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Hey girls. 😃😚 It's been a minute. Sorry about that. Been lurking since yesterday though, tryna catch up on what's been happening. So @kimi and @Hawken are a thing now? Like officially? Put up your fists, Hawken. Let's settle this like men! Lol. I joke I joke. Happy for you both...and also for the rest of us. I personally was starting to feel strangled by the sexual tension... and not the fun kind. 😒 Blessings, guys. May you born many many chidren. 👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫👫 Okay so back to me now. To put it bluntly, my sex life has been shit. Hot, steamy, freshly-shat shit! Why? Okay lemme explain with a short (not-so-short) story. I met this girl off of some lezzie/bi- Whatsapp group. We got to talking and it went great. The conversations flowed, she had a great voice, we liked some of the same things, she was whip-smart and she liked to laugh as much as I do. This was it. I had to be. It was effortless with her and I'm a HUGE fan of effortless when it comes to friendships and relationships. We talked for about a month before we finally decided to meet up. So I set up a date. Friday evening, a nice lounge in VI - good food and karaoke and a room at my fave hotel on standby just in case (I don't follow rules. If it feels right, we're f***king). I got there first so I could wait for her and soon, I was on the phone with her describing where I was. I got up and faced the door so I could wave her over and I froze when I saw her. She was...a stud! Like flat chest, male clothes, lean athletic build - the works. I quickly recovered and made sure my shock and mild disappointment didn't show at all when I hugged and greeted her. Now, please don't get me wrong - I have absolutely NOTHING against studs. Nothing at all. I'm just attracted to femmes. Flowery, girly, high-maintenance femmes. That's just always been my type, especially coz i like to be the butch one...even tho I'm femme...if that makes sense. It then occured to me that I had never asked for a photo of her. I guess I just had this picture of her that I'd painted in my head based on our conversations and her voice and well, maybe part of me probably wanted it to be sort of a surprise. It was certainly surprising. Especially as she was one of the admins of the group, because I had mentioned a couple of times that I only dated femmes and so far only femmes had private chatted me. She was just the one I connected with the most. So I figured it was only logical that she'd be femme too. I tried to put it out of my mind and just focused on making sure we had a great evening. We stuffed our faces, joked and laughed, sang ridiculous sappy songs and just generally had a gay old time. Throughout the date, my mind was working. If she had been what I was expecting, there would've been no doubt we'd be headed back to the hotel (if she wanted) after the date. But this complicated things. She was an absolute thrill and I had a lot of fun but I kept thinking of ways her appearance wouldn't be a barrier. How would sex even work? I'm not a fan of sex, i like boobs, i like to spank, i like softness and most importantly, i like to lead - I get a lot of my pleasure from my partner's and she didn't seem like she'd be willing to play pillow queen for me. It just didn't seem like it'd work. But I decided I wanted to give it a shot; (coz she had hinted at doing some not so PG stuff afterwards) so I typed out a text to my guy at the hotel and told him to go ahead with the booking. I was determined to see this through to the end. And then the bill came...and we had a THREE MINUTE argument about who would pay. That kinda did it for me. I already suspected it would be a problem and this confirmed it. Finally, she agreed to let me pay on the condition that she'd get the next one. Long story short, there was no next one. I went to the hotel (make dah one for no lost), had sex with Miss Right and started wondering how i was going to start from scratch all over again with someone new. That's where this demisexual thing becomes f***king frustrating! I can't just have a mindless hookup whenever the f***k I want and i can't just jump staright to relationship stuff - We kinda have to be friends first. 😠 It's inconvenient as f***k! The next person I started seeing ticked most of the right boxes (femme, beautiful, skin like milk) but her texting drove me crazy (said things like 'xo waxup', 'awayu'). Spoke perfect, articulate English but for some reason became an Ibadan slay queen when she typed. Plus she was bitchy as hell to everyone; had this false superiority complex. I overlooked all that and we hooked u. she turned out to be a horrible kisser and refused to take correction; said she'd never gotten complaints before. Kissing is a very big deal for me. I could kiss for hours and not do anything else so that along with everything else, made it a dealbreaker for me. Didn't speak to me for about 2 weeks, in which time i forgot she existed. Then she sends some emotionally manipulative text basically demanding money. Of course that sealed the whole thing. The next one had a bit of low self esteem and i had to fluff her up and reassure her at every turn. Got tiring. Plus sex of course was boring. She used the L word waaay too soon and was veerryyy needy. There were a few more like that that just didnt work out. Right now im in a thing with a friend from uni that I've always been very sexually compatible with but she's in a hetero relationship so we're jus f***k buddies. That's all well and good but I'm 27 and I really want a committed relationship of my own. So I guess my questions are: 1. Is being so nit-picky and particular with my preferences the reason I'm still single? Is there a way around it? 2. Does anyone have a similar experience like I did with the stud? Did you work around it? How? 3. How else can I find love in this f***king town? 4. Does anyone know a cure for demisexuality? Coz this long ass route I've been taking isn't cutting it for me anymore. 5. Oh and does anyone have any tips on asking a straight girl out? There's this girl who's perfect for me except she claims she's straight but is super touchy feely with me.