On Corporal Punishment

[Midnighter]

Spanking/beating of kids is not as frowned upon (at least in Nigeria) as spousal abuse. 

Why are people more comfortable with corporal punishment for kids? Are they seen as less human because of their ages? 

Is there any difference between spanking a kid or spanking an adult?

 

[Hawken]

I see nothing wrong with spanking/beating kids. I draw a line though at abuse. But sadly, that's what happens in a lot of African homes.

When i have kids and they are anything like the younger me, i am going to regularly turn them over my lap and take a hand or spatula to their behind (shii might even give them a slap or two, tf?), that's for sure. I'm even looking forward to it sef.

Spousal abuse? On God, if men where only spanking their wives (not punching, disfiguring, maiming, near killing) DV wouldn't be "such" an issue. There's a whole berth between spousal abuse and spanking of kids.

I'm more comfortable with kids being spanked because they need to be taught, they need to be disciplined. Its really that simple. What works for one kid, will not work for another. I grew up watching my eldest brother collect proper beating, my immediate older brother? Not once. I literally cannot remember seeing my folks beat that boy....... But my eldest and I (i collected from my mum because i am an angel in my fathers eyes )  collected proper beating because "we nor dey hear word" and we always wanted to do "whats in our mind". Some kids are stubborn and sometimes words just don't get through.

And also because spare the rod and spoil the child.

Again, there's a difference between spanking/beating a child and child abuse. Africans are failing at toeing that line. Even though its not very thin.

[Midnighter]

7 hours ago, Hawken said:

I see nothing wrong with spanking/beating kids. I draw a line though at abuse. But sadly, that's what happens in a lot of African homes.

When i have kids and they are anything like the younger me, i am going to regularly turn them over my lap and take a hand or spatula to their behind (shii might even give them a slap or two, tf?), that's for sure. I'm even looking forward to it sef.

Spousal abuse? On God, if men where only spanking their wives (not punching, disfiguring, maiming, near killing) DV wouldn't be "such" an issue. There's a whole berth between spousal abuse and spanking of kids.

I'm more comfortable with kids being spanked because they need to be taught, they need to be disciplined. Its really that simple. What works for one kid, will not work for another. I grew up watching my eldest brother collect proper beating, my immediate older brother? Not once. I literally cannot remember seeing my folks beat that boy....... But my eldest and I (i collected from my mum because i am an angel in my fathers eyes )  collected proper beating because "we nor dey hear word" and we always wanted to do "whats in our mind". Some kids are stubborn and sometimes words just don't get through.

And also because spare the rod and spoil the child.

Again, there's a difference between spanking/beating a child and child abuse. Africans are failing at toeing that line. Even though its not very thin.

If beating kids is for correction while wrong, why shouldnt spanking be for correction for adults?

Also, if a kid is taught that spanking or flogging is a way to pass across an idea, wouldnt that kid grow to be an adult who also abuses their spouses? 

As a spouse, will you accept correction with "slaps or spanks" as long as it doesnt go beyond that?

How do we justify beating kids knowing they will grow up to be adults having spent their developmental years learning that is the way to teach/correct. Isnt this just growing new generations of abusers? 

[Txunamy]

I really don't subscribe to beating, spanking, boxing, using karate on someone whether kids or Adults.

Growing up, my mum never lifted a finger at me. All my life, no one has as much as tapped me talk more of beating. 

I have only spanked my Lil cousin once, and I regretted it and apologized to her immediately. Thankfully, kids don't hold grudges. ☺  

To be honest, I don't know if towing the line of discipline by the way of spanking kids is good or bad, I honestly don't know. 

I do know that if I have kids and I spank them, I would feel horrible afterwards. 

Same way I feel about DV of any sorts. 

Anything that has to do with causing physical pain to another, even if it's fleeting like in the case of spanking, honestly makes me sick. 

I just resort to using my bad mouth, which of course, is BAD. 

[Txunamy]

Except for being floggled a couple of times in school sha. 

[Midnighter]

51 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

To be honest, I don't know if towing the line of discipline by the way of spanking kids is good or bad, I honestly don't know. 

I do know that if I have kids and I spank them, I would feel horrible afterwards. 

Same way I feel about DV of any sorts. 

Anything that has to do with causing physical pain to another, even if it's fleeting like in the case of spanking, honestly makes me sick. 

I just resort to using my bad mouth, which of course, is BAD. 

I think we need a bit of reorientation as adults, parents or potential parents. I will not like to be spanked so why should I spank a kid. And as you say, however minimal it is, inflicting pain on another human is still present. 

And if spousal abuse is clear cut an abuse why should we treat kids as any less human beings just because they behaved wrongly or due to age. Kids can actually learn when we take the time to explain to them. 

 

[Hawken]

2 hours ago, Midnighter said:

If beating kids is for correction while wrong, why shouldnt spanking be for correction for adults?

Also, if a kid is taught that spanking or flogging is a way to pass across an idea, wouldnt that kid grow to be an adult who also abuses their spouses? 

As a spouse, will you accept correction with "slaps or spanks" as long as it doesnt go beyond that?

How do we justify beating kids knowing they will grow up to be adults having spent their developmental years learning that is the way to teach/correct. Isnt this just growing new generations of abusers? 

Because they are just that, adults. They have come into themselves and are responsible for their choices & behavior.  A lot of parents stop beating their kids at a certain age. Mine stopped when I was 16 and in year 1. If I go out and misbehave, it will be ridiculous for anybody to blame my mum for my actions (even though people will), but if I were a child and she was blamed, it would be valid. In that line, nobody has any right to hit their spouse because correction. If I go out and steal, who's taking the blame? Me or my spouse? In fact my folks are more likely to be blamed because it was their responsibility to teach me that stealing is wrong.

As for kids growing up to be abusive, its possible that they were abused. Like I said there's a difference between spanking a child and abusing a child. My mum would beat me and obviously I would sulk. A while later, she would call me to her, ask me if I thought she she liked beating me, TRY to explain why she did it, then TRY to bribe me with coke or stuff. Beatings left and right but I knew she loved me. Beating left and right but I have no marks on me. I mellowed. Look, if my mum didn't beat me, with what I can see now, I would have been a different person.

As a spouse I have dealt with an abusive partner. Got out of the relationship and decided never again. Now if a woman as much as threatens to hit me, byeeeeeeeeee. So nopes, its no acceptable to me at all.

My mum beat me and what I learnt is that that's how you train some stubborn children. Now my mum talks to me when im out of line and I have learnt thats how you train adults.

 

[Hawken]

A couple of days ago, I watched two friends fight. One threatened the other other with violence. I was damn furious. How can you at your big age threaten someone over an argument? Don't you have sense? Where is the mutual respect on which relationships/friendships are built?

Its very simple, if you grew up without home training, train yourself, you won't die.

Abusers were usually abused or witnessed their parents abuse each other. Getting spanked (not abused) as a kid, I don't believe had anything to do with it.

[Midnighter]

1 hour ago, Hawken said:

Because they are just that, adults. They have come into themselves and are responsible for their choices & behavior.  A lot of parents stop beating their kids at a certain age. Mine stopped when I was 16 and in year 1. If I go out and misbehave, it will be ridiculous for anybody to blame my mum for my actions (even though people will), but if I were a child and she was blamed, it would be valid. In that line, nobody has any right to hit their spouse because correction. If I go out and steal, who's taking the blame? Me or my spouse? In fact my folks are more likely to be blamed because it was their responsibility to teach me that stealing is wrong.

As for kids growing up to be abusive, its possible that they were abused. Like I said there's a difference between spanking a child and abusing a child. My mum would beat me and obviously I would sulk. A while later, she would call me to her, ask me if I thought she she liked beating me, TRY to explain why she did it, then TRY to bribe me with coke or stuff. Beatings left and right but I knew she loved me. Beating left and right but I have no marks on me. I mellowed. Look, if my mum didn't beat me, with what I can see now, I would have been a different person.

As a spouse I have dealt with an abusive partner. Got out of the relationship and decided never again. Now if a woman as much as threatens to hit me, byeeeeeeeeee. So nopes, its no acceptable to me at all.

My mum beat me and what I learnt is that that's how you train some stubborn children. Now my mum talks to me when im out of line and I have learnt thats how you train adults.

 

Just because you had no adverse effect from being spanked as a kid doesnt mean it is universal. 

Who decides when it crosses over from spanking to abuse? How do you draw a line? The aim of most spanking is almost always for the child to feel pain which is supposedly to trigger remorse. 

Historically, when has that ever solved anything. I knew kids that got used to caning and they will misbehave knowing what their punishment will be. Shey it is just beating.

So should their parents increase the intensity of flogging?

Kids can be engaged differently for wrong doings. They can be made to understand that there are consequences for actions without resorting corporal punishment. 

If an adult doesnt want pain inflicted on them they also shouldnt inflict pain regardless of the age. 

[kimi]

It breaks my heart to see a child get spanked. That said, I'm all for spanking when it is called for. The first time I spanked my nephew left me feeling so sorry. It was my last... I could have sworn I had a bit of tear in my eye. Anyone who knows me knows he means the world to me but that day, words weren't doing the trick. He saw a different side to me and was equally as sorry. He as much as cried begging me and telling me not to stop being his friend. Lol. A 5year old's way of telling me not to stop loving him.

As a child, I didn't just get spanked, I got a few beatings. Not too many thankfully. Did I deserve them? I don't think I did because I was one of those children you could actually reprimand with just words. I have a gentle spirit. Lol. Do I dislike my parents for it? Never. Not for a day because I also understood that it was how they knew to train a child. A lot of it was done out of fear. The hope is for the next generation to do better than the previous. 

Personally, spanking is neither here nor there for me. Use it if at all not to inflict pain but to correct those kids who need more than mere words or a naughty corner. 

[Hawken]

2 hours ago, Midnighter said:

Just because you had no adverse effect from being spanked as a kid doesnt mean it is universal. 

Who decides when it crosses over from spanking to abuse? How do you draw a line? The aim of most spanking is almost always for the child to feel pain which is supposedly to trigger remorse. 

Historically, when has that ever solved anything. I knew kids that got used to caning and they will misbehave knowing what their punishment will be. Shey it is just beating.

So should their parents increase the intensity of flogging?

Kids can be engaged differently for wrong doings. They can be made to understand that there are consequences for actions without resorting corporal punishment. 

If an adult doesnt want pain inflicted on them they also shouldnt inflict pain regardless of the age. 

One size doesn't fit all when it comes to training kids. The key is to find what works on each kid and use it. The key is also to love and appreciate them. And to let them know that everything you do is out of love and for their own good.

My mum didn't beat me to trigger remorse. She couldn't careless weather I was sorry or not (I believe). But you know what she cared about? That I didn't do what I did again.

My mum triggered remorse after the beating by talking to me. It was a two prong attack 😂 I was that child.

If pain is what's needed to teach my own child, to make my child a better person in the long run, I will inflict the pain. I am responsible for that child. I am responsible for the adult they become. And if I have to feel emotional pain every time I spank them, I will suck it up and spank the shit out of them then go into my room and cry. Selah

 

[Txunamy]

4 hours ago, Hawken said:

A couple of days ago, I watched two friends fight. One threatened the other other with violence. I was damn furious. How can you at your big age threaten someone over an argument? Don't you have sense? Where is the mutual respect on which relationships/friendships are built?

Its very simple, if you grew up without home training, train yourself, you won't die.

Abusers were usually abused or witnessed their parents abuse each other. Getting spanked (not abused) as a kid, I don't believe had anything to do with it.

Hahahaha! 

You hawk? You were a handful as a kid. 😜 

[Hawken]

1 hour ago, Ivyy said:

Hahahaha! 

You hawk? You were a handful as a kid. 😜 

Oh yes, i was. I was an annoying recalcitrant child. As I think back to it now, my mother tried... I remember her sister telling her that she would have a hard time with me as a teenager, my mum replied that she was ready for me and man she was

[Txunamy]

6 minutes ago, Hawken said:

Oh yes, i was. I was an annoying recalcitrant child. As I think back to it now, my mother tried... I remember her sister telling her that she would have a hard time with me as a teenager, my mum replied that she was ready for me and man she was

Lol.. 

But you turned out alright.. So, mama did good I guess. 

[Hawken]

10 hours ago, Ivyy said:

Lol.. 

But you turned out alright.. So, mama did good I guess. 

[MENA]

Have you ever wondered why our hair is not curly as the whites  or why our skin is not White? It is because we are Africans. And Africans are Africans every where, wether being called Black Americans, the are still Africans because the Africa blood runs in them also. And for this reason we perceive and react to things differently from most whites. It doesn't make us less Human. Is just who we are.

My up bring, if you ever watched the movie Sound of Music, that was just it.

I was born in a large family of few girls and many boys. We were commanded and paraded like soldiers. 

When my Dad returns from work, immediately we hear the sound of his car, we all go outside from A-Z to Salute him like the Germans soldiers.

When our steward calls that my Dad wants to have a word, we move into his sitting room and stand attention according to our age while we wait for him to come out from his room and whenever  he finally does, he makes us match around his centre table for a while then he says attention then at easy. Then he passes the information he wants to give or share fruits personally in our plates.

My Dad will always give rules, which will be clearly stated and at the end of it, he will say always think about it. If you brake it, there will be no  Daddy abeg and if l can remember vividly, it was just once he listened to Daddy abeg and an Aunt was involved in the plead.

 

Most time when the rule was broken we were flog up to 80 to 120 strokes and this is no small strokes.

He will normally start with the reading of the Bible when he reads it out loud from the Bible , do not spear the rod to spoil the child. Next he shows the steward by example how he will flog us

By flogging him one hot stroke to provoke him to really flog us hard. The numbers of stroke is being shared downwards according to your age. And the minimum l ever got that l can remember was 80 because l was very stubborn then.

I was a child with few words but l had a lot of guts and l follow them diligently and wait for my Dad's drills. I remember him saying alot of times that l was among the worst child he has ever had.

But today if my Dad haven't heard from me, he counts the days and he will say l haven't heard from you in so numbers of days why.

Now, my up bring is  what l will call iron fist. Most of us turn out to be better and discipline persons.

I grow up to always stand for truth and l have always been a very considerate person and most people will testify to that. 

My up bring, will l say is the best way? No but we as Africans, or should l say most Africans, talking does not do the work like it will do for most White.

If a child is very stubborn,  discipline the child in the best way with understanding.

You can't say you don't want to spanke or beat your child and watch him spoil before your eyes because in future, it will hurt you a million times more.

And in my summary, you won't be able to really tell for now if you will spanke your child not until you have one.

[Txunamy]

2 hours ago, MENA said:

Have you ever wondered why our hair is not curly as the whites  or why our skin is not White? It is because we are Africans. And Africans are Africans every where, wether being called Black Americans, the are still Africans because the Africa blood runs in them also. And for this reason we perceive and react to things differently from most whites. It doesn't make us less Human. Is just who we are.

My up bring, if you ever watched the movie Sound of Music, that was just it.

I was born in a large family of few girls and many boys. We were commanded and paraded like soldiers. 

When my Dad returns from work, immediately we hear the sound of his car, we all go outside from A-Z to Salute him like the Germans soldiers.

When our steward calls that my Dad wants to have a word, we move into his sitting room and stand attention according to our age while we wait for him to come out from his room and whenever  he finally does, he makes us match around his centre table for a while then he says attention then at easy. Then he passes the information he wants to give or share fruits personally in our plates.

My Dad will always give rules, which will be clearly stated and at the end of it, he will say always think about it. If you brake it, there will be no  Daddy abeg and if l can remember vividly, it was just once he listened to Daddy abeg and an Aunt was involved in the plead.

 

Most time when the rule was broken we were flog up to 80 to 120 strokes and this is no small strokes.

He will normally start with the reading of the Bible when he reads it out loud from the Bible , do not spear the rod to spoil the child. Next he shows the steward by example how he will flog us

By flogging him one hot stroke to provoke him to really flog us hard. The numbers of stroke is being shared downwards according to your age. And the minimum l ever got that l can remember was 80 because l was very stubborn then.

I was a child with few words but l had a lot of guts and l follow them diligently and wait for my Dad's drills. I remember him saying alot of times that l was among the worst child he has ever had.

But today if my Dad haven't heard from me, he counts the days and he will say l haven't heard from you in so numbers of days why.

Now, my up bring is  what l will call iron fist. Most of us turn out to be better and discipline persons.

I grow up to always stand for truth and l have always been a very considerate person and most people will testify to that. 

My up bring, will l say is the best way? No but we as Africans, or should l say most Africans, talking does not do the work like it will do for most White.

If a child is very stubborn,  discipline the child in the best way with understanding.

You can't say you don't want to spanke or beat your child and watch him spoil before your eyes because in future, it will hurt you a million times more.

And in my summary, you won't be able to really tell for now if you will spanke your child not until you have one.

80 strokes of cane? Jesus! 

And you survived every stroke?  You must be as tough as a shell now. ☺ 

I don't even know what my kids would do to me to make me want to give them even one stroke. Cane is painful AF. 

But don't you think attributing the 'floggings'  to being African and Nigerian is tantamount to being stuck with the mentality that black people are meant to keep suffering? 

What happened to breaking free? What happened to saying I would raise my child differently and not same way I was raised(if you despised the strokes that it) without spanking him or her, I would discipline him or her without spanking or flogging? 

It's okay to say that kids needs to be disciplined in your opinion by flogging them, but what I don't agree with is the fact that its being attributed to being an 'African' thing.  That's mental slavery in my opinion. 

Like I said up, I grew up without being spanked, cos my mum doesn't believe in spanking, but I turned out alright. 

There are people like you who grew up receiving strokes of cane, and it made them even more rebellious. 

I honestly don't know what works for kids. I would just go with how I was raised. 

[MENA]

4 minutes ago, Ivyy said:

80 strokes of cane? Jesus! 

And you survived every stroke?  You must be as tough as a shell now. ☺ 

I don't even know what my kids would do to me to make me want to give them even one stroke. Cane is painful AF. 

But don't you think attributing the 'floggings'  to being African and Nigerian is tantamount to being stuck with the mentality that black people are meant to keep suffering? 

What happens to breaking free? What happens to saying I would raise my child differently and not same way I was raised(if you despised the strokes that it) without spanking him or her, I would discipline him or her without spanking or flogging? 

It's okay to say that kids needs to be disciplined in your opinion by flogging them, but what I don't agree with is the fact that its being attributed to being an 'African' thing.  That's mental slavery in my opinion. 

Like I said up, I grew up without being spanked, cos my mum doesn't believe in spanking, but I turned out alright. 

There are people like you who grew up receiving strokes of cane, and it made them even more rebellious. 

I honestly don't know what works for kids. I would just go with how I was raised. 

Yes that was my own experience. Maybe my Dad  felt that was the best way he could handle discipline.

Talking about Being hard as a shell, well am not hard as a shell. Funny enough l turned out to be tender hearted. it actually helped in my facing situations of life, my drive to achieve results.

The African thing, my point is most Africans are generally tough and are not easyly persuaded as the whites. It has nothing to do with slavery. It is just a nature thing.

What l was trying to say is, if talking doesn't work, spanke. If spanking doesn't work flog or punish the child. Children needs discipline. Pray for them as well.

If it wasn't important, it wouldn't have been stated in the Bible "do not spear the rod to spoil the child".

So l don't think is appropriate for you to say you wouldn't spanke Rather you should l pray your child should be calm like you when you were small 

So our prayer should  be God give me a Calm child that listens.

[Dipbluesae]

80 stroke of cane? That's abuse..

African parents been abusing their kids since the days of Lord Lugard..

Have only received two slaps that sent me rushed to hospital bed each time.. After the 2nd one everyone just got tired of me jaree.. 80 strokes, lol I may not survive it..  you are a physically strong woman! believe me👌👌

[MENA]

9 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

80 stroke of cane? That's abuse..

African parents abusing their kids since the days of Lord Lugard..

Yeah, then there was no knowledge of such thing as abuse.

The funny part is, after such Hot drills most times he always sit us down and tell us how much he loves us and how he wants us to be better persons. Then it takes us out for shopping or picnic. So it became a thing of the pass then.

If we will say the truth, we have alot of funny parental characters back in the days because they believe they own us so they have the right. But thank God for civilization and knowledge. Things are more better these days.

But l still stand for discipline but not of the degree of the one l got.

My Dad felt like he was a soldier so he ran his family like a commader and there were side effects to his way of parenting.

Because today, some of my siblings don't trend the same part with him. But l love my Dad alot he is a change man and a man of truth.

He is a human right activist today.

Also l have a sister who is on the soft side like you. She never got up to 8 strokes l guess. Words alone could send her crying for hours. 😀

[Txunamy]

16 hours ago, MENA said:

Yes that was my own experience. Maybe my Dad  felt that was the best way he could handle discipline.

Talking about Being hard as a shell, well am not hard as a shell. Funny enough l turned out to be tender hearted. it actually helped in my facing situations of life, my drive to achieve results.

The African thing, my point is most Africans are generally tough and are not easyly persuaded as the whites. It has nothing to do with slavery. It is just a nature thing.

What l was trying to say is, if talking doesn't work, spanke. If spanking doesn't work flog or punish the child. Children needs discipline. Pray for them as well.

If it wasn't important, it wouldn't have been stated in the Bible "do not spear the rod to spoil the child".

So l don't think is appropriate for you to say you wouldn't spanke Rather you should l pray your child should be calm like you when you were small 

So our prayer should  be God give me a Calm child that listens.

Well, Amen to that. ☺ 

[kimi]

Hahahaha. Karma must be served. Lol

[dequeen]

@MENA I admire you for surviving all that. I can't even imagine it. 

I'm glad we are mostly a better generation and will have more creative ways of correcting our kids that will have nothing to do with breaking them or abusing them.

[VINA]

I like how butty parents tell their butty kids to face the wall, sit on the ground or ground them for days and these kids are crying and feeling sorry for their wrongs.

see spanking is hard work and i would rather find alternatives like positive and negative reinforcement (so i am a trained teacher, you have to bear with my lingua) other than caning.

i remember flogging a class of 50kids, i dont know what prompted me to start but once i started, i couldnt stop cos that would be unfair so i finished and my hand the next day!!! Oh lord, i dont wanna remember.

just remember that the method of punishmment you start is what the kids will fear the most if you threaten them with it.

i dont think spanking is child abuse if done properly without intentions to wound or scar. Thats why i advice parents and guardians to flog kids preferably on their hands and not backs or all over the body and with a thin cane not wire, cables, koboko, rods. Haba!!! Na goat??

lets not forget that some adults find spanking sexual and arousing.  Intentions are what makes it good or bad.

nice topic btw.

 

[MENA]

19 hours ago, dequeen said:

@MENA I admire you for surviving all that. I can't even imagine it. 

I'm glad we are mostly a better generation and will have more creative ways of correcting our kids that will have nothing to do with breaking them or abusing them.

Yes o.  Better generation, better ways!😀