Thirst Goes Before A Fall

[Hawken]

I have always had the hots for Dera right since secondary school. He was the embodiment of macho. Girls flocked around him, boys wanted to be his friend. And I was just the average nerd that tagged along. Back then, I was very much aware that I was gay, a fact I hid very well, until my university days when I eventually started having sex. Story for another day.

When we graduated from secondary school, Dera and I stayed in touch. He had issues with his admission, so I was already in my final year when he got an admission into IMSU. We continued to interact with each other, chatting on WhatsApp, sometimes sporadically, and even though there were long gaps between our communication, we managed to stay in touch.

He wasn’t shocked the day I came out to him. He said he’d always suspected. We laughed at the end of the big reveal and continued being good friends. He was of course very straight. He liked women and we respected the boundaries our different sexualities created.

I eventually graduated from the university and got a job in Calabar. Life happened and communication between us dwindled. Eventually we stopped talking altogether. Except for the infrequent likes on social media pages, which didn’t really happen often, as I am not a social media person and Dera was that kind of social media celebrity who acquired a thousand likes for even the most casual picture; I often just scrolled past his pictures whenever I was online without adding to the already saturated reactions.

Things continued this way till one day, Dera called me out of the blue. He had graduated. I couldn’t believe it; time had apparently flown by so quickly. He told me he was in Calabar working for a hospital. (He’d majored in Medical Laboratory)

We eventually met to hang out, and not only had he gotten more handsome with age, he was now bristling with muscles from his gym addiction.

I tried hard to keep it together during that meet. Tried to stay focused on our conversation. We chatted about many things. And then, he unburdened himself to me. He told me he’d been working for free at the hospital. He and a batch of other new hires were working on a trial phase for three months, and only after period would the selected ones start getting paid. To be working without pay in a place like Calabar… He didn’t need to tell me how expensive living in Calabar was; I knew that all too well.

I was earning over 300 grand a month. I had no girlfriend or wife or familial responsibilities. My family members are all well-to-do. So, my money was pretty much all mine. I could have just offered to help him out. Knowing Dera like I did, he would most likely pay. However, the one thing I knew he valued more than his looks was his dignity, and it would take a lot for someone like him to ask for help.

I could have just offered to help him out.

But the devil was playing a piper’s tune in my head.

I told him I’d think about what he told me and get back to him. Later that night, I texted him on WhatsApp and asked him the collateral he was prepared to give me if I gave him a loan. He asked me what I’d like, that he had nothing to give. I told him giving him a loan was a risk for me. What if he ended up not getting employed? How then would he pay me back? He assured me that he was in Calabar to stay; that if he doesn’t get employed (“God forbid!” he added here), he’d still find a way to survive.

It was at this point that I stopped beating around the bush. I already knew what I wanted and I gave it to him straight. I told him the lawyer in me didn’t find his answers satisfactory, but for our friendship, I’d be willing to wave off any collateral on one condition – that he have sex with me.

I wasn’t there with him when I delivered my deal, but I was certain the ask threw him off. Because I could observe from the Whatsapp chat that he kept on typing and stopping for several minutes.

 

Finally, after what looked like an eternity, he simply texted back: No, thanks.

That would be it for almost two months. I guess his situation got worse because after nearly two months, he chatted me up on WhatsApp. He asked me if I was still interested in what I wanted earlier. I said yes. He asked me which day would be cool for me. I told him I was always free on weekends.

The following weekend, he came over. And let’s just say: the sex was the worst I’d ever had and probably will ever have. That is, if you could even call what happened sex.

Dera had the physical appearance of a god, and under different circumstances, getting with a guy built like that would have been a truly delightful experience.

But he simply lay on my bed like a log of wood, while I sucked his d**ck, trying to work up an erection. An exercise in futility, because the d**ck seemed to shrink no matter what I did. After several hours of me basically giving him a gloried massage, which was not reciprocated in any form, I got tired. I accepted my defeat and slid off him.

The next thing that happened was a question from him that made me feel worse than I already was.

He asked in a wooden tone, “Are you done?”

I looked at him and I could see hurt and shame and something that looked like a welling up of tears in his eyes. And I felt like the scummiest person that ever lived. I nodded. He got up, got dressed, picked up the cheque and left.

He kept to his word. He was hired. And he paid me back.

And that was the last time we communicated.

We live in the same city, work close to each other, but we are far from being anything other than estranged. One day, we ran into each other at the party of a mutual friend. He was polite but unfriendly toward me. And there was a glint in his eyes that echoed a finality, that I’ve been shut forever out of his life.

Can’t say I blame him though. What I did to him is a burden of guilt that I’ll always live with.

Initially Posted On KitoDiaries

I shared the above because this problem is quite rampant within our community. I have read and heard way too many stories about women (mostly older) pressuring young girls into sex with them in exchange for monetary help or etc. We really need to do better as women and as a community.

[kimi]

1 hour ago, Hawken said:

I shared the above because this problem is quite rampant within our community. I have read and heard way too many stories about women (mostly older) pressuring young girls into sex with them in exchange for monetary help or etc. We really need to do better as women and as a community.

Wow... I am lost for words. I must be living in a bubble away from these realities..

I'm quite upset!! Sexual predators is what I can best come up with. Sighs...

[Hawken]

18 minutes ago, kimi said:

Wow... I am lost for words. I must be living in a bubble away from these realities..

I'm quite upset!! Sexual predators is what I can best come up with. Sighs...

Well, you aren't prey material, so yes you very likely will never come across. But when I was in school, I used to hear stories.

[kimi]

It's disheartening to say the least. Truth is, anyone could be prey material. The 'need' may take non-financial forms as well. Provided there is the one who wields power and can grant 'access' -then this scenario could very well be more commonplace than we would like to imagine. 

By 'bubble' I was sort of referring to myself as being naive

[Txunamy]

What a Story!

The caption held me spellbound..

But..its one of the most 'Yuckiest' story i have read in a while..

Money for sex? Its rubs me off Badly..

 

'When we know right we do right' 

[Dipbluesae]

Read this today on KD. Felt very bad. Betrayal.. 

[MENA]

Very sad story but is the reality of life this days. Where suppose friends take advantage of your situation.

 

A male friend of mine back in the days, we use to hustle together most times. 

When he learnt my marriage had broken, he started showing concern.  I was in shock one day when he called and said he wants to be the man in my life that he doesn't want Abj men to decieve me. And the funny part is that this guy is even married o. I was very disappointed at him because  I saw him like a brother.

Our hustling days most times l was the taking care of the bills whenever we had lunch together. 

Some human beings can be funny sometimes. 

[RayBlac]

On 12/17/2018 at 11:41 PM, Txunamy said:

'When we know right we do right' 

Yeah...true statement