin but covertly still. She got someone to give advice over the phone. It was a conference call. We talked for about 1hr30mins.

 

(6) LIES: ".......I'm not Jesus". Pls when did l tell you this? l've said this on your profile. You're a morbid liar. You lie so much it becomes your truth. Even your stories do not offer facts, every single one of them are a deliberate intent to deceive.

 

(a) l often tell you you don't know how to lie? What! l've pointed out your lies in previous comments. Didn't you lie about airtime purchase on my phone to yours? Even with evidence you still retained your lies. As a matter of fact you're still in denial of the abuse. You exaggerate your self-worth in every possible way. You exhibit all the traits of a psychopath. A master of deception and control.

 

(7) "We got tired severally..." - Really! I am the one running away from you, get real! You're still calling despite being blocked. For some reason I can't explain, you believe we're in a relationship still. What exactly did l do to you that you won't let go? You're inherently deranged. In short you're scary.

 

[i hope Callla's lies are spotted within the context of her own comments ]

 

You haven't tackled any of the allegations in bullet points.

 

Today is the last day l'll respond to you..it's draining. I can't keep up with your false beliefs and inauthenticity. You can never match the fraudulent tendencies of someone who has various personality disorders...at the forefront is Psychopathy. Whine those you can with your immaculate online persona, l dont care, l'm done with you. You still called this morning, Oge, pls stop.

[Iris]

YES we,ve established the fact that Calla abused/blackmail n outed her, weve also called out calla n even started this topic on her behalf. my Q is when does it stop? and moresko if u know these ppl personally n think u need to press on the matter then yall should handle it outside the forum, best thing we can all do from this end is raise money n refund iris.

 

...yet Calla is just one of many, so my other Q is: is this how we'll deal with every domestic situation involving NLers?, I just think as far as the online public disgrace goes, (though well deserved judging by iris story) i believe shes had enough, there is also an option of banning her(under the condition of outing a member) n be done with! (first thing a reputable platform will do) this thing i see about releasing callas address etc is just... naaaaah! makes me question what this forum is turning to?

 

when dealing with a f***ked up situation as this u gotta deal with it on fair grounds n not get too much emotions involved as it clouds proper judgement. what if calla also got her fair share face pounding but deemed it unnecessary to take pics? considering she was the top in the relationship. after-all calla mentioned that she got abused too though we will never know wht really happend. Iris feared for her life, yet stuck around for a phone n outing threat?...no more comments on that one. e pass me.

 

summary

Ban calla, obviously no one will want to associate with her after this, so keeping her around serves no purpose (other than the one shes currently serving)

if u gonna leave her on, then leave a disclaimer warning that some of ur members are psychotic.

Iris should move on- trolling members as well.

admins should stay out this - ur role in this is really to ban ppl who breaks the rule. u wanna be the symbol of peace n order on ur forum

most importantly, lets not unconsciously become the very thing we detest.

 

 

I do not need your money. The one who needs is the one who stole. She's truly lacking.

[Iris]

On 12/01/2016 at 8:40 AM, TeeJay said:

Okay. She wanted to keep it private. You know what they say, Delay is dangerous. You know, first hand, what obsessed partners can do to a person. Most of the crime stories I study are from the U.S. Iris should have been conveyed to a safe house. A safe place Calla wouldn't know about, then have other people approach Calla and talk senses into her. differently. I'm assuming we cared, and still care about Iris. Her not wanting people to know shouldn't be an excuse. Her safety should be more important.

 

The kind of punishment she receives can either encourage her to be even more abusive to someone else, or never try it with another. As you reprimand her, also help her. Let's go beyond dropping messages and really connecting. Let's seek counselling and possibly reformative measures for Calla, and also Counselling for the victim, Iris. Please. Thank you.

 

I can't thank the admins enough, they've been involved in every way they could.

[Iris]

On 12/01/2016 at 1:05 AM, TeeJay said:

Excuse me, please. I have some questions...

 

When Iris started reporting that she was being abused by Calla, why didn't Admin handle the case almost immediately? Possibly send people around town to Iris's rescue since she didn't have anyone else to confide in?

 

Calla, are these allegations true? Did you or did you not rape, threaten to out Iris,seize her personal belongings, stalk her, kept her hostage and steal or defraud her? Please tell us your side of the story. Your side of everything Iris said.

 

If Calla is found guilty of these offences (it appears the Admin are CERTAIN that she is. We still want to hear her side of the story, though), the punishment is that she is publicly humiliated, at least here on this site so that anyone here won't associate with her any more?

 

Are we going to listen to and offer assistance in monetary terms to Iris and counselling Calla? I mean, punishments are meant to ensure compliance, right?

 

Are we setting her right so that she becomes a better person or are just going to excommunicate her. Throw her to the wind? Cause, if she doesn't get a mate here, she can get elsewhere, yea? Everyone here is gay (hopefully), but not all gays are here.

 

Please let's be clear, precise, and unbiased.

 

Oh. one last question, please. After sharing this ordeal, does Calla call to continue threats or is she sorry??

Oge appears to be completely content with her deviant self. An assumption that she'd be willing to seek help may not really be accurate.

 

 

[Althena]

Iris by all means speak up about your abuse and use official channels to try and get your 200k back but as for the rest of the group, we need to take a long hard look at ourselves.

 

I naively thought the goal of this thread would be to

 

1) End the abuse

2) Mediate between Iris and Calla

***) Help those suffering abuse know they can speak up

4) Protect future NL persons from abuse

 

Right now I do not see any of it going on. The thread seems to be a gossip spot online and offline and that is unfortunate. I do not support any kind of abuse but right now from my outsider perspective, it sure looks like there is a ganging up going on...to shame, humiliate and embarrass.

A couple of people have raised making this thread private (if it can be) or at the least deleting it because real names have been mentioned for both guests and group members to peruse. If this is the best way you all can think to handle this matter, by all means continue...but I am of the opinion that we can, and must do better

[acemex]

Thanks althena. iris i apologize for offering aid, no one said (or insinuated) tht u were lacking, we were just trying to solve some of these problems by refunding something owed/stolen. find ur chill for real. i find u hard to communicate with. but seeing that u don't need a refund, i hope we can now move on from the money aspect.

 

Calla u need help, accept it, no shame in acknowledging that u f***ked up - you also need to address Teejay's questions so we can clarify some of these accusations. am certain if we all join hands, we can work around getting u some counselling/psychiatrist. whether or not we are in Nigeria, patient/doctor confidentiality still stands. u over 18 right? u just gotta find a doc who isn't rooted in Nigeria...or keep it cheap n read some self help books. (they're loads of free ones online tht u can download on ur device)

 

I've had therapy as well, prior to that i was seeing a psychiatrist (who referred me to the therapist after oral treatment) this was for my mood swings, random outburst n consistent depression. i got a setraline prescription n after my third refill, i didn't need to take them no more,today i feel awesome! n can honestly say im a happier/ more reserved person n my treatment wasnt even up to a year. i just check in with my therapist once in a while to catch up on things,talk about life n so on (this part is totally optional). So if all they are saying is true, then u really gotta get some serious help, N fast - while ure still young else you'll end up alone.

[TeeJay]

Bless you, Mecca

 

Calla. If all these are true about you, I get you. Totally. You're not alone...until you let that anger eat you up and drive people away and leave you lonely, that is. When abused, we tend to abuse others. Sometimes abuse looks like the normal thing to do the abuser. But that's just a misconception. A wrong orientation we were taught. That abuse doesn't make them love us enough to stay. They may stay in fear, but their love was long gone. They start reacting to the mental pressure and this surfaces as betrayal in the abuser's eyes, thus, the abuse heightens.

 

Trust me Calla. Until you learn to love yourself, until you learn to forgive whoever abused you too, until then, you remain a slave to what that person did that to you too. The anger would consume you and drive wonderful people away from you and leave you lonely... ASSUMING its true you are abusive. Calla. I know what it feels like. You need help. And fast.

 

My worst moment was when I slapped my ex so she could shut up in an argument. First and last. Worst day of my life! Up till this moment. Hitting a lady doesn't make you stronger. It makes you weaker. You feel she's cheating and no longer interested in you? Let Her Go! There are millions of other ladies out there. Don't fall for the trick that you won't find anyone like her, and then you do all you can to keep her. No, bruh. Keep the relationship healthy. She would come back if she wants you out of her free will. (Oh, we didn't break up cause of the slap, by the way. The relationship was getting toxic. Man, that chica was, still is pretty! She wants us back together, but I'm loving myself for myself and saying NO to that. Let's be sure we REALLY want us. If not, adios baby. Dealing with my insecurities. That's the fear of being left).

And, yes, Admin. Iris needs counselling too. Iris vent out the anger and let it walk out the door with Calla and go on and be happy with yourself. Don't stay angry. Don't.

[Calllaris]

Interesting interesting effort at all who tried to venture positively. @ Mecca on the contrary, the support at PM is tremendous, not one negative. People aren't so stupid not to see that the approach is engineered and so wrong hence its definite motive is equally wrong. Check out the topic and intro of this thread, it does scream of a certain equity, anf fair open doorly unbias! Poor you, leadership must be very hard!

I also think cue has been taken on not joining issues any further, who ever likes to be on the defensive? A lot other details (truth/ lies) may have come out. I for one do not stoop to comparing notes. Its just not my method. II ll quietly wait for the day of truth. 'm guessing we are almost putting this behind us and moving ahead except any will want to dwell further?

Thanks Iris for what you did yesterday. Some d feel it should be done publicly, but I woulldnt care less.

And no, I have to respond to this, I have not just found God, I have always sought and had Him, you ll see.

[moresko]

You've still not talked about the abuse or outing. In all the babbling, not once did you talk about it. Bias against who? Lol, that's laughable. Evidence doesn't lie. Keep ignoring the elephant in the room. Have a good life.

[dreamgal]

please ban calla

[Fummy]

Calla, wow you found God. Interesting.

 

@TeeJay I live in the United States. As at the 25th of December (Last Year), Iris wanted things settled as quietly as possible, all she wanted was for the threats to stop. There is no glory in abuse, she didn't want people to know about it, and came to me as a last option. The most important thing then was to minimize the amount of damage Calla could do, based on hopefully Iris never seeing Calla again. Obviously that didn't happen.

 

 

Calla has not addressed the abuse or outing issue. She has talked around it, over it, under it but never about it. She can't tell us why she contacted Iris's mum and friends. Why was she calling Iris's mum? Why are calling people on her contacts, and introducing yourself as her gf? Why did she call Fummy (please read Funny's post) and out Iris? Her friend (Hawken) admitted that there was abuse in Calla's profile which she has since deleted, but there are screenshots of that. I've spoken to other person(s) involved, I've contacted them, I have photos, and so on. Please read the previous posts on this topic.

 

Ask anyone here, I have a open door policy. If Calla wants to discuss this matter, she knows she can write or even speak with me. I make myself available, I even call them when they wanted to talk, everyone here knows that.

She didn't actually call me, I said that she picked my call when I called Iris, introduced herself as Iris's girlfriend ( without knowing who I was or my sexual identity) and totally refused to let me talk to Iris because they were together..

[acemex]

@Moresko, been waiting around for a response but at this point, im not sure she needs to grace us with one. judging from the way she writes, one can confirm she did it. I always believed she did tho. still lets be fair with our actions - now, n in the future.

 

@ Calla, u kinda weird me out gurl, been following ur write-ups, something abt u just seem a little off. please stop being on the defence n get help, really, while ure still young. wish u all the best.

 

PS: Ill agree with dreamgirl. u really should let her go (as i suggested earlier)...only way to protect newbies on the forum. this is exactly what other platforms will do.

[Calllaris]

@Moresko, been waiting around for a response but at this point, im not sure she needs to grace us with one. judging from the way she writes, one can confirm she did it. I always believed she did tho. still lets be fair with our actions - now, n in the future.

 

@ Calla, u kinda weird me out gurl, been following ur write-ups, something abt u just seem a little off. please stop being on the defence n get help, really, while ure still young. wish u all the best.

 

PS: Ill agree with dreamgirl. u really should let her go (as i suggested earlier)...only way to protect newbies on the forum. this is exactly what other platforms will do.

 

 

I'm sure you do not believe that the best approach would be for me to come forth and entertain further with more details of this thing and publicly too? Apologies, I may not be able to continue that. I have responded my stance on my profile, even at the beginning of this thread.

[kimi]

Here! Judge for yourselves. #Sickens me.

[Calllaris]

We been expecting you here! What took you?

You must be under a propelling force you cant control, want to talk about it?

[Teewhy]

Jesu!!!!!!!

[Calllaris]

There are two major sides to this, two major recounts, two major views, both differing from each. Then on this also, there were in tens and hundreds, many other, open, individualistic and all differing views and opinion. Why do you think yours should carry the day?

I see you' ve really succeded in conning yourself. Allowing yourself be deceived your views are the most to be considered on here bc we tolerate you right? NLGBT and tolerance!

 

I bet you wish you were the admin here. Lol. Why not create an app, take that petty bourgeoise mentality into action and see for yoirself what you may beget with such an attitude as yours? - You dont have it! Take another solo risk!