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Abusive girlfriend


ChazBee

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Hey guys, how do y'all do? Been a while but am back now.

So please I need y'all help. I never knew lesbian relationships can be violent until a few months back and a few weeks ago too.

A friend of mine have been dating a Lady for about *** years now and I used to think it was all rosy for her, at least thats what she portrays. A few months back she started to complain of the oral abuse she's been going through with her gf, I was too shocked to advice her then in November last year she ran to me with bruises and few weeks same thing happened. My worry is that what leads to these fights are minor arguments and misunderstandings. Intact last week one of her nails pulled out and she was hospitalized because of the level of beatings she got from her girlfriend.

You might ask why she hasn't left yet, well I had same thoughts but she doesn't seem to have much options, her background is a crazy one with her mom trying to managing and since she has no job or means of income she can't leave so staying with her is her only option for now till she can get something doing. And someone who used to help her has abandoned her because she chose her gf over him. This story is too long to write. Now she's super lost on what to do. Herr options are

To go stay with another friend in another state.

To keep staying with her while still searching for jobs

To go back to her moms and do runs to survive with her mom.

She's actually suicidal as the oral abuse hasn't stopped yet, she's totally a mess but I told her I'll get back to her on what to do so I need you guys to help me help her.

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Thank you, ChazBee for posting this. I wouod send you a number to call and report this. Gone are the days where lesbians suffer abuse in the relationship and can't fotmally report it for fear of homophobia. Please call immediately.

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Thank you, ChazBee for posting this. I wouod send you a number to call and report this. Gone are the days where lesbians suffer abuse in the relationship and can't fotmally report it for fear of homophobia. Please call immediately.

 

I couldn't have said it any better! Well done to you Teejay.

 

All the best to your friend. It's sad these things happen. Smh

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Thanks Teejay, you are far too kind. I spoke with her this evening and her problem is she can't leave her state of residence at the moment cos she has a job she's hoping will pull through soon. I can't accommodate her myself as I too don't have a job yet so I told her to hold on for now.

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Sadly, abuse is too common in the community. And it happens because of the culture of silence. Nobody talks about it. We hush-hush it and end up keeping the secret of the abuser because we are afraid because we are in the closet, or that the abuse will escalate or maybe that someone will find out. I am glad last year some people spoke up about a particular abuse (I'm sure we all remember it) and it came to an end after that. I hope anyone and everyone in a similar situation speaks to someone they trust so a solution can be found.

Now back to your friend, she should call the number TeeJay gave her, and yes she might have to come to Abuja or Lagos which is where the LGBTI organisations that can help are. If the job calls her, then she can return and be on her feet with a job and everything. But for now, safety first

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Hey guys, how do y'all do? Been a while but am back now.

So please I need y'all help. I never knew lesbian relationships can be violent until a few months back and a few weeks ago too.

A friend of mine have been dating a Lady for about *** years now and I used to think it was all rosy for her, at least thats what she portrays. A few months back she started to complain of the oral abuse she's been going through with her gf, I was too shocked to advice her then in November last year she ran to me with bruises and few weeks same thing happened. My worry is that what leads to these fights are minor arguments and misunderstandings. Intact last week one of her nails pulled out and she was hospitalized because of the level of beatings she got from her girlfriend.

You might ask why she hasn't left yet, well I had same thoughts but she doesn't seem to have much options, her background is a crazy one with her mom trying to managing and since she has no job or means of income she can't leave so staying with her is her only option for now till she can get something doing. And someone who used to help her has abandoned her because she chose her gf over him. This story is too long to write. Now she's super lost on what to do. Herr options are

To go stay with another friend in another state.

To keep staying with her while still searching for jobs

To go back to her moms and do runs to survive with her mom.

She's actually suicidal as the oral abuse hasn't stopped yet, she's totally a mess but I told her I'll get back to her on what to do so I need you guys to help me help her.

Wow, m really sad reading this, is she is based in lag pls pm me let's talk buh I hope she has called WHER number dey usually help out in cases like this. Good luck to ur friend

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No one deserves to abused in the name of relationship. Pls End the relationship immediately...

 

Absolutely no one! Your friend should seek help and leave the relationship while she can. It is not safe for her.

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No one deserves to abused in the name of relationship. Pls End the relationship immediately...

 

Relationship!? This isn't a relationship.. it's a business deal. Am I the only one who read the story? She is only with this lady Cos she needs money and a place to stay? An you wonder why she is going through what she is? Common, really?!?

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Hey guys, how do y'all do? Been a while but am back now.

So please I need y'all help. I never knew lesbian relationships can be violent until a few months back and a few weeks ago too.

A friend of mine have been dating a Lady for about *** years now and I used to think it was all rosy for her, at least thats what she portrays. A few months back she started to complain of the oral abuse she's been going through with her gf, I was too shocked to advice her then in November last year she ran to me with bruises and few weeks same thing happened. My worry is that what leads to these fights are minor arguments and misunderstandings. Intact last week one of her nails pulled out and she was hospitalized because of the level of beatings she got from her girlfriend.

You might ask why she hasn't left yet, well I had same thoughts but she doesn't seem to have much options, her background is a crazy one with her mom trying to managing and since she has no job or means of income she can't leave so staying with her is her only option for now till she can get something doing. And someone who used to help her has abandoned her because she chose her gf over him. This story is too long to write. Now she's super lost on what to do. Herr options are

To go stay with another friend in another state.

To keep staying with her while still searching for jobs

To go back to her moms and do runs to survive with her mom.

She's actually suicidal as the oral abuse hasn't stopped yet, she's totally a mess but I told her I'll get back to her on what to do so I need you guys to help me help her.

 

Every relationship has the tendency to end in abuse, more so when it is obvious one person is destitute, like your friend. Not having a job or coming from a not too well off family is not an excuse to sponge off anyone. You need to have some pride na. A friend can house and understand what you are going through but a lover, no way. After a while, you begin to come across as a loofer. No one wants to be used. Like I said it is not a relationship. She has to define what exactly it is and stand by those terms.

 

Her options are many actually, renegotiate the terms of engagement, Agree to be her bed warmer and cook until she gets a job vis-a-vis her own place or become submissive to a controlling bitch. Personally, I will go back to my mom's and do runs... I have too much pride to let another woman hit me.

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This is too sad. Honestly I'd go home to my folks.

 

BTW @fre business deal or not, the victim is still a human being. Being the sole provider of food and shelter doesn't give you the right to hit anybody. A lot of straight women stay in abusive relationships, could they perhaps be using the man? I think not. A person who kicks you when you are down is the very worst. It has nothing to do with being the provider.

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This is too sad. Honestly I'd go home to my folks.

 

BTW @fre business deal or not, the victim is still a human being. Being the sole provider of food and shelter doesn't give you the right to hit anybody. A lot of straight women stay in abusive relationship, could they perhaps be using the man? I think not. A person who kicks you when you are down is the very worst. It has nothing to do with being the provider.

 

@Hawken, I am not speaking in general here but specifics. This particular lady made a bad choice. My argument is strictly informed by the write up. No one of course deserves to be hit but like I said, when from the beginning these are the reasons you enter into a relationship, eventually the consequence is "abuse". She chose to be a kept woman, when in the history of man has a kept woman ever been treated right!?! You are talking of straight women as if all women are not women. There are "straight women" who do the same thing, enter into relationships for money and shelter. Do they deserve to be hit, NO. Should they get out, HELL YES! But you find that women in these situations do not want to leave for similar reasons, fear. Most times not of the man/woman but of being alone to fed for themselves. The other percentage of women who are unfortunate to end up with men they love and provide for and are abused, those I feel terrible for and will do anything to protect but when you debase yourself and make yourself cheap, shoo, pay the price. This is not a question of a sole provider but using someone as a means to an end. I may be assuming but they were not like this from the get go...something changed.

 

That said, I do not support anyone abusing anyone not even during an argument. We need to learn to tell it as it and not uhh and ahh over her like she is not in the wrong.

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@Hawken, I am not speaking in general here but specifics. This particular lady made a bad choice. My argument is strictly informed by the write up. No one of course deserves to be hit but like I said, when from the beginning these are the reasons you enter into a relationship, eventually the consequence is "abuse". She chose to be a kept woman, when in the history of man has a kept woman ever been treated right!?! You are talking of straight women as if all women are not women. There are "straight women" who do the same thing, enter into relationships for money and shelter. Do they deserve to be hit, NO. Should they get out, HELL YES! But you find that women in these situations do not want to leave for similar reasons, fear. Most times not of the man/woman but of being alone to fed for themselves. The other percentage of women who are unfortunate to end up with men they love and provide for and are abused, those I feel terrible for and will do anything to protect but when you debase yourself and make yourself cheap, shoo, pay the price. This is not a question of a sole provider but using someone as a means to an end. I may be assuming but they were not like this from the get go...something changed.

 

That said, I do not support anyone abusing anyone not even during an argument. We need to learn to tell it as it and not uhh and ahh over her like she is not in the wrong.

 

But that's the thing though, I'm pretty sure it was all rosy when they started dating and the fact that she wasn't doing anything wasn't an issue. We don't know why her gf is abusing her but the long and short of it is, regardless of the situation nobody deserves to be abused and more so by a partner. Her not able to leave is understandable, I'm not sure there are organisations that cater to abused women in lgbtqi+ relationships, of there are, then she should seek refuge there and then try to get something to do. Independence is always a way to ensure escape.

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But that's the thing though, I'm pretty sure it was all rosy when they started dating and the fact that she wasn't doing anything wasn't an issue. We don't know why her gf is abusing her but the long and short of it is, regardless of the situation nobody deserves to be abused and more so by a partner. Her not able to leave is understandable, I'm not sure there are organisations that cater to abused women in lgbtqi+ relationships, of there are, then she should seek refuge there and then try to get something to do. Independence is always a way to ensure escape.

 

I agree regardless of the situation no one deserves to be abused but did you read the options she has probably thought of? I don't know who this lady is but I have friends who are in abusive relationships and my blood boils to hear someone throw themselves under the bus and cry wolf!! This story thrivializes what these women are going through. I may come across as a cold blooded, unempathic and judgmental b**** but I have no tears for her...

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No one deserves domestic abuse, not even broke unemployed opportunists.

 

No, I'm not implying that she is one.

 

Either way though, does anyone have an update on this lady's story?

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  • 1 month later...

So I know y'all been waiting for an answer, well yours truely has sorted it out. She's now settled at a Friend's and very comfy too. I am also working on getting her into a tailoring training class with the little support I got from friends(I love the way y'all always got my back). So the girl is good at the moment.

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