How Does This Make You Feel?

[kimi]

The other night I saw something that made me simply shake my head as a milder alternative to fuming.

This girl went out with her boyfriend and his friends... when they were done eating, she gets up to clear up the plates. I was in shock. 

In this day and age? What are we teaching our girls? 

We are not in any way exempt from this... even within the community, we find partners having certain mindsets/expectations that never fail to baffle me. 

What are youur thoughts about the incidence detailed above and secondly, what are your thoughts on stereotypical roles in relationships?

[Txunamy]

It's crazy..

I think her upbringing had a huge role to play for that kinda attitude. Maybe she was raised in a home where she was taught to rever her father, as the head of the house,and clean up after her brothers, because, she is the girl in the home after all. Ergo, someone who is used to cleaning up after people, doing it for her boyfriend wasn't any trouble. And it's often said that most girls subconsciously seek out men resembling their father.good or bad attributes.

It could also be that the girl has a very low esteem.people with low self esteem often go out of their way to please their partner. 

Or, she is being a good wife material Which takes us back to the Genesis...her orientation. 

I dislike gender stereotypes of women cleaning up after the family,and men handling the finance, etc.. 

Stereotypes causes unfair and unequal treatment, cos women are expected to be nurturing accommodating and all that.. 

And even in our community,some studs often assume leadership role.they are the 'man' in the relationship.they assume the stereotypical manly roles, and of course, the femme is expected to be who she is, a femaleI don't really have much experience with how it works in our community though. It's just from the little I have seen. 

[VINA]

Someone must clean up, it's either it's the man, the woman or both.

Depends on them. I have learnt to stay out of other people's relationship. Whatever works for you people Biko. 

I once dated a girl who liked to cook and wash. So we defined our roles and every one did theirs. But I'm guessing if any one came to the house one day and saw her cooking and washing while I press phone, they  would have been enraged while if another one came when I cleaned the house and arranged our clothes and ironed, they would have been enraged too. So basically everyone has their duties.

 

But coming back to the females who like to kill their self with work for their men, toh, some people were raised that way and really don't know any other way to live, so if it makes them happy then why not?

I read recently that a woman divorced her husband in Egypt because he did all the house chores and never allowed her to do anything at home.she complained to the judge that hubby cleans, wash and cooks all day while she sits and watch. Imagine, some women like work abeg.

I once dated a girl who had this weird mentality of cleaning after me, washing my clothes without my permission and all these other nonsense things girls do. I had to call her to order, I was like #"aunty behave yourself" she said it's the way she was raised o, she cannot sit down without doing anything, like never. Na wa o. Abeg Every aboki with him kettle.

[VINA]

There are men who believe they are the head and a woman is the home care taker and there are women who believe this too. They get married and woman takes care of the home, father is the head. Happy home, long and fulfilling marriage is the result.

 

Some men say no, my wife is not a slave, woman believe she's not a slave too and they get married, happy home, fulfilling marriage.

Then you meet I am not a slave woman, married to I'm the head man. Lwkmd. Wahala home, unhappy marriage, divorce. 

Biko know your spouse before you marry them. Simple. Compatibility is key.

[Txunamy]

47 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

It's crazy..

I think her upbringing had a huge role to play for that kinda attitude. Maybe she was raised in a home where she was taught to rever her father, as the head of the house,and clean up after her brothers, because, she is the girl in the home after all. Ergo, someone who is used to cleaning up after people, doing it for her boyfriend wasn't any trouble. And it's often said that most girls subconsciously seek out men resembling their father.good or bad attributes.

It could also be that the girl has a very low esteem.people with low self esteem often go out of their way to please their partner. 

Or, she is being a good wife material Which takes us back to the Genesis...her orientation. 

I dislike gender stereotypes of women cleaning up after the family,and men handling the finance, etc.. 

Stereotypes causes unfair and unequal treatment, cos women are expected to be nurturing accommodating and all that.. 

And even in our community,some studs often assume leadership role.they are the 'man' in the relationship.they assume the stereotypical manly roles, and of course, the femme is expected to be who she is, a femaleI don't really have much experience with how it works in our community though. It's just from the little I have seen. 

I forgot to add, stereotypical or not, it depends on what you role you feel comfortable playing. I was brought up in Nigeria, but with a western mentality.i am the handyman around the house despite being a femme.talk about painting, fixing generators, fixing light bulbs, fixing eletronical stuff, I do it all. So I can't have a partner that will tell me, 'you are a femme'you shouldn't be doing that. So if my generation goes off, and I know I just need to clean the plug, I will wait for a gen technician to come do it, and I pay him for what I can do? I have my gloves, and toolbox. I paint my room and change the colours at will.. 

Funny thing is, my hands are so soft, you'd think I have never touched anything with my hands. 

[RayBlac]

3 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

i am the handyman around the house despite being a femme.talk about painting, fixing generators, fixing light bulbs, fixing eletronical stuff, I do it all.

Awwwnn... You do all these? That's so cool! 

[Txunamy]

2 minutes ago, Rachel said:

Awwwnn... You do all these? That's so cool! 

Yes ma'am

[MENA]

Sometimes when girls act in such a way, they are just trying to impress their partners and also get a thumbs up from the partner's friends.

l heard a story recently, on how a girl cared so much for this guy and she will go as far as getting the guy's bathing water ready. She woke up every morning to cook, clean and even wash his car.

And everyone even neighbors told him he has to marry this girl, she is a wife material.

So he finally married the girl. Once they got married, she never did anything again, not even breakfast.

So one day, the guy called her attention to it and she told him, she has Labored so hard for this. So is time to enjoy the fruit of her Labour

[Txunamy]

20 minutes ago, MENA said:

Sometimes when girls act in such a way, they are just trying to impress their partners and also get a thumbs up from the partner's friends.

l heard a story recently, on how a girl cared so much for this guy and she will go as far as getting the guy's bathing water ready. She woke up every morning to cook, clean and even wash his car.

And everyone even neighbors told him he has to marry this girl, she is a wife material.

So he finally married the girl. Once they got married, she never did anything again, not even breakfast.

So one day, the guy called her attention to it and she told him, she has Labored so hard for this. So is time to enjoy the fruit of her Labour

Hilarious!

The length women go to showing they are wife material. What kind of material though? Ankara? Lace? Akwa oche? 

[Txunamy]

1 hour ago, vina said:

Someone must clean up, it's either it's the man, the woman or both.

Depends on them. I have learnt to stay out of other people's relationship. Whatever works for you people Biko. 

I once dated a girl who liked to cook and wash. So we defined our roles and every one did theirs. But I'm guessing if any one came to the house one day and saw her cooking and washing while I press phone, they  would have been enraged while if another one came when I cleaned the house and arranged our clothes and ironed, they would have been enraged too. So basically everyone has their duties.

 

But coming back to the females who like to kill their self with work for their men, toh, some people were raised that way and really don't know any other way to live, so if it makes them happy then why not?

I read recently that a woman divorced her husband in Egypt because he did all the house chores and never allowed her to do anything at home.she complained to the judge that hubby cleans, wash and cooks all day while she sits and watch. Imagine, some women like work abeg.

I once dated a girl who had this weird mentality of cleaning after me, washing my clothes without my permission and all these other nonsense things girls do. I had to call her to order, I was like #"aunty behave yourself" she said it's the way she was raised o, she cannot sit down without doing anything, like never. Na wa o. Abeg Every aboki with him kettle.

You arrange clothes and iron? I fail at those chores. My clothes are everywhere, and I am always lazy to iron, plus I have this fear of burning clothes ever since I burnt my Christmas dress when I was twelve. And to think it wasn't even rumpled. Me and my over sabi nature. I just wanted it to be perfect.

With my partner, I'd be okay doing every other thing if she would help me wash , arrange, and iron my clothes. It won't be her role oo, I'll just beg her to help me do it ni oo.. 

[VINA]

21 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

You arrange clothes and iron? Ifail at those chores. My clothes are everywhere, and I am always lazy to iron, plus I have this fear of burning clothes ever since I burnt my Christmas dress when I was twelve. And to think it wasn't even rumpled. Me and my over sabi nature. I just wanted it to be perfect.

With my partner, I'd be okay doing every other thing if she would help me wash , arrange, and iron my clothes. It won't be her role oo, I'll just beg her to help me do it ni oo..

Don't Stress Yourself Nw, we have washing machines, we will buy the industrial One. Plus dry cleaner Dey now. 

 

Hahahaha At Burning Christmas Clothes.

[Txunamy]

56 minutes ago, vina said:

Don't Stress Yourself Nw, we have washing machines, we will buy the industrial One. Plus dry cleaner Dey now. 

 

Hahahaha At Burning Christmas Clothes.

 Even that washing machine is a chore for me. 

[Chrmd]

All of this, all comes down to home bringing. From the context in which black women are brought up by their mother's, she did the right thing, in the religious context, she did the right thing and in a progressive female context, she did not do the right thing.

Most people don’t teach their male child that when you are married, or in a relationship, you should clean up after yourself, help you partner out with the chores, or even cook when she is indisposed. The fact is; most Nigerian women believe their sons to be under a spell, when they come over and find him cooking, or helping his wife or girlfriend clean the house, or even when he is helping his wife keep the baby from crying. All they tell a male child is, as long as you are feeding the family, paying all the fees, then that is all, don’t do anything else.

I say things to my mom at times about why do most men ignore helping a woman cook or clean the house and she replies me with sentences like; "if you want, you should carry this mentality to your husband's house, he would divorce you in no time." Or, "Keep saying things like this and no man would want to marry you." If I were straight, I definitely would get scared and refuse to voice out any further thoughts. But I don't care because, I'm not marrying any man in the first place and even if I turn straight today and marry one (God forbid) then;

If you cannot come home and help me cook occasionally, then forget it.

If you finish eating, clean your mouth and ask me to come and carry the plate, then forget it.

If you pick up your clothes and give me to iron, or dirty clothes to wash, then forget it.

If you can't do simple things like arranging the bed when you're the last person to get up from it, then forget it.

If you want to sit in the middle of your friends and make me feel submissive, then forget it.

If you want to choke me with your aura of toxic masculinity, then forget it.

If you cannot sit and tell me about important decisions you want to make that will disrupt the family condition in anyway because, ‘I am a woman and I will not understand,’ the forget it.

If you want to sit and quote the bible to me about how women are supposed to be, quiet whenever the man is talking even if he is wrong. Then. forget. It.

I am nobody's slave, women are supposed to be nobody's slave. Some mother’s wouldn’t want to tell her female child about all this because, they wants their daughter to be a virtuous woman, a good wife and our head is already filled with things like; "women are supposed to keep the house in one piece, and suppress or ignore whatever wrong our husband has done."

Some mothers don’t want to tell their girl child, it is wrong if you get married and your husband is treating you like a slave order than a partner. Because if you don’t do all the things which are perceived as norms by the society, then he would leave you and marry someone else who can do them. Nobody wants to die alone, so we do what the society wants us to do.

However, I am happy now sha, women are finally educating themselves, some men are doing it too, but we still have a long way to go.

 

[Txunamy]

1 hour ago, Chrmd said:

All of this, all comes down to home bringing. From the context in which black women are brought up by their mother's, she did the right thing, in the religious context, she did the right thing and in a progressive female context, she did not do the right thing.

Most people don’t teach their male child that when you are married, or in a relationship, you should clean up after yourself, help you partner out with the chores, or even cook when she is indisposed. The fact is; most Nigerian women believe their sons to be under a spell, when they come over and find him cooking, or helping his wife or girlfriend clean the house, or even when he is helping his wife keep the baby from crying. All they tell a male child is, as long as you are feeding the family, paying all the fees, then that is all, don’t do anything else.

I say things to my mom at times about why do most men ignore helping a woman cook or clean the house and she replies me with sentences like; "if you want, you should carry this mentality to your husband's house, he would divorce you in no time." Or, "Keep saying things like this and no man would want to marry you." If I were straight, I definitely would get scared and refuse to voice out any further thoughts. But I don't care because, I'm not marrying any man in the first place and even if I turn straight today and marry one (God forbid) then;

If you cannot come home and help me cook occasionally, then forget it.

If you finish eating, clean your mouth and ask me to come and carry the plate, then forget it.

If you pick up your clothes and give me to iron, or dirty clothes to wash, then forget it.

If you can't do simple things like arranging the bed when you're the last person to get up from it, then forget it.

If you want to sit in the middle of your friends and make me feel submissive, then forget it.

If you want to choke me with your aura of toxic masculinity, then forget it.

If you cannot sit and tell me about important decisions you want to make that will disrupt the family condition in anyway because, ‘I am a woman and I will not understand,’ the forget it.

If you want to sit and quote the bible to me about how women are supposed to be, quiet whenever the man is talking even if he is wrong. Then. forget. It.

I am nobody's slave, women are supposed to be nobody's slave. Some mother’s wouldn’t want to tell her female child about all this because, they wants their daughter to be a virtuous woman, a good wife and our head is already filled with things like; "women are supposed to keep the house in one piece, and suppress or ignore whatever wrong our husband has done."

Some mothers don’t want to tell their girl child, it is wrong if you get married and your husband is treating you like a slave order than a partner. Because if you don’t do all the things which are perceived as norms by the society, then he would leave you and marry someone else who can do them. Nobody wants to die alone, so we do what the society wants us to do.

However, I am happy now sha, women are finally educating themselves, some men are doing it too, but we still have a long way to go.

 

Atta girl! 

[Michelle]

On ‎11‎/‎21‎/‎2017 at 10:25 PM, kimi said:

The other night I saw something that made me simply shake my head as a milder alternative to fuming.

This girl went out with her boyfriend and his friends... when they were done eating, she gets up to clear up the plates. I was in shock. 

In this day and age? What are we teaching our girls? 

We are not in any way exempt from this... even within the community, we find partners having certain mindsets/expectations that never fail to baffle me. 

What are youur thoughts about the incidence detailed above and secondly, what are your thoughts on stereotypical roles in relationships?

She's just the accommodating type...leave her alone.