Jump to content
Volunteer with Us at Naijalez: Empowering Nigerian Lesbian Community ×
Nigerian Lesbian Forum

jokes


dreamgal

Recommended Posts

Two Lesbians

Two lesbians turn in for the night. One lesbian turns to the other and says. "I want to be frank with you."The other lesbian says "I thought it was my turn to be Frank."

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Halloween

Nothing relating to Halloween scares me. What scares me is when I use and flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Pet names

I once met an older lesbian couple at a lesbian conference, they are in say..their 60's. What caught my attention was their seeming "togetherness" and haven learnt they've been together for many years. They called each other so fondly with endearments like "my darling', 'sweetness', 'Nkem' etc. I was really amazed and sought to find time with one of the couple to find out the secret to their relationship.

Me: Madam I honestly admire you and your wife, the way you call her pet names 'Nkem, my darling etc, what's the secret of your tue love?"

Older lesbian: shh, (looks behind over her shoulder like a petty thief) truth is I forgot her name 20 years ago but she doesn't know and I dunno (shrugs), so I call her those names. its easier that way

Me: SMH

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate was.

 

She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.

 

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye.

 

Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

 

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

 

Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

 

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

 

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now." "Love - Mum"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A 7-year old girl calmly confessed to her parents that Billy Brown kissed her after class.

"How did that happen?" Gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy" admitted the young lady, "three girls helped me catch him and hold him down"

Lmfao

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.

 

She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.

 

We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, “What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!

 

Na so I shout “Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!”

 

Yekpa!!!

This one never grows old. Lmao.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Administrators

Father-In-Law : Young man, U’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum.That’s a sign of disrespect! .

 

Man : Sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke. .

 

Father-In-Law : You mean u drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage? .

 

Man : Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to the club.

 

Father-In-Law : U club too? .

 

Man : I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of prison.

 

Father-In-Law : U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my God! .

 

Man : Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody!!. .

 

Father-In-Law : What!!! U’re a killer??? .

 

Man : Sir, It happened out of anger. It was a certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his daughter so I killed him. .

 

Father-In-Law : U are highly welcome my son. U are on the right track. U’re absolutely the right Man for my daughter. Do you need money to buy the engagement ring and the other things?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

We've both been learning how to swim. I swim well but to encourage her, I take the classes with her. She is water phobic. So I hired 'Pablo', a professional swim coach to teach us. Slowly we are both learning. Too many girls at the pool. Then I'm thinking;

If slim girls playing at the pool, is called skinny dipping, fat girls doing same would then be called chunky dumping?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate was.

 

She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.

 

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye.

 

Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

 

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

 

Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

 

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

 

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now." "Love - Mum"

. hahhahhahaha busted!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Heather's roommate was.

 

She had long been suspicious of Heather's sexuality and this only made her more curious.

 

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye.

 

Reading her mom's thoughts, Heather volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates."

 

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

 

Heather said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

 

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

 

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Suzy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now." "Love - Mum"

. hahhahhahaha busted!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
On 27/11/2013 at 2:00 PM, dreamgal said:

DIFFERENCE BTW A FOREIGN ADVICE AND A

NIGERIA ADVICE !

Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I'm from Uk, i

love my husband so much and i do anything

to please

him on bed.. i even suck his d**ck too but he

has refused to suck mine.. pls advice me how

to tell him to go down on me cos i really want

my Kitty-Cat juice sucked.

Comments

* James silva : I think u need to talk to him,

marriage is communication.

* Sarah water : Oh my dear,sorry abt that.. ve

bin in ur shoes before .. i told him right away

when we were aving sex and he is an expert

in it

* Micheal paper : I get downwt my wife, its

cool i love doing it.. u shud talk to ur husband.

NIGERIAN PAGE !

My name is Aminat, i stay in Abuja, married

wta kid, my husband have refused to suck my

p***y,

what shud i do.. No insults abeg

COMMENTS

* Dayo muyiwa : Fool, sex na food?

* Nkiru joy : Yu are a disgrace to

womanhood..sham e on u

* Idris kunle : Any news abt Assu strike?

* Toheeb sule : If u want i can suck for u call

my no 0708312455

* Funmi Leye: I no blame u at all better go

findsomtn do wt ur life, suck koor, soakaway

nii

* Richard oke : Abeg who get bb charger

* Amaka Achebe : U r a prostitute, u need

deliverance!

 

😂😂😂😂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 23/10/2015 at 4:35 AM, FlyJ said:

An Inspector from the Ministry Of Agriculture came to my grandfather's farm and talked with my old farmer grandpa.

 

"I'm here to inspect your farm." He said.

 

My old farmer grandpa said, "You better not go into that field."

 

The Inspector said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the Nigerian Government with me. See my I.D card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

 

So my old farmer grandpa went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Ministry of Agriculture Inspector running to the fence and chasing after him was my old farmer grandpa's cow. The cow was very crazy and the cow was catching up with him.

 

My old farmer grandpa called out, "Show him your I.D card!"

Oh lord! 😅😅😅

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 27/11/2013 at 7:00 AM, dreamgal said:

DIFFERENCE BTW A FOREIGN ADVICE AND A

NIGERIA ADVICE !

Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I'm from Uk, i

love my husband so much and i do anything

to please

him on bed.. i even suck his d**ck too but he

has refused to suck mine.. pls advice me how

to tell him to go down on me cos i really want

my Kitty-Cat juice sucked.

Comments

* James silva : I think u need to talk to him,

marriage is communication.

* Sarah water : Oh my dear,sorry abt that.. ve

bin in ur shoes before .. i told him right away

when we were aving sex and he is an expert

in it

* Micheal paper : I get downwt my wife, its

cool i love doing it.. u shud talk to ur husband.

NIGERIAN PAGE !

My name is Aminat, i stay in Abuja, married

wta kid, my husband have refused to suck my

p***y,

what shud i do.. No insults abeg

COMMENTS

* Dayo muyiwa : Fool, sex na food?

* Nkiru joy : Yu are a disgrace to

womanhood..sham e on u

* Idris kunle : Any news abt Assu strike?

* Toheeb sule : If u want i can suck for u call

my no 0708312455

* Funmi Leye: I no blame u at all better go

findsomtn do wt ur life, suck koor, soakaway

nii

* Richard oke : Abeg who get bb charger

* Amaka Achebe : U r a prostitute, u need

deliverance!

Aswear naija no dey carry last! 😂

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 28/11/2013 at 10:16 AM, FlyJ said:

A Governor was in the church for thanksgiving. The topic of the sermon was “repentance”

After the sermon, Pastor Akpos asked the congregation ‘if anybody wants 2 give ur life 2 God lift your hand let me pray for you’.

Nobody responded after about three calls.

The Governor mounted the alter and made a statement: “If you want to give your life to God please lift up your hands let Pastor Akpos pray for you because we want to have good citizens in this state”.

A young guy lifted up his hands reluctantly, and the governor asked his personal assistant to give the guy $20,000.

The governor repeated the same statement again, and this time around everybody’s hand was up…

The Governor turned to Pastor Akpos to pray 4 them only to realise to his greatest surprise that Pastor’s Akpos hand was also up…..

Hahahaha! God! Who is praying for whom!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 28/11/2013 at 10:18 AM, FlyJ said:

I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.

 

She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.

 

We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, “What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!

 

Na so I shout “Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!”

 

Yekpa!!!

Hehehei nah to just go home and die remain.. what the heck!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 24/02/2014 at 11:34 AM, FlyJ said:

Armed robber: I will molest all of u!

Girls (crying): molest us but please leave our

grandma out of it!

Grandma (shouting): Leave who out?:

,

do u no when my husband died? Pls molest

all

of u

😂😂

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

The way people die on radio 😟 during a radio program is so alarming😥

You will just hear, Hello! hello! Oh we lost him! Lol

We lost that call...” 
not the callER, lovely brethren of the radio land. Ndi OAP😂

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Copied

 

20K For Old School Reunion? For This Buhari Regime? My Brothers And Sisters Forget It We  Will All Meet In Heaven😆

All these ushers in the church, they act like they're the biological children of God ..and the rest of us were just adopted 😒

Mum: oya go and wash that fish I bought
Me: WTF
mum: ehn... what is WTF?
Me: Wey The Fish😂😂

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
6 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

Mum: oya go and wash that fish I bought
Me: WTF
mum: ehn... what is WTF?
Me: Wey The Fish😂😂

Hahahahahaha. Hilarious!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...