Married Women Having Affairs with Lesbians

[FlyJ]

 

It's surprisingly common — but that doesn't mean it'll end well.

 

Do lesbians fall for women who are married to men? All the time! And if that's you, be prepared for things to get hard.

 

What does that mean?

 

Don't expect it to be easy or for the wife to depart her marriage without a lot of hesitating, questioning and false promises. She and her husband have a life and probably a house and kids and bills and extended family.

 

Who is responsible for this messy situation?

 

Sometimes it's the wife. She's unhappy in her relationship with a man and she's trying to figure out how to feel better about life.

 

Even though she's been questioning her sexual preferences for a while, she may believe she has to stay married. Maybe she can't fend for herself and her kids or face the wrath of society. Maybe she thinks its a phase. Maybe she's not attracted to her husband anymore and is wondering if she's lesbian. Maybe he's not paying attention to her and she's lonely. Maybe she got married for all the wrong reasons and is looking for answers. Or maybe she just got drunk one night and decided a lesbian encounter would be a great experience and a story to tell her friends.

 

On the other hand, the problem may stem from you. Perhaps you are a lesbian who prefers more feminine women and finds it hard to meet femme or lipstick lesbians. Or you're a lesbian who finds heterosexual women sexy and likes to flirt with straight married women because it's a great way to feel powerful, seductive and connected to someone who isn't really available.

 

Once in a while I hear from two married women who are having an affair with each other and aren't sure what to do. They aren't defining themselves as lesbians but have discovered they'd rather be with each other than with their husbands.

 

Dr. Lisa Diamond of University of Utah does research on human sexuality and has spent a lot of time looking at why women become attracted to other women. She has concluded from her years of research that women are more open and more fluid in how they connect to other individuals than we generally think. And that sometimes, when a woman forms a very strong emotional bond to another woman, sexual attraction can follow. These women are not necessarily repressed lesbians as much as they are expanding their sexual preferences based on a deep emotional connection.

Of course, ultimately affairs between a lesbian and a married women happen because there is something wrong with the wife's marriage.

 

When a relationship goes into the doldrums and distance starts to grow between a couple, an affair always becomes a possibility. Especially when someone shows up and starts paying attention to a woman who is lonely and desperately wants someone to really see her and appreciate her.

 

It's can also be easy for a married woman to tell her husband about the time she is spending with another woman. Certainly much easier than trying to spend time with another man. When a married woman is hanging out with a female friend, many husbands never question it. Something really odd has to happen for a husband to even notice.

 

But most of the time, the cat gets out of the bag; the husband finds out or the wife tells. Then what happens?

 

 

• The husband gets really mad and throws the lesbian out, telling her never to come back. She sneaks around for ages trying to get the wife to leave her husband but the wife won't go. The lesbian is heartbroken and alone.
  
• The wife claims its the devil and the act won't repeat itself.
  
• The husband says he loves his wife and is open to letting her try this out and get it out of her system. They experiment with an open relationship, sometimes all living in the same house together. This works for a while and then someone gets upset. Most often that's the husband saying he's done being nice about it and wants his wife back. The lesbian is heartbroken. The wife may be too, but she's too chicken to leave.
  
• Once in a while, the wife leaves her husband. Then there is a big mess to get through because of the divorce. However, this is actually a happy outcome for a lesbian and will hopefully lead to a long and happy relationship for both women.
  

Why do lesbians have affairs with married women?

 

I'd like to say it's simply because you don't believe you can find love any other way. But nothing about love or sex is that simple when it comes to women.

 

If you're about to have an affair with a married women, think twice.

 

Affairs happen. Some couples survive them. Some wives leave husbands for their lesbian lovers, but many lesbians are left out in the cold when it all falls apart.

 

Learn to take care of your heart and yourself.

 

Source

[ChazBee]

So true but in Nigeria I think most married women date lesbians to be fulfilled and they do it so selfishly that they don't reciprocate the gesture. I know a lesbian girl who got into serious trouble because her partner's husband found out and her partner left her to roast which she almost did but we didn't let that happen.

[FlyJ]

Who am I to judge? Personally, dating married women ain't my thing. I can't deal with the emotional risks and the thought of sharing I can't deal with too. It seems to be the norm in Nigeria though. I still don't understand why but most people justify it pretty well.

[VINA]

Its gold digging sometimes and it makes no sense to me

[FlyJ]

Gbam! Unfortunately, it's mostly gold digging.

[Hawken]

Yep, gold digging. But what is wrong with that again? Nothing right? I mean, isn't it mutually beneficial?

 

Plus if your star is bright, your gold mine will be both old and beautiful

[FlyJ]

Yep, gold digging. But what is wrong with that again? Nothing right? I mean, isn't it mutually beneficial?

 

Plus if your star is bright, your gold mine will be both old and beautiful

Hmm, I don't know about that o... but again it depends on the individuals.

[Hawken]

Hmm, I don't know about that o... but again it depends on the individuals.

 

Yep, it does.

[Althena]

Thank you Hawkeen, when people say gold diggers, it reminds me of this famous Glory Ediozien post on Bella Naija about how we are all gold diggers and how this is in fact, not a bad thing (READ IT HERE https://www.bellanaija.com/2010/03/the-gold-digger-in-me/)

 

But back to the main issue, which is dating married women.

We cannot blame women who do because that is all Nigeria allows us to do. We all know the pressures to get married once one is past 25 (abi na 18 sef) and most people fall for that. Women in our society are considered incomplete in life (no matter their achievements), until and unless they marry and have kids. And women have to marry for family pressure,

for societal acceptance,

to hide their sexuality (how many times have we been told to grow out of it and marry men),

and sometimes because you just need a man's help in this county! Many people come from poor homes and a way out of that is to move your wahala to a man. Sigh

 

Lastly, most lesbian and bisexual women do not see how they can end up with another woman in this Nigeria. We cannot cohabit, build homes, marry, have children or even just exist together as a couple for anything more than 2 years without questions (if that long in fact). Your mothers, siblings, uncles, aunts will raise hell, your colleagues, neighbors will gossip and kill you with questions. On top of all that, older lesbians have for the longest times been telling others to marry and have a girlfriend by the side. They say 'it is the only way' and we have thus normalized it.

 

Unless and until we have seen our peers or or other queer people in long term relationships, we will continue to believe that it is not a viable option for Nigerian women. And this marriage to hide our sexuality will continue. I am happy to say that I have met about a dozen queer couples in long term relationships. Some were married before, some never married, some in their 50, others in their 40s and late 30s. The one couple has been together for 17years and 4 of these couples have children. This is why I am always advocating for meetups so that we can see that we are not alone and anything is possible (with a little strong head and a lot of 'mind your business' to your family)

 

Anyhoo, I didn't mean to write an epistle here, it is just that I am sometimes surprised at how we talk here without nuance. Not everything is black and white and we should first and foremost have some empathy. People are making the best of the circumstances they have found themselves in, and seeing as we haven't walked in their shoes, we should be the last to judge. Even those who are married to men deserve love. We all deserve love

 

P.S

Read that Glory Edozien article!!!!

[Hawken]

Haha, and to think I was only looking for trouble.

 

Not to sound sanctimonious here, the only reason i won't date a married woman is exactly because of the fact that she's married. Money, age and every other thing in between? Irrelevant to me.

And if i never get comfortable enough in my sexuality to marry a woman, I would simply remain unmarried. No need dragging an innocent man into my conundrum. We all deserve love but it shouldn't be at the expense of some other person.

 

ps Truth be told, as i get older, becoming a sugar baby begins to look more and more appealing. Like no jokes, come and make me a kept woman.

[Althena]

Hawkeen you and me both. I am ready to quit my job, look hot all day and just live the babygirl life

[Hawken]

Hawkeen you and me both. I am ready to quit my job, look hot all day and just live the babygirl life

 

2017 is our year! It won't pass us by

[Keke]

There is something attractive about married women to me. I do not know what that really is.

My boss's wife for instance, she drives me insane and she acts like she knows.

That kind of woman can ruin your life.

Maybe it is just my village people chasing me.

I have one or two women I've kept as casual friends over the years, but I have not tried anything with them (yet).

I always make sure of distance. They are in the far north.

I do not like that feeling of being used by someone who will at no point in her life place me first.

Taken is taken.

A bisexual dating a man, cool.

A marrried woman? nope for now.