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jokes


dreamgal

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  • 1 month later...

I was a candidate at a JAMB Examination. We were writing Use Of English. I shaded the ones I knew and was waiting for manner to fall from Heaven when I noticed a very beautiful girl sitting beside me.

 

She was shading and was not looking up. Through the help of my long neck, I peeped and checked her work, she was on number 65, I was still on number 21 and time was running out. I quickly thanked God and started shading along with her.

 

We got to number 98 together, suddenly, she looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone, “What is it? Why is you dey copying me? Copys! copys! You is not shaming! As big as you are! You are a disgrace to your manhood!

 

Na so I shout “Heeeey! heeeeyyy!!! I am finished!, who has eraser!!!”

 

Yekpa!!!

Looool lwkmd

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A man entered a mosque carrying a brand new smooth machette and asked “Who is a muslim here?”

 

The whole mosque went as silent as a grave yard. The man asked again, “How can a full mosque have no muslim?”. No one replied.

 

The man then grabs the nearby young man and goes out with him and tells him, “son come help me slaughter my goat for I don’t know how to do it”.

 

After the young man had slaughtered the goat, he tells the man that he doesn’t know how to skin it and that the man would have to go back to the mosque and get someone else to help him on that.The man returns to the mosque with a machete dripping with blood.

 

When the Imam saw this, he immediately shouts “Praise the Looooooooord! The whole mosque responds,”halleluyaaaah!!!”

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A doctor wrote on his new clinic: Any treatment is 10,000 Naira and if we cannot treat you, we will pay you 20,000 Naira.

 

Wanting the 20,000 Naira for himself, A guy Akpos came to the doc and said: I can’t feel any taste.

 

The doc asked a nurse to give Akpos a few drops of medicine from box 22.

 

Upon taking the drops, Akpos shouted; Oh stop! It is urine!

 

The doctor said; Congratulations, your sense of taste is back now.

 

Akpos was very angry that he lost 10,000 Naira.

 

He came back 2 weeks later determined to get 20,000 Naira.

 

The following conversation took place between Akpos and the doctor.

 

Akpos: I lost my memory.

 

Doctor: Nurse! Please give this man some drops of medicine from box 22.

 

Akpos: Wait doctor! But that medicine is for sense of taste.

 

Doctor: Congratulations, your memory is back.

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A 65 year old woman had a baby.

 

All her relatives came to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

 

When they asked to see the baby, the mother said; Not yet.

 

A little while later they asked to see the baby.

 

The mother said; Not yet.

 

They finally said; When can we see the baby?

 

The mother replied; When the baby cries.

 

They asked; Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?

 

The mother replied; I forgot where i put it.

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Akpos was baptised.

 

Pastor asked him to choose any christian name.

 

Akpos: Pastor, I would be much glad to be called Grace.

 

Pastor: Grace is for females.

 

Akpos: What about Disgrace?

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E get one particular restaurant wey akpors dey chop 4

GRA. E get one oyibo wey dey always come chop there

too... Any time dis oyibo chop finish he go shout ''

Hey'', so akpors dey wonder wetin dey make am shout, he come

decide to chop wetin d oyibo dey always chop so

maybe him self go shout too. . . when akpors reach d

restaurant last week friday, he order wetin d

oyibo man dey chop. . . Dem tell am say na

chicken & red wine, so he chop am, but he no shout, he collect

xtra plate, but he stil no shout. . . na then he just

vex ask 4 for his bill. D waiter tell am say one plate

of chicken & red wine na #75,000 and the xtra plate na another

#75,000. . .na then akpors shout HEY HEY HEY HEY. . . he still dey shout

till now..

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Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support, leans towards her and says"can I kiss u"?

Girl: Not now, I'm at home

Boy: please!

Girl : No!

Boy: u were too swt in bed 2day

Girl: waoh! u too, full of energy. I could not believe we had 4 rounds.

Boy: let me kiss u gudnite

Girl: someone may be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home.

This goes on for 10 minutes...

Then girl's brother appears at the gate and says;

"Dad says whether u kiss him or not its your decision,but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone at home is listening to your conversation!

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*** men took their wives to hospital for delivery, shortly a nurse came out and ask who is JOSEPH? who works with three crown, congratulation your wife delivered *** bouncing babies. 2nd call, who is JOHN who works with 7up,congrats your wife delivered 7 bouncing babies, 3rd call, no response where is the 3rd man? receptionist said he ran away because he realized the delivery is according to working place and he works wit STUDIO 24.

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Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature? "Pastor" replied, "No, we can't have service for an animal in this church. But there is a new church down d road. Maybe, they will do something for the animal". The man answered, Pastor, but do u think they will accept a donation of $250,000 in return for the burial service in that church? Pastor, exclaimed, Sweet Jesus! Why did'nt u tell me d dog was a christian

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Armed robber: I will molest all of u!

Girls (crying): molest us but please leave our

grandma out of it!

Grandma (shouting): Leave who out?:

,

do u no when my husband died? Pls molest

all

of u

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During a Biology exam, the first question

was:

“Draw the female reproductive organ.”

As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw

Obehi bending down to look between her

legs,

so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at

the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying

from the original!”

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Pilot announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggages must be thrown out". A little later the pilot says: "We're still losing some altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin". The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out. The pilot announced again, "Still going down, we must throw out some people". There is a big gasp from the passengers. Then the pilot said: "But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So A, any Africans on board?" No one moves. "B, any blacks on board?" No one moves. "C, any Coloured on board?" Still no one moves. "D, any Darkies?" A little black Nigerian boy asks his father. "Dad, what are we?" The father replied: "Tonight son, we are Zombies...

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Armed robber: I will molest all of u!

Girls (crying): molest us but please leave our

grandma out of it!

Grandma (shouting): Leave who out?:

,

do u no when my husband died? Pls molest

all

of u

:o

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