5 Reasons We Shouldn’t Say ‘Gold Star Lesbian’ or ‘Platinum Gay’

[Chrmd]

If you’re a part of the queer community, you’ve probably heard the terms “gold star lesbian” and “platinum gay” thrown around. But if you’ve never heard of them before, here are some quick definitions:

A gold star lesbian is a gay woman who’s never had sex with a man; a gold star gay is a man who’s never had sex with a woman; and a platinum gay is a gay man who was born by C-section – the idea being that he never touched a vagina, not even at birth.

But all of these terms are really problematic and harmful to the entire queer community. Here are six reasons why.

 

1. They’re Harmful to Trans People

The main way that these terms hurt trans people is that they tend to be entirely based on genitals – platinum gay especially. There’s already a lot of prejudice within the gay community towards trans men because they’re men who generally have vaginas, and creating a ranking system that clearly values people who haven’t touched a vagina doesn’t go over well for someone who actually has a vagina.

It reinforces the awful misconception that trans men will never be “real men” – and it puts a stigma on any gay man who wants to date a trans man.

The same goes for gold star lesbian. While it’s generally used to mean a lesbian who hasn’t slept with a man, it’s often conflated with a lesbian who’s never touched a penis. And just like there are trans men with vaginas, there are trans women with penises.

Anti-trans terms like these have no place within the queer community.

 

2. They’re Harmful to Bisexual People

Gold star and platinum are clearly meant to give value – they’re meant to be good things. So a platinum gay is seen as “more gay” or somehow as a “better gay” because of his platinum status.

But bisexual people exist. And the fact that they might sleep with people of different genders doesn’t make them any less queer. One myth that bisexual people constantly have to confront is the idea that they’re only “half-gay,” but that’s just not true. Bisexual people feel same-gender attraction just as much as gay people do, and their bisexuality shouldn’t make them worth any less within the queer community.

 

***. They Harm Gay People Who Came Out Later In Life

Ranking people based on whom they’ve slept with is never a positive thing. Even if someone is a cisgender gay person, it’s very possible that they’ve had sex with someone of a different gender before. Lots of gay people go through that before coming out – for so many different reasons.

They might have been trying to convince themselves that they were straight. They might have really liked somebody and thought it could work. Their sexual orientation might’ve been more fluid before. Or any other number of reasons. It isn’t uncommon, and those people are no less gay because of those experiences – just like a straight person isn’t gay just because they kissed someone of the same gender once.

 

4. They Insult Rape Survivors

I’ve even heard these terms used to shame survivors of rape, because people would argue that you can’t be a “gold star lesbian” if you’d been raped by a man. And I honestly can’t think of anything more f***ked up than that argument.

Because obviously, rape is not sex. But “gold star” and “platinum” rankings put so much emphasis on what your genitals have touched that many folks won’t consider you “gold star” or “platinum” if you’ve been raped by someone of a different gender.

And ranking someone lower – even just implicitly by using these terms – just because they’ve been raped is honestly sickening.

 

5. Your Source Of Pride Doesn’t Have to Harm Others

Some people will say that the terms “gold star” or “platinum” are a source of pride for them. They identify with these words, and they make them happy. And that’s great for them, but these aren’t words that exist in a vacuum.

“Gold star” and “platinum” are inherently divisive within the queer community because they create a hierarchy of queer people where some are “better gays” than others. I’m all for words that you can relate to and take pride in, but not if those words are harmful to others.

You can take pride in being a lesbian or in being gay, but “gold star” and “platinum” only serve to put down other people within the queer community, and that’s just unnecessary. To lift yourself up, you don’t have to tear others down.

And that’s why we shouldn’t be using the terms “gold star” or “platinum” anymore.

 

SOURCE;everydayfeminism.com

[kimi]

Good stuff! Thanks for sharing

[FlyJ]

Wonderful article @Op...I don't do labels...and there seems to be quite a few in the LGBT community...it does more harm than good IMO. Thanks for sharing!

[Hawken]

But labels keep everything so nice and orderly :(

[Suavity]

Word.

[Althena]

It also put unnecessary pressure on women who have had sex with men claim that they haven't. Thanks for this post chrmd!

[Michelle]

I prefer women that have been with men...they're more versatile and know how to ride well.

[Mimy]

11 hours ago, Michelle said:

I prefer women that have been with men...they're more versatile and know how to ride well.

🤔🤔. I like to believe I'm versatile and a bad ass rider yet I haven't experience with a guy before.

Though this gold star thingy is as silly as the virginity concept among straight people. 

[Michelle]

1 minute ago, Mimy said:

🤔🤔. I like to believe I'm versatile and a bad ass rider yet I haven't experience with a guy before.

Though this gold star thingy is as silly as the virginity concept among straight people. 

Mimy you're just an undercover freak I tell you. Some are just born gifted I suppose 😀

[Diff]

On 4/23/2017 at 7:47 PM, Hawken said:

But labels keep everything so nice and orderly 😞

Not these kinds though really. 

[Diff]

i think sometimes certain  labels complicate things. Sometimes the best way to live is to keep it simple, you know?

[Hawken]

1 hour ago, Diff said:

Not these kinds though really. 

I agree, these are kind of unnecessary.