Iris Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Well.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milad Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Those arnt friends. Mine is in a kind of twilight zone, she knows and I have brought girls home but she likes to pretend we are friends. I think its her coping mechanism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 my ex was a tom so when mom met her, my mom kept marveling about why she looked and acted so much like a guy. Then one day my mom said ," hope she has never tried to touch you or anything like that?!" I put on a face of disgust and said," no o. for what nau?!" Lol. can we survive in this world without some acting skills??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavive Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Ladies this is a wonderful conversation and truly a test of ultimate strength.. I wanted to update how much my mummy in law has bonded with me. We took her to a party with other nigerians. My wife and I haven't seen most the community here since the rumor of our same-sex marriage spread like wildfire. At the party there were stares, but we were not shunned. We had fellow nigerians come and greet the family and everything was nice. That night we decided to show her mummy some pictures from the time they have last visited. We started with our vacation pictures. And then we showed her our wedding! It was a positive reaction I didn't expect. Today though, I disclosed the big secret. I was telling my mummy in law that we do so much to help her because one day we hope our children to the same for us. She looked and said we can get husbands. I explained that we do not need to, we are seeing a doctor very soon and we are having man to aid in the process so I can carry our child. She jumped and hugged me and praised jesus for the baby that is coming. She said my family will be so happy too. I want to reiterate this woman is not well read in the western acceptance of our love. She prays with oils and covers us with the blood of jesus. I just don't know what to say but how happy I am . -aunty oyinbo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hipstar Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 #smiles#.. must say m really happy for u. Ur mother in-law is one kind yet to come by around here whr I come from. Could nvr imagine a Nigerian woman coming to terms wid such decisions. Too good to be true. If I hv a mother like dat, i'd probably be d happiest persn ever alive. Goodluck again Lavive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suavity Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 my mom do tell me to stop that noncence is not good ooo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted December 30, 2014 Share Posted December 30, 2014 Haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lavive Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 denial is what that sounds like suavity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fummy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 Yes ur right, coming out isn't for everyone. And yeah, financial independence is ALL u need if that is enough for u. Infact, it's d ultimate. But me, I don't know d kind of independence that wld prompt me to tell my mum I like girls..no matter how refined it is. I'm trying to see if I were my mum n she was me. Would I understand if she told me she was gay? Would my biologically straight-wired mind let me truly empathize with her gay-conditioned self? These two phenomenon are contrast-ingly different. I don't see them ever meeting. It's like Black and White. That said, I think it's d height of naïve idealism to think that my mum 'should' understand. That with her awareness of my sexuality, I cld 'now' live my life as an independent bisexual woman and everything would be alright. It won't. My mum wld cry and cry. She wouldn't believe it. Or she would. My elder sister would be d first to know. Then my baby sis and d rest of them. "We can't tell daddy yet". Haha I know how these things work in my house! Even if this elicits different reactions (which I know it would), d degree of hurt would be equally severe. Reciting biblical chants and sprinkling holy water on my head is the least of my concern. Infact it's nothing compared to what my sexuality would do to my mum. I know what it'd do to her. I can't tell my mother I've been bedding girls even if the world was to come to an end. This may seem defeatist, maybe. But the word 'Gay' cannot heal a straight, very churchy person like my mum. She would cry and cry and stop attending social functions. She'd say d world is against her. She'd go bland. She'd blame me. Blame God. And believe I was born with an ethical deficiency. She would live in denial for d rest of her life. I can't do that to her. Now, if I know my mother like this (and I really do) why would I subject her to a future of pure misery. What would it fetch me? I loved reading everything you wrote, its full of intelligence ..... Made me see this coming out issue in a new light... How selfish have I been to expect my mum to accept me just the way I am like its so easy.. I mean someone who already has plans for me n all, someone who can't wait to see me married, lol.... N I was thinking of leaving home as soon as I graduate n get a job... I didn't really think much about how my mum would feel, I just wanted freedom... But what's freedom if your freedom will put your love ones in bondage/unhappiness.... Will tread more lightly now, thanks.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fummy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fummy Posted January 2, 2015 Share Posted January 2, 2015 I can't just walk up to my mum and tell her am gay, lol... I know exactly how she will react, this post reminded me of a conversation I had with her last year... My mum came home from work that day looking gloomy, I was gonna ask her if there was something wrong but she didn't look like she was in a mood to talk or gist so I left her alone.. Later that night, she told me about a friend of hers whose daughter got married to a fellow lady abroad and sent the wedding pictures to her mum because her mum was putting too much pressure on her to marry..... To be sincere I felt it was kinda heartless to send pictures of your gay wedding to your unsuspecting mother, the news almost destroyed her mother, she almost went crazy after finding out and became a shadow of her former self.. My mum sounded so pained about it and watching her talk about it with so much disgust and hatred mehn nah I can't deal... Moreover my mum won't SIT down n do nothing if she finds out, she will do everything in her power to change me n all, she will fast, pray, visit mountains, lool .. She even told me she recommended prayers for her friend... I wish it was all just easy, you know? Its not easy for our mothers too, let's all take a walk away from our pains and consider theirs, even if they try to accept and finally understand us, they will still have to face reproach from their friends n family, they might not be able to handle the pressure from the society and all... We all know being gay is against the 'norm' of the society and it is even being considered as an abnormal behaviour in psychology and is still a crime in Nigeria.. How will they understand when they know being Gay in Nigeria can land you in jail? Please ladies let's be very careful who we open up to, nobody really needs to know and if you really wanna come out please do so in a gay-friendly country, not here o till you are sure its safe.. That friend of yours might not be your friend tomorrow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suavity Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My mum knows already too,but she's still seeing it as a joke though.unlike my elder sisters who nearly brought down heaven on me the day they knew.it was an horrible experience oo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamgal Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 hmmm I envy you... really. Can't wait to get family and build a family... if only. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators moresko Posted January 18, 2015 Moderators Share Posted January 18, 2015 I don't think anyone that knows me thinks I'm straight, they either know that I'm gay or suspect that I'm gay. I have actually only come out to two person (one of them already knew), but all my siblings know, some extended relatives knew but can't confront me about because they have no proof. I think my dad knows, but he doesn't ask and I don't tell. My aunt once told me "not to bring a girl home", I asked " why would I?", and she had no reply. I believe most (not all) Nigerian parents would know if their child is not straight, they purposely choose to be blind to the obvious, and they not believe that by not acknowledging it, it remains "unreal" to them (in their minds). That's my theory though. I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy concerning my sexuality, because I believe its no one's business and etiquette wise, its rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 L0L. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skills Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Nobody in my family can ever even assume it....as for my mom? ..last person on earth"!!..so ....so...impossible! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daftpunk Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I look quite not-straight so no one will be too shocked to learn I like girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iris Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Hahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 Yes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 My mum kinda knew. I'd say she suspected 60% and she accepted me for who I am. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissBanks Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 Nope...she can never know. It would absolutely destroy her...hell the heartbreak would probably kill her. Sad but I’m willing to keep it as far away from her as possible #TheStruggleLifeInTheCloset 💔 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 3 hours ago, MissBanks said: Nope...she can never know. It would absolutely destroy her...hell the heartbreak would probably kill her. Sad but I’m willing to keep it as far away from her as possible #TheStruggleLifeInTheCloset 💔 Aww. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VINA Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Awwnnnn!!! How did I miss this beacon of hope!!! There's a married Nigerian lesbian somewhere in the world for real and I'm seeing it with my own two eyes.. @oyinbo wife, thanks for sharing and it might be years later but your post is still so significant. My mum will survive, she has no choice, shell conform especially when the kids start coming, if she doesn't, toh...... This thread tho😩😩 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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