Search the Community

Queen Sugar and True Blood star Rutina Wesley, who plays queer on both series, has been increasingly more open about her relationship with a New Orleans-based chef whose Instagram handle is Chef Shonda. While Wesley has been sharing photos of the pair on her Instagram account for just over a week, this weekend she posted a gallery of the two of them appearing happily in love and engaged. The first photo Wesley posted was of the two of them at a Queen Sugar finale event and then another one a few days later of the duo smiling in a car with the caption, “#FromTheInsideOut You are the sunshine of my life...” This weekend the actress, who’s also appeared on Hannibal and Arrow, posted an affirmational quote followed by a gallery that ends with a picture of an engagement ring presumably on her finger. Despite the lovely photos of the two of them, including one of Wesley gently kissing Chef Shonda’s cheek, it’s the caption Wesley wrote for the gallery that is most telling. She referred to Chef Shonda as “light of my life,” “fire of my loins,” “my sin,” and “my soul.” She added the hashtags “Always more, never less. I said yes,” “I was looking at her and found my joy,” “She feeds my soul,” and “I love you more than words.” Wesley was married to actor Jacob Fishel from 2005 to 2013. Source

Nigerian police have arrested Ralph Duro, the president of an all-male group at the University of Ado Ekiti, who apparently faces homosexuality charges stemming from an anti-gay police undercover operation. Earlier in the anti-gay police operation, in May 2016 in the Adebayo area of Ado Ekiti, police arrested two young men [Salami O. and Olu Deji] suspected to be gay. They were identified as members of an exclusive men’s group at the University of Ado Ekiti. At first, they denied accusations of homosexuality that were leveled against them, saying that it was a setup. Allegedly they both were tortured by police to force them to confess. They were also confronted with evidence from an undercover officer (name withheld) who had joined the group, pretending to be gay. At that point, the pair stopped denying the allegations. In their confessions, they admitted having belonged to an all-male secret group through which they met men who gave them money in exchange for sex. They also named a sponsor of the group, Victor Osanyintuyi, who is now at large, and at least six group members, including Ralph Duro. He was arrested on the 21st of October at his home off campus. He was allegedly forced to provide further details of the group’s sponsors, activities and membership, including Akin Olushola, Bashir Apkon, Victor Sunday, Femi Ola and Prof. Segun Benson. Nigerian law provides prison sentences of up to 10 years for a “public show of same-sex amorous relationship” and for belonging to any “gay organization.” Source

Assistant Commissioner of Police and Head of the Public Complaint Rapid Response Unit (PCRRU) at the Force headquarters, Abuja - Abayomi Shogunle shared tweets this morning advising Nigerian men not to marry women whose mothers were the sole decision-maker of their home. He also adviced Women not to marry men whose fathers were irresponsible. Ladies, do you agree? Source

Would you make out with or pass?

It has long been the subject of speculation but in this interview with Dele Momodu, former Cross Rivers state governor, Donald Duke has definitively expressed his desire to run for president on the platform of the PDP. He is of the opinion that zoning should be discarded. He also stated that PDP has a good chance to unseat APC in the next election if they put their house in order and get their strategy right. Read excerpts below. DELE: Will you run the Presidential race? DUKE: "Dele, do you want to hear the truth? I seriously want to run but my party, PDP, would have to decide on many things… Our party is well-positioned to win the next election if we can change our style a bit and beat APC at its own game. We must take advantage and benefit from our experience since 1999. Despite our apparent mistakes, Nigerians can now compare and contrast us with APC. What do we need to win the next elections? We must go to the field with our best candidates. We must learn from how we select our footballers. No one cares where you come from. Can you play well? Pronto. We must show clearly that we are more democratic. Zoning is good, but it has not worked well in Nigeria. The time has come to unleash the best brains from every part of Nigeria. We must galvanise our youths. They will never follow or support us if we can’t show how we are different and far better than APC." The ex-governor promises a permanent turn around in the country's fortunes and a new era if elected. He said: "If I can get the ticket of my Party, I’m certain that with the support of our members and the youths of Nigeria yearning for urgent restoration of hope, we shall defeat APC. I’m certain Nigerians are anxiously waiting for a leader with proven record of vigour and excellence. They will come out en masse to vote if they see such a candidate. And I promise to join hands with my Party to free Nigeria permanently from recession, oppression and depression. We know what to do to unlock the potentials of our vibrant youths and we possess the most important gift of all, the trust in our ability to take development to every part of our great country and attract our most fertile minds back home from all over the world. Our international friends are also waiting to support the right leadership when they see one. It would be the dawn of a new era in Nigeria." Source

A Republican lawmaker from Ohio, known for his strong anti-LGBT views, has resigned after he was allegedly caught having unnatural sex with a man inside his office. Wesley Goodman, who is married to a woman, Bethany, has been constantly identifying himself as a “conservative Christian and has stated multiple times that he believes in a “natural marriage” between a man and a woman. Goodman gave in his resignation on Wednesday. Republican House Speaker Clifford Rosenberger in a statement said that he has learnt that Goodman was involved in “inappropriate behaviour related to his state office.” “I met with him later in the day where he acknowledged and confirmed the allegations,” Rosenberger’s statement added. Goodman’s Twitter profile has now been made private, his Facebook page deactivated and his official campaign website, that read “Healthy, vibrant, thriving, values-driven families are the source of Ohio's proud history and the key to Ohio's future greatness” has been taken down. A journalist on Twitter has on Saturday claimed that Goodman “begged him to have sex with him and/or his wife on several occasions while I went to school in Ohio.” Goodman has been a part of the Conservative Action Project, an organization made up of economic, social and national security conservatives.

Kenny Badmus shares story of the Nigerian man he met at the gym yesterday. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. I knew he was Nigerian and a Yoruba man because he pronounced 'eat' as 'heat,' and 'walk' as 'work.' Just the way I speak. His body stretched out of a trunk of pure muscles rooted in black power. When he walked, he carried himself with measured chaos as though he was holding a basketball between his thighs. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. Though I never spoke to him, I eavesdropped on his phone call and heard he called someone my baby girl. "Baby girl," he said, "Tell Junior, daddy loves him. I'm still at the office, and I doubt I will come home tonight." When he got off the call, his brows broke a sweat as he balanced his shoulders under the squat bar. He scanned me with his large brown eyes; I clutched a dumbbell with a fist of disbelief and awe. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. He tied a white towel around his tapered waist as he shuffled around in the locker room looking for something. I looked around, and there's only one other person at the gym. The other person smiled and walked away from the Nigerian man and me. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. He was biting his nails as he approached the shower. When he turned and saw me looking at him, he widened his eyes, straightened his lips and stared at me longer than I could bear. I saw a Nigerian man at my fitness center tonight. He lingered on in the shower stall and scrubbed his body endlessly. By 11:25 PM, I dried my body, poured some cocoa butter on my skin, laced my Adidas and walked away as fast as I could. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. I couldn't walk away from him. On my way out, the detective in me took over my dark soul and ordered me to go back. I climbed back the stairs and tiptoed to the shower holding my breath. I saw a married Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. He knelt down in the shower stall sucking another man's dick. If you are his baby girl, quit trying to change him into a man you want him to be. This man has taken a knee, and the game is over. I saw a Nigerian man at the fitness center tonight. Lord, I'm on my knees right now praying that he has the courage to tell his baby girl what keeps him back at work this late. I pray dear Lord that he quits filling his emptiness with sex and that he embraces who he is because I used to be that guy who told my wife I was working late tonight.

Although Nigeria prohibits same-sex marriage and threatens same-gender-loving people with 14 years in prison, two courageous Nigerian queer women have launched “Pride Diaries,” a new podcast exploring issues that affect the lives of LGBT Nigerians. The two anonymous Nigerians launched the podcast this past June during LGBT Pride month. In an online chat, one of them told NoString that the idea for the podcast was inspired by their own personal experiences as they talked casually about queer issues: “I was sitting with a few queer friends one afternoon and we were talking about our relationships. Somehow the conversation went to how we discovered our queerness. Everyone had an interesting story and I just thought how could we share these stories. That’s how the podcast idea came. We wanted to tell people our stories, to let them know we are human too, with normal lives.” The first episode, titled “Love is Love,” made its debut on June 27. Episodes of the podcast are put together using recorded voice-notes from participants who share their personal experiences on issues ranging from homophobia to coming out and from religion to sexuality. This is another opportunity for people to learn about what it truly means to be gay, countering the lies and sensationalism about homosexuality that often appears in mainstream media. To listen to previous episodes of the “Pride Diaries” podcasts, visit https://soundcloud.com/thepridediaries or find them on Twitter at https://twitter.com/thepridediaries. Source

If you ever stopped coming back to NL, what do you imagine the reason would be? What would make you stop participating on here?

Surrounded by symbols, donning his signature cap and spectacles, Chinua Achebe is pictured in front of a green banner decorated with icons of his most famous literary works in Thursday’s Google Doodle. The illustration honors the legacy of the renowned Nigerian writer on what would be his 87th birthday. Widely regarded as the father of modern African literature, Achebe was an illustrious author whose work sought to reclaim Africa’s literary voice from Western control. Achebe rose to international prominence when he published Things Fall Apart at 28 years-old. Based on his own family heritage and upbringing, the story recounts the demise of an Ibo man in southeastern Nigeria under the oppression of 19th century British colonial rule. The book is now a classic and required reading for students, selling more than 20 million copies and translated into 57 different languages. “In the end, I began to understand,” Achebe once wrote. “There is such a thing as absolute power over narrative. Those who secure this privilege for themselves can arrange stories about others pretty much where, and as, they like.” Achebe went on to publish several more works — ultimately winning the Man Booker Prize in 2007 — and then later became a professor at Bard College and Brown University. In 1990, a car accident in Nigeria paralyzed Achebe from the waist down. The writer passed away from illness nearly five years ago. Source

Telenovela sitcom, Jane the Virgin, is making waves for its casual inclusion of a bisexual character. In the recent episode, entitled ‘Jane the Heteronormative,’ Jane discovers that her new partner Adam has dated men in the past. Jane, played by Gina Rodriguez, spends a lot of the episode coming to terms with Adam’s sexuality. Rodriguez recently said that she is 'more bisexual' than the character she plays, saying that she loves people for their hearts. Jane the Virgin showrunner, Jennie Snyder Urman spoke to Variety about including a bisexual character: “I feel like you see a lot of bisexual women on TV because men think it’s sexy when women make out. We felt like we hadn’t had a romantic hero who’s also bisexual.” She continued: “[Jane] had to confront what that meant and ask questions — and feel safe enough to ask questions because sometimes you feel like your questions are silly and you should know better, but ask them!” Adam is played by former Teen Wolf star Tyler Posey, who made headlines last year for pretending to come out as gay on snapchat Fans of the show took to Twitter to express their excitement at the bisexual representation. Many people have said that bisexual representation and visibility is one of the most important struggles that the LGBT+ community faces in the 21st century. Watch the moment Jane realises Adam is bisexual below:

In our country that is steeped in homophobia, do you ladies ever wish to be straight and do you think that your lives would be happier, easier, more fufilling and generally better if you were straight?

Lesbians who like penetration may want to try a dildo for strap-on sex. Here are some tips for great sex with a dildo or strap-on: 1. Find the right dildo. Here are some tips for buying the right dildo for your needs. 2. Get used to your new toy. Put on your harness and dildo and get used to how it feels before jumping right into bed with your partner. Have her help you into the harness. The tighter it is, the more control you will have and the more sensation you will feel. 3. Don't forget foreplay. Kiss her. Touch her. Get her excited and turned on before you penetrate. 4. Put a condom on your dildo and use plenty of lube, even if she seems lubricated. Slippery and wet is much more enjoyable. 5. Go slow and easy the first time. Angle your dildo upwards, not back toward her spine. Let your partner guide you in how fast, slow, deep, rough or easy you go. 6. Try different positions. Old fashioned missionary position allows for face to face intimacy. Doggy-style allows you to penetrate further inside her. 7. Use your hands. Remember the foreplay? Keep at it, caressing her where she likes it most. 8. Mix it up. Experiment with oral sex. Watching their lover go down on a dildo is a big turn on for many dykes. If you want to experiment with anal penetration, take it slow and easy and use lots of lube. Remember to change condoms any time you change orifices. 9. Communication is key. As with any sex, talking about what you like, don't like, what you want, what feels good is very important. Listen and pay attention to her body language. Ask her if it feels good. Does she want it deeper, faster, and slower? 10. Remember if you share any sex toy, to change the condom! Source

Ladies, will you make out with or pass?

A Los Angeles woman was assaulted late last month at a local fast food restaurant, ABC 7 reports. Police are treating the incident as a hate crime. Sabrina Hooks, 26, says a group of five men and women attacked her and her girlfriend, Morgan, in a downtown Jack in the Box. “They said, you know, I’m a dyke and I’m gay and I had to keep my ’hoe in check’ and just for no reason,” Hooks recalls. Hooks says the verbal attack escalated into physical violence after she tried to defend her girlfriend from the abuse. She was repeatedly punched and kicked in the head. “It was like a horror movie, except I wasn’t watching it… I was in it,” Hooks tells Fox 11. “It’s not even about my sexuality, it’s about human decency.” Hooks, whose face was left swollen from the beating, was hospitalized with serious injuries. Her front tooth was knocked out and there is possible permanent damage to her left eye. “Looking at her makes me want to cry every single time I look at her,” says Morgan, who adds that no one at the Jack in the Box came to their aid. “To just assume that two guys can seriously put their hands on a female, it’s shocking.” “For it to get violent and, like I said, no one helped, that’s just what really stunned me and it still hurts,” Hooks continues. “It makes me fear just to walk down the street.” The LAPD is currently following up on leads and studying video surveillance footage from the scene to help track down the suspects. “Just a little justice would be nice,” Hooks says. “Just so the next person doesn’t have to worry like I do.” Source

Dr Jen Gunter made news headlines when she went toe to toe with actress Gwyneth Paltrow to counter her claims that Vagina steaming is good for women. Now, Dr Dunter is in the news again. This time, she's warning women who resort to buying harmful products just to give their lady parts artificial odours. She said vaginas are naturally meant to have an odour. She hit out at (wo)men who complain about the natural smell of their partner's genitals and said it is a "form of abuse". Writing in her latest blog newsletter, the Canadian gynecologist revealed she once dumped a (girl)friend for complaining about the smell of her genitals. She told women not to feel ashamed of their natural smell, instead, they should do away with any (wo)man who tries to make them do so. She went on to say that using beauty products to make the vagina smell better upsets the vagina's natural pH balance and leave women at a greater risk of infections like gonorrhoea and even HIV. Gunter wrote in her blog: "I once dated a guy who insinuated my vagina did not smell right. He was an a** in other ways too. For example, he thought my hair would be better if it were straight. Sadly I took the bait, it wasn't. He thought I would look better if I dressed a certain way. Again I took the bait. I just felt worse. When it came around to telling me how my vagina could be better it finally clicked that this is a form of control that men often use. Fortunately I am an appropriately confident vagina expert and I had a light bulb moment and dumped his sorry a**." The 50-year-old vagina expert has been an OB-GYN (Obstetrician and gynecologist) for years and was troubled by the diet and health tips she saw on magazines and blogs which were untrue and harmful to women who chose to adopt those practices. She began her own blog to dismantle those claims. "I see the consequences of women doing harmful things they read about online,” Gunter said. earlier in the year when she attacked Paltrow for the unverified health information she shares on her wellness website, Goop. "It breaks my heart when I hear people tell me about all the useless therapies they’ve wasted their money on." Dr Gunter went on in her recent blog post to urge women to not fall into the same trap she fell into when she believed her boyfriend who told her to change things about herself. She wrote: "I realize this may border on TMI (too much information), but honestly if it happened to me I bet it has happened to other women. The continued proliferation of the what will they insert next, the products on drug store shelves, and the interest in these posts tells me that I'm probably right." She, however, warned women that certain kind of odour might indicate a health problem. She said: "A vagina takes care of itself. Like a self cleaning oven. The vagina needs no cleaning and the vulva needs very little. However, a strong vaginal odor – for instance, a 'fishy' smell – might be abnormal and could indicate a problem. "If you think you have a medical condition, see a doctor. If your partner insinuates that an artificial smell is preferable to the smell of a normal vagina they are the one who has an issue. Telling women how they can be better is a classic way of tapping into body image issues and honestly in my personal opinion it is a form of abuse." Dr Gunter has previously stressed that women should be aware that douches are unnecessary – and even dangerous – as our intimate areas are designed to clean themselves. She once tweeted: "A vagina takes care of itself. Like a self cleaning oven." In her recent post she wrote: "For what I am sure is the 100th time the vagina needs no cleaning and the vulva needs very little. I know the array of useless feminine washes and wipes at the drugstore and the drivel spouted by Gwyneth Paltrow via Goop imply otherwise, but I'm the actual expert." Dr Gunter has a strong opinion on the recent trends for women cleaning their vaginas with cucumbers and Vicks' Vaporub. She recently warned about the dangers of carrying out a 'vagina facial' using a cucumber. Experts at the renowned Mayo Clinic echo Dr Gunter's warning and say on its website that "it's normal for your vagina to have a slight odor". It says that vaginal odor may vary throughout the menstrual cycle and may be especially noticeable right after having sex. Normal sweating also can cause a vaginal smell. Source

Since the dam finally burst about Harvey Weinstein’s decades of serial sexual harassment and abuse of women in Hollywood, the #MeToo movement of people coming forward with their stories of surviving harassment has taken off and dozens of predatory men across industries have been exposed, many have lost their jobs, and some are under investigation. In a tweet on Thursday afternoon, actress Portia de Rossi (Scandal) — famously married to Ellen DeGeneres — added her name to the growing list of women who’ve come forward about harassment. Plenty of high-profile actresses, including Ashley Judd, Angelina Jolie, Lupita Nyong’o, Daryl Hannah, Rose McGowan, Lena Headey, and Rachel McAdams, have spoken out about abuse at the hands of male Hollywood power players like Weinstein, James Toback, and Brett Ratner, although the list of the accused in Hollywood and the media currently stands at more than 30 men. Male survivors of assault have also come forward. Nearly two weeks ago Kevin Spacey’s house of cards came crumbling down when actor Anthony Rapp alleged that a 26-year-old Spacey sexually abused him when he was just 14. To deflect from the story that he preyed on a teen boy, Spacey took the scandal as an opportunity to come out, but his strategy backfired and he’s been roundly castigated for it. Since then, more than a dozen accusers have come forward and Spacey has been fired from the hit Netflix series House of Cards. De Rossi’s tweet is not the first time Seagal’s been accused of sexual harassment. His former assistant Kayden Nguyen sued the action star for sexual harassment and human trafficking in 2010. While it seems certain that there's more to come regarding de Rossi’s allegations about Seagal, her tweet highlights a systemic problem with power players in the industry, who protect and help each other. Source

A woman has opened up about how it is to be a lesbian and Muslim. Zayna, 40, spoke to the Manchester Evening News to say she had been beaten, threatened and humiliated because she is gay. She did not deny her true identity despite the abuse she had received before moving from Pakistan to the UK. While studying for her PhD, Zayna said she was kicked out of university because fellow students said they thought she was “dangerous”. At an Islamic school, she said she was forced by fellow staff to leave or face police action. She had started a relationship with a fellow teacher. But staff said they would be reported to police as prostitutes if they did not end their relationship and leave. Of an incident where her father abused her for spending time with another teenager, she said: “My father came upstairs and wanted to kill me and beat me like anything. “He told me how to behave. That was the first time I felt unsafe in my own home. “I still have that horrible pain in my lower back and can’t walk properly.” The graduate says she is still a practising Muslim and that her sexuality and her religion are both important to her. She said: “I was born a Muslim and I want to die a Muslim. But if someone wants to kill me then why? Just because I’m a lesbian? “I am a strong brave person but so many people like me don’t have that courage. I realised I need to come out and tell everyone about my story.” She now lives in Manchester, UK, and speaks out on behalf of LGBT+ Muslims. Zayna grew up in Karachi, Pakistan, and her parents were conservative Muslims with no other children. Her parents are both dead. She describes herself as a tomboy, and says she realised she is gay when she turned 13. Zayna says it was “very hard” and that she was told “you are not Muslim if you are a lesbian”. Going on, she also says she thinks the Quran’s message about homosexuality has been misinterpreted. She now says she feels calm because she is able to have relationships without fear of persecution. Source

A homophobic preacher has hit out at gay and bi clergy members, saying they are a “contamination in churches”. Bishop Brian Tamaki of the New Zealand-based Destiny Church, has become well known for his anti-gay rhetoric. He had previously claimed that recent earthquakes in the Kaikoura area were due to homosexuality. Discussing homosexuality, he said that he “convulses under the weight of certain human sin”. Even members of the church were outraged at the comments, with some joining the LGBT protestors in their spirited protest. But that didn’t stop him and in his latest rant, he has attacked gay, lesbian and bi members of the clergy as a “contamination”. The bishop made the comments speaking to his congregation on Sunday. A video was posted by his wife Hannah Tamaki, in which he refers to gay clergy as “contamination”. In the video he says: “… You’ve got to understand that there’s been such a breakdown and contamination in churches and in denominations it’s gone beyond a joke. “Churches are so unguarded and [have] so lost their way that now you can have lesbian ministers… and gay… “You might be saying ‘yay’ and clapping, but I’m not clapping with you – and neither is God,” he adds. Tamaki was previously confronted by a protest of drag queens at his church. Bishop Brian Tamaki’s Destiny Church in New Zealand faced a “drag queen disco” protest. The queens sang YMCA outside the church and flew rainbow banners to protest comments made by the bishop. Event organiser Wayne Baker told the NZHerald that the LGBT community “wasn’t going to tolerate hatred”. “It went really well. “We had a lot of toots of support from the public and cheering and waving. “It just goes to show the views of Brian Tamaki are the views of Brian Tamaki.” The event’s organiser said they received a backlash on their Facebook event page, where some commenters defended Biship Tamaki by saying “he has gay friends”. “Someone said we were sexualising the event because of the drag. “All we want to do is raise awareness, to show the LGBT community won’t tolerate this sort of behaviour.” Source

It’s one thing to glo up physically – to go from an awkward teenager to your beautiful, flawless adult self. It’s a whole other glorious miracle to glo up when it comes to your sexuality. And a wonderful new lesbian hashtag is commemorating that transformation. It’s simple: one picture of you with your pre-coming out boyfriend, and one of the much happier you with your current girlfriend. All the denial, struggle and eventual realisations – summed up neatly in two photos. #GayGloUp all came about as a beautiful response to a side-by-side comparison from Caitlin Crowley, who asked her followers: “Freshman to senior year, does this count as a glo up???” Because people are amazing, she didn’t just get confirmation that this was the best glo up ever. She also got beautiful responses from other girls who had grown into their sexualities. Definitely an improvement. I mean, just look how happy she looks in the second photo. Beaming! Looks like the wait was worth it, at least. And it turns out that it wasn’t just the girls in these photos who eventually figured out they were gay. And is that – yep, it’s two halves of one gorgeous lesbian relationship. In 2017, we’ve appreciated the delights of #BiTwitter and #PanTwitter, an outpouring of joy, love and hilarious reminders that pansexual doesn’t mean an attraction to kitchenware. There was also #BlackGaySlay, the beautiful queer celebration of Black History Month. And #LGBTbabes saw photos come in from celebrities and fans alike, with LGBT youth climbing on board with all your favourite out famous people. Let’s also not forget the glorious day of #itsthelgbt, the hashtag which said: “We’re here, we’re proud, and we look amazing, dammit.” And because we can’t just have nice things as a species, June brought us the horror of #HeterosexualPrideDay, a hashtag born from the misplaced idea that cisgender, straight (cishet) people are oppressed. Then there was the brilliant #InternationalLesbianDay. Source

They are wired to be more optimistic and less stressed You’re thinking of someone, aren’t you? Maybe it’s your best friend who just can’t get anywhere on time – or maybe it’s you. Regardless this is good news for people with bad timekeeping everywhere. Sure, you may occasionally/always be late, however there are positive personality traits that may just be a saving grace. People who are late have a greater inability to feel stressed, leading to health benefits, but also think outside the box and look at the bigger picture. All of these things lead to greater success at work, alongside a longer life. BEING LATE IS STRONGLY ASSOCIATED TO OPTIMISM In DeLonzor’s book ‘Never be late again’, she says: “Many late people tend to be both optimistic and unrealistic, she said, and this affects their perception of time. They really believe they can go for a run, pick up their clothes at the dry cleaners, buy groceries and drop off the kids at school in an hour. “They remember that single shining day 10 years ago when they really did all those things in 60 minutes flat, and forget all the other times that everything took much, much longer.” THIS POSITIVITY ALSO MAKES YOU MORE LIKELY TO BE SUCCESSFUL In a study of salesmen carried out by Metropolitan Life, “consultants who scored in the top 10 per cent for optimism sold 88 per cent more than those ranked in the most pessimistic 10 per cent”. Their performance is better because their outlook is better. THEY HAVE HIGHER LEVELS OF ENTHUSIASM Those who are often late or disorganised fall into the ‘Enthusiast’ category. The weaknesses include being ‘over-extended, scattered and undisciplined,‘ however the positive qualities include being ‘extroverted, spontaneous, high-spirited and playful’. THEIR PASSING OF TIME ACTUALLY FEELS DIFFERENT A study was carried out by Jeff Conte, an associate psychology professor at San Diego State University. Researchers carried out an experiment of A type (competitive, impatient) and B type (relaxed, creative) personalities – of which late people fall into the B category. They asked people from both groups to guess, after one minute, how much time had passed. Those in the A type category answered on average 58 seconds, whereas B types answered 77 seconds. They literally perceive time as longer that it really is. “So if you have an 18-second gap… that difference can add up over time,” Conte told Sumathi Reddy of the Wall Street Journal. AND MULTITASKERS ALSO PERCEIVE TIME MORE SLOWLY He assessed 181 subway operators in New York and found that those who often multitasked tended to be late more often than others. THEY ARE OFTEN COMPLETELY ENGROSSED IN WHAT THEY ARE DOING, CAUSING THEM TO LOSE TRACK IF TIME Think of your favourite friend who’s always late. Do they have interest in a lot of people, and try to take on one too many hobbies? As Lifehack.org says people are often late because they have been “engrossed in another activity that is fascinating or wildly interesting” which has put them in “another zone”. Late people don’t see it as a big deal when others are late, because they can ‘see the bigger picture’ Minute details tend not to bother people who fall into the B type. They then think because I would be OK with them being late, it’s OK if I’m five minutes late (it’s probably not). THEY ARE MORE SPONTANEOUS As with the laid-back nature of a B type personality, they will not worry so much about train times, booking hotels or flights. They “will just throw some items in a suitcase and head out, figuring out where to eat and sleep along the way. There is far more adventure in that.”, according to Lifehack.org. AND ARE ALSO WORSE WITH MONEY People who are late, but genuinely don’t mean to be – the ones who want to be considerate, often live in the moment and find it hard to save for the future, says Alfie Kohn on Psychology Today. Some people “can’t summon the self-control to be on time” which would mean that person “probably has trouble getting his or her act together in other ways as well – say, around saving money or saying no to junk food.” Oops. THEY LIKE TO BEAT TARGETS AND NORMS Never one to follow instructions, believe the estimation on their Google Map or to think in a linear fashion. This means they think outside of the box, leading them to tackle issues in unconventional – and often better – ways. According to Delonzor, you could be ‘a deadliner’ – someone who is: “subconsciously drawn to the adrenaline rush of the sprint to the finish line”. Or you could be ‘a producer’ – someone “who gets an ego boost from getting as much done in as little time as possible.” PEOPLE WHO ARE LATE, ACCORDING TO CARDIOLOGISTS, ARE LESS LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE HEART DISEASE In a study by the International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, A type personalities are thought to be more likely to be high risk for coronary diseases. This is due to the higher stress levels experienced – meaning those with less worry about timekeeping are likely to avoid diseases related to stress. Source

I have been thinking about the ideology of people and how they think through other human beings, especially those they consider or perceive as different from what they already know. The fact that many people can hardly see the human side of people they consider or perceive to be different, is disturbing and we all should be worried. So, let’s look at Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual persons in a Nigeria context, and I intentionally left out Transgender persons because the discussion around gender identity is completely different from sexual orientation. I often hear people ask questions on how anyone becomes LGB or how they even have sex, or make babies, as if human life and existence is about sex and babies. I have seen questions like; Who is the woman or man? How do they enjoy sex? and many other endless questions. However, I also understand that this comes from a place of complete lack of knowledge and therefore people need to learn and unlearn what they already know, this is how society progresses and ensures safe space for all human. No society can progress through a narrowed view of one man or many of them, she does through the ability to understand differences and the willingness to learn the struggle of those seen or considered different from the majority. We always find it difficult to think beyond sex when we think about LGB persons. The fact that we have sexualised a full-grown human being is disturbing as this limits our view on the struggles and realities experienced by LGB persons in a heteronormative society like Nigeria. Since we have decided to always look at LGB persons from a place of sex and not as a complete human being with emotions that are connected to families, friends, co-workers, and communities which are beyond sex, we can as well talk about sex since this seems to be a concern for many. I realised that many have limited their understanding of “sexual orientation” to just sex and for this reason; many are unable to think beyond sex or understand that before and beyond sex, there is emotion. More importantly, that this emotion connects deeply to human feeling and is not determined by the type of sex a person is having or going to have. The way men or women are emotionally attracted to women or men, is equally the same way men and women who find other men and women attractive, emotionally process their thoughts; it’s beyond sex. I have heard people say, ‘I don’t have problems with LGB persons as long as they don’t make any sexual or emotional advance at me.’ My problem with this line of thought is, how is a heterosexual person sure that the person they are trying to make sexual or emotional advance at is heterosexual? The reality remains that LGB persons will have as much sex as they want, and this will not change or disturb the amount of sex heterosexual people will have. Sex should not define any person or group of persons so long as the sex that happens is between two adults with mutual consent. No one really needs to know who lies on top, below or beside. I have always believed we need to free ourselves on discussion around sex, this thinking that once you talk about sex you are “lose or unholy” is wrong and a false to our realities. Heterosexual people need to liberate themselves from this thought as it will help them free LGB persons and start seeing them as full human being who is not only about sex but will equally have sex as much as any human being. Source

Africa is known to be a religious continent with the majority being adherents of the Abrahamic religions- Islam and Christianity. By that, I mean most folks hold a belief in the existence of a ‘loving’ deity who is also capable of rewarding people for good behaviour and meting out punishment whenever we transgress. As humans, I believe we are inherently biased and we exhibit a tendency to point out other people’s faults (or what we think or believe are faults) while paying no heed to the ways in which we also falter. Sometimes, we do this on purpose because focusing on other people somehow keeps us from introspecting and admitting our own faults. This seems to be the case when it comes to religion. Many religious folks use the Holy book to condemn other people for doing what they believe isn’t acceptable but they also fail to or choose not to use that same Book to hold themselves to account. It is no surprise that many do not take kindly to the queer community because they believe homosexuality is a sin and they will not condone it. Well, I have something to say about this… Dear Africa – I’m here… I’m queer No amount of queerphobic backlash and preaching doom or eternal damnation in the pits of hell can ever change this. Why do we throw stones when we live in glass houses? I, for one, make it a point to read the Bible so I can note and call out hypocrisy in situations as these where people feel inclined to pluck out a few verses to justify their hate while paying no heed to those verses that call out their not-so-holy deeds. Personally, I am unbothered about what the Bible says because I have dissociated myself from Christianity and the hypocrisy of most religious folks is the other reason I will never go back to religion. My religion is love and I strongly believe that people must be free to love whoever they want to love. And quite frankly, I am grateful to be in a position where I choose who to engage in a romantic relationship with without being restricted by a society that seeks to impose on us how to BE, despite continuously ‘encouraging’ us to be our authentic selves. Though, personally, I am unfazed by the stance of religious institutions on same gender relationship (or transgender folks, for that matter), I am still troubled by the violence that this stance continues to inflict on queer bodies. I have maintained, for a while now, that Christianity and Islamic extremism are beginning to bear some semblance (or maybe I am only starting to notice the similarities since I am no longer religious or a Christianity apologist, for that matter). Though Christians may not be making headline news for the decapitation of LGBT+ folks as is the case with the Islamic fundamentalists, their words- which fuel so much hatred for queer folks- are just as murderous. Some preachers are known to have preached ‘death to gay people’. Consider Steve Anderson, the pastor who deluded himself into thinking he could bring his bigotry to Africa and get away with it. After commendable work from LGBT+ activists, the South African government banned the pastor from coming to the county. This was before he managed to worm his way into Botswana where he called on the Botswana government to kill homosexual folks, referring to gay men as paedophiles. With the help of LGBT+ activists, allies and LEGABIBO and a petition, he is now a prohibited immigrant – as declared by the government of Botswana. I should also point out that Africa still has a long way to go in upholding the fundamental rights of the LGBT+ community. There is also the Westboro Baptist Church which did not even shy away from affirming the wrongful and grossly unethical shooting of LGBT+ folks by the Muslim man in the 2016 Orlando shooting which received so much worldwide coverage and outrage. Just recently, ravaging fires broke out in Knysna, South Africa which destroyed many homes, leaving many in desperate need of shelter and other forms of aid. In the midst of this devastation, with some struggling to come to grips with what had just transpired and many devising ways to come to the aid of those affected by the calamity, what did someone go on to say? A paramedic insinuated that God was punishing the area because around 12 gay weddings had taken place at an LGBTI festival in Knysna just last year. Yes, homosexuality was being blamed on the catastrophe and this is not foreign to queer folks. Each time we are hit by (mostly) natural disasters, many people – out of their hatred for queer folks- attribute ‘the wrath of God’ to homosexuality. The level of hate displayed by the religious folks is scary to say the least! It is true that our words are powerful; they can cut and kill or they can love and heal. Yes, sometimes the impact of our words supersedes the intent and thus we find ourselves hurting people even when we didn’t intend to. Most times, this is not the case where hatred for homosexuality or queerness is concerned. Sad to note, the words of most people who claim to be ‘followers’ of a ‘loving’ deity have killed many or driven many to kill themselves. The odd thing is that even the Bible, which most (Christians) are quick to quote (as if they live by it) when justifying their bigotry towards LGBT+ folks, makes it crystal clear that ‘he who does not love his brother, does not know God and the love of the father is not in him’. “How do you even claim to love God whom you cannot see when you hate other fellow human beings you can see?” I tell you, that same Bible (or any other Holy Book) many folks use to condemn other people will be used to condemn them. Source

What do you ladies think?

It was supposed to be just a friendly visit, but it turned into robbery and blackmail for Victor, as all his money was taken from him by teenagers who accused him of being gay. Gay Nigerians are often the victims of blackmail, robbery, and extortion on the basis of the country’s “Same-Sex Marriage Prohibition Act,” which threatens LGBT people with prison terms of 10 to 14 years. Victor (not his real name), a Nigerian teenager, told NoStringsNG of just such an experience he had two years ago. “I connected with this guy on 2go [the chat program for mobile phones]. He was in Ogun State. We became friends in no time, as he seemed really nice. We stayed in contact with each other for two months, calling and chatting, until I decided to visit him, unknowing to me that I was embarking on a journey I wouldn’t forget in a hurry.” Victor said that, upon his arrival at his supposed friend’s place in Ogun State, he met several teenagers who seemed nice at first, but things soon became intense and scary, as they pulled out knives. “When I got to his place in Ogun State, I met some other boys there. They were all five in number. They waited for me to settle in and then they all brought out their knives. I was dead scared. They called me all sorts of names. They threatened to call my family. I was forced to cooperate as they robbed me; they took the N3,000 [about US $8] on me and my school bag. My Blackberry Bold 5 [smartphone] was also taken away from me.” They also took his ATM debit card and threatened to call his family to inform them that he is gay. “I was working at that time so I had about N40,000 [US $112] in my savings account. They took my ATM card and later withdrew all of it leaving just N1,500 for me. This I discovered after I went to the bank the next day to block my account.” Victor said that, until now, he has been unable to speak about the incident because he still lives with the shock. “I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my parents; I just let them get away with theft.” Source