Going the extra mile for love

[ChazBee]

In the course of my interactions with people over the years I've come across alot of LGBT people who say they don't go the extra mile or fight for love. And by this I don't mean fighting external forces to stay together, I mean fight for each other and with each other, like when you have threatening fights and they refuse to subdue their ego to sort peace or go out of their own ways to settle issues. Some find it belittling while others say there's no need for that, even if they're wrong. 

From my own standing I've watched alot of people lose what would had been a life changing relationship and let go of the most amazing girls/guys they've met and they they go in private to lament either to friends how amazing the other person was but how they can't go after them because 'Afterall I didn't ask her/him to go' or 'she/he is too stubborn for my liking abeg'.

I usually wonder why we invest so much ego and pride to be unhappy. It may not be hard for you to get a replacement but because it is available doesn't make it the right choice, deep down it'll still hurt you. 

Bringing this home to the lesbians, we're mostly inconsistent with relationships, the studs especially, why do must of you feel presenting ' a heartless' front is a proper show of your strength or that sleeping around is a technique of self satisfaction? Breaking hearts and hurting girls especially when you pay the bills. It's also noticeable in the community that must violence in LGBT relationships are perpetuated by studs, so what satisfaction does it give you to hurt a girl like you because sister forget that you wear masculine clothings, until you stop blood from flowing through you every month you ain't a guy so I don't understand why you guys think that the best way to prove yourselves is to act less humane. People who believe they have a point to prove fight a war all the days of their lives. 

And to the femmes who think they're doing you a favor by dating you, did you come to the relationship to be worshipped or to seek happiness? Why do you feel it is the duty of the other person to chase after you all the time, why act ungrateful and bitch about any and everything?

When you meet someone who's ready to hold it down with you for a long haul don't ruin it because of the few admirations you get outside, the grass is always greener on the other side. Don't lose a diamond while chasing pebbles. 

It costs nothing to chase true happiness, don't also doubt if true and absolute happiness is real, trust me it is but you have to work for it.. If you wants a clean house you pick up the mop and get it or hire someone to, so, if you want a happy life with someone you love you gotta work for it because nothing good comes easy. 

The LGBT community have enough hatred to serve us for this lifetime especially in this part of the world therefore don't also be the reason you don't have a happy life. 

If you live with bae, do things to keep the fire burning, relationships don't sustain themselves, it is the people in it that sustains it, there's no love in relationships, it is people who infuse it. If you have an understanding woman, don't take it for granted that she'll always be understanding, go out of your ways to impress them. 

Am not saying you should let a relationship consume you but you should also not let it die because you aren't doing enough. 

Your babe isn't the audience for your ego, give it to your house helps or subordinates, don't lose the person that matter for those or things that don't. 

Valentine's Day is coming so reach out for that one you still have a chance with and make amends. 

[Txunamy]

.

[ChazBee]

8 hours ago, Txunamy said:

Wow!

Nice one. I Have always believed you should fight for what you want. If i am in a relationship, i always bend over backwards to please my partner without losing myself..

But people do things for different reasons, at the end of the day, you can't really get into someone's head to figure out why they make certain decisions. What you see on the surface as pride/ego, might just be a case of total surrender.

I have always been in lasting relationships cos i know what it means /takes to keep one going. If i let go, i only do so when i have tried all i could, and i keep hitting Rocks..

I have also never belonged to the school of thought that says "if you love a bird, let it fly,if it comes back to you, then its meant to be, if it doesnt, then it wasn't meant to be' 

To me, that's Akin to sitting in a place and praying to God to make you rich. If you don't get off your ass and work, Lagbaja, nothing for you.

I always know when to throw in the towel, and that's whenever any kinda abuse or total disrespect come into play. I would be out in a bolt of lightning..

This is what am talking about, we should at least make an effort until there's nothing left to fight for. 

[Hawken]

Abuse within our community is a problem that is more common than we think. But I find it an unfair generalization when you say that masculine presenting women do most of the abusing. Considering the fact that not all lesbians fit into the stud/femme role, these roles themselves do not automatically dictate who has more power or is most likely to abuse. From my experience and what I've heard from friends, femmes sure as hell do a lot of abusing because they are more likely to get away with it.

If we are going to talk about abuse within the community, please lets do away with stereotypes.

[ChazBee]

3 hours ago, Hawken said:

Abuse within our community is a problem that is more common than we think. But I find it an unfair generalization when you say that masculine presenting women do most of the abusing. Considering the fact that not all lesbians fit into the stud/femme role, these roles themselves do not automatically dictate who has more power or is most likely to abuse. From my experience and what I've heard from friends, femmes sure as hell do a lot of abusing because they are more likely to get away with it.

If we are going to talk about abuse within the community, please lets do away with stereotypes.

@Hawken when I said most studs I didn't mean to generalize or hurt anyone hence the use of 'MOST' and not 'ALL'. What I wrote also is from personal experience with studs. 

I lived in Enugu for a while and due to my job and my intended LGBTQ NGO I got in contact with alot of gays in the city and that's where my conclusion on that point came from. 

I didn't leave the femmes out and this is not an attack on anyone. 

[Hawken]

2 hours ago, ChazBee said:

@Hawken when I said most studs I didn't mean to generalize or hurt anyone hence the use of 'MOST' and not 'ALL'. What I wrote also is from personal experience with studs. 

I lived in Enugu for a while and due to my job and my intended LGBTQ NGO I got in contact with alot of gays in the city and that's where my conclusion on that point came from. 

I didn't leave the femmes out and this is not an attack on anyone. 

Fair enough but your use of "most" is a harmful generalization that supports a certain bias against masculine women.

With heterosexual couples, the man is seen to be the aggressor when abuse occurs in the relationship, this rings true based on statistics.

Now people look at the stud/tomboy as a  representation of masculinity in the lesbian community. And because in their biased mind, masculinity=aggression, they see the average tomboy/stud as aggressive and assume it will be the same statistics that'll apply in the lesbian community.

While I'm not saying you are biased (because you have said you are speaking from personal experience), your choice of words does support that bias, albeit unknowingly.

PS I don't think this is an attack on anybody but we are here to engage and etc and engage we shall! 😀

 

[Txunamy]

1 hour ago, Hawken said:

Fair enough but your use of "most" is a harmful generalization that supports a certain bias against masculine women.

With heterosexual couples, the man is seen to be the aggressor when abuse occurs in the relationship, this rings true based on statistics.

Now people look at the stud/tomboy as a  representation of masculinity in the lesbian community. And because in their biased mind, masculinity=aggression, they see the average tomboy/stud as aggressive and assume it will be the same statistics that'll apply in the lesbian community.

While I'm not saying you are biased (because you have said you are speaking from personal experience), your choice of words does support that bias, albeit unknowingly.

PS I don't think this is an attack on anybody but we are here to engage and etc and engage we shall! 😀

 

Why are you like this? Lol @ we are here to engage and etc.. Just cracks me up, that line!

[Hawken]

1 hour ago, Txunamy said:

Why are you like this? Lol @ we are here to engage and etc.. Just cracks me up, that line!

But its true naa 😀 i'm here to engage and learn.

[Txunamy]

9 minutes ago, Hawken said:

But its true naa 😀 i'm here to engage and learn.

I don't like you one bit.

[Hawken]

20 minutes ago, Txunamy said:

I don't like you one bit.

 

[Txunamy]

32 minutes ago, Hawken said:

 

🤣Meanie

[dequeen]

Thankyou @OP for this topic... It reminds me of things I only recently began to be woke to....