Chinue Igwe

[Iris]

A closet, in the simplest terms, is an enclosed space,

comprised of four walls used for the purpose of containing

or storing various items. For LGBTI folks, the closet is just

that. It works to keep our identities enclosed in a space

away from a society that deems it unnatural. If the way

we look, act, speak, dress, who we choose to love and

how we choose to identify do not fit neatly into society’s

heteronormative wardrobe, then we are forced to hide

behind the walls of secrecy, lies, fear, and shame. Our

identities become something that need to be silenced and

hidden away and the closet totes an arsenal of weapons

to do just that.

 

 

In a world where being LGBTI means that prejudice and

discrimination can be found right at our doorstep, then

staying in the closet, for some of us, means staying alive.

But for those of us who are or have ever been in the

closet, I think we all know that the pain we may be

escaping from the outside world is certainly coming from

behind the closet door. Hiding our sexual orientation and

gender identity from others is a confining and isolating

experience. Feelings of loneliness, difference, and shame

are only further marked by a perception of

disappointment, sin, self-hatred, and inherent badness.

We fear that our friends and families will not accept us,

that our God will not love us, and that our society will

shun us.

 

 

Because of these familial, religious, and social pressures,

we are often left with two choices—we can assimilate to

the constructs of the closet and pretend to be something

we are not in order to please others or we can step

outside of the closet and exist on the margins,

challenging the systems and ideologies of the masses in

order to be true to who we are. So who would you rather

be – the chameleon shamefully camouflaging amongst

the other garments in the closet or the peacock, flashing

its feathers proudly as a mode of resistance and a refusal

to be hidden?

 

 

The answer to this question might seem obvious but

every LGBTI person’s story is different and the thought of

coming out or staying in the closet can become an

agonizing internal battle. I will tell you though, that by

coming out of the closet we begin the important work of

dismantling the closet. By being true to who we are, by

freeing ourselves from the prisons of shame and guilt, and

finally accepting our rainbow of identities we then begin

to unhinge the doors of homophobia, take down the walls

of transphobia and force open the strict confines of the

gender binary. Coming out undertakes the task of

emptying the closet of all the fear that keep us held

captive.

 

 

We fear losing our family and friends. The relationships

and bonds we have with the people in our life mean the

world to us and we want more than anything to be

accepted and loved by those people. However sadly, for

many LGBTI people this fear often becomes a reality when

we do end up coming out. Loss and rejection by the ones

we love can be one of the most heartbreaking

experiences, but LGBTI people have proven to be one of

the most resilient communities. LGBTI folks have fought

against adversity, disease, discrimination and continue to

still fight. We have been able to make it this far because

as LGBTI people we have the ability to choose our

families. Our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, our sons,

and daughters, we are able to create kinship amongst

those who are like us. We may not be able to choose how

our biological families react to our sexual orientation or

gender identities, but we can choose to love and support

one another as we emerge from the confines of the closet

together.

 

 

We fear that we will be exiled from our spiritual and

religious faiths. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own

personal religious beliefs, what’s important to understand

is that more and more people of every religion are coming

to understand that for many people, being LGBTI is

completely normal for them, and has nothing to do with

whether they are a good or bad person. We know that the

Bible was written and translated several thousand years

ago, often long after the events described in it supposedly

took place. So while the Bible supports the notion of

slavery and the idea that women are the property of men,

we have come to reject these values in our society. Many

believe the same is true about homosexuality. Some

religions may sadly be anti-gay, but more and more

individual congregations are becoming welcoming of

LGBTI folks.

 

 

In fact, these congregations not only welcome LGBTI

folks, but some see our sexuality as a gift from God that

should be celebrated. The radical self-love and

acceptance that is necessary when coming out helps us

to become the fully realized individuals God created us to

be. Just as Esther came out to the king as a Jew despite

the impending threat of destruction to her people, coming

out as an LGBTI person is a declaration of one’s true-

self. It should be proclaimed with pride as God has given

us the incredible gift of forging loving relationships that

will transform our world into a more accepting place for

everyone. The ability to support, nurture and care for one

another in the face of bigotry is a blessing: our

community is God’s gift to us and with our collective

effort, we will be able to dismantle the closet once and for

all.

 

 

In a society that wants to keep us buried, the LGBTI

community has found glamour in the dirt as we become

more and more visible. But we are still endangered by our

governments, our families, and our religions. They tell us

that hiding, repenting, and changing is the only way we

can stay safe and be saved. But the closet is not a safe

place and by staying in the closet we relinquish our

power to external forces. The power we do have is the

power of choice. We get to choose to come out, we get to

choose our community, we get to choose our families and

because our freedom of expression is tied to the liberation

of our fellow LGBTI brothers and sisters, we have to make

the choice to support and love one another. That is the

only way we can truly make strides towards changing the

systems, the mindsets, and people who keep us

oppressed. It’s like the saying goes, “closets are for

clothes” so we should not have to live in one. Make the

choice to unapologetically be who you are, choose to

celebrate your sexuality and choose to join the fight in

ensuring that the closet becomes a historical relic that

our future generations will never have to endure.

 

 

www.whereloveisacrime.org/?p=1631

[Abystacy]

Courage comes in different forms. Sometimes I found it disheartening that people can be so hateful in others choices and way of life. Be who you are irrespective of others opinion. If you feel that you want to be in the closet for obvious reasons that's your decision and I for one applaud it. I hope one day our world will be so free of prejudice and discrimination.