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Christmas Cheer 🎄


kimi

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One more sleep and it's Christmas.... how time flies!

Here are a few jokes to get you in the mood 🤗🙄☻

As always, add yours (and as many) to the list

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iPad vs Samsung Galaxy

Three iPad engineers and three Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers are about to board a train to a computer conference. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers notice that the iPad engineers bought only one ticket between them. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers ask the iPad engineers how they plan on getting to the conference. "Watch and learn," one of the iPad engineers tells them. As soon as the train leaves the station, the three iPad engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back. Then on the return trip, the Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers notice that the iPad engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the iPad engineers tells them. As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the iPad engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"

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It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened."

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A Man, His Wife And The Cop

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! [The man gives his wife another a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!" The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."

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5 hours ago, kimi said:

A Man, His Wife And The Cop

A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rearview mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car. The man says, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you. Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! [The man gives his wife another a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!" The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."

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Oh no she didn't!

She just slammed her husband a DUI plus several tickets:597f839311844_tw_grin1:

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5 hours ago, kimi said:

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant. "That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened."

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That's one honest thief.. LMAO!!!

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5 hours ago, kimi said:

iPad vs Samsung Galaxy

Three iPad engineers and three Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers are about to board a train to a computer conference. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers notice that the iPad engineers bought only one ticket between them. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers ask the iPad engineers how they plan on getting to the conference. "Watch and learn," one of the iPad engineers tells them. As soon as the train leaves the station, the three iPad engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back. Then on the return trip, the Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers notice that the iPad engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the iPad engineers tells them. As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Samsung Galaxy Tab engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the iPad engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"

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LMAO!!

Christmas Eve is just fantastic.i have basically been laughing all day, from one funny movie to another, and now this? :597f839311844_tw_grin1:

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