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How to meet Girls and find Queer Love in Nigeria.


dequeen

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I feel sad when people have to be alone unintentionally and I know that there are people here who have more girls than they know what to do with, so I am thinking it will be a good idea for us all to share tips about how we meet girls and find queer love in this homophobic country without jeopardizing ourselves.

There is so much love to go round, no one should be without love except they choose to for whatever reason. 

Please help a sister out. Don't hoard your knowledge / wisdom. Your tips might be saving a life, literally. 

Thanks.

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My tips would be :

1. Get involved in stuff that have a lot of ladies. E.g. yoga, self defense classes for women, dance classes, feminism movements, etc. Chances are that other queer ladies are there who might be more daring than you are and so make a move.

2. Make friends with one or two toms, they somehow always have a group of pretending to be straight friends around them plus they can even introduce you.

3. Almost all queer ladies like a good conversationalist . We tend to be a lot about the brains, so show those brains when you chat with ladies you are interested in. (Except the lady is your crush then you can act like a retarded f***k and a mute dumb :597f83a445cb9_tw_joy1:. )

4. Take a chance on the folks you meet in forums like this. Trust me, they are just as scared of falling in the wrong trap as you are. Organise a small get together for NL people in your environment.

5. Visit places that carter to queers where you stay. Have you heard about the Change Attitude Nigeria movement? Tiers? Wher? Visit places like that. They sometimes organise events also which are a healthy place to meet queers.

 

*** More to come as I remember them ***

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Very useful/Good tips there dequeen.. 

Gym and dance classes is a sure way to mingle. 

I remember when I moved to ajah, and I asked for friends around here, I didn't have to meet anyone again cos I registered in a gym and meet people.and I tell you, there are lots of tomboys in the gym. (at least the one I go to) 

Plus I became friends with two queer ladies I met at a mall, we got talking somehow, and they became friends, and through them, I have met other people, cos I hung out with them at places where there are queer ladies in abundance. 

One of them even gave me useful tips on how to detect a queer lady and go after her in a stealth mode sef. 😁 

Now, I am even the one running away from them. Cos it can get overwhelming sometimes.

So yeah, gym, dance classes, malls, Exhibitions, spoken word events(most contemporary female artists are gay) so queer ladies turn up for them. 

 

 

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1) Expand your search, I know we tend to be lazy and want to fall in love with other queer women online but there are women out there who are  low-key queer, take your chance and shoot your shot. Might even be a friend, a neighbor, the sales girl at the super market, the girl you met at a party.

 

**Last week I practiced this tip while I was in Lagos and oh boy. Met a fine shawty, took a chance, got her number, chatted with her on WhatsApp, next thing I knew, we were in bed doing things that would make the archbishop blush hard. It might not end up in love but what if it does? Babes shoot your shot.

2) Stop being shy, be outspoken about what you want, you meet a cute woman that you like then ask to be her friend, get her number, slide into her dm. I'm tired of queer folks crushing up and down. Take action.

 

3) make friends with other gay people.

4) join gay forums, WhatsApp groups and use dating apps, once you can get past the guys and kidnappers, there might be an angel waiting on the other side.

5) be like Vina, and stop looking, love will come knocking into you soon enough.

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Great tips all round.

But i think the thing we are most sceptical about is, if  the person doesnt share in your thoughts and lifestyle. Then you have shot Your shot and shot urself in the leg.

i know we will say, whats the worst that can happen, but some of us are really very closeted and wldnt risk anyone who doesnt play in our field finding out.

but the point now is? how do you know or rather what do you look out for to shoot your shot?. 

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1 hour ago, vina said:

next thing I knew, we were in bed doing things that would make the archbishop blush hard.

Hahahaha. She most certaainly did:597f824b9bcf2_tw_blush1:

 

1 hour ago, vina said:

once you can get past the guys and kidnappers, there might be an angel waiting on the other side.

Hahahahaaha. Lol.

 

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1 hour ago, Spicy said:

Great tips all round.

But i think the thing we are most sceptical about is, if  the person doesnt share in your thoughts and lifestyle. Then you have shot Your shot and shot urself in the leg.

i know we will say, whats the worst that can happen, but some of us are really very closeted and wldnt risk anyone who doesnt play in our field finding out.

but the point now is? how do you know or rather what do you look out for to shoot your shot?. 

Yeah, there would be times you'd be let down, at such moments, you dust off your shoulders and trudge on. 

What's the worst that could happen? 

If someone who doesn't play in our field like you say finds out, the worst the person can do is gossip. That won't kill you. No one will be able to confront you based on heresay.

You can't let the fear of the unknown stop you from doing what makes you happy. 

One tip though:when you meet someone who you are not sure if she is queer or straight, don't come out. Just keep chatting and communicating with her. If you are having a convo with her, chip in stuff about gay people. If she says something like 'God forbid, how can anyone enjoy being gay'?  Just tick her off the list. 

The trick is to learn to be stealth. 

Lemme give you an example from my personal experience. 

I was chatting with this girl I met. My gaydar told me she is gay, but I wasn't sure, so we just kept on chatting. 

One day during our convo, she asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said no.and left it at that. Then I asked her if she had a boyfriend, she replied that men can't give her what she wanted. And I was like what is that? Then she said she is hardworking and tough, so she prefers people that are the opposite of her..

So I decoded what she said. And I went, if you don't like people who are hard and tough, that means naturally, you go for soft and subtle. And I'm guessing you are into girls. She was surprised and also elated that I understood her. And she was surprised that I was gay cos in her words, I didn't give anything away. 

So the essence of this my epistle is to say, you don't have to come out like bam! Device a means of understanding whom you are talking to first.

Just relax, don't over think things. 

 

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1 hour ago, Ivyy said:

One of them even gave me useful tips on how to detect a queer lady and go after her in a stealth mode sef. 😁 

@Ivyy spill!!!! Give us the tips mabinu! This will be good for gaydar ministry plus stealth mode === good for shy somebody.

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Just now, dequeen said:

@Ivyy spill!!!! Give us the tips mabinu! This will be good for gaydar ministry plus stealth mode === good for shy somebody.

LMAO!

Don't even have strength to type. The one I typed up there, my hand still dey pain me. 

This thread is still open, I will share someday.. ☺ 

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6 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

LMAO!

Don't even have strength to type. The one I typed up there, my hand still dey pain me. 

This thread is still open, I will share someday.. ☺ 

I will take your word for it and hold you accountable. 

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23 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

Yeah, there would be times you'd be let down, at such moments, you dust off your shoulders and trudge on. 

What's the worst that could happen? 

If someone who doesn't play in our field like you say finds out, the worst the person can do is gossip. That won't kill you. No one will be able to confront you based on heresay.

You can't let the fear of the unknown stop you from doing what makes you happy. 

One tip though:when you meet someone who you are not sure if she is queer or straight, don't come out. Just keep chatting and communicating with her. If you are having a convo with her, chip in stuff about gay people. If she says something like 'God forbid, how can anyone enjoy being gay'?  Just tick her off the list. 

The trick is to learn to be stealth. 

Lemme give you an example from my personal experience. 

I was chatting with this girl I met. My gaydar told me she is gay, but I wasn't sure, so we just kept on chatting. 

One day during our convo, she asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said no.and left it at that. Then I asked her if she had a boyfriend, she replied that men can't give her what she wanted. And I was like what is that? Then she said she is hardworking and tough, so she prefers people that are the opposite of her..

So I decoded what she said. And I went, if you don't like people who are hard and tough, that means naturally, you go for soft and subtle. And I'm guessing you are into girls. She was surprised and also elated that I understood her. And she was surprised that I was gay cos in her words, I didn't give anything away. 

So the essence of this my epistle is to say, you don't have to come out like bam! Device a means of understanding whom you are talking to first.

Just relax, don't over think things. 

 

Truth is...i was lost in this one relationship for over 5yrs. i got use to it. it was normal, i was comfortable and i didnt feel the need to try to meet or talk to other girls. we were good.

then i relocated, distance set in, we hung till we couldnt. 

i had totally forgotten how to.  

I meet ladies but im just too shy to speak up, get numbers. even when i do. i never get to go there. when conversations are lingering towards sexuality, i somehow find a way to divert.

me thinks there's more to not just speaking out. 

Anyways im getting all the tips :D

Fingers crossed....soon

 

 

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12 minutes ago, Spicy said:

Truth is...i was lost in this one relationship for over 5yrs. i got use to it. it was normal, i was comfortable and i didnt feel the need to try to meet or talk to other girls. we were good.

then i relocated, distance set in, we hung till we couldnt. 

i had totally forgotten how to.  

I meet ladies but im just too shy to speak up, get numbers. even when i do. i never get to go there. when conversations are lingering towards sexuality, i somehow find a way to divert.

me thinks there's more to not just speaking out. 

Anyways im getting all the tips :D

Fingers crossed....soon

 

 

Yeah, could be you not there yet emotionally.

I get you, totally.. I was in a 4yr relationship and when I got out of it, that's when I really started noticing people. So I totally understand where you are coming from. 

Maybe someday, when I get around to meeting anyone from NL, if you are in Lagos, I could pm you and we Could hang out in a couple of places where you'd feed your eyes. 

 

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16 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

Yeah, could be you not there yet emotionally.

I get you, totally.. I was in a 4yr relationship and when I got out of it, that's when I really started noticing people. So I totally understand where you are coming from. 

Maybe someday, when I get around to meeting anyone from NL, if you are in Lagos, I could pm you and we Could hang out in a couple of places where you'd feed your eyes. 

 

Could be. but i psych myself that im totally ready and i know i am.

i'll be sure to check on you, whenever i find myself in lagos.

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13 hours ago, dequeen said:

5. Visit places that carter to queers where you stay. Have you heard about the Change Attitude Nigeria movement? Tiers? Wher? Visit places like that. They sometimes organise events also which are a healthy place to meet queers.

 

I agree with you on this,  Seminars/ events  held by this NGOs aid alot, when it comes to finding a better half and queer friends with like minds.  I'm a benefactor. 

One other thing is this,  although this is abit daring, but be bold enough to engage in LGBTqia+ talks, " yeah,  don't give me that face"  I do. It takes  guts,  but you might  never know who was listening and thrilled. . Some really  good relationships started off from that single act. 

Don't be shy.  Be bold when you find yourself in social situations that involves same gender interaction,  if you can not have a proper conversation passively,  then ask for their numbers , it's easier that way. 

Go out more often,  engage in an  intelligent discussion wherever  you find yourself,  and enjoy how girls  smiles sheepishly at you and wants to be friends. 

My two cents. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hmmmm. I'm learning. I've only ever met people online. Issue with that is that most times, they are not even in the same city as I am. So yeah. Like I said on another post, I don't go out much because I work from home and my neighbourhood isn't that sophisticated. You don't want to say the wrong thing to the wrong person and get in trouble. Will keep looking sha. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Awwwwwh @FlyJ and @SimoneW would definitely be a power couple. 

Looking good ladies... aunty Flyj, how was the spa? I hope they massaged your back and other parts very well o... 😁:597f824b9bcf2_tw_blush1: 

 

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