Abystacy Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 I'm not sure why am writing this, but I felt like I owe it to myself and anyone who at one time has been in similar situation. Personally I am shattered and I'm seriously not going to spend all my time and energy being angry at other people's ignorance because then they won't only be against my equal rights but they'll be interfering with my happiness and I will be damned if I let that happen. Recently I had a personal experience, which am not going to go into details yet I was shattered, confused and emotionally numb! I had to take a step back to articulate my thoughts, re access my psychological state of mind, and I came to the conclusion that I have been way too naïve as regards to choice making in life hereby, giving room for emotional blackmail and questions about my sexuality.. Talk less and listen more usually are the words my late father rang into my ears anytime there was conflict between myself and my siblings, My elder sister who sure has a bad mouth and bares her bias opinion regardless of who she hurts in the process, and my mother who happens to be too busy taking care of her 29 grandchildren,12 of her own children excluding ME who is un regrettably different. She always had so much on her plate that she didn't notice when I started fighting my sexual orientation, I was confused and didn't know why am emotionally and sexually attracted to women. Always stand up for what you believe in my childhood friend Uju's voice echoed in my ears as I silently listen to the verbal attacks my family were breeding my neck... You are a disgrace to this family my sisters said... Apparently, someone had come to feed up with rumors of how i have been living my life since i left home after university degree. In a nutshell she concluded that i am a lesbian with no hope of ever getting married to a man someday. I listened as they voiced out their opinion angrily at me with disappointment written all over their faces.I reached out to my closest brother for help, who told them to get off my case. I do not blame them though because its true that i prefer to date or be with a woman over a man. Why?...trust me i can't explain, i just know that its an inevitable emotion that i feel and its only people of like mind will understand this emotion that i speak of. so i do not blame my family for this .I can only hope someday they will try and calmly understand this part of me.. Violence begets violence, I heard them say and my patience was already running low. Its bad enough that i have been called out here over a rumor, you all accepted and encouraged the bearer of this image tarnishing story. without anyone of you *my blood* having my back.. All this thoughts in my head, I suddenly yelled *shut up everyone* my voice was so loud and frank that I got everyone s attention immediately. Not this ı continued , you have not called me to discuss my well being, or the little illnesses that I have had that none of you have bothered to ask about, or was it the time i haven't paid my Rent? Yet I choose not to come home where you all constantly judge me. Sometimes i wonder why all this fuss about families and stuff because they haven't been supportive at all both physically and emotionally, that's why am not bold enough to even tell you people what my problems are or the challenges that I am facing.. I have learnt to do this on my own, and I won't tell you what you all want to hear because its the worst that you all want to hear about me. Believing am cursed. Being Gay is not a curse. Just like God created tall, short, brunette ,blonde petite, green, black, blue, brown eyes so is our sexual preferences. It doesn't mean I have lost touch with humanity, neither does it change the fact that am human,that I have blood in my veins not ketchup. I am not ashamed of being who I am, its a pity that we do not live in a country where no one should be afraid to confess her sexuality for fear of intolerance or even if in some gay accepted country, we are still looked down on. So if you are out there and had faced a similar fate or facing 'domestic violence, mind raping, emotionally blackmail of any sort from your family because of your sexual orientation, I've got few words for you! You need to be ready to put your foot down. Accept the fact that you are definitely going to fight for what you believe in, be ready for inevitable phenomenon of rejection because growing up gay in a homophobic society poses many challenges as we face our developmental tasks and build an identity. We also carried boat-loads of shame and fears of not being accepted for who we were as we grew up (and a lot of us still struggle with these issues as adults) because of the messages from society that said being gay is "bad." This prejudice and discrimination, coupled with the fear of not being accepted, is super hurting. Low self-esteem, the tendency to have a strong need for approval, and to define one's self-image around what others think of you can be additional culprits in decision making. .. Be strong, build your self-confidence by becoming the best "you" can be. Invest in your personal growth, fine-tune your social skills, take safe and calculated risks, enhance your self-esteem and body image, develop a more balanced lifestyle with purposeful goals that will give you meaning. Overcome your fear of being negatively judged by having a solid grasp on your vision and requirements to operate from that. Remember that all this boils down to perception, that you only have total control over the way that you think and interpret things; you have no control over the other person. Reframe your experience of rejection in more positive terms, develop a mindset of acceptance to bounce back quickly, and keep centered on your goals and beliefs in your ability to lead a happy life. Don't let peoples opinion paralyze your life; live by the mantra NO MORE MISSED OPPORTUNITIES and remember that the main reason for people to want to be with you is by you being who you inherently are! So be yourself! Keep an ongoing log of affirmations that resonate with you to help you stay upbeat and centered during those difficult times. We don't know what the future holds for each an every one of us, stand tall, be gay and proud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suavity Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Thankyouuuu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suavity Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 Thankyou i love this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators moresko Posted March 15, 2014 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2014 I know this is late, but great post. I've read it a couple of times, and I'm deeply touched by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abystacy Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 Thank y'all for appreciating it. A big thanks to someone special for your input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators FlyJ Posted March 16, 2014 Administrators Share Posted March 16, 2014 This is very encouraging ;Thank You for sharing your story. I have learnt that no matter what happens, who dislikes me, what society says, what the church thinks of my way of life,I never stop being me. I STAND TALL amidst all adversaries! Being Gay isn't easy especially in our society we need each other to pull through,hence the need for forums like this. Thanks again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skills Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 Wow! Weldone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abystacy Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Its a pleasure. Thanks all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missAmy Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Beautiful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abystacy Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avvi Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Thank u for this piece .it really means a lot to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abystacy Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 You are Welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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