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I found this piece online. Written by an Op with the name MsNelly. I found it profound and apt. I really want to know our opinion on this issue. Quite often you'll find that parents will do anything for their children, except let them be who they really are. I have this theory: Your Nigerian parents do not love you. Let me break it down First, what is love? I don't know, really. What I do know is our parents owe us an unconditional amount of it... Why do I think Nigerian parents dont love their kids, at least unconditionally? Well, for several reasons. But I shall state a few: 1. "I suffered so much on your behalf, so the least you can do is (insert ridiculous thing you must do to repay them for shît they did which is supposed to be their duty anyways here)" "You know why my life is like this? Because I forewent all my future dreams and aspirations and spent all I had on you" Martyr complex. Even in basic human relationship, if you're gonna do something for me and remind me every second of the day, might as well not do it in the first damn place. It's called EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL. Which leads me to my next point... 2. Your unhappiness is irrelevant. "What are people going to say?" "You will bring disgrace to my name" "You are my only child. How will you study music?" "You can't live alone. They will call you 'ashewo' " Your opinion on your own life will never be as important as what others have to say... according to your parents ofc You can be miserable all you want as long as you're the poster child for "good daughter", " good son"; your parents are fine with it. To hell with your mental health. I guess that's what love entails- making sure the recipient of your love is unhappy because somehow, you know the person more than they know themselves and you know what's suitable for them. ***. Nigerian parents view their offspring as an investment. Our ancestors had children to assist them in the farm and help with house chores and our parents followed suit, so best believe, love was not in the picture. You were not born to be showered love and affection. You were born to be an unpaid servant, be invested in and then later on repay that investment, else "you're an ungrateful child!" 4. Nigerian parents cannot differentiate between personhood and property when it comes to their kids. If you view your child as a person, it would be easier to respect him/her. It would be easier to dignify that child. When you view a child as a property, it would be all too common to slap and kick when she/he doesn't do what you say because you feel you're losing control and you start throwing hands. If we liken some Nigerian parent-child relationships where the children are beaten like animals to a romantic relationship, we will call that relationship abusive. We will call it toxic. When we normalise abuse with our kids, we make it harder for them to leave abusive relationships, because you have taught them that violence is a symbol of love. Congrats. My Dad told me that when he was growing up, as punishment, they would slice his skin with razor and rub pepper on the bruises. He described the experience as traumatic. I can barely remember my Dad beating me. So if he learned from the mistakes of his parents, why can't we learn from the mistakes of ours? Why do we cower under "they are our parents"? Well parents are human, parents are selfish too. Parents make mistakes. I feel like Nigeria is the way it is because we have raised children who are afraid to speak up when wronged. You will push a Nigerian to the wall and rather than push back, he will find a way through that wall. The culture of silence. 5. I feel sick to my stomach when people have kids they can't care for emotionally and financially. I am sooo skeptical about having kids because I'm not too keen on fûcking anybody's life up. Plus see, I'm not even done giving myself love, talk less of another human being Do you have any idea how rude it is to be one day nonexistent and the next, forced out into the cruel world just to bring 'fulfilment' to someone's life? It's bad enough you were born without your consent, you're not even properly taken care of on top. On top that, your life is made miserable. Well damn. Stop having children you'll stop loving if you find out they deviated from the script you've written in your head. Buy dogs or cats; they're easier to control. Copied from MsNelly.
