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With the growing acceptability of same-sex marriages, we have to accept same-sex divorces as well– and that lesbian divorces are more likely to occur. For example, a study in the UK noted that lesbian couples are more likely to get a divorce as compared to gay couples. Meanwhile, in the Netherlands, which was the first country to introduce same-sex marriage in 2001, 30 percent of lesbian marriages failed as compared to 15 percent of gay marriages. Reasons for more lesbian divorces In an interview with The Economist, Lisa Power, one of the co-founders of Stonewall, said the greater number of lesbian couples getting divorced is related to the concept of U-hauling. This is the tendency of lesbian couples to move fast and invest quicker in a relationship. She said: “We all used to move in with each other at the drop of a hat.” Meanwhile, Ayesha Vardag, president of divorce firm Vardags, told The Economist that this might be because women can be less tolerant of infidelity. “It’s distress about adultery or domestic violence, not being listened to, the sense of one party slogging away and the other one taking it easy. All the same things crop up,” Vardag said. However, Vardag added that the problems leading to divorce are the same whether gay, lesbian, queer or straight. Happier queer people in relations While this may be depressing for us lesbians, a 2017 study in the UK and Australia did find that LGBTQ people are happier in their relationships as compared to their straight counterparts. What’s more, a comparison of heterosexual divorces have women in straight marriages more likely to instigate divorce proceedings as compared to men in straight marriages. Lesbians are also more likely to have been married before with about 18 percent of women who formed civil partnerships were divorcees while 10 percent were men. If age is accounted for, second marriages are more likely to fail vis-a-vis first marriages. A resource for lesbian divorces Fortunately, we now have resources look into lesbian divorces like the book, LGBTQ Divorce and Relationship Dissolution: Psychological and Legal Perspectives and Implications for Practice. Published by Oxford University Press, this book was co-edited by Adam Romero of the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law, and Abbie Goldberg, professor of psychology at Clark University. Romero noted that: “LGBTQ people going through a divorce are now largely treated like anyone divorcing. Yet, there are number of issues in divorce that are unique to LGBTQ people.” He noted that “because divorce law was developed with different-sex couples in mind, LGBTQ people who have arranged their relationships differently could find that their expectations are incompatible with the law’s commands.” He also pointed out that “many long-term couples who are now divorcing– together for 20, 30 or 40 years– are treated as only being together for the few years they were actually married.” Source

Imagine being the daughter of a pastor, from a very strict Christian household, and the praise and worship leader for your church, while secretly being gay. The fear of this inner truth getting out is enough to keep many people with similar circumstances in the closet. Unfortunately, for a very long time, I was one of those people. It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear church folks referencing scriptures about abominations. Or listen to preachers speak about homosexual spirits jumping on individuals. I was fearful of saying anything about my internal secret, so when I was alone, I would plead with God for the “spirit” that must have somehow jumped on me, to go away. The older I became, the more impossible it was to hide the truth of who I was. I found myself dating men as a cover-up, and then made up various reasons to break up with them once I realized things were getting too serious. It was a vicious cycle. I began hating myself for not being able to be freed from this “thing” that was going to keep me out of entering the gates of heaven. After many late nights and early mornings, some serious soul searching, and long conversations with God, I realized his love for me never wavered. Despite my sexual orientation and the things, people tried to force me to believe, the creator knew who and what I was long before I took my very first breath. It took me many years to unlearn the toxic religious rhetoric that kept me in bondage for the majority of my life. Age-old rhetoric passed down from previous generations that are incredibly toxic within the Black community. It took me many years to unlearn the toxic religious rhetoric that kept me in bondage for the majority of my life. Fast-forward to 2017, when I moved to Columbus, OH, and met my fiancé Chyna. We worked for a local nonprofit organization, and although cliché, I was smitten the first time our paths crossed. I previously dated two other women, but I guess as the saying goes, “third time’s a charm.” Initially, we only hung out as friends, and each time I saw her or engaged with her in some way, I felt grateful for the opportunity to be in her presence. It was evident I was falling for her. On the other hand, Chyna never dated a woman, and the idea of our blossoming love was scary in her eyes. She certainly made me work for her heart, but there’s no denying that she is absolutely worth it. The crazy thing about same-sex attractions is that it genuinely makes people uncomfortable. People don’t understand that we are like any couple who love each other unconditionally. The stares, the whispers, and the unsolicited advice made us quickly realize this after we officially began dating. At the time, our burgeoning relationship caused a strain, both personally and professionally. The built-up tension from our employer to numerous family members and some of our friends led Chyna and I to make tough decisions. We had to leave many of those relationships, in the past, exactly where they belong. I believe many people struggle with same-sex relationships because they solely make it all about S-E-X. Still, there’s much more to our love than that. We enjoy each other every day through the simple things that life has to offer, such as watching our favorite shows, making dinner together, or enjoying inside jokes. (You know, just like any regular, heterosexual couple.) Despite it all, we have remained consistent in each other’s lives, and the push back from the world around us has only strengthened the bond that we share. We do well together because she is everything that I AM NOT, and we know how to bring the best out of each other. The crazy thing about same-sex attractions is it genuinely makes people uncomfortable. Although it’s been a long, complicated journey, I’ve come to realize that my only desire is to love myself enough that I am ALWAYS able to give her the best parts of me. You have to love yourself before you can wholeheartedly love someone else. I still have a few people who are close to me that say things like, “living as a homosexual is wrong.” Their views are their own, and I respect that. We are all created to be something different. My truth is obviously not everyone’s truth. But it is the truthfulness that I was called to live because I can only live the life that was designed for me. I can’t live my parent’s truth, and I certainly wouldn’t be any good at trying to live anyone else’s reality. Once I was able to understand this concept in its entirety, I embraced the freedom to live a fearless, authentic, and intentional life. My experiences with church, religion, and homophobia have played a significant role in my decision to further my education in pursuit of studying Multicultural & Equity Studies as a Doctoral candidate. I hope my research raises awareness on the effect of rejection toward LGBTQ people of color and their experiences around “belonging” and “suffering” in the Black community. People must recognize the damaging effects of using God as a vehicle for personal biases, especially in our culture. People must recognize the damaging effects of using God as a vehicle for personal biases, especially in our culture. I was once convinced that God didn’t love me anymore, and it almost took a major toll on me. Regardless of the challenges we’ve faced, Chyna and I haven’t turned our backs on God, and we don’t take for granted the favor that he’s shown in our lives. There are far greater things to worry about than our sexual preferences. I’m spiritually at peace and emotionally wealthy. As far as the church is concerned, we are still looking for a home where we would be welcomed and have the freedom to “come as you are.” Without the attached stigma of “as you are” changing the circumstances if it makes others uncomfortable. We know that it may be difficult for some people, and it’s not our desire to get into a war of “right and wrong.” Until then, we continue to pour into each other and strengthen one another in all aspects, especially now as we embark on our marriage journey. Source What is your relationship with religion or spirituality? What has your journey been like?

A non-profit organisation, Lesbian Equality and Empowerment Initiative, has dragged the Corporate Affairs Commission before the Court of Appeal over the refusal of the CAC to register it. Recall that LGBT activist, Pamela Adie, had in 2018 sued the CAC for refusing to register the organisation, but lost the case. The activist said on Twitter that she had filed a notice of appeal on the judgement delivered by the Federal High Court. She tweeted, “Notice of appeal has been filed in the case of Pamela Adie V CAC. As some of you may be aware, I applied to register a non-profit called Lesbian Equality and Empowerment Initiative but was denied by the Nigerian government agency, CAC, because it said ‘lesbian’ was offensive. “I felt this was an infringement of my constitutional right to freedom of association. My team and I filed a suit against CAC in 2018 at the Federal High Court, Abuja.” Source

A 20-year-old lesbian was jumped last week in a brutal attack that left her covered in blood and bruises. Charlie Graham was left shaken after two men battered her in the head from behind and threw her to the ground in an incident that has rippled the Sunderland, England, community she calls home. Violence against LGBT+ folk have rocketed in the last five years in England and Wales, but Graham explained that this incident was the fifth time she has been targeted for her sexuality, the Daily Mirror reported. What happened to Charlie Graham? While on her way to meet a friend on Saturday morning, Graham was struck by two men around the Town End Farm. “I got hit from behind by a fist to the back of my head, then I hit the ground, hurting my legs and face,” Graham said. “I tried to get back up, but they pushed me back to the ground and the two guys ran off. “I was left bleeding and scared.” Graham was plagued by headaches and panic attacks since the attack. She remains haunted, however, being the fifth consecutive time she has been targeted for her sexuality. In one previous assault, her eye was split open, requiring stitches. In another, she was left suffering a black eye. “D**e” was hurled at her by a passerby while she walked down a street with her fiends, before being punched in another incident. This spectre of violence has left her terrified and trapped inside her home, believing she will be attacked again. “It has knocked my confidence back,” Graham explained. “I don’t go anywhere by myself anymore. I only feel comfortable at my mum’s house. “I have panic attacks and anxiety attacks just thinking about going home in case they find out where I live and decide to come through the door, or I get attacked in my own home. “I have had people threatening to come through my door and smash the windows in.” Lesbian attacked five times has accepted homophobia as a part of her life. “I think you should be able to be proud of who you are,” Graham said, describing how after repeated assaults, she has accepted homophobia as a fact of her life. “It makes me feel I have got to stay in the house and hide who I am and everything but in this day and age I shouldn’t have to do that. It should be accepted. “I’ve tried not to let it beat me up and get on with my life, but I do worry if it happens again that it is worse than it was before. “It did scare me, but I thought ‘it’s just one of those things’. “It’s happened again. What am I supposed to do about it? “It happens everywhere. It’s my bad luck. “I do look like a boy and I do act like a boy and there is no femininity about me at all. But I am not aggressive, or rowdy and I don’t pick fights. “I have never opened my mouth to anybody.” Source

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Being sapiosexual means you are attracted more to the mind than to the physical features of someone. You find intelligence extremely sexy. Someone who overuses their brain more than their body is the type of person that turns you on. What’s more, you value beautiful souls over beautiful faces. Money and power have nothing on remarkable minds and thrilling personalities. Here are the 10 most telling signs you are a true sapiosexual. 1. You enjoy deep conversations. One deep meaningful conversation means much more than a hundred small talks for you. The kind of conversation that stimulates your mind inspires you. This makes the person you are talking to utterly attractive. 2. You value intellect over physical appearance. Intelligence turns you on. Of course, the first thing you see in a person is their physical appearance. However, you go beyond that, and your main focus is on people’s intellect. If they lack intelligence, you won’t take them seriously, regardless of their looks. 3. You appreciate emotional intelligence. You know the struggle someone has to go through to gain a certain level of emotional intelligence. That’s why you appreciate it so much. People with the most beautiful minds have learned most painful life lessons. Their strength to move on and use this pain in their favor definitely draws your attention. 4. You take your time to get to know people. People become more attractive to you with time. The more you get to know someone, the more you fall for their intelligence. And this someone might even be a person you weren’t into at the beginning. What makes others appealing for you is the way they see the world, and that’s why you need time to truly get to know them. 5. Bad grammar or slang words grind your gears. You keep your distance from people who don’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’. What’s more, you roll your eyes every time you see ‘wyd’ in a text message. On the other hand, whenever you meet someone who is grammatically correct in both text and face-to-face conversations, you are immediately attracted to them. 6. You don’t believe in love at first sight. For you, love-at-first-sight is almost impossible, because you can’t imagine yourself falling for someone only for their looks. You need to truly be impressed by someone’s mind before you catch feelings. That’s what’s slowing down the process of falling in love for you. 7. You are picky for your partners. Your friends and family will definitely agree on this one. The people around you think you are picky because they don’t understand why it takes so much time for you to settle down. Their minds don’t work like yours, and they find this a bit odd. What they don’t really get is you need time to get to truly know someone until you let them close to your heart and your highly sensitive soul. 8. Material things don’t impress you. While most of the people value money and possessions more than moral principles, you function exactly the opposite way. You don’t really care about the financial status of someone. You are more interested in the investments they make for their minds and souls. 9. You constantly crave new knowledge. You aspire to anything that increases your intelligence and widens your horizons. That’s why you fancy people who constantly work on their self-growth, and are brave enough to welcome any challenge on their way. The perfect date for you would include a deep meaningful conversation, plus lots of eye-gazing and intellectual teasing. That’s why one-night-stands just don’t work for you. 10. You are a great listener. Your listening skills are incredible. One of the things you enjoy the most is listening to someone’s wildest dreams and extraordinary thoughts about the meaning of life. Not only this helps you see various points of view, but seeing someone passionately talking about exciting and knowledgeable topics, makes you awfully attracted to them. Source Any sapiosexual in the house?

Ellen welcomed Sarah and her fiancée Kate, whose photo of her proposing at the Eiffel Tower went viral. Since Kate’s parents do not accept that she’s gay, they will not be attending her wedding, so she took to Twitter to help get Ellen to walk her down the aisle. The couple talked about their story, and Ellen surprised them with a wedding gift from Shutterfly and a visit from their family and friends, and Sarah shocked Kate by proposing to her on the show!

I stumbled on this quote online, and decided to share with the group. What is your take on being socially awkward/introverted.

Gay people are mostly misunderstood and seen in more negative ways, a lot of the things people believe about LGBTIQ+ people are complete lies based entirely on stereotypes. But what many do not know is that there are so many fantastic and awesome things about LGBTIQ+ people. Read below 5 things that people do not know about gay people. 1. THEY ARE INFLUENTIAL Most gay people might not like the sort of attention their sexuality brings. But the truth is; no one can decide how people react to their personality. Gay people are like stars and celebrities. They command so much attention wherever they are spotted. This is because like stars, they are meant to shine and influence. 2. THEY ARE FABULOUS. Gay people are special. They have an exceptional sense of humor, class, and style. They are mostly smart and destined for greatness. No wonder people can’t stop obsessing and talking about them. This is because no one can ignore or resist greatness and potentials when they see it. 3. THEY ARE CREATIVE Difference isn’t always a bad thing. Yes, gay people are like everyone else in the sense that they want the same things that every other person wants. But the uniqueness of their sexuality separates them from the crowd. This unique quality allows gay people to see things differently, and this is why they are intensely creative. 4. THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE Because gay people know exactly how it feels to be rejected and discriminated against, they are more sympathetic to other vulnerable groups. They mostly go out of their way to ensure that people are treated fairly. No wonder a lot of them are very passionate about social justice. 5. THEY ARE LOVEABLE Most people who are homophobic are those who do not have a personal relationship with a gay person. Their judgments and bias are mostly based on negative stereotypes and ignorance about gay issues. Those who are close to gay people will tell you that they are the most lovable, disciplined, and focused people you will ever know and meet. Source

Nigerian lesbian Judith Ndukwu and her fiance Mona Nghixulifwa both tied the knot at a beautiful wedding ceremony in the Netherlands. Mona is from Namibia, while Judith is from Nigeria. The couple got married last weekend at Beachclub Naturel, Scheveningen in The Hague, Netherlands. In attendance were prominent lawyers, activists, and persons who flew in from the U.S., EU, UK, and Canada. Family and friends were also present including lots of LGBTIQ+ persons. The wedding was officiated by renowned Nigerian gay reverend, Rev. Jide Rebirth Macaulay, founder of House of Rainbow, an LGBTIQ+ affirming faith-based organization. Congratulations to the beautiful couple. Source

Simone Biles made history more than once this weekend during the US Gymnastics Championships in Kansas City, Missouri. The five-time Olympic medalist and 14-time world champion became the first woman to ever land a triple-double in competition during her floor routine Sunday night. She also snagged her sixth national all-around title with a score of 118.500, nearly five points ahead of second place finisher Sunisa Lee. Biles' stunning floor routine Sunday included several astounding flips and jumps but it was her insane triple-double -- two backflips and three twists while in the air -- that wowed judges and fans alike. And that wasn't the reigning Olympic and world all-around champion's only history-making moment of the competition. On Friday, the 22-year old became the first gymnast to attempt and land a double-double dismount off of a high beam. The move involves two twists and two somersaults while dismounting. Biles had attempted the triple-double the same day she landed her double-double but just missed the landing. Now, she's nailed the landing, made history twice, and won her sixth national title all in one weekend. Next, it's onto the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, Biles said, will be her last. Source

Simone Biles made history more than once this weekend during the US Gymnastics Championships in Kansas City, Missouri. The five-time Olympic medalist and 14-time world champion became the first woman to ever land a triple-double in competition during her floor routine Sunday night. She also snagged her sixth national all-around title with a score of 118.500, nearly five points ahead of second place finisher Sunisa Lee. Biles' stunning floor routine Sunday included several astounding flips and jumps but it was her insane triple-double -- two backflips and three twists while in the air -- that wowed judges and fans alike. And that wasn't the reigning Olympic and world all-around champion's only history-making moment of the competition. On Friday, the 22-year old became the first gymnast to attempt and land a double-double dismount off of a high beam. The move involves two twists and two somersaults while dismounting. Biles had attempted the triple-double the same day she landed her double-double but just missed the landing. Now, she's nailed the landing, made history twice, and won her sixth national title all in one weekend. Next, it's onto the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, Biles said, will be her last. Source

Sometimes lesbians want to find a wife with whom to run a small sheep farm in Wales; sometimes what we want is a hard wet fuck from a beautiful woman we barely know in the bathroom of a gay bar. We contain multitudes. But how do you make the latter happen? I bring to you cruising tips and casual sex advice built off the years of skanky queer life experience that have solidified me as one of the leading minds in the highly un-scientific field of “Lez Slut-ology.” The Basics What’s cruising? Cruising is going out into the world with the specific intention of finding someone with whom to have casual sex. If you message or approach someone just wanting to hook up, you are cruising. It’s a time-honored gay tradition and a rich part of our cultural history that forgoes respectability politics and homonormative assimilation in favor of radical expressions of queer sexuality. Cruising is knowing what you want and actively pursuing it. The term is thought to have come from queer folks walking or driving around town searching for a casual encounter. Though cruising has gained prominence as practiced by men who have sex with men, it isn’t theirs alone; dyke communities have also engaged in cruising and casual sex for years. Where do you cruise? I would recommend any events or settings where you know lady-loving lady hotties abound as a great place to cruise. This includes: + Dyke nights at your local gay bar + Pride + Dance parties + Brunch + A-Camp + A Hayley Kiyoko/Tegan & Sara/Mirah/Melissa Etheridge concert + BDSM play parties + A gay picnic + A book fair + NaijaLez So my golden rule is: “If there’s a hot gay around and you aren’t at like, a trauma center or a funeral, you can cruise there.” An elegant golden rule, I know. How do you cruise? Feel good about it! We live in a society that indoctrinates us into believing that having desires is predatory and shameful, and that women who desire women are even more so. I think another big part of it is that many of us have experienced predatory behavior and are very scared to replicate it. It’s not predatory to want someone and let them know it. It’s not predatory to desire another woman in a purely sexual manner. It’s only predatory if you are being disrespectful of someone’s boundaries, body, and personhood. So don’t do that. As for fears about being desirable or confident enough, remember that queer desire is complex and multifaceted and lots of types of people are attracted to lots of types of people and bodies; why not you! I suggest wearing something you feel really confident and hot in, that outfit that just makes you feel like the baddest bitch. And when all else fails, fake the confidence because we honestly all do that. Flirting Flirting is the first step of cruising and something I know many queers struggle with. I know many queer folx, especially women, feel frozen by this deep fear of rejection and getting over that is the first step to being a more confident cruiser. Being rejected doesn’t say anything bad about you or them and it doesn’t invalidate your gayness. I fear rejection too, but learning to accept it as a likely possibility has helped me become my best flirt and built my confidence in other aspects of my life. What is important is to not be objectifying in how you interact with them. If they aren’t into it, respect the no, move on, and don’t make it weird. If you’re approached by someone you aren’t into, try to handle it the way you would want to be rejected, say thank you and politely decline. My favorite ways to flirt with or be flirted with by women are to be complimented — find something you think is beautiful, stylish, or attractive about this person and let them know — and then having them get down to it — ask for what you’re interested in, whether it’s a number, a date, or getting fucked in the bathroom. Having Casual Sex How do you actually initiate casual sex? In practice: you’re out and about and have spotted a hottie, and have been flirting by complimenting them and chatting. Maybe this doesn’t go well; either they aren’t into it or upon closer interaction you aren’t as into them as you thought you were. That’s fine; chalk it up to the mysteries of life and move on. If they do seem equally interested in you, you can take the initiative! If it’s a setting like a bar, party or social gathering where you could feasibly say “Do you want to go to my place/the bathroom/my car/anywhere else we can have sex?” you can ask that! If you’re in the middle of a protest or drag queen story hour for kids at 10 am at the public library, maybe you want to ask for their number so you can make a similar suggestion at a more appropriate time — like getting someone’s info to ask them on a date, but focusing more on asking them “I think you’re really hot, do you want to come over Saturday night?” If you are trying to get fisted in your car in the parking lot of the bar — congrats! — maybe wear something you can slip in and out of easily. Once you get to actually having sex, you of course are aware it’s good to communicate basic stuff about boundaries and consent, even if it is casual. There’s no set list of things to discuss before sleeping with a stranger, but if it’s something like a medical condition, a boundary, or testing status, then definitely bring it up. Examples: “Hey just so you know, I have a latex allergy, so finger me with nitrile gloves.” “Please make sure you don’t touch my neck. It’s a trigger for me.” “How recently have you been tested?” “My partner and I have a rule about getting no marks from hookups.” “I don’t like gentle sex.” “I have been tested recently and my results came back positive for gonorrhea.” Source

Olga Diyachenko, the Russian partner of Super Eagles captain, John Mikel Obi, who is currently in Nigeria with her family took to Instagram to write about Nigerian women. In the candid post, Olga praised Nigerian women for having so much grace, charisma and not a shred of insecurity. Read her post below. Nigeria, what a surprise you've turned out be. ?? But, if I’m to say what impressed me most, it’s The Women. So much; grace, charisma and not a shred of insecurity. Nigerian women walk swaying their beautiful hips with their backs impeccably straight, heads held high, knowing their worth. Their attitude is strong, yet very sensual, regardless whether it’s a wealthy woman walking through a 5 star hotel or a young girl crossing the road at 7 AM rushing to work. Although may I say, Nigerian women do not rush, nor do they fidget, they simply glide. The way Nigerian women preserve their culture and traditions is admirable. They don’t chase international designers or dress according to Vogue, they wear beautiful traditional dresses, dance the traditional dances and do it all with pride! I hope Ava and Mia will inherit the calmness, sense of pride, posture and self worth that I’ve witnessed Nigerian women posses with such ease. Nigerian Women hat off to you. Source

Hunter’s Pursuit, by Kim Baldwin \ I think Kim Baldwin specializes in using the cold to bring lovers together in peril. This one is so exciting: Kat is a mercenary contemplating retirement in her hillside hideaway when a super babe with memory problems and assassins on her tail shows up at her door. Kat has to decide what to do about this woman, who may or may not be deadly, and what to do when she starts falling for this woman, which may or may not be sexy (it is, it’s very sexy). It’s one of those “oh no we are stuck in close quarters together, whatever shall we do” situations that only gets hotter with the threat of death or dismemberment lurking outside. Source

Thoughts?