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In societies where homosexuals face severe social stigma and potential criminal penalties under harsh laws, gay and bisexual men often turn to marrying straight women either to hide their own orientation or meet social and family expectations. Queer men in Nigeria often say they choose to marry women to preserve the privileges that are afforded to them when they “pass” as heterosexual. Phillip, a Lagos-based Nigerian bisexual, says his job at a top tech consultancy firm would be at risk if he were known to be queer. “I love men and if I am given the opportunity I will choose to marry a man. But how can I even do that? Everything is on the line here. I will lose everything including my precious job. In fact, I’ll be jailed and humiliated. I can’t stand all of that, that’s why I am going to marry a woman, and of course, she doesn’t have to know,” Phillip says. But while queer men face extreme social pressures to conform and marry women, this can put their female partners in difficult situations as well. To explore these struggles, five straight Nigerian women who married gay and bisexual men shared their stories. “He deceived me” Judith, a mother of two teenage boys, says though it wasn’t entirely bad being married to her ex-husband, whom she described as “loving and caring.” But she admits that it was really painful to discover that her husband lied to her throughout their marriage. “What pains me is that he deceived me. He loved men, yet married me. After I found out about him and his young lover, he admitted that he never loved me, but liked me and that he won’t be able to change,” Judith says. “We were married for 15 years. I don’t think I will be able to forgive him even though he was a good man and took care of us. He is a very loving and caring man. I will admit that about him,” she says. “Eager to change” Not every woman who is married to a gay or bisexual man is completely oblivious to his sexual orientation. Elisa, whose marriage did not endure a full year, says she was aware her ex-husband was gay. “I knew about who he is from the very beginning. We spoke about it several times, and he sounded like someone who was also eager to change,” Elisa says. “But it all crashed after I caught him crying one night that he was tired of denying his true nature. He said he was no longer happy. “I tried everything, even seeing our pastor, but nothing changed. He became even more miserable and depressed. It was last year that we both decided to go our separate ways after eight months of being married,” she says. “I gave him everything” Due to widespread misconceptions about homosexuality, many believe that being gay is all about a lack of access to sex with women. Victoria, an Enugu-based fashion designer, is one of those who believed so but is now very disappointed and shocked to find out that this is false. “Everything is still a dream to me. I loved him, gave him everything that a good wife gives to her husband, I never cheated on him, not to talk of the numerous times we had sex, yet he chooses to remain in that dirty act. Sleeping with a man like him, so disgusting. It is not easy leaving, but I can’t remain in that marriage” Victoria says. “He only wanted my womb” Some gay and bisexual men find selfish reasons to justify marrying women. Agnes, a 27-year-old banker, says her husband told her that all he wanted was to have kids and the only option was to marry a woman. “I feel completely used. How wicked. He only wanted my womb,” Agnes says. “After three years of being married to that scumbag, he told me he was leaving the marriage and that I wasn’t the kind of woman he wanted. Something was so off, so I had to dig him. To cut the long story short, it turned out he was gay and tired of being with a woman. I exposed him before leaving, and I am sure he will forever regret it.” “All I feel for him is pity” Sometimes, gay and bisexual men are pressured by their families to marry women. Patience, a Lagos-based fruit seller, is in a similar situation. However, she seems to have accepted her situation with some positivity. She says she doesn’t quite blame her husband for not letting her know that he is gay before he proposed, stating that her husband was pressured by his family. “I understand with my husband. He is the only son of his family and they want him to marry so that he can continue the family’s lineage. But I am not happy,” Patience says. “Every time he leaves the house I am afraid. He likes young boys. It was after I caught him sleeping with our house help that I knew. Now all I feel for him is pity. I am going to stay with him because we have a child together and I can’t raise my child without him.” Source

Five years ago, the Nigerian government signed the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Act, essentially banning gay relationships. Activists say the law has worsened discrimination against sexual minorities in the highly religious country. They also claim there’s been a rise in instances of extortion and blackmail of the LGBTQI+ community by security forces. Half a decade after the law passed, our correspondent Mayeni Jones investigates what life is really like for Nigeria’s gay community. Source

The award-winning U.K.-based professional Nigerian gay model and 2016 winner of ‘Mr. Ideal Nigeria Earth’ and the first runner-up of ‘Mr. Africa International’ has released a Q&A video on YouTube responding to some questions he’s been asked since he accepted himself as gay. In the video, Gede who was closeted throughout his stay in Nigeria until he left for the UK in 2017, said dating, and marrying a woman was fun. Just like many gay men who battle with their sexuality, Gede who is now dating a man said he thought that marrying a woman would turn him straight. “Being married was fun. The first year when we were dating and all that was fun. I was really in love and I am sure she was in love with me – I hope. At that point, I thought I had conquered this gay side of me.” He said. Gede answered many other interesting questions about his life and relationship with his ex-wife and kids. Watch the full video below. Source

Nigerian lesbian Judith Ndukwu and her fiance Mona Nghixulifwa both tied the knot at a beautiful wedding ceremony in the Netherlands. Mona is from Namibia, while Judith is from Nigeria. The couple got married last weekend at Beachclub Naturel, Scheveningen in The Hague, Netherlands. In attendance were prominent lawyers, activists, and persons who flew in from the U.S., EU, UK, and Canada. Family and friends were also present including lots of LGBTIQ+ persons. The wedding was officiated by renowned Nigerian gay reverend, Rev. Jide Rebirth Macaulay, founder of House of Rainbow, an LGBTIQ+ affirming faith-based organization. Congratulations to the beautiful couple. Source

Copied: For a lot of Black queer and trans femmes, love is something we have to bestow upon ourselves. We don’t read the comments on any article about us, we carefully curate our social media feeds, we tread very lightly when dating, and sometimes we avoid the mirror. In this context, I couldn’t be more excited to premiere Lafemmebear’s new music video for “If,” off her previous EP — in advance of the release of her new one, Blaq: the Story of Me. This song and video feel like a conjure, a gift, like being seen, like being loved. Lafemmebear asks, and then answers, a crucial question for Black queer femmes interested in survival — and, critically, not just survival but joy: “If I loved me despite the fear, would that be alright?” The video ends with a spoken word piece by Samantha Goff, which I’ll just reproduce in its entirety below, because it’s gorgeous, and powerful, and will be running through my mind for quite a while: To me, Black femme joy is about being unapologetically Black. Everyday, all day. It’s about… knowing who you are, and leaning into that and celebrating that, and figuring that out as a journey, but it’s a beautiful one. And once you’ve found the core of who you are, and can truly live it and express it everyday, that’s when you are living in your joy, ’cause you’re living in your truth. And the times when it gets hard, because the world is not made for Black femmes, especially not made for queer Black femmes, you find your tribe, other people like you, and you commune. And you get through. Source

Following the recent arrest and subsequent release of 57 homosexuals in Lagos, LIB recently had a chat with popular gay rights activist, Bisi Alimi who visited our studio in company of his Australian husband, Anthony. According to Alimi, in his prime, he attended several gay parties in Victoria Island, Lagos with alot of posh kids and it was fun. He went on to call on more people to lend their voices to fighting for gay people in Nigeria, 'I think people that have the platform should speak up. If you have the resources, if you have the name, even if you don't come out as gay, you can stand u and speak on the issue' he said. Source