Moderators kimi Posted November 9, 2019 Moderators Share Posted November 9, 2019 Hello Ladies, Hawken's thought on the what's on your mind thread has inspired this post. The worst part of abusive relationships is the conspiracy of silence. The abused for some unknown reason (often disguised as love) refuses to come out of the abusive situation. So here is my question: If a friend confided in you about recurring incidences of abuse in her relationship and has told you to keep quiet about it but she keeps hurting and continues with this relationship, what would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 9, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted November 9, 2019 I believe a lot in naming and shaming because abusers thrive in the shadows. They need to be exposed and then they can be counselled to seek help. When I was in uni, I rememeber that a family friend of ours was in an abusive relationship where the boy used to beat her at will. You know what we did? We told our parents and then they in turn told their friends. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilee Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 14 hours ago, kimi said: They need to be exposed and then they can be counselled to seek help. ..both parties really (the abused, who thinks it's okay and continues with the relationship, and the abuser). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 15 hours ago, kimi said: If a friend confided in you about recurring incidences of abuse in her relationship and has told you to keep quiet about it but she keeps hurting and continues with this relationship, what would you do? It's really hard talking people out of Abusive relationships. Just as hard it is getting religious people out of the abusive relationship they are with Yehwa, Allah or their Pastors so it is with this too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted November 10, 2019 Share Posted November 10, 2019 15 hours ago, kimi said: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 10, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted November 10, 2019 1 hour ago, Mimy said: It's really hard talking people out of Abusive relationships. Just as hard it is getting religious people out of the abusive relationship they are with Yehwa, Allah or their Pastors so it is with this too. Hahahahaha. This is a very interesting analogy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 10, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted November 10, 2019 2 hours ago, Chilee said: ..both parties really (the abused, who thinks it's okay and continues with the relationship, and the abuser). The truth is that certain people would never get help and would continue to make excuses for the lover who abuses them emotionally, verbally or physically. They will keep trying to change them or understand them and love them harder just as Hawken has beautifully described... It is sad and retarded. The truth is is that I can't stand people who have such a low sense of self worth. I loathe the abusers just as much as this class of abused Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted November 12, 2019 Share Posted November 12, 2019 I'm totally here for naming and shaming. Totally. Dunno if i've told this story before but last year I got tired of hearing my neigbour from the next compound hit his wife while telling her it was her fault. "If you do so, so and so and don't do this and this, do you think I will be slapping you? Etc etc", the fact that he was trying to make her believe it was her fault annoyed me the most. So one day when he started, I called the police and very loudly told them what was happening etc etc. Everywhere immediately became quiet. When I hung up, I loudly said if he liked he could continue beating her, the police were coming for him and he'd for sure spend his life in jail when he kills her. I was spitting mad. After that day, till they moved out, I didn't hear pim. I hope it got better for her... 1) Talking abused people out of relationships is no easy feat. But turning them away shouldn't be an option either. The least you can be is a safe space for them. One day you'll break through. Just be consistent. 2) Violence against the abuser shouldn't be ruled out. Where I'm from, some families usually forcefully go remove their daughters from the situation and sometimes, the men in the family give the husband a taste of his own medicine just for good measure. So yes, a remainder to abusers that they do not have a monopoly on violence is allowed IMO. 3) Anger the abused. One of the best way to get people to pull their heads out of their ass is usually to anger them. When they get sufficiently angry enough about the situation, they'll do something about it. That's how revolutions are started anyway. 4) Stolkholm syndrome is a real thing. The human brain is a messy place. It will take any high it can get, whether it be from working out, drugs or abuse (trauma bonding) Give it enough and it will start to crave it. That's why you sometimes hear stupid shit like "I like when my husband beats me". Its not their fault, their brain is all messed up. Even the best of us, under the right circumstances and by the "right" person can be manipulated and abused. Meanwhile, this abuse we keep speaking about isnt been inflicted by ghosts. I think its also important that we as individuals reflect on our words and actions every now and then.. Are you being abusive? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted November 12, 2019 Author Moderators Share Posted November 12, 2019 4 hours ago, Hawken said: Meanwhile, this abuse we keep speaking about isnt been inflicted by ghosts. I think its also important that we as individuals reflect on our words and actions every now and then.. I couldn't agree more. Let me state this here: Soon (if it comes to it and once confirmed), I will name and shame here. You know yourself. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted November 13, 2019 Share Posted November 13, 2019 21 hours ago, kimi said: I couldn't agree more. Let me state this here: Soon (if it comes to it and once confirmed), I will name and shame here. You know yourself. Mehn.. Its sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle Posted November 14, 2019 Share Posted November 14, 2019 On 11/9/2019 at 7:35 AM, kimi said: Hello Ladies, Hawken's thought on the what's on your mind thread has inspired this post. The worst part of abusive relationships is the conspiracy of silence. The abused for some unknown reason (often disguised as love) refuses to come out of the abusive situation. So here is my question: If a friend confided in you about recurring incidences of abuse in her relationship and has told you to keep quiet about it but she keeps hurting and continues with this relationship, what would you do? Nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawken Posted November 15, 2019 Share Posted November 15, 2019 20 hours ago, kimi said: I couldn't agree more. Let me state this here: Soon (if it comes to it and once confirmed), I will name and shame here. You know yourself. By all means. Lets know the people to avoid on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.