MENA Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Last weekend my girl friend came over and she seems so, so disturbed and l asked what the matter was and she was like , where she went to get her hair done, something unpleasant happened. And she was like her hair dresser had broken up with her girl and things went so sour. They have been living together for three years and the hair dresser just moved out of the house and she also changed her work place. And her girl friend the very cute stud refuse to let go. She traced the hair dresser's house and would sleep in front of her door for days. The cute stud even invited the hair dresser's mom to town that she should plead with her daughter to come back but when the mom realize that it was a lez issue, she told the stud that when they started she wasn't there and she has thought they where just childhood friends. So the stud located her new work place, and everyday she would sit across the road just staring at the entrance and her friends would walk across the door of the Saloon just looking in for her. So the hair dresser got the police involved so that her ex could -sign an under taking for her safety. And the all show became public when the cute stud refuse to get into the police van. So this all story got me thinking. 1. Is good to be in love and be lost but must it end so, so sour? 2. When you are being abandoned how best would you handle it? 3. When you are tired of a relationship, how best would you break it? Please very honest answers it could save someone going through this right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dipbluesae Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Pathetic! There is a thiny line between love and obsession.. I think this is crossing it. 1)Not good to be in love and be lost. why does it have to end badly?! 2)Been abandoned hurts but to some particular people, it hurts even more. But still it is what it is. People at some point will abandon you, it's the world we live in. She should just accept that, only then will she be able to go on. 3)Talk things out, honestly. Say no and mean it. I know for them it'll be hard to take, they are humans too. But when you keep telling someone you no longer want them in a respectful way, if they have any form of self respect left, they will get over you. People shouldn't obsess over someone at all, makes one look like an idiot. The fool love makes you look like is certainly enough! Whatever happens I hope they work things out. She wasn't even threatening her so why called the police. Love gone sour. Tell the obsessed one, she is being pathetic now, It's okay now. enough is enough. She won't die without her, she certainly won't. She should improve herself, work on herself and watch the idiot come running after her or even if she doesn't, won't matter then cos you mingle with better people as you upgrade. She is the most important person to herself, am sure she knows that. My heart goes out to her though, a love gone sour was never there probably wasn't there to begin with, and three years was a longtime! Modified: She was stalking her, that was enough to call the police. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Yesterday I pondered deeply about "The law of circles" and how ones lack of understanding of it leads to a lot of pain and confusion like the above story. My explanation of the law is that for every beginning, there is an end. That we must respect the opening of a circle and recognise it's closing as well. We are each on this planet for individual reasons , don't become clueless like the housemates in BBN who have forgotten the sole reason for which they went to the house. The closing of a circle is painful but the best we can do is to accept that our purpose in the persons life is over and that if we look around, there is another circle waiting to be started, another open door, an expanse of road on our journey waiting to be travelled upon. There is no easy answer for the grieving one. We all grieve differently.... I for example prefer to grieve alone, others would rather create a scene, different strokes for different folks , but eventually, everyone moves on. Time heals. She will be okay. Just let her grieve however she sees fit, no need dragging other people into it. Another thing that might help would be for her to be advised to channel her grief into something beautiful, maybe an art. I remember starting and completing a manuscript on poems about loosing love, after my last break-up. I never starve nayim make I never publish am but anyways, it helped. Painting has been rumoured to help a lot. Travelling too. A new hobby like boxing maybe....martial arts is tricky because if the anger comes during practice, she fit just kill person pikin, lol. So boxing is good. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted March 12, 2018 Moderators Share Posted March 12, 2018 Firstly, I'm quite appalled that she outed her ex albeit unintentionally. Why call her mum or go to her work place? Smh. 4 hours ago, dequeen said: There is no easy answer for the grieving one. We all grieve differently.... I for example prefer to grieve alone, others would rather create a scene, different strokes for different folks , but eventually, everyone moves on. Time heals. She will be okay. Just let her grieve however she sees fit, no need dragging other people into it. I concur with dequeen's comment above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starburst Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 Everything that has a beginning must end at some point even life itself, the day we were born we were celebrated likewise the day we die we shall be mourned we all came alone and we shall go alone. Am sorry to use death as an illustration here also I apologise for being away from this forum for a while now I ve been busy and I also had to switch devices but I am back. Back to the matter on ground we need to stop loving people like they hold our destinies my advice is no matter how nice someone is please hold some love back as for this particular situation this is no more love it is obsession. I know it's not right for the stud to stalk the ex but if the ex loves(ed) her she would ve found a better way to handle it at least they can just be friends you don't just wake up and cut someone off after 3yrs( mehn it's not fair this one pain me) honestly sometimes this is why I don't like relationships where you place someone on a certain level and the person places you 100ft below. Please as for the jilted lover take heart buy some bottles of alcohol lock yourself in a room get high cry and sleep when you wake up you move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Which kind of yamayama thing is that? The stud needs help. This isn't love. It is borderline manic obsession and it is dangerous. Good thing the other girl had the good although "surprising" sense to get our also yamayama police involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 1 hour ago, Hawken said: Which kind of yamayama thing is that? The stud needs help. This isn't love. It is borderline manic obsession and it is dangerous. Good thing the other girl had the good although "surprising" sense to get our also yamayama police involved. Empathize. Wear both shoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 5 hours ago, dequeen said: Empathize. Wear both shoes. I tried, the studs own didn't fit 😢 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MENA Posted March 13, 2018 Author Share Posted March 13, 2018 l very much appreciate your contribution @DipBluSae, @dequeen, @kimi, @stargirluc, @Hawken Some people after they sit for exam they will come to tell you, l don give the lecturer assign but when the result comes out, you will be shocked they had failed. Only to find out that the questions was not addressed by the person. Just as DipBlusae, Kimi, Stargirluc and Hawken did not address the questions in quote just only dequeen did. So will it be right for me to say that you guys just failed? You just only focus on the comprehension and not the questions. Pls don't mind ame o just kidding, but l will like you guys to address the issue of how best u can handle a break up from both angles if you where the one. This story made me have a flash back of the girl that holds a portion of my heart no matter who so ever l have loved. l was in primary six when l met Eve, she was three years older than me and she was in Jss2 as at that time. We were so close , we had this special connection. l love her so much and she loves me dearly too but it was all a special mutual love. She was the first person l came out to. Some holidays, Eve would travel to spend it at her elder brother's house. When she returns, she gives me stories of her elder brother's wife and her partner and all the dramas. When she was in SS1, one of those holidays, the brother's wife came up to her and was like l had broken up with her girlfriend and can you take her place? And Eve was in shock, she couldn't understand the all thing and she said she would like to think about it. And few days later, the woman just violated her and she couldn't tell the brother because the woman became so nice to her and before she knew it she was in love with her elder brother's wife. To cut the story short, the relationship went out of hand that they never cared and their both families were in loggerheads here and there. The wife later broke up her marriage with Eve's elder brother and traveled abroad leaving her three kids for Eve to care for about a year before she finally took them abroad. Every year she came to see Eve after a while she decided to take her over but it didn't work out for some years. So she ask Eve to go and see an Agent who is coming to Naijia to help process her document and she should make sure she sleep with him. And just that one night my friend Eve got pregnant. She did all she could but no way out to get ride of the child and she had just relocated to Lagos because of the families pressure. So she finally had the baby, when the woman came the following year she would always abusing her and abuse the child at all time before she and her child finally joined the woman over there. l was shocked few years ago when Eve came to Naija and she was giving me gist how the woman was maltreating her child and how she denials her child of most benefit because when they got there initially they got married so the child bears the woman's name as well. So when she was tired of the all thing she decided to come to Naija to change the document of the chhild because they had started having series of issues but that trip to Naija the woman joined them. She said the woman had ceased the child's passport and only gave it to her when they arrived Lagos airport but surprisingly she couldn't find the passport again after then at the airport and that was how the child ended spending almost two years in Naija before Eve could process a New document, something that was meant for just a month. Before going back she has ask a relative to move her things from the woman's house to the apartment that she just got before making the trip and that she was done with the relationship. That after 22yrs she till not sure of the relationship. She pays almost all the woman's bills bcos she sent her to school over there but still her child can not freely have cookies in the house and the sex has even become lazy. Most times when she return from work she will just lie down and ask her for a head and when she comes that is just it. So l courage her to move on with her life, that she is just hanging there just because the woman is her first. And she said she has moved on for the fact she has paid for an apartment. l was surprised when my friend got back, a month later she moved back to the woman. So ladies.... When should you really stop? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 Goodness Gracious!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dipbluesae Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 When she is dead I guess.. That's where abuse usually ends if the victim remains. she's just exploiting her, you know that feeling that without me you would be nothing, can't be here? it's a popular one. It must suck for a woman to beat another, such fragile creatures! She moved back cos she's lonely, imo. I hope she doesn't stop when she's dead or her child is hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted March 14, 2018 Moderators Share Posted March 14, 2018 7 hours ago, Ivyy said: Goodness Gracious!!!! Hahahahaha. Whew Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted March 14, 2018 Moderators Share Posted March 14, 2018 I agree with deeqeen o. So you can count me as passed The story was too annoying for me to take the time to do a lengthy response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 1 hour ago, kimi said: I agree with deeqeen o. So you can count me as passed The story was too annoying for me to take the time to do a lengthy response. Honestly. I was just too irritated to properly write about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted March 14, 2018 Share Posted March 14, 2018 Meanwhile, your friends issue is just... Something else. People over there need to stage an intervention for her. Let her know that she still has time to find love with someone else and start again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 On 3/12/2018 at 12:51 PM, MENA said: Last weekend my girl friend came over and she seems so, so disturbed and l asked what the matter was and she was like , where she went to get her hair done, something unpleasant happened. And she was like her hair dresser had broken up with her girl and things went so sour. They have been living together for three years and the hair dresser just moved out of the house and she also changed her work place. And her girl friend the very cute stud refuse to let go. She traced the hair dresser's house and would sleep in front of her door for days. The cute stud even invited the hair dresser's mom to town that she should plead with her daughter to come back but when the mom realize that it was a lez issue, she told the stud that when they started she wasn't there and she has thought they where just childhood friends. So the stud located her new work place, and everyday she would sit across the road just staring at the entrance and her friends would walk across the door of the Saloon just looking in for her. So the hair dresser got the police involved so that her ex could -sign an under taking for her safety. And the all show became public when the cute stud refuse to get into the police van. So this all story got me thinking. 1. Is good to be in love and be lost but must it end so, so sour? 2. When you are being abandoned how best would you handle it? 3. When you are tired of a relationship, how best would you break it? Please very honest answers it could save someone going through this right now. The reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice. There's nothing wrong in being lost while in love. Isn't that what love is. Being so vulnerable and trusting your lover not to exploit your vulnerability. Breaking up is usually really painful. There are no best way to get over it. We love differently. It's mostly easier to embrace the pain until it no longer hurts. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted March 15, 2018 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2018 1 hour ago, Gimbiyya said: The reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice. #word! I totally like this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted March 15, 2018 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2018 1 hour ago, Gimbiyya said: There's nothing wrong in being lost while in love. Isn't that what love is. Being so vulnerable and trusting your lover not to exploit your vulnerability. Breaking up is usually really painful. There are no best way to get over it. We love differently. It's mostly easier to embrace the pain until it no longer hurts. Spot on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MENA Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 On 3/14/2018 at 7:01 AM, kimi said: I agree with deeqeen o. So you can count me as passed The story was too annoying for me to take the time to do a lengthy response. On 3/14/2018 at 8:34 AM, Hawken said: Honestly. I was just too irritated to properly write about it. When Ellen degeneres was to invite Portia de rossi for her show for the first time, she decided to do a pre-shot to see how well her wife will perform so that she nor go fall her hand. So she asked her some series of questions and all her responses was yes and a no. And Ellen said to her, no darling, you can not be saying yes and no because it will make the show end in no time. The viewers will appreciate better if you make a proper conversation so that they can understand you views on the issue. So Kimi and Hawken, it would have been better if your options had come in your own words. but is ok, you both passed anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MENA Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 On 3/14/2018 at 8:39 AM, Hawken said: Meanwhile, your friends issue is just... Something else. People over there need to stage an intervention for her. Let her know that she still has time to find love with someone else and start again. Yah but she called it being in love. And other thing, she is too scared to have a new start. The woman had some stuffs on her. Like when we were discussing then, the woman's son was filling papers for her younger sister and her baby, so she was scared that will stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MENA Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 2 hours ago, Gimbiyya said: The reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice. There's nothing wrong in being lost while in love. Isn't that what love is. Being so vulnerable and trusting your lover not to exploit your vulnerability. Breaking up is usually really painful. There are no best way to get over it. We love differently. It's mostly easier to embrace the pain until it no longer hurts. True talk but from my years of loving, it has gotten worse but better. l have come to a conclusion of, love with your eyes open not shut. Many people have been in love and lost. But with time they come to realize that their lives, dreams and goals has been on hold all those years of being lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MENA Posted March 15, 2018 Author Share Posted March 15, 2018 3 hours ago, Gimbiyya said: The reason why we hold on to something so tight is because we fear something so great won't happen twice. There's nothing wrong in being lost while in love. Isn't that what love is. Being so vulnerable and trusting your lover not to exploit your vulnerability. Breaking up is usually really painful. There are no best way to get over it. We love differently. It's mostly easier to embrace the pain until it no longer hurts. True talk but from my years of loving, it hasn't gotten worse but better. l have come to a conclusion of, love with your eyes open not shut. Many people have been in love and lost. But with time they come to realize that their lives, dreams and goals has been on hold all those years of being lost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted March 16, 2018 Share Posted March 16, 2018 @Gimbiyya Nail to the head! That fear that something so great can't happen twice. #Fact. @MENA Jesu! People have stories o! Anyways, the relationship started on the altar of abuse so I'm not surprised about how it's folding out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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