Black Women Who Only Date White Women Conversation

[FlyJ]

I started dating women two years ago. I was always attracted to masculine presenting women a.k.a “studs” but never explored the attraction until my last year of law school. There was this young woman, her name was Chloee. She was light skinned, laid back, witty, and generous. Not to mention, she was fine. I’m talking, “turn-a-straight-girl-gay” Young M.A. fine. I’ll fast forward things a bit because this isn’t about me, rather an observation I just can’t shake.

I’m now in a relationship with another woman who is loving, confident, generous and ironically, also light skinned. I could write a book on what I’ve learned about myself and women from dating other women, but again, this is not about me. 

While in the house on another quarantined weekend, I stumbled on the Instagram profile of Sade’s daughter. You know, the iconic singer, right? Well, her daughter Mickailia is now a man, named Izaak. As I thumbed through Izaak’s Instagram, I stopped on a picture of him and his girlfriend. The caption reads, “Ma love”. She’s a white woman. I’m instantly perplexed. A black woman-to-man transgender, chose a white woman as his object of admiration and affection.

It’s also hard to ignore the racially ambiguous partners of other celebrities who are black lesbians. For instance, actress Raven Symone dated for years the “Empire” actress, AzMarie Livingston, who is very racially ambiguous. The beloved singer Janelle Monáe, who embodies the aesthetics of the average mono-racial black woman with perceived self-confidence, is in a confirmed romantic relationship with actress Tessa Thompson. Thompson is biracial with black, Mexican and European ancestry. I could keep going, but you get the picture.

You’re probably wondering, so what - right? As an avid reader and supporter of the Divine Dark Skin platform, I enjoy unmasking colorism and discussing topics that help black women to win. From that introspective lens, I can’t help but feel the irony behind all of this.

Before dating women, I would date men of all color because hypergamy is and will always be my priority. I embrace the notion of not limiting myself to intra-racial dating but often times, when we discuss the ills of one desiring a white girl or a “light bright”, it’s only within the context of black men. As if black women are without reproach and only a black man can possess a sense of self-hate and disregard for #blacklove.

While we as black women are not monolithic, what is to be said about the many black women who share the same preference for white women, like the “lost black men” we sometimes fuss over? Are we as black women, especially darker skinned black women, merely victims too of the societal notions that white or light skinned women are somehow more feminine, more beautiful, more worthy of love than us? Or maybe, white women are the forbidden fruit that even black women,with same-sex attraction, crave to have for sexual pleasure or as a status symbol.

I just can’t help but find satire in the idea that a black woman can love her image as a black woman, but when fixed with same-sex attraction, reject women with that very same image.

What are your thoughts?

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[kimi]

I'll come read this afresh in the morning. I think my brain has closed for the day. Lol. I read it but it felt like I absorbed nothing. Hahahahaha. Na wa

[kimi]

12 hours ago, FlyJ said:

Are we as black women, especially darker skinned black women, merely victims too of the societal notions that white or light skinned women are somehow more feminine, more beautiful, more worthy of love than us? Or maybe, white women are the forbidden fruit that even black women,with same-sex attraction, crave to have for sexual pleasure or as a status symbol.

I just can’t help but find satire in the idea that a black woman can love her image as a black woman, but when fixed with same-sex attraction, reject women with that very same image.

What are your thoughts?

Hmmmm.... to each her own really. For some, yes, there is quite a bit of an identity crisis at play. For some others, it is simply a question of preference -i.e. it is what they find themselves drawn to. 

I honestly don't see why people's preferences should be an issue for others. Lol. In my own case, I have found that I find women who are a different tribe from me more appealing/exotic.

Perhaps I missed the point of her epistle lol but mehn... I think she just wanted to put pen to paper. 

[Hawken]

I didn't grow up and don't live in racist America so most times I struggle to fully grasp articles like these. Aren't these down to biological preferences that one cannot control?

For example, I love all women and will date women of any complexion but dark skinned women do something for me that I cannot explain. 

And there's nothing wrong if it was the other way around. It's biology, no?

[MissBanks]

Honestly I can’t relate but to each her own!

Sometimes I think we create problems out of nothing and for no apparent reason...

All I see is people who found love...I don’t even notice the racial differences when I gawk over them 🙈 I’m usually just filled with thoughts of how lucky they are to have found each other in a society that allows them be themselves 😍