Moderators kimi Posted February 16, 2019 Moderators Share Posted February 16, 2019 Hi Girls, So, a few days ago, I came across this ad in my feeds and something struck! While the purpose of it was to help girls get the men of their dreams, I found it apt for our community as well. Check it out below. I've also gone ahead to do a summary from my perspective which I will share below the video. Instead of falling for the real person, you've fallen for an ideal. There are two ways to look at this. The first is go figure. That is; you've gone ahead to over fantasize and have built an entire personality and character for this person even when you've only been talking to them for a few weeks. You have fallen in love with the idea of them and have made them your ideal forgetting that as humans we are multi-faceted -bringing our backgrounds, experiences and plethora of habits along with us. The 2nd way to look at this is from the perspective of understanding that the fact that someone may have checked all your boxes means just that. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are the one for you. This is tricky I know because at what point do you really determine if this person is relationship material or she is simply friendship material. Your duty here is to decide for yourself what "extra" someone needs to possess in order to be considered relationship material. Standards This I believe ties into point 1 as well. Standards could very well be one of the reasons you decide to friend zone someone who has checked all of your boxes. It is very tempting I know to want to be with someone who gets you. But I also want you to not be short-sighted here. Imagine 2,3 years down the line, you would have wished you maintained your standards. Maintaing a relationship is hard enough, why complicate it with by being on board with someone who doesn't share the same values or standards as you? Lol. Nothing to write here. I'm not sure this applies to us or does it? Courtship. I think this is very self explanatory. It's so interesting how when we hit it off with someone and our next thoughts are how to jump into a relationship with them. I've been guilty of this as well in the past 🙄. Lessons learnt. Lol. Courtship is key... all that time inbetween is very very very crucial. It helps you to really get to know and understand the person in question. You are able to assess their responses or reactions across a diverse range of situations... it saves you from getting into a relationship that was bound to fail. Choosing unavailable women. Has she just come out of a bad relationship? Is she struggling with trust issues? Is she emotionally burnt out? Is she too in love with the idea of being single that sharing her life with another is too much of a chore? Is she in a relationship with another or is she in love with another who isn't You? Whatever the circumstances are, if you meet an unavailable woman, simply walk on and spare yourself a truck load of emotional stress and heart ache. I have decided to do this summary because after watching that ad, it dawned on me that perhaps a lot of the reasons why there are loads of short-lived relationships in our community is probably because we jump in too soon without first allowing time to really get to know and understand a potential love interest. Someone being gay or bi or trans shouldn't be the only criteria for determining whether or not to be romantically involved with them. Whew! Lol. Do share your thoughts as well... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Great. This is really helpful. Thanks for taking your time to put this together. 50 minutes ago, kimi said: it dawned on me that perhaps a lot of the reasons why there are loads of short-lived relationships in our community is probably because we jump in too soon without first allowing time to really get to know and understand a potential love interest. Someone being gay or bi or trans shouldn't be the only criteria for determining whether or not to be romantically involved with them. Part of the reason too I think is the difficulty it takes for just getting laid and nothing more unlike straight girls who have readily available guys to pick from. The community is relatively small, most times when one finally get someone who ordinarily doesn't tick it for you, out of sexual frustration, we tend to hang on and compromise just for the constant sex, companionship and all. Where there's readily available lesbians/bisexuals to pick from when all one need is just to get laid and nothing more, I think the situation would have been different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted February 16, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted February 16, 2019 2 minutes ago, Mimy said: Part of the reason too I think is the difficulty it takes for just getting laid and nothing more unlike straight girls who have readily available guys to pick from. The community is relatively small, most times when one finally get someone who ordinarily doesn't tick it for you, out of sexual frustration, we tend to hang on and compromise just for the constant sex, companionship and all. This is an interesting and valid perspective... thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 Like i always say, people don't come with a manual in Relationships...we just Learn as we go, and rely on our guts/trust our instincts. QED A couple of years ago, I read about a study conducted on lasting marriages..it happened that couples who dated for one, two, three weeks or months before getting married had a lasting and happy marriage than those who dated for years.. Bottom line is finding a good person, that missing piece to a puzzle. Cos i tell you, it doesnt matter how long you have known a cobra, it would bare its fangs eventually. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted February 16, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted February 16, 2019 1 hour ago, Txunamy said: Like i always say, people don't come with a manual in Relationships...we just Learn as we go, and rely on our guts/trust our instincts. QED A couple of years ago, I read about a study conducted on lasting marriages..it happened that couples who dated for one, two, three weeks or months before getting married had a lasting and happy marriage than those who dated for years.. Relationships are complex things to be honest especially when humans are concerned. It gets worse when 2 very different human beings are concerned. Lol. I agree that there isn't a one-size-fit-all solution... we typically have others' experiences to learn from, our experiences as well as our inner guidance system. In my case, I tend to be quite traditional and not so spontaneous when it comes to relationships... I like for time to pass. Lol. It has helped Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 2 hours ago, kimi said: Relationships are complex things to be honest especially when humans are concerned. It gets worse when 2 very different human beings are concerned. Lol. I agree that there isn't a one-size-fit-all solution... we typically have others' experiences to learn from, our experiences as well as our inner guidance system. In my case, I tend to be quite traditional and not so spontaneous when it comes to relationships... I like for time to pass. Lol. It has helped 👌😀 True.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 7 hours ago, kimi said: Hi Girls, So, a few days ago, I came across this ad in my feeds and something struck! While the purpose of it was to help girls get the men of their dreams, I found it apt for our community as well. Check it out below. I've also gone ahead to do a summary from my perspective which I will share below the video. Instead of falling for the real person, you've fallen for an ideal. There are two ways to look at this. The first is go figure. That is; you've gone ahead to over fantasize and have built an entire personality and character for this person even when you've only been talking to them for a few weeks. You have fallen in love with the idea of them and have made them your ideal forgetting that as humans we are multi-faceted -bringing our backgrounds, experiences and plethora of habits along with us. The 2nd way to look at this is from the perspective of understanding that the fact that someone may have checked all your boxes means just that. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are the one for you. This is tricky I know because at what point do you really determine if this person is relationship material or she is simply friendship material. Your duty here is to decide for yourself what "extra" someone needs to possess in order to be considered relationship material. Standards This I believe ties into point 1 as well. Standards could very well be one of the reasons you decide to friend zone someone who has checked all of your boxes. It is very tempting I know to want to be with someone who gets you. But I also want you to not be short-sighted here. Imagine 2,3 years down the line, you would have wished you maintained your standards. Maintaing a relationship is hard enough, why complicate it with by being on board with someone who doesn't share the same values or standards as you? Lol. Nothing to write here. I'm not sure this applies to us or does it? Courtship. I think this is very self explanatory. It's so interesting how when we hit it off with someone and our next thoughts are how to jump into a relationship with them. I've been guilty of this as well in the past 🙄. Lessons learnt. Lol. Courtship is key... all that time inbetween is very very very crucial. It helps you to really get to know and understand the person in question. You are able to assess their responses or reactions across a diverse range of situations... it saves you from getting into a relationship that was bound to fail. Choosing unavailable women. Has she just come out of a bad relationship? Is she struggling with trust issues? Is she emotionally burnt out? Is she too in love with the idea of being single that sharing her life with another is too much of a chore? Is she in a relationship with another or is she in love with another who isn't You? Whatever the circumstances are, if you meet an unavailable woman, simply walk on and spare yourself a truck load of emotional stress and heart ache. I have decided to do this summary because after watching that ad, it dawned on me that perhaps a lot of the reasons why there are loads of short-lived relationships in our community is probably because we jump in too soon without first allowing time to really get to know and understand a potential love interest. Someone being gay or bi or trans shouldn't be the only criteria for determining whether or not to be romantically involved with them. Whew! Lol. Do share your thoughts as well... Nice read 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 11 hours ago, Txunamy said: it doesnt matter how long you have known a cobra, it would bare its fangs eventually. 😘 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted February 16, 2019 Share Posted February 16, 2019 6 hours ago, kimi said: I like for time to pass. You're a tease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted February 16, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted February 16, 2019 26 minutes ago, Michelle said: You're a tease. Hahahaha. Not for that purpose actually. Time reveals... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.