Moderators kimi Posted January 11, 2018 Moderators Share Posted January 11, 2018 Hi Ladies... Here's one question for you: Do you find yourself trying to act 'less obvious', dress 'less gay' or buy things that have a slimmer chance of outing you? Why? Don't get me wrong. This has nothing to do with you being ashamed of who you are. But for some other reasons... you choose and prefer to 'blend' with your environment even if it means cutting back on some of the things you actually enjoy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 Yes I do. I even stopped putting on rings on my fingers. I act "proper" once I'm out. Reason is because someone once said, "The wise ones are those who are different inside, not outside". People do not handle difference well, we have been brought up to believe in the pack, to trust the rules of the pack, and to deal mercilessly with anyone who defaults so that the others in the pack do not conceive of the idea of defaulting also. To be different is the greatest taboo, to be a wolf in sheep's clothing is ones only safety in such hostility. I recently met a lady and she seemed paranoid that I knew she was queer. She said I didn't have a tell and I was like, " I hope not. I work my ass off to make sure I don't. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 For some people they make a conscious effort to conform to how the society expects them to be in a bid to hide their gayness. I had a friend who once told me if she had her way, she would dress like Ellen DeGeneres.and I asked her what's stopping you? She said if she starts dressing like that, it would be obvious to people that she is a lesbian, esp her family cos everyone in her family sees tomboys as lesbians, and she has been trying to conceal anything that gives her away to her family. She was the real definition of being in the closet. For me, I am just me, I don't make a conscious effort to hide it, but nothing about me shows it either. Why, Just Last month, I thought about shaving off both sides of my hair, and leaving just hair I can braid in the center. I was already heading to the barber's shop, but then, I thought to go to my stylist to seek her opinion first. So I went to the salon and I told my stylist the plans I have for my hair. She was like 'pls don't cut your hair that way. any man that sees you with that haircut would think you are either a lesbian or a runs babe' Lol.. Anyway, I gave her the whole talk about doing me, and not caring about people's opinion. Typical Nigerian with the stereotypes. after leaving her salon, I didn't have the balls to go cut my hair again. Maybe I allowed her words get to me, or maybe I am just to vain.but seriously, that was the first time in my life, that I have ever had a rethink about being labelled. The haircut? I'm still mulling over it. ☺ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 25 minutes ago, dequeen said: Yes I do. I even stopped putting on rings on my fingers. I act "proper" once I'm out. Reason is because someone once said, "The wise ones are those who are different inside, not outside". People do not handle difference well, we have been brought up to believe in the pack, to trust the rules of the pack, and to deal mercilessly with anyone who defaults so that the others in the pack do not conceive of the idea of defaulting also. To be different is the greatest taboo, to be a wolf in sheep's clothing is ones only safety in such hostility. I recently met a lady and she seemed paranoid that I knew she was queer. She said I didn't have a tell and I was like, " I hope not. I work my ass off to make sure I don't. " Sounds like someone I know.. ☺ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 19 minutes ago, Ivyy said: Sounds like someone I know.. ☺ Depends. If you drop a line it might be easier to figure out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 4 hours ago, dequeen said: Depends. If you drop a line it might be easier to figure out. Mamma Mia! So what if I do you one better, and drop the name, and it happens to be you, would you come clean? Say the truth.. 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 The truth is sometimes I wish I was girlier. I can think of several ways in which it would make my life easier (ha! that rhymed 😀) but the thing is i couldn't conform even if I tried. I am way too selfish, too self centered. My wellbeing, happiness and pleasure is placed well above societal expectations on my priority list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted January 12, 2018 Author Moderators Share Posted January 12, 2018 Less gay? Here is my response: I do try... e.g, I refrain from calling a girl 'hot' in public ever since my brother said "do girls call other girls hot?". Hahaha. I was watching a music video with him and used the term. I'm also careful with my choice of words especially at work. I tend to not notice or 'know' certain things. E.g they start discussing the rise of girl-girl relationships and how lots of girls in Nigeria these days are into lesbianism. I simply put on my most innocent and blank face ever. Hahaha Why? There's this girl at work that really keeps checking me out and we've had a very awkward moment once before. It's either she knows or she has her suspicion. I also make an effort not to look too gay. E.g. just a few weeks back, I was shopping for shoes. I totally loved this particular pair but on second thoughts, I took it out of the cart. It looked so so gay. Too gay as a matter of fact. Lol. But here's the catch. I love to look rather feminine. I really don't enjoy seeing myself look anything like a guy so that helps as well... and this isn't because I am trying to conceal my sexuality. I don't think it suits me (just like young Ivvy, pictures of old tell it all. I get sad each time I see them. Lol). So yes, I do but only with clothing and choice of words. Every other thing stays e.g. my gait, certain mannerisms etc... because secretly, I enjoy being gay -it's why I am so charming. Hahaha. As for that colleague of mine, I so play dumb and act as though I don't know she is checking me out. Lol. Smh... The End 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiee Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I do. Especially around family. Have to be careful about what I say and how I say it lol. Around certain friends as well, I do try. They'd be like "Oh that guy is hot!" and I'd agree lol. On the plus side, they do the same for women and I try to not to err say too much😀. At work though, I don't think I do. I joke around too much for anyone to take me seriously. For instance, I can totally get away with saying a female colleague or a client is hot or I can joke around and say someone is my girlfriend and they'd just laugh it off So yeah sometimes I try to be less gay and other times I don't but then, I have certain interests that may just be a dead give away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 2 hours ago, kimi said: Less gay? Here is my response: I do try... e.g, I refrain from calling a girl 'hot' in public ever since my brother said "do girls call other girls hot?". Hahaha. I was watching a music video with him and used the term. I'm also careful with my choice of words especially at work. I tend to not notice or 'know' certain things. E.g they start discussing the rise of girl-girl relationships and how lots of girls in Nigeria these days are into lesbianism. I simply put on my most innocent and blank face ever. Hahaha Why? There's this girl at work that really keeps checking me out and we've had a very awkward moment once before. It's either she knows or she has her suspicion. I also make an effort not to look too gay. E.g. just a few weeks back, I was shopping for shoes. I totally loved this particular pair but on second thoughts, I took it out of the cart. It looked so so gay. Too gay as a matter of fact. Lol. But here's the catch. I love to look rather feminine. I really don't enjoying seeing myself looking anything like a guy so that helps as well... and this isn't because I am trying to conceal my sexuality. I don't think it suits me (just like young Ivvy, pictures of old tell it all. I get sad each time I see them. Lol). So yes, I do but only with clothing and choice of words. Every other thing stays e.g. my gait, certain mannerisms etc... because secretly, I enjoy being gay -it's why I am so charming. Hahaha. As for that colleague of mine, I so play dumb and act as though I don't know she is checking me out. Lol. Smh... The End Hahahaha @ young ivyy. Reminds me of the series I am presently watching 'young Sheldon' it's about the life of sheldon(big Bang Theory) when he was a little boy. That young Sheldon has a mouth on him. 😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teewhy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I'm here again to read interesting comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 The veil here is a very good disguise. In it, you're seen as a decent Muslim girl, regardless of whether you're gay or heathen oh how I love the veil. It save me the stress of appearing less gay. (not like I even look gay without it.) I try as much to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. Even among family, friends and acquaintances. The north especially, is no place to flaunt your gayness. Keep your pride to yourself. It makes things easy. P.S be wary of the girls in hijab. Not all of them are naive innocent Muslim girls. Even when they seems so. Lol 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 29 minutes ago, Gimbiyya said: The veil here is a very good disguise. In it, you're seen as a decent Muslim girl, regardless of whether you're gay or heathen oh how I love the veil. It save me the stress of appearing less gay. (not like I even look gay without it.) I try as much to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. Even among family, friends and acquaintances. The north especially, is no place to flaunt your gayness. Keep your pride to yourself. It makes things easy. P.S be wary of the girls in hijab. Not all of them are naive innocent Muslim girls. Even when they seems so. Lol Hahahaha.. I've lived in the North, so I know of their shenanigans..😁 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phegore Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I remember when I was in my final year in university.I had a presentation,I wore a blazer,shirt and pants and my confidence was unf***kwitable.After I finished,one of the female lecturers on my panel told me to come to her office. She said your presentation was really good but I deducted 5marks ..I'm like 😳...she said I've noticed that you never wear skirts and you are always on shirts,blazers and pants that are always on your ankle 😂and shoes like this(hell No 👊🏽she didn't just talk about my oxford),can I just say that if you didn't have your hair,make up and nails done. I'll assume you are a lesbian🙆🏾.you walk like a guy anytime you dress like this and some other idiosyncrasies you seem to possess .(I don't catwalk does that mean I walk like a man?) I was shook...I was quiet for a couple of seconds and I just said Ma,I'm not a lesbian I'm just more comfortable dressing like this anytime i'm in a formal Milieu and I dress really girly for my regular classes.she said "Your outfit made me really uncomfortable and even though other lecturers (male and female on the panel) said you looked nice and have a distinctive panache...don't ever dress like denola grey to any presentation I'm going to be on the panel". Did I stop dressing like that after this?..Yes I did all through my remaining 4months in school I wore skirts,gowns and heels to every single presentation ...she's a gossip I didn't want her to start talking about me to other lecturers and ooh I didn't want my GPA to dance shoki as she was taking two of my three unit courses that semester. Since I'm out to my friends and family there's really no need to be discreet.However,when I around people that I'm meeting for the first time or colleagues at work I definitely try to not give off the gay vibe(😂 wearing pants below my ankle). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted January 12, 2018 Author Moderators Share Posted January 12, 2018 1 hour ago, Phegore said: and ooh I didn't want my GPA to dance shoki as she was taking two of my three unit courses that semester. Hahahahaha. 1 hour ago, Phegore said: She said your presentation was really good but I deducted 5marks ..I'm like 😳...she said I've noticed that you never wear skirts and you are always on shirts,blazers and pants that are always on your ankle 😂and shoes like this(hell No 👊🏽she didn't just talk about my oxford),can I just say that if you didn't have your hair,make up and nails done. I'll assume you are a lesbian🙆🏾.you walk like a guy anytime you dress like this and some other idiosyncrasies you seem to possess .(I don't catwalk does that mean I walk like a man?) ...and now, I'm infuriated by this. Smh smh smh. She had no right whatsoever. Alas, this is the sort of nonsense we are exposed to being gay in Nigeria... sighs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 2 hours ago, Ivyy said: Hahahaha.. I've lived in the North, so I know of their shenanigans..😁 Real shenanigans o If you're not observant, you'd be sold the false idea believing these girls don't know the deal. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 1 hour ago, Gimbiyya said: Real shenanigans o If you're not observant, you'd be sold the false idea believing these girls don't know the deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 20 hours ago, Ivyy said: Mamma Mia! So what if I do you one better, and drop the name, and it happens to be you, would you come clean? Say the truth.. 😁 Haaaaa mama don't do me like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 11 hours ago, Ivyy said: Hahahaha @ young ivyy. Reminds me of the series I am presently watching 'young Sheldon' it's about the life of sheldon(big Bang Theory) when he was a little boy. That young Sheldon has a mouth on him. 😁 I so have to watch this series. Sheldon from big bang theory was always so amusing to me. I have to watch him as 'young Sheldon' ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators FlyJ Posted January 12, 2018 Administrators Share Posted January 12, 2018 10 hours ago, Gimbiyya said: The veil here is a very good disguise. In it, you're seen as a decent Muslim girl, regardless of whether you're gay or heathen oh how I love the veil. It save me the stress of appearing less gay. (not like I even look gay without it.) I try as much to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. Even among family, friends and acquaintances. The north especially, is no place to flaunt your gayness. Keep your pride to yourself. It makes things easy. P.S be wary of the girls in hijab. Not all of them are naive innocent Muslim girls. Even when they seems so. Lol Lol. This is just too funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 @Phegore you made the right call considering the situation of things. @Gimbiyya You're so lucky to have the veil . Your life is set. Lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators FlyJ Posted January 12, 2018 Administrators Share Posted January 12, 2018 12 hours ago, Damiee said: I do. Especially around family. Have to be careful about what I say and how I say it lol. Around certain friends as well, I do try. They'd be like "Oh that guy is hot!" and I'd agree lol. On the plus side, they do the same for women and I try to not to err say too much😀. Preach! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 On 01/12/2018 at 11:31 AM, Phegore said: she said I've noticed that you never wear skirts and you are always on shirts,blazers and pants ... Same thing happened to me in school. Only difference is the lecturer who did it called me out right there. He told me he noticed I dressed a certain way and asked if I wasn't bothered about what people would think. I put my hands behind my back, squared up and told him I couldn't care less about what people thought of me as i wasn't living my life for them. As for my dressing, I dress for comfort and to please myself and I am quite pleased indeed. When i finished the man told me to calm down, said we weren't fighting and we all laughed about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbie Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 On 1/12/2018 at 10:08 AM, Gimbiyya said: The veil here is a very good disguise. In it, you're seen as a decent Muslim girl, regardless of whether you're gay or heathen oh how I love the veil. It save me the stress of appearing less gay. (not like I even look gay without it.) I try as much to keep my crazy thoughts to myself. Even among family, friends and acquaintances. The north especially, is no place to flaunt your gayness. Keep your pride to yourself. It makes things easy. P.S be wary of the girls in hijab. Not all of them are naive innocent Muslim girls. Even when they seems so. Lol Lol, This is me fa... All covered up u’ll think i’m one innocent thing. Don’t really need to make an effort to appear less gay Recently saw a girl at d atm, was with a male friend nd i’m like wow she is so fine nd sexy.. He looked at me weird.. Just excused myself and went to talk to her I got back and he said why re u acting like one lez mama nd i’m like “so I can’t make new friends again? 😂😂😂 This country is exhausting gaskiya 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiee Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 On 1/12/2018 at 11:31 AM, Phegore said: don't ever dress like denola grey to any presentation I'm going to be on the panel". Lmaooo poor Denola Grey got dragged into it. On 1/12/2018 at 11:31 AM, Phegore said: I didn't want my GPA to dance shoki as she was taking two of my three unit courses that semester. 😂😂😂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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