Which and Why?

[dequeen]

Would you rather date someone who is crazily in love with you ( and you too are in love with this person) but disrespects you, cheats on you, is abusive towards you, is extremely controlling, possessive and jealous?

OR

Would you rather date a person who there's just a mutual likeness (just cool) but she respects you, is faithful to you, is kind and understanding and helpful and really nice to you?

Which would you rather date and why??

[Mimy]

Just cool. Don't be obsessed or be showering crazy love biko. I don't like clingy clingy. Lets just have fun. 

[kimi]

Hahahaha. Such options! Passionately in love  and being in a very healthy relationship or nothing. Abuse in a relationship has to be one of the saddest and darkest things. The situation you described is a paradox. 

[VINA]

Number two na. I dont even like love before!!

[ChazBee]

Though I can be all in and clingy but I think with the options given I will make do with number 2. Abusive relationships are the worst thing to happen to anyone, Ive been there and done that and I dont ever wish for a repeat of it. Hold your love and Abuse

[dequeen]

On 10/4/2018 at 11:05 PM, kimi said:

Hahahaha. Such options! Passionately in love  and being in a very healthy relationship or nothing. Abuse in a relationship has to be one of the saddest and darkest things. The situation you described is a paradox. 

As paradoxical as it reads, too many queer Nigerians are living in this reality daily. Stuck in extremely abusive relationship because "I'm inlove with her and despite a flaw or two she's really a nice person when you get to know her." 

[kimi]

2 hours ago, dequeen said:

As paradoxical as it reads, too many queer Nigerians are living in this reality daily. Stuck in extremely abusive relationship because "I'm inlove with her and despite a flaw or two she's really a nice person when you get to know her." 

This is sad... 

[Union]

On 10/24/2018 at 7:18 PM, dequeen said:

As paradoxical as it reads, too many queer Nigerians are living in this reality daily. Stuck in extremely abusive relationship because "I'm inlove with her and despite a flaw or two she's really a nice person when you get to know her." 

True. Very true. Most people assume a lesbian relationship will be devoid of physical abuse. However, when you hear of the slaps women have received from fellow women, you begin to get scared.

[ChazBee]

59 minutes ago, Union said:

True. Very true. Most people assume a lesbian relationship will be devoid of physical abuse. However, when you hear of the slaps women have received from fellow women, you begin to get scared.

So true. This I think is the major  cause of depression in our community. It is bad enough that we live in a society that makes self acknowledgement almost impossible but it's heart wrenching to be with someone who hits and abuse you physically and emotionally and mentally. 

Tell me why a person won't doubt their existence and probably give up on themselves in situations like this. 

I intend to start a campaign soon in the LGBT community, it's going to cost me alot but we need to intensify the awareness of violence in the community. I know someone who took her life because she was consistently abused by her then lover. 

We don't have much people to discuss this issue with so am planning to get a bunch of people who will help encourage people to speak up and be helped. 

 

[dequeen]

On 11/16/2018 at 9:47 AM, Union said:

True. Very true. Most people assume a lesbian relationship will be devoid of physical abuse. However, when you hear of the slaps women have received from fellow women, you begin to get scared.

It's really depressing to think of. Sometimes I wonder if it's the fault of the victims, 'causative individuals', other times I wonder if it's the fault of society that has caused ladies to become pressure cookers waiting to explode due to all the expectations , other times I wonder if it's just some ladies trying to become 'real men' , the sort of men their abusive fathers , brothers, uncles, friends were to them and others...... It's hard to wrap ones head around this menace.... What does dominance mean in a lesbian setting??

[dequeen]

On 11/16/2018 at 10:54 AM, ChazBee said:

So true. This I think is the major  cause of depression in our community. It is bad enough that we live in a society that makes self acknowledgement almost impossible but it's heart wrenching to be with someone who hits and abuse you physically and emotionally and mentally. 

Tell me why a person won't doubt their existence and probably give up on themselves in situations like this. 

I intend to start a campaign soon in the LGBT community, it's going to cost me alot but we need to intensify the awareness of violence in the community. I know someone who took her life because she was consistently abused by her then lover. 

We don't have much people to discuss this issue with so am planning to get a bunch of people who will help encourage people to speak up and be helped. 

 

I think the idea of your campaign is a fantastic idea. Too many queers suffering in silence. Getting hospitalized for so called girlfriends, dying for them, it's bizarre that we know how we want to be loved yet refuse to love someone else in that very way..... Really bizarre.

[M2DD]

I’d do the later 

[MENA]

2 hours ago, dequeen said:

Too many queers suffering in silence. Getting hospitalized for so called girlfriends, dying for them, it's bizarre that we know how we want to be loved yet refuse to love someone else in that very way..... Really bizarre.

Is because people don't know when stop.

I see no reason why will one not walk away from abusive relationship.  That is no love out all! Like someone will always say "better thing ne dey finish". 

For the fact that the LGBT community is small here, that does not mean you can't find love again.l will sure bet you, you will find someone way better. 

Like l will always say, tomorrow holds more better things in stock. No need to waste your valuables with one stupid person( abuser). If you disrepect me, even if you are Bill Gate l will kiss you goodbye!!

Nobody has the right to make you feel less than who you are.

[ChazBee]

4 hours ago, dequeen said:

I think the idea of your campaign is a fantastic idea. Too many queers suffering in silence. Getting hospitalized for so called girlfriends, dying for them, it's bizarre that we know how we want to be loved yet refuse to love someone else in that very way..... Really bizarre.

We have to speak for those who can't speak for themselves even though it's gonna be tough but someone has to do something. 

People stay in abusive relationships for various reasons and some don't even know What Abuse mean.  Some don't even know that they don't have to make love to their partner if they aren't in the mood no matter the occasion. This matter is so vast and needs serious attention abeg. 

[ChazBee]

1 hour ago, MENA said:

Is because people don't know when stop.

I see no reason why will one not walk away from abusive relationship.  That is no love out all! Like someone will always say "better thing ne dey finish". 

For the fact that the LGBT community is small here, that does not mean you can't find love again.l will sure bet you, you will find someone way better. 

Like l will always say, tomorrow holds more better things in stock. No need to waste your valuables with one stupid person( abuser). If you disrepect me, even if you are Bill Gate l will kiss you goodbye!!

Nobody has the right to make you feel less than who you are.

@MENA You're so lucky to be self aware. Nobody want to stay where they aren't Loved but they do for different reasons they can't help. Trust me the stories of LGBT violence is scarier than the ones in heterosexual relationships. 

[MENA]

32 minutes ago, ChazBee said:

@MENA You're so lucky to be self aware. Nobody want to stay where they aren't Loved but they do for different reasons they can't help. Trust me the stories of LGBT violence is scarier than the ones in heterosexual relationships. 

I Understand your point but still people should come to that awareness that they shouldn't be treated in such a manner  in respective of what ever situation they face in life, know your place.

The only person that has ever slapped me, was like secondary school days babe because l cheated and the second time she tried it again, l was so gone. I knew the extra mile she went both the right and evil ways but l was so, so gone.

You can imagine dating someone that, if she can't have something she is raedy to burn it down so that no one would have it.

And before then, we where so serious that the school and her mum knew about us. I remember all the pressure l got from the Principal then because l was the Junior. But l had to jump her pass when her jealousy became unbearable. She was always going behind me to threaten everyone that wants to be my friend then.

 

[dequeen]

42 minutes ago, ChazBee said:

Some don't even know What Abuse mean.  

This right here is the gospel truth! Awareness is definitely the first step.

What is abuse and what is NOT abuse??

[dequeen]

@MENA What about girls who have known nothing but abuse all their lives and don't know love can or should be different?? What about shy timid girls who feel privileged that some chic calls them her girlfriend and are scared that no other chic would want them if they leave this abusive one? What about girls who can't fend for themselves and so depend on these abusive girls for their daily needs?? Putting ones self in these shoes helps one begin to understand the level of helplessness that fosters the habit of staying on with an abuser.... 

[MENA]

14 minutes ago, dequeen said:

@MENA What about girls who have known nothing but abuse all their lives and don't know love can or should be different?? What about shy timid girls who feel privileged that some chic calls them her girlfriend and are scared that no other chic would want them if they leave this abusive one? What about girls who can't fend for themselves and so depend on these abusive girls for their daily needs?? Putting ones self in these shoes helps one begin to understand the level of helplessness that fosters the habit of staying on with an abuser.... 

In this age and time to an extend, those are not really issues. Is all about "choice" and is what life is all about. This jet age, information is readyly available  out there about abuses. Personal wants or needs should not be placed above your life because you may not be alive to tell the story. 

If orphans can become somebody out of nothing then nobody have an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship because of needs.

No matter where you are, or how timid you are, love will always find you is just the matter of time.

My sister, is just about the chioces we make in life.

[RedSafire]

 

On 10/4/2018 at 7:38 PM, dequeen said:

Would you rather date someone who is crazily in love with you ( and you too are in love with this person) but disrespects you, cheats on you, is abusive towards you, is extremely controlling, possessive and jealous?

OR

Would you rather date a person who there's just a mutual likeness (just cool) but she respects you, is faithful to you, is kind and understanding and helpful and really nice to you?

Which would you rather date and why??

Labels ruin relationships, sometimes just let go and have fun. 

[dequeen]

3 minutes ago, RedSafire said:

 

Labels ruin relationships, sometimes just let go and have fun. 

Labels?? You lost me there.... Where/ what are the labels in the above scenarios??

[dequeen]

@MENA Okay, I think I get you now.... They just need to be voracious readers in this information age and be interested in reading up about abuse so they can know that they have a choice and can exercise it...... Got it.

[RedSafire]

4 minutes ago, MENA said:

In this age and time to an extend, those are not really issues. Is all about "choice" and is what life is all about. This jet age, information is readyly available  out there about abuses. Personal wants or needs should not be placed above your life because you may not be alive to tell the story. 

If orphans can become somebody out of nothing then nobody have an excuse to stay in an abusive relationship because of needs.

No matter where you are, or how timid you are, love will always find you is just the matter of time.

My sister, is just about the chioces we make in life.

@Mena I was waiting for some to narrow this down to “choice”. You know an obsessive personality once you come across it, the same with an abusive person. Unfortunately, many survivors do not have a choice. I work with GBV survivors daily and I know one of the prompts for staying is fear. Abuse in relationships will only end when women are empowered not just economically but holistically to self respect, cherish who they are and what they represent.

[MENA]

1 minute ago, dequeen said:

@MENA Okay, I think I get you now.... They just need to be voracious readers in this information age and be interested in reading up about abuse so they can know that they have a choice and can exercise it...... Got it.

You made me laugh hard.🤣 

Is not in the manner you put it but yes to an extend. The reason  why is, some of these stories flies high in most of these common social media like facebook every now and then. And l believe majority of persons are hooked up there. 

[RedSafire]

6 minutes ago, dequeen said:

Labels?? You lost me there.... Where/ what are the labels in the above scenarios??

🤣🤣 Dates make things formal. I would rather be friends and get to know each other, even much better friends with benefit who may or may not be exclusive.