Let’s talk about Domestic Violence.

[moresko]

I had typed this post on last Thursday, but didn't know whether to post it or not. An incident I witnessed on Facebook this past Friday hardened my resolve to post it. Domestic violence among Nigerian lesbians is rising, what makes the "Nigerian strait" particularly frightening is that the "abusers" boast about it, and nobody (I mean people in the Nigerian LGBT community) says anything, some go as far as praising the "abuser" for handling business.

 

 

 

Let’s talk about Domestic Violence.

 

There is this myth that women are the “gentler” sex, therefore it is assumed that lesbian relationships are always founded on mutual love and respect for one another, where everything is peaceful, calm, and in sync. What happens when this isn’t the case? We are speaking about a darker issue which is seldom talked about in the LGBT community as a whole which is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

 

What is Domestic Violence?

“That pattern of violent and coercive behaviors whereby a lesbian seeks to control the thoughts, beliefs, or conduct of her intimate partner or to punish the intimate for resisting the perpetrator's control over her”.

 

Why does this matter?

Experts believe that domestic violence occurs in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community with the same amount of frequency and severity as in the heterosexual community. Especially in a society like Nigeria where sometimes domestic violence against women is rarely acknowledged, not to speak of domestic violence amongst homosexual couples where entrenched homophobia prevents LGBT victims of domestic violence from seeking help.

 

Types of Abuse.

 

Physical: the threat of harm or any forceful physical behavior that intentionally or accidentally causes bodily harm or property destruction.

 

Sexual: any forced or coerced sexual act or behavior motivated to acquire power and control over the partner. It is not only forced sexual contact but also contact that demeans or humiliates the partner and instigates feelings of shame or vulnerability – particularly in regards to the body, sexual performance or sexuality.

 

Emotional/Verbal: any use of words, voice, action or lack of action meant to control, hurt or demean another person. Emotional abuse typically includes ridicule, intimidation or coercion.

 

Financial: the use or misuse, without the victim’s consent, of the financial or other monetary resources of the partner or of the relationship.

 

“Outing”: threatening to “out” you.

 

In domestic violence, the gender of the perpetrator or the victim is immaterial, it is wrong in homosexual relationships as it is in heterosexual relationships.

Lesbians tend to seldom talk about domestic violence within our ranks, I remember the first time I saw a case of domestic violence amongst two females, and people just joked about it. Since then, I have witnessed many more examples of domestic violence amongst lesbian couples.

 

There are many theories of why there is “silence” about it. One is society’s belief that domestic violence does not occur in LGBT relationships and/or is a gender based issue. Another one the fear that the publicizing of the problems or acknowledging the existence of domestic violence within the community, will give lesbian partnerships a bad name and perpetuate the myth among heterosexual society that gay relationships are abnormal or dysfunctional therefore taking away from progress toward equality or fuel anti-LGBT bias. In Nigeria I believe the entrenched homophobia, has made it impossible to people to seek help. Who are we going to report to? Are we going tell our parents who might disown us? Or the authorities who might throw us in jail?

 

What can be done?

As much as it pains me to admit but in a country like Nigeria (and many others) where our sexuality as homosexuals is not even acknowledged, if you find yourself in a situation like this, get out of it as quickly as possible. Believe me, it does not get better. The situation in Nigeria has actually helped abusers because they know the victim has no one to turn to. I know we joke about it sometimes, calling the abusive partner “crazy” and so on, but I have seen how bad and destructive it can become, nothing good comes from staying in a relationship like that.

Raise awareness, when you see it say something immediately. Don’t stand there, look, and say it’s not your business because one day it’s going to come knocking at your door. There is nothing cool about anyone beating up their partners.

I know this is not a perfect solution; however it is better than doing nothing.

[chishlom]

yeah u are right .its everywhere but people keep acting like its not

[chishlom]

yeah u are right .its everywhere but people keep acting like its not

[chocolat]

It is so sad of the high domestic violence among LGBTQ members. No one deserve to be abused or be in a demeaning and unfilled relationship.

If anyone is in a abusive relationship, please talk to your partner and seek some kind of counselling. However, if they abuse continues END it immediately because it is so not worth it.