pressure to settle down

[VINA]

It was my birthday some days ago and I always thought by now I would be settled. You know, I don't want to be a grandma before my kids come.

I feel sad because it seems like it's going to take a while for that aspect of my life to begin. I have given myself a target and if I clock that age and no serious person then I think I would just be a single mother.

Down to my questions.

How hard is single parenting? Would you consider it?

Would you advice me to wait or go ahead and start my family?

 

 

[kimi]

Hmmm... this a very sensitive topic. So I will treat it delicately. My general advise would be, no one can make this decision for you but yourself because you and you alone will have to deal with life and its consequences.

Now down to my answers:

How hard is SP? - I have not a clue about this... 

Would I consider it? NO. I love love kids but not to the extent of raising one on my own. If I must have a child, it would have to be the outcome of a love so deep and a love so true. Nothing less. I so want children but it must be a product of a very healthy and passionate love life/relationship with my partner. Otherwise, I'm fine with my pet kids. 

Advise for you? - hmmmm.... you will need to do a thorough 360 degrees evaluation of the possible impact and consequences. Weigh the pros and cons and see which swings in your favour.

Amongs the issues to consider, a few are: Will you be able to cope with society's backlash or family's glare. What of how it affects the child? Are you able and willing to be financially independent where you need not depend on another for a thing? Do you think you have what it takes to raise the child in a way that they turn out to be emotionally and psychologically balanced? These issues and so much more are worth considering. 

Truth is, if you have it all well thought out, then by all means, do it -You will be fine. You are not the first woman to thread that path neither will you be the last. For all I care, society and family could go take a hike. 

All the best with it x

 

PS- the look on that face though! Hahaha. 

[Teewhy]

Okay. Kimi brought those outta my mouth mehnnn!!! Left to me, wouldn't wanna be a single mother, not in this shrinked and shallow minded society. 

But who cares, people will always have things to say about you, they must talk. 

In as much as I love kids, wouldn't wanna have and raise one on my own. 

Advice for you? Refer to what Kimi said. 

Between, happy birthday. No wonder we didn't see you for a short time here, so na birthday bash you dey arrange and you no call us. Kontinu!!!!

 

[Mimy]

2 hours ago, vina said:

It was my birthday some days ago

Eh how did I miss this? *cover face* 

Kimi has said it all. I couldn't have said it any better. 

My siblings and I were raised by my mother alone. It was really tough for her doubling as a father and a mother simultaneously. Especially in this society we found ourselves. But yeep! She made it amidst all odds. We all turn out just fine. 

[Hawken]

Happy Belated Yo!

As for SP? I think I would. I love children and want them some day. And I am not going to let the lack of a partner stop me from having them. So, so long as I am capable spiritually, emotionally and financially, I most definitely will.

[lala1990]

On 9/24/2017 at 9:57 AM, vina said:

I have given myself a target and if I clock that age and no serious person then I think I would just be a single mother.

I think Kimi has said most of what I want to say. Concerning the quoted, I will say putting an age target is kind of very stressful for you and the person you are dating. I personally would target being with someone that it just feels right with and giving it a go and pray the best comes out of the situation.

Single parenthood if you are from a supportive family and your friends are legit can be a breeze, but if your family disowns you because of it and your friends stigmatize you then you will regret the process. There is this lady on IG that recently put to birth and all her friends are gushing about her and her son. It took me a minute to realise she got a sperm donor and the baby was all hers, but the love has been flowing like crazy. Your support system just has to be lit ;)

[Hipstar]

Setting out to be a single parent shouldn't be instigated by the lack of a partner expected at a certain age. It should rather come from the need to handle things alone or as a result of an accidental discharge which brought about withdrawal or denial from the other party (couldn't help it).  For me, i was ready to be pregnant at 20, i needed badly to have a baby ALONE.. Now this need was not from a certain target nor denial of any sort, it was for the sole aim of seeing the miniaturized me and my love for kids further reinforced the desire. 

however, i couldn't see this through because i wasn't financially ready to take on that responsibility

[Charlie]

I think it's a decision you should make after weighing the pros and cons.

I personally won't mind being a single parent, hell I think I'd rather that to be honest. It won't be easy but I know I'd be able to. 

You just have to know what you want and it's never too late to have a kid so don't think you're running out of time or something, just make sure everything is properly thought out. 

 

Happy Birthday by the way :)

[VINA]

Thanks guys. Inputs taken and decision made. y'all are the best. I will definitely invite you guys to the naming ceremony.