LOVE, TRUST AND LETTING GO

[Dipbluesae]

"If you live in Nigeria, you know the struggle to be gay.

The struggle which involves having to play off your relationship as a simple friendship in public so as not to raise suspicion; the struggle which makes You, the lesbian, have to act like your girlfriend’s best friend while a random male hits on her. You watch her flirt back and it breaks your heart because you can’t be too aggressive to the male, you can’t stake your claim on the woman he’s hitting on. It can be heartbreaking, going to the club and not being able to dance with the love of your life for long. Not too close either.

To the gay woman, the most important thing at all times is to maintain your cover.

It’s especially hard dating someone who’s bisexual because she hardly understands why you’re so uptight about her practically humping a stranger, especially of the opposite sex, in a club while you watch. It’s hard because every time she flashes her heterosexuality in public, you start to doubt what you have behind closed doors. She tries to reassure you but you’re not quite convinced.

And even though it’s against everything you stand for, you go through her phone. You need to be sure you’re not the fool. It doesn’t help. You find recent sex chats with her ex-boyfriend. She lies about your discovery. You feel useless. You don’t know what to do. You think the next best thing is to cheat, to get back at her. You arrange the hookup and can’t even bring yourself to do it. Cupid has shot you and that arrow isn’t leaving your back.

It hurts everyday because you constantly feel like you’re not enough. It f***ks with your mind. f***ks with your confidence. You want to break up but you can’t bear to lose the love of your life. You wish and wish the feelings will go away, just for a little while.

I’ve been here. I am here. This is my story. Sadly, I can’t let all the thoughts of betrayal go because the lies never stop. I can’t get over the deception. The calls from the ex and the lies about who is calling. The feeling you get that your lover is working hard to keep this ex in her life, and the bewilderment you feel at why this is so. It makes you wonder if you’re not enough, why you’re not enough.

But this is what we live with. We can’t be too aggressive, can’t blow our cover. We have to accept it.

And we take it and take it…

That is, until the day you get the invitation to the ceremony that witnesses the love of your life getting taken away from you for good."

Just now I read this on KD and I must confess, I had no idea things like this happen.. Some people dey try sha..😏 But how many people would actually take it, I guess it feels good when it's been done to another person.. no wonder most homosexual just do the bleep and go stuff_too much heart break to risk and for what!😕 

[VINA]

Omo, definitely not me. Lol.

i dance only with my partners in clubs, in parties. I no kuku give a shiiiii.

in bars its worst, when i was still with an ex, you dare not come to our table as a man to "just be friends" or want to talk to me. Woh! That gehboy will tell you "bros, oya come dey go na". If you turn it to quarrel, she ready. She laid a claim to me everywhere we went. We never tried to hide it, i never go out of my way to hide my sexuality.

walking in a normal lagos street with a stud holding ur hand, helping you to cross, omo it was pretty weird. We would get comments like "lesbians", "cucumber girls" and we would reply with something equally snide, involving their female folks. So that analogy up there does not hold true for everyone.

*

before anyone gets into a girl-girl relationship with a bisexual. You need to ask questions, plenty questions. What am i even saying sef, its not like even the lesbian relationships last more than a month. Lots of us are not even serious abeg, it would have still ended so lick your wounds in solitude mbok. 

[ChazBee]

5 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

That is, until the day you get the invitation to the ceremony that witnesses the love of your life getting taken away from you for good."

That's the hardes part and the reason I have sworn never to date a bisexual. All the struggles stated above is so true especially when you aren't financially balanced enough to take care of yourself and your girl at least so she doesn't look to the male folks for upkeep. 

I feel your pain girl, Nigeria is just a cruel place for us to fall in love with a girl. 

[kimi]

This post made go check out kitodiaries to catch up on what they've been up to. Lol.

Lesbians are just as naughty I assure you. 

[kimi]

10 hours ago, vina said:

What am i even saying sef, its not like even the lesbian relationships last more than a month. Lots of us are not even serious abeg, it would have still ended so lick your wounds in solitude mbok. 

Hahahaha. I wonder why though. 

[scarlet]

9 hours ago, ChazBee said:

That's the hardes part and the reason I have sworn never to date a bisexual.

I find statement like this rather disturbing,  because you make it seem like it's only bisexual women that are predisposed  to be in a relationship with a woman until they find a man or rather are more susceptible to flirt or cheat when pose with a chance, ..  Aren't  lesbian women quilty of such too here in Nigeria, Abi,  is it not the same society everyone is made to conform and suppress their sexual proclivities, and by conforming I mean " having a side boyfriend just in case family and friends becomes overbearing about what spouse you are on to?  Why do we always paint it as a "bisexual" thing..  I don't get.  I  had once been with this  very gay girlfriend but who also had to  have a side boyfriend because of course, it'd be unsettling to her parents to find out that at her age and as pretty as she was, she dont have a boyfriend..   So " she had to pretend , with  a guy, and by pretending she had to do things people in relationships with guys do,  but she truly loved me.  Does that mean she's a cheat and lier;  Or rather unfaithful?  I have met other who'd  get marry to a man and after her first kid left,  this is no news. This things happens with most  females living in this country regardless whether they really are bisexuals or lesbians,  exception of the very brave and carefree few,  but how many are they nkwu? but yet we are hell bent on making bisexuals the only culprit,  when most if not all does this..  Back to my question? 

Why then do we always pin it as a "bisexual thing" rather then "queer women living in Nigeria thing" because we all know  both lesbians and bisexuals living in Nigeria does it.  Why??  

[VINA]

1 hour ago, kimi said:

Hahahaha. I wonder why though. 

Its a gay culture thing. Even the gay guys are complaining. Everybody wants to get laid, the rest just end up marrying the opposite sex to save face.

[Dipbluesae]

11 hours ago, vina said:

Omo, definitely not me. Lol.

i dance only with my partners in clubs, in parties. I no kuku give a shiiiii.

in bars its worst, when i was still with an ex, you dare not come to our table as a man to "just be friends" or want to talk to me. Woh! That gehboy will tell you "bros, oya come dey go na". If you turn it to quarrel, she ready. She laid a claim to me everywhere we went. We never tried to hide it, i never go out of my way to hide my sexuality.

walking in a normal lagos street with a stud holding ur hand, helping you to cross, omo it was pretty weird. We would get comments like "lesbians", "cucumber girls" and we would reply with something equally snide, involving their female folks. So that analogy up there does not hold true for everyone.

*

before anyone gets into a girl-girl relationship with a bisexual. You need to ask questions, plenty questions. What am i even saying sef, its not like even the lesbian relationships last more than a month. Lots of us are not even serious abeg, it would have still ended so lick your wounds in solitude mbok. 

Lol.. true sha

[Dipbluesae]

9 hours ago, ChazBee said:

That's the hardes part and the reason I have sworn never to date a bisexual. All the struggles stated above is so true especially when you aren't financially balanced enough to take care of yourself and your girl at least so she doesn't look to the male folks for upkeep. 

I feel your pain girl, Nigeria is just a cruel place for us to fall in love with a girl. 

I don't get. You have to take care of her so she doesn't look to male folks for upkeep lol? They don't work? I'm confused o.. thought it's a two way thing nah

[Dipbluesae]

56 minutes ago, kimi said:

Hahahaha. I wonder why though. 

Lol infidelity is #1 ☺

[Dipbluesae]

Just now, scarlet said:

I find statement like this rather disturbing,  because you make it seem like it's only bisexual women that are predisposed  to be in a relationship with a woman until they find a man or rather are more susceptible to flirt or cheat when pose with a chance, ..  Aren't  lesbian women quilty of such too here in Nigeria, Abi,  is it not the same society everyone is made to conform and suppress their sexual proclivities, and by conforming I mean " having a side boyfriend just in case family and friends becomes overbearing about what spouse you are on to?  Why do we always paint it as a "bisexual" thing..  I don't get.  I  had once been with this  very gay girlfriend but who also had to  have a side boyfriend because of course, it'd be unsettling to her parents to find out that at her age and as pretty as she was, she dont have a boyfriend..   So " she had to pretend , with  a guy, and by pretending she had to do things people in relationships with guys do,  but she truly loved me.  Does that mean she's a cheat and lier;  Or rather unfaithful?  I have met other who'd  get marry to a man and after her first kid left,  this is no news. This things happens with most  females living in this country regardless whether they really are bisexuals or lesbians,  exception of the very brave and carefree few,  but how many are they nkwu? but yet we are hell bent on making bisexuals the only culprit,  when most if not all does this..  Back to my question? 

Why then do we always pin it as a "bisexual thing" rather then "queer women living in Nigeria thing" because we all know  both lesbians and bisexuals living in Nigeria does it.  Why??  

Maybe because bisexuals swings both ways.. they love you and love di**ks too.. Hard to trust aswear.. breeds automatic insecurity.. but you are right some lesbians can not even take their eyes off anything called skirt.. The hardest thing to find in this world is a trustworthy person.. and in the rainbow world, it seems hardest. Bleep and go should be the slogan..as usual😏

[ChazBee]

11 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

I find statement like this rather disturbing,  because you make it seem like it's only bisexual women that are predisposed  to be in a relationship with a woman until they find a man or rather are more susceptible to flirt or cheat when pose with a chance, ..  Aren't  lesbian women quilty of such too here in Nigeria, Abi,  is it not the same society everyone is made to conform and suppress their sexual proclivities, and by conforming I mean " having a side boyfriend just in case family and friends becomes overbearing about what spouse you are on to?  Why do we always paint it as a "bisexual" thing..  I don't get. 

@DipBluSae, first let me apologize if my statement got to you personally but it is a fact if we chose to admit it that when we are looking at the big 3.0 age as girls we need stability else one loses it all at that phase of life and this is true for both lesbians and bisexuals and haven dated as much girls as I have (both lesbians and bisexuals alike) I have come to notice that no matter how we try to play safe in this community you cannot place the stability you get from lesbians side by side what you get from bisexuals both in Nigeria and other countries and even in countries where there are no anti Gay laws.  

Do you know why many of us queers get to the point where we don't feel good enough sometimes? It's because we're dating someone who has someone else and because we are always using people. 

A girl who has a girlfriend has a side guy whom she has to tell 'I love you ' right in your presence and you nod it away knowing its just for public eyes that she doesn't means it abi? What if she does, what's if she means it but she sticks with you because that's where the orgasm comes from. 

What if she desperately wants to get married to a guy and have kids because according to one of my exes 'my mom married and had me so I have to marry and birth someone else to continue the order of life' or the ones who will tell you 'I have to marry so they don't think I have spiritual husband' or that they know that what they are doing with you is a sin but it feels so good and she can't stop. 

Am not by this saying its all rosy with the lesbians, am just saying that if I have to have to choose which gun to shoot myself with I'll choose I rubber-bullet loaded gun. 

We're all mostly confused in this community with what the country and it's stupid law is doing to us but I don't wanna watch my girlfriend pretend to love another guy or probably kiss and smoosh him in my  presence or worst of all attend her wedding as her best friend to prove how safe I wanna play. 

[Dipbluesae]

4 hours ago, ChazBee said:

@DipBluSae, first let me apologize if my statement got to you personally but it is a fact if we chose to admit it that when we are looking at the big 3.0 age as girls we need stability else one loses it all at that phase of life and this is true for both lesbians and bisexuals and haven dated as much girls as I have (both lesbians and bisexuals alike) I have come to notice that no matter how we try to play safe in this community you cannot place the stability you get from lesbians side by side what you get from bisexuals both in Nigeria and other countries and even in countries where there are no anti Gay laws.  

Do you know why many of us queers get to the point where we don't feel good enough sometimes? It's because we're dating someone who has someone else and because we are always using people. 

A girl who has a girlfriend has a side guy whom she has to tell 'I love you ' right in your presence and you nod it away knowing its just for public eyes that she doesn't means it abi? What if she does, what's if she means it but she sticks with you because that's where the orgasm comes from. 

What if she desperately wants to get married to a guy and have kids because according to one of my exes 'my mom married and had me so I have to marry and birth someone else to continue the order of life' or the ones who will tell you 'I have to marry so they don't think I have spiritual husband' or that they know that what they are doing with you is a sin but it feels so good and she can't stop. 

Am not by this saying its all rosy with the lesbians, am just saying that if I have to have to choose which gun to shoot myself with I'll choose I rubber-bullet loaded gun. 

We're all mostly confused in this community with what the country and it's stupid law is doing to us but I don't wanna watch my girlfriend pretend to love another guy or probably kiss and smoosh him in my  presence or worst of all attend her wedding as her best friend to prove how safe I wanna play. 

@ChazBeeThat wasn't my writing.. it's Scarlets. Why the heck does it say Dipblusae.. @kimi

[kimi]

Lol

[ChazBee]

6 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

@ChazBeeThat wasn't my writing.. it's Scarlets. Why the heck does it say Dipblusae.. @kimi

Sorry dear, did look properly. No vex

[Mimy]

Let's also try to see from the perspective of Lesbians or bisexuals who have side boyfriends for marriage. Not all are just assholes who love to eat their cakes and still have them back or who doesn't know what they really want. To some, that's how best they know to survive the hostile, conservative society/culture that ensure you cannot figure out yourself if, where, when and who to have sex with. Some of these girls won't keep side boyfriends if they were 'privileged' to be in sane societies. Like which lesbian won't want to enjoy her life with her girlfriend/girls alone and save herself the emotional gymnastic of marrying a guy where her society is supportive. 

[Dipbluesae]

Just now, Gimbiyya said:

Let's also try to see from the perspective of Lesbians or bisexuals who have side boyfriends for marriage. Not all are just assholes who love to eat their cakes and still have them back or who doesn't know what they really want. To some, that's how best they know to survive the hostile, conservative society/culture that ensure you cannot figure out yourself if, where, when and who to have sex with. Some of these girls won't keep side boyfriends if they were 'privileged' to be in sane societies. Like which lesbian won't want to enjoy her life with her girlfriend/girls alone and save herself the emotional gymnastic of marrying a guy where her society is supportive. 

So it's okay to use another person because you are running away from conservative culture? As much as it kinda make sense when speaking from their view it's still a Nah! Because someone else will be hurt too!

And we all know most of them keep it for money anyway..

[Mimy]

Girls are being raised to aspire to marriage, parents spend the greater time preparing thier girls to be good wives, less likely to be financially independent than the male counterparts because more resources were pulled into training the boys (even the financially independent ones are still made to feel incomplete without men in their lives)... It doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay, girls are shaped to be good enough for men. In a misogynistic society that place girls and women in the very bottom in hierarchy of exploitation, what choice does the average incapacitated girl have? Like I said, some of these girls are just trying to survive. And if you're 'unfortunate' to be a lesbian, it means you're not just facing the bloody patriarchs but your sexuality as well. 

Raise a girl in a progressive society that is free form gender apathied, you'd have a girl who doesn't have to shrink ( sadly hurting people and herself in the process) to fit in. 

[Dipbluesae]

Just now, Gimbiyya said:

Girls are being raised to aspire to marriage, parents spend the greater time preparing thier girls to be good wives, less likely to be financially independent than the male counterparts because more resources were pulled into training the boys (even the financially independent ones are still made to feel incomplete without men in their lives)... It doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay, girls are shaped to be good enough for men. In a misogynistic society that place girls and women in the very bottom in hierarchy of exploitation, what choice does the average incapacitated girl have? Like I said, some of these girls are just trying to survive. And if you're 'unfortunate' to be a lesbian, it means you're not just facing the bloody patriarchs but your sexuality as well. 

Raise a girl in a progressive society that is free form gender apathied, you'd have a girl who doesn't have to shrink ( sadly hurting people and herself in the process) to fit in. 

I agree👌👌 especially the last part. 

[dequeen]

So many gray areas. At the end of the day, one of the most important virtues we need to lead this amazing gay life is Courage.

Without Courage, we will turn into users, liars, depressed people, cheats and make excuses about it. The truth is that the very act of loving entails Courage. If we can find that Courage, to be real, to be true, to ourselves first, to our chosen family/ friends, to our blood family and finally to the world at large, we won't have a lot of the issues we are dealing with.

Imagine if we had the courage to be true, maybe our homophobic blood relatives will become more tolerant, understanding and accepting of the gay community. Maybe a neighbor would become more accepting of the community, maybe our boss....maybe one step at a time, through Courage, we can help our society progress. 

Basil King Said,"Be Bold, And Mighty Forces Will Come To Your Aid."

[Covfefe]

On 6/13/2018 at 7:43 PM, scarlet said:

I find statement like this rather disturbing,  because you make it seem like it's only bisexual women that are predisposed  to be in a relationship with a woman until they find a man or rather are more susceptible to flirt or cheat when pose with a chance, ..  Aren't  lesbian women quilty of such too here in Nigeria, Abi,  is it not the same society everyone is made to conform and suppress their sexual proclivities, and by conforming I mean " having a side boyfriend just in case family and friends becomes overbearing about what spouse you are on to?  Why do we always paint it as a "bisexual" thing..  I don't get.  I  had once been with this  very gay girlfriend but who also had to  have a side boyfriend because of course, it'd be unsettling to her parents to find out that at her age and as pretty as she was, she dont have a boyfriend..   So " she had to pretend , with  a guy, and by pretending she had to do things people in relationships with guys do,  but she truly loved me.  Does that mean she's a cheat and lier;  Or rather unfaithful?  I have met other who'd  get marry to a man and after her first kid left,  this is no news. This things happens with most  females living in this country regardless whether they really are bisexuals or lesbians,  exception of the very brave and carefree few,  but how many are they nkwu? but yet we are hell bent on making bisexuals the only culprit,  when most if not all does this..  Back to my question? 

Why then do we always pin it as a "bisexual thing" rather then "queer women living in Nigeria thing" because we all know  both lesbians and bisexuals living in Nigeria does it.  Why??  

Right in the blow hole!

The prejudice weak me.

Preach sistah.

 

[Covfefe]

On 6/13/2018 at 7:43 PM, scarlet said:

 

I'm sick and tired of this Biphobia within the rainbow community. Fvcking get over your monochrome preferences! 

You don't want to date bi-women, fine! It's not as if we are queueing up to date you either. Just don't turn us into what we are not. Y'all think being a changeling in your own body is the coolest thing ever.

We've paid our dues(and still do), so stop making us feel as if we don't belong here. Get over your insecurity and fvcking leave bi-women alone!

Why bother calling it a community when you have to fight so hard to belong?

 

 

 

[VINA]

37 minutes ago, Covfefe said:

I'm sick and tired of this Biphobia within the rainbow community. Fvcking get over your monochrome preferences! 

You don't want to date bi-women, fine! It's not as if we are queueing up to date you either. Just don't turn us into what we are not. Y'all think being a changeling in your own body is the coolest thing ever.

We've paid our dues(and still do), so stop making us feel as if we don't belong here. Get over your insecurity and fvcking leave bi-women alone!

Why bother calling it a community when you have to fight so hard to belong?

 

 

Breath!!!! 

[RAVENFLOX]

On 6/13/2018 at 4:16 AM, DipBluSae said:

"If you live in Nigeria, you know the struggle to be gay.

The struggle which involves having to play off your relationship as a simple friendship in public so as not to raise suspicion; the struggle which makes You, the lesbian, have to act like your girlfriend’s best friend while a random male hits on her. You watch her flirt back and it breaks your heart because you can’t be too aggressive to the male, you can’t stake your claim on the woman he’s hitting on. It can be heartbreaking, going to the club and not being able to dance with the love of your life for long. Not too close either.

To the gay woman, the most important thing at all times is to maintain your cover.

It’s especially hard dating someone who’s bisexual because she hardly understands why you’re so uptight about her practically humping a stranger, especially of the opposite sex, in a club while you watch. It’s hard because every time she flashes her heterosexuality in public, you start to doubt what you have behind closed doors. She tries to reassure you but you’re not quite convinced.

And even though it’s against everything you stand for, you go through her phone. You need to be sure you’re not the fool. It doesn’t help. You find recent sex chats with her ex-boyfriend. She lies about your discovery. You feel useless. You don’t know what to do. You think the next best thing is to cheat, to get back at her. You arrange the hookup and can’t even bring yourself to do it. Cupid has shot you and that arrow isn’t leaving your back.

It hurts everyday because you constantly feel like you’re not enough. It f***ks with your mind. f***ks with your confidence. You want to break up but you can’t bear to lose the love of your life. You wish and wish the feelings will go away, just for a little while.

I’ve been here. I am here. This is my story. Sadly, I can’t let all the thoughts of betrayal go because the lies never stop. I can’t get over the deception. The calls from the ex and the lies about who is calling. The feeling you get that your lover is working hard to keep this ex in her life, and the bewilderment you feel at why this is so. It makes you wonder if you’re not enough, why you’re not enough.

But this is what we live with. We can’t be too aggressive, can’t blow our cover. We have to accept it.

And we take it and take it…

That is, until the day you get the invitation to the ceremony that witnesses the love of your life getting taken away from you for good."

Just now I read this on KD and I must confess, I had no idea things like this happen.. Some people dey try sha..😏 But how many people would actually take it, I guess it feels good when it's been done to another person.. no wonder most homosexual just do the bleep and go stuff_too much heart break to risk and for what!😕 

An old post but it's really sad that this happens regularly and they just have to swallow it and pretend. 

[Calllaris]

Courage is a rare gift that comes only from above. Discipline is indeed a requisite to live how we purpose. If the females quit giving their oppressors the noose, then the oppressors will have less power over them. Naturally and physiologically, women are the stronger gender but culturally, men are favoured, this is the easiest struggle to overcome because when you' ve culturally made yourself relevant to society, you become indispensable and your sexuality becomes secondary; not to be judged by.

A lot of persons  have to deal with me, knowing I'm gay but they can't help it BC they need my services, my gist, my experience in certain matters, even family. Painful part maybe family, because they may not fully understand why you are gay especially if you' ve refused to conform to hetero marriage (they call us a joke until we conform and many do conform), so they begin to discuss you and once you are being discussed and not part of the discussion its noticeable in your family rights. You begin to loose your place in the smallest and most important unit of society. But..If you can prove yourself, you win.

 

Also, In the community most gay people are in gay relationships for the wrong reasons which won't hold water in the long run. Of course, gay sex is addictive therefore stoppable because every addiction can be overcome. So? If you don't wish to be remembered or willing to die for the reason for which you live now, then change from it, in this case, lesbianism.