Administrators FlyJ Posted October 21, 2013 Administrators Share Posted October 21, 2013 I came across this interesting write up and thought to share it with y'all. LOL...Enjoy and please let us know if you have tried anything on the list. Since those who run this country have decided that you will not enjoy any form of entertainment in your own home by constantly ensuring that power supply remains an illusion, going out is your only consolation and the cinema has thus become an integral part of your existence. You know what they say about when you’re in Rome, right? Well, should you choose to go to the cinema around here, please be advised to obey these golden rules: Inside the Cinema Halls… BRING FOOD! EVERYONE in the cinema hall will be eating something. The smacking of lips seems to be a prerequisite of cinema attendance. Security at Naija cinemas is so slack that you can smuggle a cow’s thigh in. I once sat beside someone who had a bowl of Amala and goat meat! Feel free to bring your starch and banga, or fufu and Oha soup. When you are done, remember to smack your lips loudly and comment on the food, to everyone’s hearing, of course. BRING A DRINK – If you are a guy and you are seeing a chic flick with the (in)significant other, smuggle some Vodka or Henni in a juice pack to help through the gloom. If not, just bring a straw with whatever drink you are bringing. When you have almost finished the drink, take a long drag with the straw and make a nuisance of yourself with the accompanying sound. Don’t worry, everyone else would be doing the same! SPEAK UP! – What’s the point of a movie without commentary? Share your observations and opinions with all those who are unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket to see the same film as you: “Ah, don’t go there! The bad guy is waiting o!” “Kill him jo!” “Ah, no now (sob! Sob!!) don’t leave her now…” You will not be the only one speaking up so be as loud as possible. KEEP YOUR LIPS TO YOURSELF – Kissing is universally accepted as a part of the cinema experience. However, if you sit in a Naija cinema anywhere within the sights of members of the National Association of Currently Unattached Female Citizens (NACUFC), you may get an earful should your lips venture forth: “What? Is it that bad? Can’t they wait till they get home? And it’s not as if they are in love like that o; yeye show-off! People who are truly in love don’t PDA. Psssssew!! Rubbish! Abeg! See see, they don’t even know how to kiss sef; is he going to swallow her tongue?! KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF – After eating his popcorn off his date’s cleavage, a friend of mine decided to venture further with his hands. He had depended on the darkness of the cinema hall for cover but clearly underestimated the presence of ‘men of God’ in everything Nigerian. A hand grabbed his advancing fingers from behind and declared in a clerical voice: “You shall come forth but no further. Salvation is better than earthly desires!” You may hold hands, or sling your hands across shoulders, but that’s about it! Outside the Cinema Halls PAY TOILET TAX – After sitting through a 2hr movie, using the restrooms is always a good idea. If you are male and you go to the male convenience, please go there with some money. You will be welcome by about four cleaners who will hail you as if you are their long lost brother. They will sing your praises while you pee. They will be ready to help with the soap when you want to wash your hands. These otherwise personal acts will be rudely interrupted by these tax collectors and all through their praise-singing, there would be an underlined firmness to their request. Ignore them at your own peril. While cases of physical assaults have not been reported to us, it is just smarter to give the boys something. DO NOT TOAST, UNLESS… – Unless you see a certified birth certificate or a sworn affidavit, do not toast any female within the walls of Silverbird or Genesis Deluxe. Looks are very deceptive and I guess you do not really want to ask your 13 year old niece’s friend out. Forget that they look developed and ready; they are kids! On the other hand, do not be deceived by the body-hugging clothes, tight jeans and flimsy tops; things are going south beneath them. So, unless you like being handled by a young-babe-wannabe cougar, you are advised to demand for certification 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M2DD Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chishlom Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missmart Posted October 22, 2013 Share Posted October 22, 2013 Hahaha...thats cool. More gist girl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
channel Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 Lmao! Nigerians! We are always diFferent.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators FlyJ Posted October 27, 2013 Author Administrators Share Posted October 27, 2013 I tell you...lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghrayz Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 Lmao... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milaz Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Haha. Ths is hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovebird Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Lols!!very funny.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daftpunk Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 These sideshows actually make a movie more interesting (sometimes). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skills Posted May 14, 2014 Share Posted May 14, 2014 Really? Amala?banga soup? LMAO! ...dat commentary part ehn?, i sometimes wanna use my eyes 2 strangle the commentator,even if the cinema is dark..sooo infuriating!., %-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted March 18, 2016 Share Posted March 18, 2016 Hahahahahahaha!!!! This is so so funny!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators FlyJ Posted March 18, 2016 Author Administrators Share Posted March 18, 2016 Lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princesa Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Lmao cnt stop laffing, nice 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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