Is aggression a tool for dominance?

[boldie]

I often find myself soliloquizing about why some tomboys/studs think being aggressive or unnecessarily violent is the only way to keep/make a partner faithful.

Why the aggression? When is it okay to be violent for submission?

[Keke]

At no time is it ok to be violent for submission.

What this readily brings to my mind is rape during wartime as a tool to show dominance or victory.

When one has to be extremely assertive even to the point of violence to ensure cooperation in a relationship, such person has a lot of issues and personailty \ mental disorder definitely is one of them.

Whatever peace that comes out of that relationship is negative peace because the absence of challenge is only because the other party feels they do not have a choice.

[Keke]

14 minutes ago, boldie said:

I often find myself soliloquizing about why some tomboys/studs think being aggressive or unnecessarily violent is the only way to keep/make a partner faithful.

 

Several factors come to play here:

1. This person isn't a man but has taken up male personality;

2. This person already has an idea in her head about what a man should be like. Of course most of these ideas are based on environment.

Now she is in a relationship in which she has to establish as a man right? She feels there's a certain kind of respect that should be accorded to a man. She doesn't see it, and to assert that personality that she has identified with, she begins to do what she feels a man would have done.

This is why you see some studs who are extremely gentlemanly. That is their perception of men.

3. Maybe she's just that way because she is innately violent. Stems from extreme egocentrism. Whether she's a stud of femme, she'd still be violent because that's how she is.

[kimi]

38 minutes ago, boldie said:

I often find myself soliloquizing about why some tomboys/studs think being aggressive or unnecessarily violent is the only way to keep/make a partner faithful.

Why the aggression? When is it okay to be violent for submission?

Wow... this is new to me. And women stay with these sort? Wow. Smh... they both need to be checked. 

Wow @ the words in bold. Sighs... this is never okay. Respect is earned. 

[Toyo]

9 minutes ago, Keke said:

Several factors come to play here:

1. This person isn't a man but has taken up male personality;

2. This person already has an idea in her head about what a man should be like. Of course most of these ideas are based on environment.

Now she is in a relationship in which she has to establish as a man right? She feels there's a certain kind of respect that should be accorded to a man. She doesn't see it, and to assert that personality that she has identified with, she begins to do what she feels a man would have done.

This is why you see some studs who are extremely gentlemanly. That is their perception of men.

3. Maybe she's just that way because she is innately violent. Stems from extreme egocentrism. Whether she's a stud of femme, she'd still be violent because that's how she is.

I agree with you, the first time I got in a relationship with a girl, I remember my stud friend telling me to be aggressive to prove my dominance in the relationship and that’s so unlike me.....she was like I’m the man in the relationship and have to behave like one....

[boldie]

Keke i see uour point. I have seen well spoken non aggressive studs. That's why the violent ones just amaze me. I like dominance myself, but will never be aggressive with it unless it's sexual and mutually agreed upon. 

Violent femmes are worse though. They just go crazy on you. Im nit femme or stud but I like being the sub, not in the "other room" though. I just turn off when i sense violence or aggression in a partner. 

Even you are the "top", doesnt spell dominance though. We are ladies, we are supposed to be the gentle gender. 

 

[boldie]

2 minutes ago, Toyo said:

I agree with you, the first time I got in a relationship with a girl, I remember my stud friend telling me to be aggressive to prove my dominance in the relationship and that’s so unlike me.....she was like I’m the man in the relationship and have to behave like one....

See what i mean? Who says allen are violent? Cant they be like the non violent men. Imagine this kind of advice. That's how they'll loose out in a good relationship oo.

[boldie]

9 minutes ago, kimi said:

Wow... this is new to me. And women stay with these sort? Wow. Smh... they both need to be checked. 

Wow @ the words in bold. Sighs... this is never okay. Respect is earned. 

It is quite unfortunate that some girls actually stay in such relationships. Just like some women stay in such marriages, and meet their death.

 

[Toyo]

5 minutes ago, boldie said:

See what i mean? Who says allen are violent? Cant they be like the non violent men. Imagine this kind of advice. That's how they'll loose out in a good relationship oo.

True, never took the advice though.  The girl was 2 years older than me, but the respect was mutual..Cos i might be a stud but low-key a baby and like to be treated as one. Can’t comman kill myself forming hard girl 

[ChazBee]

I consciously avoid dating the studs, sorry to the studs on here but having observed alot of them from a distance I don't feel like they're the kind of lesbians I wanna be with. 

While in secondary school I played football but even at that I was as femme as I have always been but that put me in same space with the studs and when I see the way they talk to us femmes and how some of them even hit their girlfriends I just somehow became scared of them. 

Am not saying that there are no good ones but then the ones I've encountered aren't encouraging 

[boldie]

18 minutes ago, ChazBee said:

I consciously avoid dating the studs, sorry to the studs on here but having observed alot of them from a distance I don't feel like they're the kind of lesbians I wanna be with. 

While in secondary school I played football but even at that I was as femme as I have always been but that put me in same space with the studs and when I see the way they talk to us femmes and how some of them even hit their girlfriends I just somehow became scared of them. 

Am not saying that there are no good ones but then the ones I've encountered aren't encouraging 

I think it's this clause that makes them do it. Trying to make the partners fear them.

What kind of a relationship is built on fear?

Yes I also try to avoid them too but I often try to have an open mind too. When your partner starts getting/being afraid of you, then there is problem.

[boldie]

23 minutes ago, Toyo said:

True, never took the advice though.  The girl was 2 years older than me, but the respect was mutual..Cos i might be a stud but low-key a baby and like to be treated as one. Can’t comman kill myself forming hard girl 

That's how it is. Most guys are just big babies.

They don't have  to hit her to prove superiority in status. Even if they are not physically violent, aomw will play on your psych and you'd start feeling very small. It causes depression for some ladies and serious low self esteem.

[Toyo]

2 minutes ago, boldie said:

That's how it is. Most guys are just big babies.

They don't have  to hit her to prove superiority in status. Even if they are not physically violent, aomw will play on your psych and you'd start feeling very small. It causes depression for some ladies and serious low self esteem.

Big babies is the perfect phrase, but some just have it in them to be aggressive though, like maybe their genes or something.and again, it’s how the society  predisposes them to be...men are supposed to be ‘strong’ and ‘dominant’...so most studs that see themselves as men, tend to want to take after that stereotype. Which I don’t see a need for 

[VINA]

I'm not even a stud but I am dominant Af!! My girls learn to submit to me and they don't even know they are submitting....

For more information on how to dominate without physical energy, press 1..

[Txunamy]

6 hours ago, Toyo said:

True, never took the advice though.  The girl was 2 years older than me, but the respect was mutual..Cos i might be a stud but low-key a baby and like to be treated as one. Can’t comman kill myself forming hard girl 

Toyo baby..☺ 

[boldie]

7 hours ago, Toyo said:

Big babies is the perfect phrase, but some just have it in them to be aggressive though, like maybe their genes or something.and again, it’s how the society  predisposes them to be...men are supposed to be ‘strong’ and ‘dominant’...so most studs that see themselves as men, tend to want to take after that stereotype. Which I don’t see a need for 

Exactly!! Here we are wanting the softer touch and the soft turns into smacks//blows.

I cant deal. I can let you dominate me only when are ready to submit too. If you go crazy on me, I'll go gaga on your ass.

na all of us get craze for head.

[Toyo]

6 hours ago, Ivyy said:

Toyo baby..☺ 

Lol yes oh 

[Starburst]

On 30 March 2018 at 6:44 PM, ChazBee said:

I consciously avoid dating the studs, sorry to the studs on here but having observed alot of them from a distance I don't feel like they're the kind of lesbians I wanna be with. 

While in secondary school I played football but even at that I was as femme as I have always been but that put me in same space with the studs and when I see the way they talk to us femmes and how some of them even hit their girlfriends I just somehow became scared of them. 

Am not saying that there are no good ones but then the ones I've encountered aren't encouraging 

Being aggressive has nothing to do with being a femme or stud it's just a personal thing to me. Some people believe that in a relationship one person has to dominate but it's really not necessary you can view yourselves as equals. Using myself as an example I can easily pass for an aggressive stud but am very soft sometimes I even cry I fact the worst reaction you can get from is shouting when I shout u will think I will bring the house down my ex was the quiet looking femme but very aggressive I received a lot of slaps from her not for once did I return any. 

[Teewhy]

1 hour ago, stargirluc said:

I received a lot of slaps from her not for once did I return any. 

Chisos!!!!!!!!!! 

[Teewhy]

How on earth would I date someone that's aggressive and violent? What's the joy in it? 

I'm 150% gay, ain't dating a man, therefore, I do not need any girl to be flexing muscle on me like a man. Who your muscle epp? Lemme kukuma date a man na (and forget his d**ck exists), even a guy can't flex muscle on me. Ko jo. 

Aggression and violence is a no no for me. If I notice you wanna boss me, slap or do whatever, omo I go drop my Bible (if I had one) we go scatter ground ooo.

Besides, you can't command respect by being violent. You do not need violence to make your partner faithful or submissive regardless of your label, I don't care.

If you wanna be aggressive, that's when I won't be faithful to you. Let's just not start the relationship 'cause we ain't gonna last. 

With one corner eye, I'm looking at some studs that claims they are like men. My friend, you got a p**sy like me, na two raw pawpaw dey your chest like mine, we even menstruate together. Haba!! Some will even tell you that they don't cook, their partners will cook, do house chores and the likes. You will now be forming Jackie Chan for me in the house? Edakun oo, why are we now dating? Izzit an house help you want? Kuku tell me so I can officially apply for one and you pay me heavily for it. 

Then what is love? I don't think its violent, aggressive or whatever.

[Txunamy]

17 hours ago, Teewhy said:

How on earth would I date someone that's aggressive and violent? What's the joy in it? 

I'm 150% gay, ain't dating a man, therefore, I do not need any girl to be flexing muscle on me like a man. Who your muscle epp? Lemme kukuma date a man na (and forget his d**ck exists), even a guy can't flex muscle on me. Ko jo. 

Aggression and violence is a no no for me. If I notice you wanna boss me, slap or do whatever, omo I go drop my Bible (if I had one) we go scatter ground ooo.

Besides, you can't command respect by being violent. You do not need violence to make your partner faithful or submissive regardless of your label, I don't care.

If you wanna be aggressive, that's when I won't be faithful to you. Let's just not start the relationship 'cause we ain't gonna last. 

With one corner eye, I'm looking at some studs that claims they are like men. My friend, you got a p**sy like me, na two raw pawpaw dey your chest like mine, we even menstruate together. Haba!! Some will even tell you that they don't cook, their partners will cook, do house chores and the likes. You will now be forming Jackie Chan for me in the house? Edakun oo, why are we now dating? Izzit an house help you want? Kuku tell me so I can officially apply for one and you pay me heavily for it. 

Then what is love? I don't think its violent, aggressive or whatever.

Well said. 

The girl that would even think of raising her hands on me, hasn't been born yet.

Not in this lifetime would I put up with a violent person. 

[Dipbluesae]

If everyone hates violence like this, it kinda makes me wonder who then are the violent ones..

Anyway, abuse of any sort is not okay and that includes physical..

[Txunamy]

17 minutes ago, DipBluSae said:

If everyone hates violence like this, it kinda makes me wonder who then are the violent ones..

Anyway, abuse of any sort is not okay and that includes physical..

*sings*

I'm starting with the man in the mirror.. 

What's the ratio of Girls who hate violence on NL, to the violent girls out there?

I bet the Ratio is more out there.. 

Look in the mirror @dipBluSae...what do you see? 

[Dipbluesae]

1 hour ago, Ivyy said:

*sings*

I'm starting with the man in the mirror.. 

What's the ratio of Girls who hate violence on NL, to the violent girls out there?

I bet the Ratio is more out there.. 

Look in the mirror @dipBluSae...what do you see? 

lol who will actually admit it if they do?! 

 

Can't see anything in the mirror o

Eye problems no gree person😉

[Txunamy]

9 hours ago, DipBluSae said:

lol who will actually admit it if they do?! 

 

Can't see anything in the mirror o

Eye problems no gree person😉

Ehn, Let us hate violence in peace. Why bother about admission ? Are you guilty of something?