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I knew where I had to go next but first, I finished my blunt and washed my knife. I waited for the guilt they always said would follow when you killed your first person, but there was none. Somehow, I just knew that this wouldn't be my last. I went to his fridge and poured myself a healthy sum of brandy. He always was a sucker for brandy, pity he wouldn't ever drink or breath or even use his d**ck again. I spied on his dead body and waited for the remorse but still nothing. I ransacked his wardrobe and pulled on one of his T-shirt, well he wouldn't be needing it now. I chuckled deep in my stomach and imagined if this was how monsters were made! It didn't take long for me to find the house. I had grown up here, even though it had been a terrible childhood. Still, this had been my childhood home. Maybe it was the adrenaline, I just knew that I was now too bad to use the door, so I jumped into her room through the window. She wasn't in the room, so she was definitely at the balcony rolling a couple of blunts to pass the night. Like mother like daughter. Ha! Ha! Ha! I sat on her bed, waiting. I knew she would come in when she was done, and she would sit at that corner, in her favorite chair, smoking and listening to reggae songs from her old radio. She wouldn't change on me now would she? She hadn't changed obviously, ten minutes later, she entered the room, turned on her radio and sat in her chair. She picked up one well wrapped blunt and lit it, she took about three pulls as I watched on, at lost of what to do next. "So they let you out, or you escaped again as usual?" She asked as she relaxed on her swing chair, pulling and puffing, totally ignoring me. I was shocked out of my reverie, it was so like my mother to know I was there all this while. "Hello mother" I said, returning her calm tone. "Why wouldn't you just accept help? They could have cured you!" "Cure me from what mother? Who ever have I killed? Why did you do it? Why did you pay uncle to start raping me at thirteen? What kind of a mother are you?" She stood up just then and smacked me hard across the face. It hurt as hell and my eyes watered. "What did you expect? That I would welcome your savagery and unnatural acts with outstretched arms? What kind of a daughter are you?" "I am what I am mother, I didn't chose this life, I never did anything to hurt anyone and don't tell me about nature, you know nothing about mother nature!" "You would have hurt our reputation, you stupid little bitch!" "We have a reputation? Yes we do, you are the junkie whore who married a man that loved her to death" "Don't you dare!! I did what I had to do" "I killed him, I slit his throat, my uncle," She laughed loudly and continued with her blunt. "I do not have any f***ks to give. He had a simple job, I paid the bastard but alas he failed. I heard you still go about looking for p**sy to eat. I rue the day I bore you!" I always knew she never loved me, but hearing her say this hurt me morethan I could have imagined. "I doubt that you really are my mother" "Oh how I wish I wasn't, sadly I got married as expected, I never wanted children but society never would have forgiven me. I should have followed my instincts, luckily I didn't bother having more. You self centered bitch, how hard is it to just find a man and get married to him? What did you think? You naive stupid girl, you thought you would meet a nice girl, get married, settle down and life would just be rainbows and sunshine? News flash! Nobody is happy, no marriage is happy, no perfect ending, we all end up f***ked, so why not get f***ked doing the seemingly right thing?" "I am not like you, I cannot get pressured into doing something I believe is wrong" "Now you think you are better than me? We are nothing alike, unlike you I care about family" " Oh shut up mother! Your f***king idea of care is paying someone to rape your young daughter, you need rehabilitation more than I do. My daddy wouldn't ever have allowed this, it's a pity the good ones die early" "Simple reason why I smothered him in his sleep. He was a weakling, always has been. He actually wanted us to accept you the way you were! All those books he read must have really affected him in the head" I started to shake where I stood. My mother was really the worst of them. Had she just casually accepted that she had killed my father? God! Who was she?? "You witch!" I screamed as I started to reach for my knife but she was faster and she smacked me again and my lip broke again for a third time today. I released my knife and smacked her back. She fell backwards and landed on her butt. "I should have aborted you as a foetus, I should have killed you in your crib. You have brought nothing but shame and disgrace to me. It is never too late" She was on her feet before I could react and I finally pulled out my knife as she raised her bed, picked her pistol and cocked the gun. She laughed hysterically. "You always tried to take your own life, I am so nice that I don't mind helping you. Finally you get to end your sad miserable life. And just so you know, your uncle and I were lovers." "You wouldn't really kill your only child, would you? I am the last family you have" "Stop trying to make me feel guilty, I know what you came here to do, and now you cry foul because I beat you to it?" I looked around me quickly as I tried to find shield but nothing. She fired the first shot and it hit my shoulder. I fell with the impact and i knew that shot had destabilized her, she was trying to recover and cock the gun again when I acted fast. I rushed into her and we both fell to the ground in a mass of tangled limbs and blood. The gun slid to the floor and clattered away from us. I sat astride her and reached for her neck the same time she reached for mine. She started to choke the life out of me. I felt my lungs closing in but I didn't relent as I tried to choke her back. I was young and strong and soon she grew tired and her hands went lax. I jumped off her and bolted for the gun. I grabbed it and stood opposite her, watching as she struggled to stand. She rubbed her throat and I could see the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. "We can get past this, I am ready to give you a second chance" She said weekly as she made to come closer to me. "Don't you move another inch, it's too late" "It's never too late to make amends baby, we can start again and get to know each other" "All I ever needed was your love and acceptance, why should I trust that you are ready to give that now?" "Because I am your mother and there is a bond that can never be broken between us" "Really mother?" "Really. Come here." I lowered the gun as I started to sob, heart wrenching deep sobs. I walked toward my mother's outstretched arms. Never in my life had she hugged me. She held me tight and it felt like heaven, she smelt of Jasmine and roses and she was all soft. My mother. I pulled the trigger quickly, twice in succession. My gun had been pressed to her stomach all these while and I felt her blood spill into me. The knife she had been holding clattered to the floor but I still didn't release her limp body. I held her for a while more till I felt that it was enough. I kissed her forehead and released her, and her lifeless body landed on the floor. I didn't look at her again as I stepped over her to her chair. I sat there, listening to her radio, smoking her blunt. When I was done, I changed my shirt once more to that of my mother's and wrapped my bloodied arm in my old shirt. I lit another blunt and walked around the house, gathering my father's personal effects. When I was done, I poured fuel round the house, lit a match to the house and left without ever looking back...........