Keke Posted February 20, 2018 Share Posted February 20, 2018 This is going to be a long read. I champion reproductive Rights as provided for by Article 14 of the Protocol to the African charter on human right on the rights of women (Maputo protocol) which has long been ratified in Nigeria and is enforceable in our Courts. The Article provides for the sexual and reproductive Rights of women in Africa; including the right to decide whether or not to have children, their spacing and the number of children. I am for women having the liberty and being supported to decide what do with their bodies and not being shamed or criticized for not wanting kids at all or for not wanting more than a certain number. People on the other side tend to argue that every woman in Nigeria wants kids, and so this right is irrelevant and not reflective of cultural realities of our time. I don't think that is the case.What's your take on this? Are there women in Nigeria who would be grateful for this provision? I believe that majority of decisions taken by individuals in Nigeria are influenced by our communal culture. The community is greater than the individual. Being a "free spirit" is frowned upon. I believe there are lots of women who would rather not have kids (at least biologically) for different reasons ranging from fear of childbirth pains, not wanting to risk some health challenges to just not wanting to be bothered. This doesn't make them horrible or selfish people. It just makes them people who have made a choice different from the expected trajectory. The reason why it seems like there isn't much of such women in Nigeria is because they rather conform than face the criticisms that follow such decisions. People doubt your sanity, tell you that you can never love an adopted child as much as you would love a biological child, or tell you that you will grow out of such decisions by "45". We hope one day for a country where there is a balance between collective needs and individual needs, where individuals are not crucified for wanting to be different. That is the only way rights like sexual and reproductive rights can be respected. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dipbluesae Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I for one do not want babies, so I believe they are Nigerian women who don't want babies. Babies are beautiful beings and I don't mind helping out in training someone's child but I have never desired to have a baby all my life and for no reason, the want is not just there.. and people more of think I'm insane than selfish lol and yes they think I will outgrow it.. The thing is I believe everyone have a choice to live as they wish, in Nigeria though you are forced to conform.. I'm surprised really to see someone thinking this way. I have actually stopped talking about it to people for being looked at somehow lol.. but the truth is after my fear of people I love dying, the next thing I fear is ever being pregnant! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 27 minutes ago, DipBluSae said: I for one do not want babies, so I believe they are Nigerian women who don't want babies. Babies are beautiful beings and I don't mind helping out in training someone's child but I have never desired to have a baby all my life and for no reason, the want is not just there.. and people more of think I'm insane than selfish lol and yes they think I will outgrow it.. The thing is I believe everyone have a choice to live as they wish, in Nigeria though you are forced to conform.. I'm surprised really to see someone thinking this way. I have actually stopped talking about it to people for being looked at somehow lol.. but the truth is after my fear of people I love dying, the next thing I fear is ever being pregnant! I'd rather an adoption than biological birth. I don't talk about it anymore. I just write about it. I think Writing creates better awareness now to women that they can actually make that choice and it's okay. On my part, I am not scared of pregnancy. I just don't see the need of bringing more kids into the world when there are lots roaming about from irresponsible parents and who are in need of a family. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dipbluesae Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 34 minutes ago, Keke said: I'd rather an adoption than biological birth. I don't talk about it anymore. I just write about it. I think Writing creates better awareness now to women that they can actually make that choice and it's okay. On my part, I am not scared of pregnancy. I just don't see the need of bringing more kids into the world when there are lots roaming about from irresponsible parents and who are in need of a family. But you see people usually want their own kids. They don't really care about how there are kids out there suffering or whatnot. It breaks my heart that some children like you said are being left out to suffer, but I hate the fact that poor people in Nigeria makes more children than the rich and in the end with no future, no plan no freaking nothing at all.. I never promised myself that I won't have a child but like I said I don't desire to.. and I fear being pregnant cos I might be tempted to kill someone and I don't wanna hurt anyone. Still I believe the people who makes lots of babies have a reason..so it all boils down to choices, I just wish they would do more to care and plan for them. But an average Nigerian dies really early, I mean they are lots of orphans out there and they were abandoned not by choice, but by circumstance, in death. To those ones I pity more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted February 21, 2018 Moderators Share Posted February 21, 2018 Well done @Keke for putting up this topic. It is about time we started having these conversations. I love kids. I really love them but I do not have any plans of having one come out of me. Lol. I also would respect my partner's choice if she decides not to. My choice was initially bourne out of the fears of childbirth then it just so happened that I stopped seeing the need to overpopulate the world when I can totally love those around me in need of love. I simply lost interest. Deep down, I desire a family. The whole picket fence. Lol. And so I am hoping my partner would be happy to do it for us. I don't mind being her slave throughout the process. Lol. Otherwise, I'm fine having a couple of cute pups. Lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayBlac Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Nice one Keke. I remember when I told my mum that I don't want to have children, that I prefer adoption. She was alarmed, then she said, "don't say that again. It is every woman's joy to have a child of her own, don't pray for adoption." It is true that it is a thing of a joy to a woman to have children of her own and also, there are women who at a point in their life said they don't want to have children but this later changed and they wanted to. It is also true that there are some Nigerian women (like myself) that do not want to have children (this also involves getting pregnant themselves) and they shouldn't be seen as evil or unafrican. Anyways I'm very sure that @Chrmd will be having babies😊😊 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Txunamy Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 I love babies.. I want to have babies of my own, both biological and adopted. I absolutely adore kids.. I'm wouldn't bothered if wifey doesn't want kids. I will have babies for us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 13 hours ago, Keke said: I champion reproductive Rights as provided for by Article 14 of the Protocol to the African charter on human right on the rights of women (Maputo protocol) which has long been ratified in Nigeria and is enforceable in our Courts. It's good these rights are now ratified and even enforceable. Prior to this ratification, does our local laws here prevent women from taking such decisions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 35 minutes ago, Gimbiyya said: It's good these rights are now ratified and even enforceable. Prior to this ratification, does our local laws here prevent women from taking such decisions? Women weren't allowed such liberties, but the laws limiting them weren't codified. Thus, punishment might be "shaming and denial of certain privileges". That's why some of these charters and conventions are targeted at draconian laws as well as cultural practices that pose limitations on women. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dequeen Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Give me the babies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted February 21, 2018 Author Share Posted February 21, 2018 1 hour ago, dequeen said: Give me the babies. 25 babies fall on you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damiee Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 In the past I was indifferent to it but being in the delivery room with my sister when she gave birth to her first child convinced me that I don’t want to have kids but I want kids lol. So if wifey wants to take two for the team yay. If not, we adopt. Biological or adopted, doesn’t really matter to me 😊 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scarlet Posted February 21, 2018 Share Posted February 21, 2018 Our world especially "Nigeria" is over populated, going childless is actually a very practical and honorable decision, I must say. even though I myself, I find kids absolutely adorable , I just want to have one and that's enough for me, not wanting kids is a choice and a wonderful choice. but when everyone has to do it, then it's no longer a choice. surprisingly, in today's society it's deemed still something every woman are meant to do, but should it be that way? I don't seem to understand why the Nigerian society get upsetting and give you this condescending look when one declares they do not want to "be married " or have children ". Just like marriage, isn't for everyone, so likewise birthing children /kid; it's a choice, and people should learn to stop being nosy and also respect other people's choices. I conversed with this male colleague of mine, somewhat last week about reproductive health, and the alarming rate in which women in the community where i reside keep birthing uncared children, and how it's totally okay to not want babies, because seriously what's the point??! and he repeatedly kept saying women who do not want to have children are plain "selfish and a waste of uterus". Well his opinion. Like I said, wanting kids/getting married is a personal choice and not a moral obligation, (I keep using marriage and child birthing interchangeablely because they both work hand in hand) and I think we are at that point where society just have to let wome n decides whether or not they want to have children or not. 9 hours ago, Gimbiyya said: It's good these rights are now ratified and even enforceable. Prior to this ratification, does our local laws here prevent women from taking such decisions? Such a question, coming from a "typical Nigerian female " is quite surprising. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keke Posted February 22, 2018 Author Share Posted February 22, 2018 Exactly. My stand is that everyone should not be forced to take the socially and culturaly approved path. Those who have decided not to should be respected as well and phrases like "complete woman" as relates to childbirth should faze out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 14 hours ago, scarlet said: Such a question, coming from a "typical Nigerian female " is quite surprising. Lol. Of course I'm aware of the prejudices towards women who choose not to birth their own children/ want to get married. I just wanted to know if there are exiting codified laws against women with such decisions. 23 hours ago, Keke said: Women weren't allowed such liberties, but the laws limiting them weren't codified. Thus, punishment might be "shaming and denial of certain privileges". That's why some of these charters and conventions are targeted at draconian laws as well as cultural practices that pose limitations on women Thanks this was what I wanted to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimy Posted February 22, 2018 Share Posted February 22, 2018 On 2/21/2018 at 12:23 AM, Keke said: Are there women in Nigeria who would be grateful for this provision? I live in the north. Majority of the women here love to give birth to children, in fact, lots of children. However much these women might be, I still believe there are some who wouldn't love to but are too afraid as they won't want to be seen as deviants, as such they have accepted such expectations of having to produce kids by virtue of them being women. Probably to be able to escape some of the anxiety which arises if they feel themselves to be oppressed because honestly it's easier to accept the status quo than to rebel against it. This reproductive Right movement is really a liberating course. I hope it get to reach these women, especially those at educational disadvantage regions so they will be aware of these rights. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suavity Posted February 23, 2018 Share Posted February 23, 2018 Of course this rights has always been there just like every other rights that has been neglected, the thing is that, has it been domesticated by the states? That someone can freely take such decision and be left alone? Well for me, I don't want to have kids. With the lots of children I have in my family right now I told my mom am not going to have children and her response was " she was going to die because of me"imagine? With all the grandchildren she have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators kimi Posted February 23, 2018 Moderators Share Posted February 23, 2018 57 minutes ago, Suavity said: I told my mom am not going to have children and her response was " she was going to die because of me"imagine? With all the grandchildren she have. Hahahaha mothers though! Smh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrmd Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 On 2/21/2018 at 9:42 AM, RayBlac said: Nice one Keke. I remember when I told my mum that I don't want to have children, that I prefer adoption. She was alarmed, then she said, "don't say that again. It is every woman's joy to have a child of her own, don't pray for adoption." It is true that it is a thing of a joy to a woman to have children of her own and also, there are women who at a point in their life said they don't want to have children but this later changed and they wanted to. It is also true that there are some Nigerian women (like myself) that do not want to have children (this also involves getting pregnant themselves) and they shouldn't be seen as evil or unafrican. Anyways I'm very sure that @Chrmd will be having babies😊😊 Is this how you use toh do? 😂😂 sheybi you'll come and put the baby inside? 😋😜 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayBlac Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 1 hour ago, Chrmd said: Is this how you use toh do? 😂😂 sheybi you'll come and put the baby inside? 😋😜 Lol. Do you want me to? 😏 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrmd Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 2 hours ago, RayBlac said: Lol. Do you want me to? 😏 Oya fast fast before I change my mind.1... 2...3..4...5..6.. I've changed my mind now sowwy 😂😂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayBlac Posted February 25, 2018 Share Posted February 25, 2018 3 hours ago, Chrmd said: Oya fast fast before I change my mind.1... 2...3..4...5..6.. I've changed my mind now sowwy 😂😂 You didn't even give me a chance 😒😒 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrmd Posted February 26, 2018 Share Posted February 26, 2018 15 hours ago, RayBlac said: You didn't even give me a chance 😒😒 I counted from 1 to 6, you were not fast enough 😝😝 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VINA Posted February 27, 2018 Share Posted February 27, 2018 I stopped talking about how i wanted to adopt kids a long time ago. The looks and comments i got wasnt encouraging at all. some even admonished me to stop talking nonsense. its the same stigma that makes infertile women jump from church to church, seeking for fruit of the womb, some even trying for life, instead of just adopting. i intend to change the face of adoption in Nigeria in the nearest future. I intend to create the awareness needed and get more people to adopt. #back to topic, every woman should be allowed the right to take decisions especially when its concerning her body. Even the right to an abortion is a right too. personally i am adopting, lots and lots , its a sure thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hipstar Posted April 8, 2018 Share Posted April 8, 2018 I'm crestfallen everytime I suggest adoption to people trying to conceive and they give me the what-nonsense-are-you-talking-about look. My childhood friend @Excellent who married 6years ago has gone to hell and back, seen all, done all manner of church rituals to no avail. A simple suggestion of trying to adopt put a strain to our friendship. Can never understand why it's a big deal to push one out from the vjay.. kids are kids, procreated or adopted. As for me, I love kids too much that I've since my secondary school days wanted to adopt (if only I could). So I'd certainly want a bunch of them, it however doesn't matter how they come because I'm presently working towards adopting one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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